The First Cut Is The Deepest
by xIt's Time to Burnx
Summary: After a devastating betrayal Alice attempts to pick up the pieces of her broken life, but what will it take to make her trust again? All human
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own Twilight that privilege belongs to Stephenie Meyer I'm just having fun messing with her characters.**

**So this is my new story, the title is taken from the song, which is where I got my inspiration. It's primarily Alice's story and will therefore be told entirely from her pov. Hope you like. xx**

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**The First Cut is the Deepest**

**Prologue**

"_I'll always love you Mar."_

Tears streamed down my face as I threw the last few photos into the metal bin.

"_Together forever. You and me."_

"Lying sack of shit." I hissed, striking the match and watching the flames begin to devour all the physical reminders.

Cards from birthdays and Christmases past, old valentines, love letters, poems, and all the photos of the two of us.

More tears fell as I watched the flames grow, part of me wished they would flow inside me and burn out all the memories as well, every kiss, every touch, every whispered I love you.

In other words every lie that he had spun to keep me loving him for 5 years.

Gulping in air I tired not to break down completely.

_He wasn't worth it, he wasn't worth it._

I chanted over and over as the flames slowly began to die down, nothing but ash left.

My eyes fell to a photo on the floor, it must have missed the bin. I didn't even recognise the girl smiling up at me.

Picking it up I stared in disbelief, this used to be me but there was nothing even slightly familiar.

The long ebony hair had been cut off into short spikes. The sparkling blue eyes were now almost grey, dull and lifeless, sunken and bordered with purple bags from sleepless nights, the high cheek bones now stuck out gaunt and harsh stretching the pale skin that had lost that healthy glow. And the smile that stretched across her face, the simple joy and excitement that radiated from her was long dead in me.

The most significant difference, however, the one that was responsible for all the other changes was the lack of strong muscled arms circling her waist.

He was gone and therefore so was she.

Tears rolled down my face again.

I had given him everything, my heart, my soul, my body, my love, my life.

Yet it hadn't been enough, he had moved on to better things and I was left to try and pick up the broken pieces of all I'd given.

I couldn't hold it back anymore. My knees buckled sending me crashing to the floor screaming and crying.

I didn't think there was a big enough piece of my heart left to break.

Apparently I was wrong!

A high pitched crying broke through my despair. The small spark of life left in me flickered a little brighter at the sound.

Pushing myself off the ground I trudged down to the tiny room at the end of the hall and opened the door to the one memento I couldn't destroy.

The thing I believed would complete my perfect life, the physical symbol of our love was now a constant reminder of my wasted life.

But I could never be mad at her, I would never blame her or hate her.

She was my daughter and I loved her more than anything because she gave me a reason to keep going, to keep breathing even when it hurt so much I couldn't move.

As I fed her a bottle my mind wandered back down the forbidden memories I tried so hard to lock away.

I was 18 having just graduated high school, both me and James had decided to take a year off before starting college to travel.

"_Lets see the world while we can Mar, you and me together it'll be amazing."_

I couldn't refuse him anything.

When I found out I was pregnant, he'd seemed unsure but I'd put it down to shock, it's not like we'd planned on having kids so soon.

I deferred my collage entry again so I could focus on the baby.

James left for collage as planned, I didn't complain, he'd need a degree to get a good job. I could take online courses after the baby was born. Everything would work out fine.

Or so I thought.

Every time he didn't call, he had to reschedule a visit I always brought his excuses of too much work.

After all why would he lie to me? He loved me right?

He barley made it to his daughter's birth and left before he properly held her, but he had exams coming up he had to study.

Three weeks ago he'd come home for summer break, it was then he told me about Victoria.

How we had been young and in love and it had been fun, but with Victoria he connected with her in a deeper more meaningful way.

"_I can't afford to pay maintenance."_

Had been the last thing he'd said to me before walking out the door.

I felt a small hand press against my cheek and looked down into the bright blue eyes of my angel.

Pulling her hand away she looked at the tears that had gathered in her palm.

"I'm sorry angel" I whispered in a hoarse voice "I can't seem to stop."

She made cute baby noises before snuggling into my arms to sleep and a small smile graced my face as I just stared at her.

I would keep going, for her.

She was now my soul reason for living.

Looking back at the photo still clenched in my hand I sighed. The pain of James' betrayal still burned in every part of me and the truth was I couldn't take it anymore. My broken heart retreated, locking itself away from the risk of more pain.

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**The first Chapter will be up later today. Let me know what your thoughts are. xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**As promised here's chapter 1. Thanks to everyone who reviewed. **

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**Chapter 1**

Note to self, baby food mixed with milk does not make soup!

I really needed to make sure I went shopping before I ran out of food.

I was muttering angrily to myself trying to create any small distraction so I didn't focus on the fact I was waiting for my dad to come and pick up me and Ellie and take us to my brothers engagement party.

It will be the first time I have been out in public, for more than a quick run to the shops, since James left me.

My need to prove to my family that I was coping fine on my own meant I'd actually made an effort to look nice and was pleasantly surprised that it worked.

I wore my reliable black dress that fell to just above my knees, paired with a yellow belt and ballet flats.

I used nearly an entire bottle of foundation to cover my sallow skin and dark ringed eyes but otherwise kept my make up light and simple.

My hair I simply ran through with some mouse and wax to give it a funky out of bed look.

All in all I had no right to look this good.

I dressed Ellie in a yellow dress my mum had brought her, even in my depressed state I was coordinating our outfits, but it was strangely comforting to know I hadn't completely lost myself.

I had spent the last two days cleaning my apartment, removing all evidence of my wallowing as best I could, in case my dad insisted on coming in.

The doorbell rang at exactly half 3.

He was so scarily punctual it was hard to believe I shared his DNA.

"Hey dad." I tried to hug him as he casually walked past me into the apartment.

Mum had definitely given him instructions to check up on me.

"Hey sweetheart, how are my two favourite girls doing?"

A huge smile spread across his youthful face as he picked Ellie up out of her playpen.

"We're fine."

I had a feeling I'd be saying that a lot today.

"How are you? I bet mum's excited at the prospect of planning a wedding." I tried to keep my smile in place and not think about all the conversations we had had regarding mine and James's wedding.

"Yeah she is." he smiled at me, but I could see the concern in his pale blue eyes.

He knew I was hurting and he knew I was hiding it.

I looked away on the pretence of finding my purse.

"Is the baby seat strapped in?" I didn't really need to ask but an uncomfortable silence had settled.

"Yeah, I'll go fasten her in." he said with a sigh.

I took a deep calming breath before following him out the door and down to his Mercedes.

The drive over to my parents was filled with pointless small talk about things neither of us cared about.

"I've got her, go see your mum." My dad said when we arrived.

"Thanks." I muttered sarcastically.

I was barley through the front door when my mum attacked me with a hug.

"Mary how are you?" she asked as I returned her hug.

"I'm fine."

She pulled back surveying me with a critical eye. She looked like some fifties housewife in her blouse and skirt covered with an apron, her caramel coloured hair hung in gentle waves just past her shoulders.

"You've lost weight." she said with a sad sigh.

I rolled my eyes "Yeah well when your on a seven month olds schedule square meals go out the window."

"You know Mary if you moved back…"

"No mum." I said loudly cutting her off.

It may seem stupid but my independence was all I had left, as long as Ellie wasn't suffering I could cope.

"Well it's just an idea sweetheart." she said softly.

I nodded before heading further into the house and towards the sound of voices, I knew my dad had Ellie and mum would soon be fussing her so I took the opportunity to try and find someone to talk to closer to my own age.

"Alice you made it!"

As soon as I stepped into the back garden my best friend, and future sister-in-law, Bella enveloped me in a hug.

I couldn't suppress a grin. "Of course Bella, did you think I'd miss such a wonderful opportunity to annoy my brother?"

A booming laugh told me Emmett was already here.

Him and Edward had been friends since college and since he didn't get on too well with his step mum he had spent most of his holidays at our house, he was a surrogate son to my parents and a fun loving older brother to me.

"Hey short cakes, good to see you." He literally lifted me from Bella's hug into his own.

"Put me down Em." I giggled.

Wow I actually giggled! I love Emmett.

As I was set back on my feet I quickly scanned around at who else was here.

I saw Bella's father a little way off with a women I presumed was his new wife Sue, there was also Lauren, Angela and Ben, old school friends of Bella's and two blondes who looked like brother and sister whom I didn't recognise.

I frowned "Where's Edward?"

"He went to get some drinks." Bella replied she was looking at me carefully, as if waiting for me to suddenly burst into tears. "So how are you?" she asked.

"I'm fine." I smiled "Come on let me see your ring." I knew I was overdoing the enthusiasm a little, but I needed to deflect the attention off me.

Her face went bright red with the infamous blush before she held out her left hand.

On the ring finger was a simple gold band with two small diamonds set either side of a sapphire, it was so perfectly Bella and Edward.

"Wow, my brother isn't completely useless after all."

Emmett laughed again.

"Congratulations Bella, seriously, I'm so glad you're going to be my sister." I said hugging her tight. So I could hide my face in her hair as a wave of agony passed.

Me and Bella had been best friends forever, despite the two year age difference. We'd always joked we'd have to have a double wedding and when she started dating Edward and I was with James it truly seemed like a possibility.

Now here she was getting her perfect dream wedding while my life continued to fall apart.

I wasn't jealous, she deserved this, and I wouldn't wish the pain I was feeling on my worst enemy. But it was hard.

"Thanks Alice." she whispered back, squeezing me a bit tighter, knowing full well I was holding back from breaking down.

Somehow I forced a lid on my maelstrom of despair and actually managed a smile as I pulled away.

"Ali come here I need to make introductions." Emmett called.

Rolling my eyes at Bella I turned to face Emmett who currently had his arm around the blonde girl.

"Alice Cullen meet Rosalie Hale, the love of my life."

I tried to smile politely as my heart constricted painfully. "Nice to meet you."

She smiled back "You too, I've heard so much from Ed about you it's nice to finally put a face to the name."

"Really?" my eyes widened in panic.

Oh shit! What has my brother been saying about me?

Rosalie seemed to read my expression.

"Oh don't worry it was nothing bad." she assured with a smile.

"And this." Emmett declared dragging forth the blonde man "Is Jasper Hale, Rosie's older brother and the third Musketeer from mine and Eddie's collage days."

Jasper nodded at me, he had that smouldering, sexy thing going on, that at any other point in my life would have sent my heartbeat soaring and turned my legs to jelly.

Now, however, I simply smiled politely.

Edward appeared at that moment wrapping me in yet another hug.

"How are you?" he asked.

"I'm fine."

He smiled grimly and I could see all the things he wanted to say flash across his face.

_You're too good for him,_

_You can do better,_

_It's his loss,_

_He's a complete jerk,_

_I'll kill him if you ask me to,_

_I love you baby sister._

I smiled back thanking him just as silently.

_I love you big brother._

"I'm glad you came." he said.

I just rolled my eyes "It's your party Ed I wouldn't miss it. It was a long time coming but" I grinned. "We need to celebrate. You know it's great your balls finally dropped!"

Emmett's booming laugh echoed around the garden making everyone look over as Edward scowled at me before grinning.

"Now there's the baby sister I know and love." he said wrapping me in a one armed hug.

The party was soon in full swing. My mum was still looking after Ellie, meaning I could relax and enjoy myself without having to worry.

My ridiculously clumsy future sister-in-law had so far fallen over a chair, a garden gnome, her own feet and thin air!

Edward was currently glued to her side, an arm around her waist, trying to prevent her from sustaining an injury.

Emmett dragged Rosalie off to show her something which meant I was left talking to Jasper.

"So you know Ed from collage? Where you one of those people that nearly got him thrown out?" I joked.

He grinned his blue eyes sparking in the dim light "No that was all Emmett. I was the one left trying to keep the peace."

We talked about generic things. Films we liked, music, funny stories about Edward.

For the first time in a long time I felt like a normal human being.

With my luck I should have known it wouldn't last.

"Hi Alice, oh my god I haven't seen you in years."

The nasally tones of Lauren Mallory reached my ears.

"Hey Lauren." I sighed.

I'm not sure why she felt the need to talk to me, the reason we hadn't seen each other in years is because we hated each other at high school.

"Who's your friend?"

Arh, she fancies Jasper, now it all makes sense.

"Jasper Hale, Lauren Mallory."

I introduced quickly.

"Nice to meet you Jasper." she purred out.

I winced, giving him an apologetic look.

He just smiled at me.

"So Alice is it true James knocked you up?" Lauren asked trying to sound innocent.

Time seemed to freeze for me as iron hands clenched around my heart and lungs.

Jasper was staring at me but I didn't dare look at his face.

"You could say that." I chocked out trying to stop my voice from breaking.

"Really, I never would have put you down as pregnant before you reached 20. It's always the ones you least expect. So where is he anyway?"

Lauren was still talking, why was she still talking?

As though this wasn't an imposable enough situation as it was the powers that be decided to kick me down a little more.

"Mary, I'm sorry honey but she wont settle." My mum appeared with a screaming Ellie in her arms.

Now I am in no way ashamed of my daughter, I would never pretend she didn't exist, it's just not the sort of thing that slips easily into basic conversation.

Tears stung my eyes and all I wanted was to crawl into a hole somewhere, but instead I reached out and took Ellie from my mother.

Turning to head into the house I noticed Lauren had a very smug look on her face.

I glanced sideways at Jasper and was met with shock and anger.

Swallowing down the lump in my throat I headed inside. Instinctively I began to climb the stairs heading towards my old room and the sanctuary it offered.

Ellie seemed to quieten down in my arms, she looked almost guilty like she knew what had just happened.

"It's not your fault angel, it's never your fault." I hugged her tight clinging on like she was a lifeline.

"Hey can I come in?"

I looked up into Edward's concerned green eyes and nodded.

He sat next to me wrapping an arm around my shoulder, I leant into him willingly taking the silent support he offered and letting the tears fall.

"I shouldn't have come." I whispered hugging Ellie tighter so I didn't have to look at him.

"Me and Bella wanted you here Alice, you're part of this family, if anyone shouldn't have come it's that bitch Lauren. She just invited herself when she heard about it from Angela."

He gently brushed the short dark curls on Ellie's head, his eyes softening as he looked at her.

"She's calmer already, you're a great mother."

I sighed leaning into him a bit more.

"Don't be ashamed of your life Alice, you're stronger than anyone else I know." he said softly.

"I'm not ashamed." I said truthfully "I'm just tired Edward, I'm tired of all the judgemental looks, the little bitchy comments, I'm tired of pretending they don't hurt because they do."

More tears began to form in my eyes. "I'm tired of crying." I stated angrily wiping my eyes.

Edward hugged me tighter. "The only people who matter are those who love you no matter what. If people are too blind to look beyond what they see it's their loss Alice."

He lifted my head so I met his eyes.

"You can't hide up here forever Ali, and Emmett would really appreciate being able to spend time with the one person here who has the same mental age as him!"

I chuckled slightly. "Okay, you win."

He kissed my forehead as he stood and held out his hand to help me up.

"Always the gentleman." I joked.

Bella was waiting for us at the bottom of the stairs.

"Wow Alice what have you been feeding her on? She's huge."

"Yeah I know, she only gets to wear clothes once before they're too small." I sighed.

"She takes after you then." Edward joked, referring to my teenage years where I'd had a phase of refusing to wear any outfit more than once.

Sticking my tongue out at him I headed back outside with Bella.

Jasper was standing to one side with Lauren, seeing them together somehow made my body feel heavy. Taking a deep breath I tried to keep my head held high.

"There's my favourite niece." Emmett bounded over all smiles and dimples causing Ellie to giggle.

"Em she's your only niece." I frowned "In fact she's not even your niece."

He pouted at me. "Oh come on Ali, I've known you for six years doesn't that make me family?"

I sighed handing Ellie to him causing his face to light up.

I spent the rest of the night glued to Ellie and whoever was holding her at the time, hoping she'd start to get cranky so I had an excuse to leave, unfortunately for me she seemed to be enjoying the attention.

Thanks to my mums careful plotting my dad had drunk too much to safely drive leaving me no choice but to spend the night here.

As the party began to slow down I said my goodbyes and headed inside to settle Ellie for the night.

As expected my mum soon showed up to interfere.

"Mum I can do it." I snapped.

"Mary Alice it doesn't hurt to ask for help."

I rolled my eyes "I know, and if I need help I will ask." I said through clenched teeth. Today had been hard enough without her making me feel like a failure as a mother as well.

"After what you've been through with James you'll need time to…"

I cut her off.

"Mum I really don't need this right now. You've got me staying here tonight what more do you want?" I yelled.

I picked Ellie up rocking her gently as she began to cry.

"Mary you being upset is upsetting her let me…"

"Esme, Edward needs to talk to you."

I felt the tension leave me at the sound of my fathers voice. I kept my back to them as they had a few quiet words before my mum headed downstairs.

"She doesn't know how to help, you know. She just wants you to be okay."

I turned to face him.

"I am okay dad, I wish people would believe me when I say that." I added angrily.

He wrapped me carefully in his arms, placing a kiss on my head. And I sank into his support.

"I'll try to get her to back off Alice but she's worried about you. We all are."

I couldn't reply to that, I didn't know what to say. Instead I just relaxed into his embrace, remembering when I was little and just being in my fathers arms would remove all the pain, hoping that once again he could make it all better.

Unfortunately these scars ran a little deeper than a grazed knee.

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**So that was basically introducing people, I'm aiming to get out at least one chapter a week, I can promise you wont have to wait longer than that for updates, and hopefully they may be more frequent, it all depends on how much free time I get.**

**Reviews make Alice feel better : ) xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**Thanks to all who have added to favourites or alerts and of course to all my reviewers. It's my birthday today so as a special treat I decided to upload the next chapter. Enjoy xx**

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**Chapter 2**

"Damn it!" I yelled as I looked down at my latest bank statement. I barley had enough left to pay my next months rent.

I groaned loudly as I considered my options.

1. Admit defeat and head home to constant mollycoddling from my mother.

2. Miss my rent and try to hide from the landlord.

3. Claim squatters rights.

4. Beg my dad for money.

5. Find a job with free childcare.

All seemed unappealing or imposable.

A job, I need to find a job. Job equals money, money is good.

My main problems, I have a limited education and have done virtually nothing productive with the past three years of my life.

High school graduate, travelled for a year then got pregnant.

Not the best résumé in the world.

And, even if by some chance I could find someone to employ me, what was I meant to do with Ellie? I couldn't afford childcare.

I groaned in realisation, this time I couldn't do it all on my own, I needed help.

Reaching for the phone I took a deep breath.

_You can do this Alice, you can ask for help._

The phone rang four times before my mum answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi mum it's me."

Well obviously, who else does she know who'd be home at this time of day?

"Mary sweetheart, are you alright?"

"I'm fine mum." I said taking calming breaths "I just needed to ask you something."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong mum honestly, it's just I was thinking it's time for me to get a job."

She immediately leapt in. "Oh honey are you alright for money, you know if you need any help…"

"No mum, I'm fine for money." Okay so that's a downright lie but I still have some pride. "It's just I need to get back into some sort of routine you know, and I thought something part time to help me keep going."

"Well I suppose it's your choice." She sounded unsure "What exactly did you want my help with?"

Here goes nothing.

"Well I thought, I mean until I can sort something out, maybe you wouldn't mind looking after Ellie, if I do find something."

_Please say yes._

"Oh Mary you really didn't need to ask, I'd love to have her anytime you know that."

I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

"Thanks mum, I'll let you know more, well when I do."

She laughed a little "Alright honey, call me if you need anything."

"Will do, bye mum."

Phase one complete. Now the hard part actually finding a job.

I'm a pretty motivated person and once I get an idea I tend to follow through, which was why, half an hour after calling my mum, I found myself walking the streets of Seattle looking for any vacancies.

Ellie was thankfully fast asleep in her stroller.

After a gruelling two hours, full of more rejection than most people suffer in a lifetime, I pushed my way into a small diner.

Ellie was finally awake and incredibly pissed she wasn't at home with her toys and lunch.

"Just the two of you honey?" a middle aged waitress asked. Her bright red hair slightly greying.

I nodded, too depressed to speak, and thankfully threw myself into the waiting booth she led me to.

"Need a coffee to keep you going?"

"That would be great thanks." I tried to smile whilst wrestling a screaming Ellie from her stroller.

Balancing her on my knee I pulled out a tub of baby food and shoved a spoonful in her mouth succeeding in distracting her and shutting her up.

Breathing a sigh of relief I finally took in my surroundings.

This was the sort of place where grease was an accompaniment to every meal, including the salads. The walls were a dull white with red and black features, the waitresses wore red gingham dresses with black aprons and the place seems to be a magnet for doe eyed couples sharing chocolate desserts.

I fought down the now familiar rush of emotions and heartache that appeared every time I saw anything that made me think of James.

Instead of breaking down I snatched up the menu despite the fact my appetite had fled.

Tears burned my eyes as I remembered sitting outside a café in France during our year travelling.

James had been trying to teach me how to order in French, needless to say I fucked it up and we had ended up forcing down some god awful grey stuff so as not to offend anyone.

Whenever I tried to apologise James had laughed it off saying it was all part of the experience and it just made him love me more.

A cup of coffee was placed in front of me.

"'_J'ai besoin du café' That should be all you need to know mon amour."_

His voice echoed in my head and I couldn't stop the tears from falling.

Christ, even a cup of coffee could set me off!

"Oh honey what's wrong?"

I looked up into the concerned green eyes of my waitress.

"I can't even have a cup of god damn coffee without thinking about him." I blurted out.

She sighed understandingly and passed me a tissue.

I shifted Ellie slightly so I could wipe my eyes.

"Maggie, get your behind out here while I take five minutes." she called before sliding into the booth opposite me.

I looked up to see a younger red head, obviously her daughter, appear to take over service.

"I'm okay, I mean you have to work." I mumbled.

"Don't even worry about it, I always have time for a kindred spirit." She smiled at me then nodded towards Ellie. "Let me guess, freaked out when you got pregnant, gave you some bull about not being ready, how it was good while it lasted but he wants more from life?"

I gaped at her for a second.

"Something like that I guess." I sighed "We were together all through high school. Took a year out to travel after graduation, I got pregnant, he went to college and found a girl he 'connected' with better."

Why I was bearing my soul to a total stranger is a complete mystery to me, but it felt nice to talk about it for once.

"My fella bolted when I got pregnant with Magg's, all I got was a letter explaining it was for my own good, that he wasn't 'father' material and we'd be better off without him."

"That's awful." At least James had the balls to face me.

She smiled "I thought that at the time lost all faith in life, she was the only thing to keep me going." she paused looking right at me "Sound familiar?"

I nodded, wanting her to continue.

"Well as it turns out he was right."

My jaw dropped in shock. "What?"

"We were better off without him." She smiled at the look of shock on my face. "Honey if he believes he 'connected better' with this other girl it just means there's someone out there who you can 'connect with' better" She even did the quotation marks making me laugh a little.

My mind strangely went to Jasper causing me to internally roll my eyes.

Sure Alice, the first attractive guy you see after your break up, can we say rebound! And whose to say Jasper would be interested he's probably suffocating in Lauren's tacky boob job by now.

I sighed looking over at Ellie who was entertaining herself with the empty spoon.

"It will get better sweetie."

"When?" I asked in a small voice "When does it stop hurting?"

"First trip out alone?"

I frowned and nodded.

"Then it's already got better hasn't it?" she smiled softly at me.

That made me smile "I guess."

"So can I get you some comfort food, or was there another reason you came in here?"

"Got anything with chocolate?" I asked.

She smiled and slid out of the booth.

Five minutes later she placed a large slice of chocolate cake in front of me, simply inhaling the fumes made me feel better.

I honest to god moaned as I took a bite, I had never tasted anything so delicious in my life.

"Do you charge for the therapy or just the cake?" I joked.

She slid back into the booth smiling "As long as you're feeling better."

I swallowed thickly "I've surely kept you longer than five minutes."

She waved her hand at me dismissively "Maggie can cope the rush is over."

I nodded taking another bite.

"Is it good?"

"The best ever, just what I needed after my morning of rejections."

She frowned "Rejection?"

"Yeah, apparently I'm unemployable." I took another bite "I'm gonna lose my apartment at this rate and I really don't want to go home and face my mother."

I blinked, had I really just told her all that?

"I knew it."

I looked up questioningly.

"I knew there was a reason you came in here." she was beaming at me across the table.

"You mean other than the screaming child and need for chocolate?"

She nodded smiling at me "Everything happens for a reason honey, when your life turns to shit you begin to realise that's true."

Confusion washed over me. What the hell was she talking about?

"You need a job and I just so happen to be losing my best waitress when my baby heads to college."

I sat there gaping for a whole minute.

"That's really nice of you." I stuttered out "But I wasn't fishing for a job, and you've already done so much for me."

Holding up a hand she cut me off.

"Nonsense, you'd be perfect. We get on well, kindred spirits like I said. I know you'll be a loyal and hard worker because you genuinely want the job. I'm not that bad to work for, I realise you'll need flexible hours being a single mother. So if you want it start tomorrow at 9, if not…well that's your choice."

I simply sat there staring at her stunned, it wasn't until Ellie got bored and hit me with her spoon I refocused on the world.

Could I really do this?

"9am." I said in confirmation.

Guess I'm going to give it a try.

"Excellent." she stood up.

"I don't even know your name." I laughed still not believing this was happening.

"It's Siobhan."

I stood too, shifting Ellie so I could offer Siobhan my hand.

"I'm Alice, and I really can't thank you enough."

"Don't be silly honey, I'm always happy to help whenever I can. I know what it's like to need a helping hand."

As she walked back to the counter a huge grin broke over my face.

I have a job!

I wanted to dance, sing, scream and laugh all at once.

Finally I was getting some control back.

As I walked out the door I turned to smile once more at Siobhan, she was watching me a motherly look on her face.

"I need two specials and a burger for table 5." I called out to Garrett the head cook.

Trying to make myself heard over the peels of heavy metal booming from the radio.

Garrett insisted the classics inspired his cooking. I had no idea how Carmen, the other cook, put up with it.

"Coming up Pixie Sticks." he yelled back.

I rolled my eyes at the nickname.

It had been four days since the fates had finally given me a break and guided me into this little diner.

I had met the other two waitresses Siobhan had taken under her wing.

Sisters Tanya and Kate had been left homeless and penniless when their mother had died, not only had Siobhan given them both a job but had let them live in the flat upstairs rent free.

She really was a modern day saint.

"Orders up." Garrett called, breaking me from my thoughts.

I grabbed a tray to carry the three plates over. It may not have been the most glamorous or exciting job in the world but I loved it, I felt completely at home and one of the family.

Of course my mother was far from thrilled with my career choice, but she was happy I was letting her take care of Ellie so she tried to keep her opinions to herself.

"Ten past five." Kate grinned waggling her eyebrows at me as I past.

I grinned back, and nodded towards the counter where Siobhan had suddenly appeared.

The door opened welcoming a tall well built middle aged man.

Even I knew exactly what he would order, not that I'd ever get the chance to serve him.

I finished serving table 5 then went to stand by Kate so we could spy.

Liam came in every weekday, once at ten to nine then again at ten past five.

In the morning he ordered black coffee and a bacon bagel to take out, In the afternoon it was a white coffee and lemon cake to eat in.

According to the others he had been coming in for years and Siobhan always served him.

"I can't believe neither of them has acted on their feelings it's so obvious they like each other." I whispered.

Kate giggled "I know, even Magg's thinks they'd be good together and she's usually really protective of her mum."

I kind of felt sorry for Siobhan, I knew what it was like to lose faith in people, but she had been alone for nearly 19 years.

"We should get them together." I decided suddenly. It seemed perfectly logical in my mind.

"What?" Kate hissed. "Siobhan will kill you if you interfere in her life."

I rolled my eyes grabbing a couple of menus as a couple came in "I'm not going to interfere, I'm simply going to suggest to Maggie that Liam gets an invite to her leaving party." I grinned at Kate as I saw the pieces fall into place. "He's been coming here longer than we've been working here, he's practically one of the family, and that will be a nice casual setting for them to get to know each other a bit better."

"You're brilliant." Kate sounded amazed.

"I have my moments." I joked before getting back to work.

This was the perfect way to thank Siobhan for all she had done for us.

8 o'clock rolled around quickly. Kate promised to call Maggie to make sure she was okay with our idea.

"I'll see you tomorrow Alice." she called as she headed up the stairs to her flat.

I waved as I headed outside, Garrett locked the door as he followed me.

"You want a lift home Pixie?" he asked.

"No I'm fine, my brother should be picking me up." I said glancing down the street, hoping to see Edward's silver Volvo heading my way.

"Fair enough."

Garrett leant against the wall lighting a cigarette. I raised an eyebrow as he just stood there.

"Hey, this can be a dodgy neighbourhood I'm not leavin' you here alone to get mugged."

"Have you always been such a gentleman?" I smiled at him.

He grinned "Not according to my parents!" he took a drag "You never heard how I wound up in this new age care home?"

"I thought you part owned it?" I frowned.

He nodded "Yeah now I do. I helped Siobhan buy the place when the old owners wanted to sell. If I hadn't we'd have both been out of a job." he took another drag "Siobhan got me the job originally, when she found me wandering the streets after my parents kicked me out, let me stay with her for a while until I could afford my own place. She became the mum I had always wished I had instead of the selfish, stuck up, bitch I actually got."

I stared at him entranced with his story.

"I was only 18, just graduated, hadn't wanted to go to college. And, well, that wasn't an option to my parents, so long story short, I went it alone so to speak. I was lucky, I had savings in my name but I couldn't access them until I was 21, funnily enough just in time to invest in this place."

"Everything happens for a reason." I mumbled to myself but he heard.

Laughing out loud he nodded "In this place they seem to yeah. Three weeks after we brought the place Siobhan met my future wife and her sister, they were happy to work for peanuts while we got on our feet, I mean they were getting the flat for free."

"How's the 'future wife' thing going?" I asked grinning.

He wrinkled his nose "So far she's turned me down every time I asked her out, but it's only a matter of time. Everything happens for a reason right!"

That made us both laugh just as the head lights of Edward's car hit us.

"Thanks for waiting with me Garrett, and thanks for sharing." I said with a smile.

"No problem, see you later Pixie Sticks." he called as I slid into the passenger seat.

"Pixie Sticks?" Edward asked an eyebrow raised.

I rolled my eyes "Don't ask Ed."

We drove in silence for a while before Edward sighed. "Just so you know mum wants me to talk to you about working there."

I glanced over at him "And?"

He sighed again "And I'd appreciate it if you tell her I did."

I smiled at him "Thanks Ed I will."

"For what it's worth Ali I think it's great you have a job." He was staring determinedly at the road. "And, you know, moving on with your life."

"Thanks Ed, that means a lot." I whispered.

He pulled up in front of our parents house, keeping the engine running.

"I'll wait in the car, might help you get out faster." he joked.

"Coward!" I mocked, scowling at him.

Mum once again eyed my uniform with dislike as she opened the door.

"Is she ready?" I asked heading into the kitchen where Ellie was seated in a high chair.

She gurgled happily when she saw me and held her arms up so I'd pick her up.

"What time do you want me to pick her up tomorrow?"

"I'm doing the early shift, so half 7 ok?"

I heard her sigh "It's fine."

She paused as I continued to gather Ellie's things.

"Has Edward talked to you?"

Subtlety is not my mothers forte.

"Yes." I answered curtly "And so has dad and they both got the same answer you got.

Mum please just let me do this my way, I need your support right now not your judgement."

"I'm just concerned, wouldn't it be better if you came home. Then you could go to college locally and get a better job."

I turned to look at her "I know you're worried, I get that, I really do, but I need to do this mum. I need a chance to move on with my life to get some control back and I can't do that living back here." I really needed her to understand this.

She fixed me with a look I'd come to dread during my teen years.

"And what would you do if I told you I couldn't take Ellie anymore?"

My mother was a master at emotional manipulation but I wouldn't let her use my daughter against me.

"I'd find someone else to take her." I said storming out the kitchen, I paused by the front door. "Do I need to find someone else for tomorrow?" I asked refusing to look at her.

"I'll pick her up at half 7." she sighed.

"Thanks mum, I love you. And I really appreciate what your doing to help me." I said, before leaving unable to take any more.

Me and my mum were just very different people who saw things in a very different way, the only real thing we had in common was are stubbornness.

Edward was quiet as I strapped Ellie into her car seat.

"So how bad was it?" he asked when we were moving.

"She really hates me working there, she already tried emotional manipulation."

Edward chuckled "I'm so glad she approved of Bella!"

"Well you wouldn't be marrying her if she didn't." I agreed.

"You can't blame her for worrying, I mean she gave up her job to care for us. We became her life for twenty odd years and all of a sudden we're both moved out, you have Ellie, I have Bella, she's bound to feel a little lost."

I nodded with a sigh, I really did appreciate all my mum had done, and was doing, for me. I just wish she could accept my decisions.

Edward dropped me home with a reminder I was having dinner with him and Bella later in the week.

After bathing Ellie and putting her down for the night I sank down in front of the TV ready for another night alone.

Sunlight streamed through the windows burning my eyes.

I groaned trying to roll over, my back complained painfully.

Four weeks sleeping on the sofa were beginning to take there toll, but I hadn't been able to face sleeping in the double bed since James left.

"Fucking fantastic." I growled as I looked at the clock. 5:30am.

I pushed myself up, there was no point trying to get any more sleep.

Stumbling to the kitchen I made myself a large mug of coffee and started fixing Ellie's breakfast.

Two hours later Ellie was washed, dressed and fed waiting for my mum to collect her. I was downing my second mug of coffee and munching on some burnt toast.

My mum cast a disapproving eye around my apartment when she arrived but wisely decided not to comment on my lack of domestic skills.

"Your father will drop her off after work." was the only thing she said to me.

Guess she was still upset about yesterday.

I nodded "Thanks."

I changed quickly and grabbed my grocery list off the fridge, I really needed to go shopping after my shift.

The morning was pretty slow, I was working with Tanya and she wasn't the most talkative person so I spent most of my time being educated about 70's rock bands by Garrett.

I headed out of the kitchen when the bell rang announcing a new customer.

My eyes nearly popped out of my head when I saw who had wandered in.

Someone up there really fucking hates me!

* * *

**Sorry for the cliff hanger but I couldn't resist. The next chapter will be up on Friday so not long to wait.**

**Review equal love. xx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**Time to reveal who showed up, although most of you guessed it lol. xx**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

What the hell was he doing here?

I glanced around desperately trying to locate Tanya but she seemed to have disappeared leaving me no option but to grab a menu and walk up to him.

"Hey, table for one?"

Jasper's head snapped up at the sound of my voice his eyes widened slightly as he caught sight of me.

"Alice. You work here?"

I tried to keep my polite smile in place. "Looks that way." I answered causing his cheeks to go pink.

Why the fuck was he embarrassed? I was the one who was humiliated in front of him.

"So table for one?" I asked again when he didn't say anything.

_Please say yes!_

I blinked at that thought.

"Erm, yeah thanks."

I led him to one of the smaller booths and handed him the menu.

"Can I get you anything to drink?" I asked going through the motions.

"Just an orange juice, if you have it." he mumbled looking down at the menu in his hands.

"Sure thing."

I turned quickly only to find Siobhan giving me a questioning look.

"Who's the hottie?" she asked appraising Jasper.

I couldn't help grinning hearing that sentence from mother to everyone Siobhan.

"His names Jasper, he's a friend of my brother."

"So what's the story? You weren't this flustered on your first day."

I glared at her "I'm not flustered." I stammered felling my cheeks go warm "It's just the first, and last, time I saw him things were a bit… awkward."

"How do you mean awkward?" she asked curiously throwing Jasper another glance.

"Siobhan I really don't want to go into this now. I'm trying very hard to repress that particular memory." I whined.

She smiled "Oh hon, it can't have been that bad, he hasn't stopped staring at you since you came over here."

"What?" I yelped my heart rate accelerating. What the hell was wrong with me?

"If you want to take five minutes, I can cover for you." Siobhan said with a grin.

"Siobhan I don't… he's so…would you stop!" I really didn't like the way this conversation was going.

She chuckled "Did he want a drink?"

Shit!

"Erm…Orange juice."

She nodded turning to grab a bottle from the fridge. Handing it to me with a glass she winked.

"Go get him Pixie."

I glared at her again before taking a deep breath and turning to take his drink over.

His eyes darted back down to the menu as I looked over at him causing me to bite my lip.

Had he really been staring at me?

"Ready to order?" I asked politely setting the drink down.

"What would you recommend?"

"The double chocolate cake." I answered without thinking. "Erm, but if you want something more substantial the garden burger is the least likely to give you a heart attack."

What the hell Alice stop rambling! I screamed at myself.

He smiled up at me causing my stomach to knot.

"One garden burger then."

"Sure thing." I stuttered taking the menu off him and turning to see Siobhan and Garrett laughing at me.

Scowling I headed back over.

"I officially hate you both." I grumbled still not sure why this situation was getting to me quite so much.

It was just unexpected. I reassured myself. That's it, you didn't expect him to just wander in here and it threw you.

Garrett gave me a one armed hug as I slapped the order slip into his chest.

"What about you Alice?" Siobhan asked.

"Huh?"

"It's your lunch break what do you want to eat?" She asked loudly enough for Jasper to hear no doubt.

I scowled angrily. "Don't you dare." I hissed.

"Another garden burger Garrett." She called "You'll thank me one day."

"I seriously doubt that!" I grumbled glaring at her. "Why is she doing this to me?" I moaned at Garrett, heading to the kitchen to wait for Jasper's food.

He chuckled "Siobhan's like a pit-bull, once she gets hold of something she wont let go. She wants to help you, and she believes getting you a new man is the answer."

I rolled my eyes "I'm not ready for that yet Garrett, surely she'd understand that."

He smiled sadly at me "Alice, Siobhan hasn't let another man into her life since Magg's father, that's one of the reason's she wont make a move with Liam. She knows she's missed out on a lot because of her fear and doesn't want you making her mistakes."

"That may be Garrett but it's only been four weeks." my voice broke "Shit." I moaned as the tears fell.

"Oh Pix." Garrett wrapped me in his arms "I know it's hard but we're not asking you to marry the guy, it's obvious you like him so just have lunch together. What's the worst that can happen?"

"With my luck it's probably best not to ask that." I muttered.

Pulling back I sighed. "Fine. I'll take his food over, if, and I mean if, he asks me to join him I will. But I am not forcing myself on him Garrett."

He gave me a cheeky grin "Of course not this is a family establishment."

I swatted his arm scowling.

"Order up." he said pushing the plate towards me with a wink.

"Have I told you I hate you?" I scowled more.

"Yes but I refuse to believe it."

I walked back to Jasper "One garden burger."

He smiled "Thanks. Erm I couldn't help overhearing it's your break now."

Of course not Siobhan broadcast it to the whole diner.

"Erm, I'm not sure if it's allowed but erm… would you like to join me. It's just I feel a bit of a dick eating on my own and well…"

He said this whole sentence staring at his food.

_Say no, Garrett will never know._

I glanced at the counter only to see Garrett standing there plate in hand one eyebrow raised.

Fuck him to hell!

"Sure I'll just grab my lunch." I sighed.

He looked up in shock as though not believing I'd agreed.

"Great okay."

"I hate you!" I hissed at Garrett again as I grabbed my lunch off him.

He simply shot me a cheeky grin. He'd get on well with Emmett.

I slid into the booth opposite Jasper and took a bite from my burger. Hoping I could finish it quickly.

"I'm glad I ran into you actually." he said picking at his food.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I wanted to apologise for the way I acted at Ed's engagement party." His eyes were still down.

I frowned "Why? You didn't do anything wrong."

He looked up at me "Maybe not directly, but I could tell you were upset with what happened and I didn't do anything to alleviate that."

I looked back down at my plate "It's alright, I mean I don't blame you for being shocked and angry, but just so you know, I wasn't going to lie to you. It's just not something I tend to mention in the same conversation as favourite films and the best live gig I've been to."

"Alice I wasn't angry." he said softly.

"Bullshit, I saw your face." I snapped before I could stop myself.

He sighed "Okay, I wasn't angry at you. I was angry at that fake blonde bitch for talking about you like you were some trashy whore."

I winced "How do you know I'm not?"

I wasn't trying to be a bitch, but this was making me feel really uncomfortable and all my defences were in overdrive. I was pushing him away before he could even attempt to get close.

"From the way you were talking to me, and from how you were with your daughter." he said softly.

I pushed myself out of the booth.

"My breaks over." I mumbled.

"Alice?"

I met his confused eyes trying to convey without words that he needed to forget me, I was broken, scarred. A total fucking wreck.

Grabbing my uneaten food I headed straight for the kitchen.

Siobhan was waiting for me "Alice I'm…"

I didn't let her finish "Don't ever do that to me again." I hissed before pushing past her and out the back door, gasping in air.

What the hell was wrong with me? I was all flustered and hot for him one minute, only to break down the next.

I took several deep calming breaths, why did he have to come in here?

"Honey, I'm sorry I shouldn't have interfered." Siobhan was standing by the back door.

I shrugged "S'ok, you were trying to help."

"It was too soon." she sighed "You're better at masking your true feelings than I was."

I smiled a little "It's easier to pretend sometimes." I admitted.

She wrapped her arms around me and I willingly leant into her support.

"You want to go home? I can cover your shift."

I shook my head, that wasn't a good idea "I'll be okay, I'd rather keep working, you know, stay busy."

She nodded understandingly before giving me a tight squeeze.

Much to my dismay Jasper was still there when I made my way back inside, his plate was pushed to the side his food virtually untouched.

Tanya was busy with the only other table we had in.

With a sigh I headed over.

"All finished?" I asked not looking at him.

"Yeah, it was great I just lost my appetite" he trailed off.

I could tell he was looking at me but I kept my eyes down. Nodding I picked up his plate still refusing to look at him.

"Can I get you anything else?"

"How about the opportunity to start over?"

That made me look up.

He smiled sadly "Or just some double chocolate cake?"

I swallowed thickly "Sure."

I'm not sure which request I was responding to. As I headed back to the kitchen and got Jasper's order I came to a decision.

Placing the cake down in front of him I began to talk.

"My full name is Mary Alice Cullen, I prefer Alice, the only people who call me Mary are my mum and ex boyfriend." I took a deep breath "I have a 7month old daughter called Ellie. I've been working in this diner for five days after discovering I couldn't afford my rent." another breath "You obviously know my older brother and parents. My best friend is Bella and I cried at every Disney film ever made." Another deep breath before I looked up at him.

He was smiling at me.

"Enjoy your cake." I said suddenly embarrassed.

"Thank you." he said with such sincerity I'm guessing he wasn't talking about the cake.

I nodded then turned to escape back to the kitchen. The past few minutes had been one hell of an emotional rollercoaster.

In the week that followed my bizarre lunch with Jasper I changed my mind at least four times a day on whether or not inviting Liam to Maggie's leaving party was a good idea.

Unfortunately it had been taken out of my hands, Kate and Garrett seemed overly excited at the prospect of finally getting Siobhan and Liam together.

"Don't worry so much." Maggie tried to reassure me the day before as she worked her final shift with me.

"It's just, I had a go at Siobhan when she interfered with Jasper and I'm doing the exact same thing." I said wishing I'd never come up with the idea.

She smiled at me "Yeah but the difference is for my mum it's been nearly nineteen years, for you it was four weeks. Besides you can easily pin the whole thing on Kate and Garrett."

"That's true." I smiled wiping down another table.

"I'm kind of glad you came up with this actually, I'm a little worried about leaving my mum on her own when I head to college, I mean I know she's got this place but…"

I squeezed her arm reassuringly. "Don't worry Maggie I'll keep an eye on her, I owe her that much at the very least."

She smiled at me "Thanks Alice."

"So other than leaving your mum you looking forward to college?"

She grinned "Can't wait, college parties, college boys and no mother to cramp my style!"

I laughed, it was a shame Maggie was heading to California she was definitely someone I could be great friends with.

"You are coming tomorrow night right?" she asked.

"Yeah, my brother's promised to babysit so I can have a night out." I smiled remembering that conversation.

"_Ali it's fine, I mean I've hardly had any time to properly bond with her you're so damn independent, and you deserve a night out. Just don't think it's going to be a regular thing."_

"Good, I invited a couple of other regulars so it doesn't look too suspicious when Liam shows up." Maggie frowned thoughtfully.

I rolled my eyes grinning. "Next thing you know we'll be synchronising watches."

That caused Maggie to laugh.

"With Liam that might be a good idea."

We continued to clean in silence for a while.

"So. You going to bring anyone to my party?" Maggie asked innocently.

"No." I stated refusing to let her bait me.

She sighed realising I wasn't in the mood and thankfully let it drop to which I was very grateful.

Tanya had told Kate about Jasper and I was already confused enough about the whole situation without having to try and explain it to others.

My mind wandered back.

After paying his bill, and leaving a very nice tip, he'd smiled at me and said _'See you Alice.'_

What did that mean?

Were we friends now?

Or was it just relief at having cleared the air and admitting we'd see each other because of Edwards wedding?

I shook my head trying to clear it.

Why was I overanalysing this so much?

_Because he's good looking and you like him._

Shut up! I do not like him.

_No but you do find him unbelievably attractive._

I am officially losing my mind!

Heading home that night my mind refused to shut up so after putting Ellie to bed I did the only thing I could, I curled up in front of the TV and found some car crash programme to melt my brain.

I spent my day off cleaning my apartment ready for when Edward came over.

5 o'clock on the dot the doorbell rang, guess Edward inherited the punctuality gene.

"It's open." I hollered from the bathroom where I was putting the final touches to my make up.

"That's not very safe you know Ali!" My brothers disapproving tones reached me causing me to roll my eyes. Not the best thing to do when applying eyeliner.

"Shit!"

"Everything alright in there?" Edward asked in an amused tone.

"Fine." I said dabbing my streaming eye with some toilet paper.

"You look great." Edward said as I came out the bathroom.

"You don't have to sound so surprised." I stuck my tongue out at him.

My black skinny jeans and blue halter top had spent the last year hidden at the back of my closet, due to my limited funds I couldn't afford anything new.

Pushing my feet into my black boots I grabbed my purse off the side.

"I wont be late. Promise."

Edward smiled at me "Don't worry Alice just enjoy yourself."

"Thanks Ed, see you later." I said giving him a hug.

My mind was focused on Ellie for the entire fifteen minute walk to the diner, I was being stupid, Edward was great with her and if anything did happen he had my cell number.

"Wow!" I exclaimed as I stepped into the diner, it looked like a some giant glitter monster had thrown up in it.

"Don't just stand there, help!" Kate moaned whilst getting wrapped up in streamers.

Half an hour later the place looked pretty impressive, if I do say so myself.

Garrett had set up a sound system at one end, the counter was covered with various snacks and drinks and the explosion of glitter and crepe paper had been tamed into tasteful decoration.

The music was pounding away as I swayed my hips in time getting completely lost in the rhythm.

I laughed out loud as Kate fought off Garrett's advances. That guy really didn't know when to quit.

The night had so far been and absolute blast, at one point I'd even worked up the courage to dance on the tables with Maggie to Dirty by Christina Aguilera. I'll never live it down but it was fun.

A lot of Maggie's school friends were there so I'd also spent a lot of time turning down horny teenagers.

That had been less fun.

Luckily Garrett had gone all caveman when someone tried it on with Kate and scared them off.

"Hey check it out." Kate grabbed my arm turning me round, I grinned at the sight of Liam and Siobhan dancing together.

"You are a genius Alice, seriously." Kate beamed at me.

I shrugged modestly "It was all there, just needed a little push." I grinned at her evilly "Now Siobhan's fixed I can turn my attention to you and Garrett."

She glared at me before collapsing in a fit of giggles.

"Don't worry about me and Garrett, we have our own little soap opera going on."

"Yeah I'd noticed, when are you going to accept you like him and stop the games?"

"Don't underestimate the fun of games." she winked "Keeps things interesting."

"Okay you win, I'm giving up, it's far too complicated for me." I held up my hands in mock surrender.

Later that night I found myself standing outside keeping Garrett company while he had a smoke before we had to head back inside to begin cleaning up ready for service the next morning.

Maggie and her friends had headed into Seattle for an under 21's party, Kate and Tanya had tagged along as well, I had declined. I didn't want to push Edward on his first night babysitting.

I was staring up into the dark sky watching the smoke Garrett expelled rising lazily into the air.

A nudge in my ribs brought my attention to Garrett. He nodded over the street where two people were in a tight clinch.

"Siobhan and Liam." Garrett whispered grabbing my arm and steering me back inside to give them some privacy.

I grinned up at him "I can't believe it!"

"You and me both Pixie Sticks, I thought Siobhan was way too stubborn…" he trailed off.

Our faces fell at the mess that greeted us.

Garrett passed me a bin bag "Sooner we start, sooner we finish."

I rolled my eyes and set to work gathering up all the empty cups and paper plates and throwing them along with any streamers I could reach.

My mind was still on Liam and Siobhan and I couldn't keep the grin off my face as hope flickered in me.

I would get over James.

Sure it may take me nineteen years, but it was possible.

I could be happy again.

I finally made it home just after half ten, I know I'm a rebel.

"Hey you're earlier than I thought." Edward smiled up at me.

I gave him a small smile "They headed up to Seattle but I volunteered to stay and help clean up." I yawned "How was she?"

"Fine went down around half six, haven't heard anything from her since."

Smiling tiredly I tried to suppress another yawn "Thanks Ed."

He grinned "Anytime. I'll let you get to bed."

He kissed my forehead before leaving.

I headed to the bathroom to take off my makeup and change for bed before checking on Ellie who was sound asleep.

As I made my way back to the lounge I paused outside our bedroom, my hand reached for the handle, the door swung open revealing the double bed.

xx

"_All beds need christening Mary." he chuckled, his fingers dancing up my sides pulling my top up over my head._

_I giggled wriggling up against him in a way I knew drove him crazy._

_Growling, he pushed me into the bed, hovering over me._

"_I've missed you so much." I whispered running my fingers through his long blonde hair._

_His face tightened as he tried to smile before kissing me._

xx

I was breathing heavily, grabbing the door I slammed it shut.

God I'm an idiot.

I should have known, should have realised something was wrong.

Collapsing on the sofa I hugged a cushion tightly as I fought the tears.

I. Will. Not. Cry!Through sheer power of will I won the battle. I took some deep breaths, letting the anger burn, keeping the despair at bay.

I was so sick of these damn memories cutting me down when I actually thought I was making progress.

Closing my eyes I fell into an uneasy sleep.

The next morning I awoke to the sounds of my phone ringing. Grumbling I reached for it.

"Hello?" I answered voice full of sleep.

"Alice? Sorry did I wake you?"

I frowned not recognising the voice.

"Er…yeah."

"Sorry, didn't realise the time erm it's Jasper."

I bolted upright and fell off the sofa.

"Shit." I grumbled from a heap on the floor.

"Erm…is this a bad time?"

What?

_Jasper phoning you, focus Alice._

"No sorry, just woke up you know, not really with it."

_Stop rambling!_

He chuckled nervously "Right, erm, I hope you don't mind I got your number off Emmett."

"No it's fine." I answered picking myself up off the floor and trying to find something to tell me the time.

"I was just wondering if you were busy on Friday night?" he asked rather quickly.

I froze in my quest to discover the time.

"What?" I squeaked.

"Well." I heard him take a deep breath "I just remember you telling me you liked Audrey Hepburn, and they're showing Breakfast at Tiffany's on Friday. If you were interested."

I couldn't think straight.

He remembered I liked Audrey Hepburn. That had been a passing comment back when we first met, and he'd remembered it.

"Alice?"

Shit, I hadn't responded.

"Erm." I bit my lip "I'm not sure if I can get a sitter." I admitted.

"Oh right sorry."

He was apologising again?

"No don't worry, erm can I call you back?"

"Sure."

An awkward silence fell.

"Well bye."

"Bye, I'll call you later."

I hung up starring at my phone for a good five minutes before I registered the time.

8:30.

"Ellie!" I cried rushing to the nursery to find her still dead to the world.

Well that was new. She was usually up by now.

I hovered uncertainly for a second before deciding to just wake myself up properly before disturbing her. I needed to be alert so I could work out what the fuck had just happened.

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**Leave me some love. Or hate depending on what you thought. xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**Another update, I'm doing well so far. I know a lot of you will be disappointed I haven't updated 'we just wanna be whole' for a while, but I have run into a bit of a brick wall of writers block with that at the moment but I am not giving up on it. Anyway back to this story lets find out how Alice reacts to Jasper's invitation. xx**

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**Chapter 4**

I had no idea how to react to Jasper's call so I did what any other girl would do, called in back up.

The great thing about Bella's job is she is allowed to just head home when she wants, as long as her work gets in on time and she doesn't take advantage of that privilege, no one really minds if she occasionally takes a half day.

It would have been the perfect job for me but I didn't have a degree in English and had no interest in editing.

She showed up an hour after my panicked call bearing chocolate, tissues and Starbucks.

God I love her!

"So Alice what's the big emergency?"

I set Ellie down in her playpen before turning to my best friend. "I think I may have been asked out on a date."

Bella stared at me "You mean you're not sure?" she asked incredulously.

I bit my lip "Well no."

"Okay, well first off who asked you?"

"Erm…" I looked at my feet "Jasper."

Silence greeted me, I stole a glance at Bella who was starring her mouth wide open.

"As in Edward's friend Jasper?"

I nodded slowly.

She stumbled to the sofa collapsing onto it. "Alright, start from the beginning and tell me everything."

So I did, staring at our conversation at her and Edward's engagement party to the embarrassing arrival of Lauren and Ellie.

Telling her all about the awkward lunch at the diner and finishing with the phone call.

"I have no idea what to make of any of it." I admitted throwing my hands in the air dramatically.

"Well Alice I don't know what to tell you. From what I know of Jasper he doesn't date, so you've obviously done something to spark his interest."

"What do I do Bells?" I asked pathetically.

Bella twisted her engagement ring nervously. "Well, do you like him?"

"I don't know." I sighed "I'm still so messed up over James, I can't tell. I mean what if I'm just on the rebound and end up hurting him. He's Ed's friend so that complicates things, I don't want to ruin their friendship if it does end badly. But, then I feel stupid thinking that because he only asked me to go to the movies, and it's very complicated." I trailed of lamely.

Bella smiled sadly "That's a yes then."

My head fell back as I groaned.

"Alice, I don't want you to think I'm being heartless but I'm going to tell it to you straight." Bella stuttered hesitantly.

I looked back at her.

"James left you and he's not coming back."

Ouch, that hurt!

"Do you really want to waste anymore of your life on that prick?"

I sighed heavily "I want to move on Bells, you know I do. I hate feeling like this. But, is rushing into a new relationship the best thing?"

"Alice it's been nearly two months." she pointed out gently.

I starred in shock. Had it really been that long?

"And it's only the movies on a Friday night, that's hardly a marriage proposal."

I frowned "I guess, but I can hardly ask Ed to babysit again this week , especially so I can go out with one of his friends. And my mum already does enough looking after her so I can work."

Bella shook her head with a smile "Alice, what do you think your best friend is for?"

I hugged her tight "Being there for me no matter what." I said beaming.

"Exactly and that includes babysitting my niece every now and then." she chuckled.

"Thanks Bella." I gave her a sideways glance "Just promise you wont trip over something and drop her."

She scowled "Funny!"

I called Jasper back to confirm Friday, he said he'd pick me up at half six so Bella promised to be over by five to help keep me calm and get ready.

I had the rest of the week off work so unfortunately I had little to distract me from obsessing over the prospect of going on my first proper date since high school.

I was pretty sure the rules were different now I was older, and I wasn't sure what Jasper's expectations would be, or what I should wear, or how to behave, or even what my expectations were.

Friday dawned cloudy and miserable. That was a good start!

I spent the day playing with Ellie, it was a good distraction for me, when she went for a nap in the afternoon I cleaned my apartment a little, knowing Bella wouldn't be thrilled having to spend the night in squalor.

She arrived just after half five and I hopped into the shower while she looked over some of the clothes I had spilling out of my hall closet and strewn over the sofa.

My mind thankfully cleared under the hot spray, after washing my hair I just stood under the water letting it relax me.

As it began to cool down I turned it off, stepping out of the shower I wrapped myself in a towel and quickly blow dried my hair before heading back to Bella.

"So what do you think would be best?" I asked causing her to raise an eyebrow.

"You're asking my opinion on clothes?"

"Will you please just help me." I begged a little pathetically.

"Okay." she turned to my clothes thoughtfully "Well it's just the movies so I'd say casual. Dark wash jeans, baby pink cami and black sweater." she handed me the selected items and I escaped back to the bathroom to change.

"Why is this so hard?" I whined pulling my jeans on.

She laughed a little "Alice don't worry about it, I think on my first date with Edward I brought six new outfits and still couldn't decide what to wear."

I laughed at the memory of Bella crying down the phone to me that she had no clothes. I'd quipped that Edward would be happy about that causing ten seconds of silence before she had burst into hysterical laughter.

"What do you think?" I asked stepping out.

Bella smiled "Perfect, keep your make-up minimal and natural and shoes…." she cast a look around the room "Pink converse." she threw them at me grinning.

"Thanks Bella, you really are a life saver." I hugged her tightly and decided to breach a subject I'd been dreading. "So how's Edward taking all this?"

She shook her head turning serious "He doesn't know exactly. He's not thrilled you're going out again so I thought it best not to mention it was a date."

"Thanks Bella." I mumbled, I hated that Edward was so overprotective sometimes. As great as he was, and as much as he looked out for me, there were times it was too much, and I had a feeling this would be one of those occasions.

She shrugged "There's no point opening that can of worms unless needs be. Lets just wait and see how tonight goes first, before involving the overbearing older brother."

I grinned hugging her again. "You really are the best, you know that."

"So you keep telling me." She grinned back.

I jumped as though electrocuted as the door bell rang.

"Shit, he's early."

I dashed into the bathroom to apply eyeliner and lip gloss and quickly run some product through my hair before diving back out and trying to locate my purse whilst pulling on my shoes.

"I'd invite you in but I don't think Alice would thank me, the place is a bit of a tip."

"Thanks Bella." I growled under my breath.

I couldn't tell what Jasper said back but the sound of his voice sent butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

I stumbled clumsily down the hallway to where Bella was standing by the door.

What the fuck was wrong with me?

"Hi Jasper." I smiled up at him trying to calm my breathing "Sorry about that."

"It's alright, I am a bit early. Er you look really nice." he smiled awkwardly.

I blushed deeply before I noticed Bella standing next to me grinning like an annoying younger sister.

"So, if there are any problems you've got my cell number."

She looked at me and rolled her eyes "I'll be fine Alice. You have fun." she winked at me.

"See you later Bells."

"Bye Bella." Jasper smiled at her as she waved before closing the door.

"What time does the movie start?" I asked unsure if he'd already told me this on the phone.

"Seven."

I nodded not sure what to say now.

God it wasn't this hard at the party, or the diner.

_Well they weren't dates._

Yeah well who says this is a date?

_Stop talking to yourself idiot!_

I glanced up to take in Jasper's outfit. He was in black jeans and a dark blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows. His honey blonde hair hung casually over his face.

"So if Bella's babysitting for you does that mean Ed knows we're erm…going out?"

I blinked his voice breaking me from just staring at him "That's a weird question."

His cheeks flushed a little and he turned to grin at me. "Just curious to know whether I need to start sleeping with one eye open."

I giggled "You should be safe tonight. He knows I'm going out, obviously, but he doesn't know with whom."

Jasper rolled his eyes his cheeks darkening "Shit you're right, that was a really stupid question."

"Well." I said thoughtfully trying not to laugh "You have lost some macho points for being scared of my brother."

He shrugged trying to mask his embarrassment "Hey, I'm an older brother I know how it goes."

He pulled his car keys out of his pocket and my mouth dropped as he headed towards a classic Aston Martin DB5.

"That's your car?"

He seemed a bit taken back by my reaction.

"Sort of." he shuffled nervously "I brought it as a project for Rose, I usually ride my bike but wasn't sure if you'd like that so…"

He trailed off looking at me worriedly.

"You okay?" he asked in concern.

I broke out of my trance "Yeah, sorry. Just not what I expected."

He chuckled and held open the passenger door for me.

"It's not as impressive as it looks, it was dirt cheap because when I brought it it didn't work." he said sliding into the drivers side "Rose is a mechanic and this was one of her many projects."

I nodded then laughed as he started the engine and the radio began pumping out Britney Spears.

"The radio's broken." he said turning red again as he pushed a button to reset the station.

"Of course it is." I said through giggles.

"It is." he insisted "No matter what you set it to as soon as the engine cuts out it resets. I've tried to get Rose to fix it but she thinks it's funny."

"She's right." I giggled.

He scowled over at me and I patted his arm soothingly.

"Don't worry I wont tell anyone you're a closet Britney fan."

"Do you want to see this movie or not." he growled throwing me a grin to let me know he was joking.

"Well." I tapped my chin pretending to think "So far you've admitted to be scared of my weedy brother and your music choice is Britney, to be honest it's not the most promising start." I grinned at him "Although." I continued "The car and the mention of a bike do balance that out."

At the movie theatre Jasper insisted on paying for everything which bothered me a little.

He shrugged it off when I mentioned it. "I invited you out, it's only fair that I pay."

I raised an eyebrow "So, if I ask you out I get to pay?"

He smiled at me "If you wanted to ask me out then yeah."

My eyes dropped to the floor as I realised I'd pretty much just agreed to a second date before the first one was over.

I was so enthralled with the film it wasn't until the credits rolled that I realised at some point mine and Jasper's hands had intertwined and stayed that way as he led me back into the lobby.

"That was so good." I gushed in total fan girl mode causing Jasper to chuckle at me. "No matter how many times I see it, it never gets old."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." his free hand rubbed the back of his neck nervously "Erm, what time do you need to be home?"

I looked at my watch, it was just after nine "It depends, what did you want to do?"

He smiled "You hungry? There's a great pizza place just around the corner. It's fine if you need to get home though." he quickly added.

I pulled my phone out "Let me just call Bella."

I didn't let him say anything as I quickly went outside.

"Hey Ali, how's it going?"

"Fine, the movie was fantastic." I bit my lip "Is everything okay there?" I glanced up to see Jasper waiting for me next to the door, he smiled when I looked over.

Bella sighed "Everything's fine Alice, I have done this before you know."

I laughed "Sorry, Erm would it be okay if I stayed out a bit longer? Jasper wants to go get pizza."

I rolled my eyes, I sounded like I was asking my mother for permission.

Bella chuckled "Sure Ali, I'm not your mum. Just bring me some back k."

I grinned happily "Sure thing Bella, thanks." I hung up.

"Well?"

I jumped a little not realising Jasper had wandered over.

"She's fine, so lead the way."

He smiled and took hold of my hand again causing a small spark of electricity to shoot up my arm.

We were soon seated, a steaming Hawaiian pizza between us.

"So." I began breaking the silence as I transferred a slice onto my plate. "I can't help feeling you know a hell of a lot more about me than I do you."

"What would you like to know?" he asked a cocky grin on his face.

I grinned looking up "What's your sign?"

He raised an eyebrow and took a bite chewing slowly before answering. "Taurus."

I took a bite pretending to mull that information over.

"And what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a trainee lawyer at the firm J. Jenks here in Seattle. Not overly exciting but it pays the bills."

Then some! I thought eating some more pizza.

I bombarded him with a few more questions, trying not to pry too much, but he seemed happy to answer and after a while asked some of his own.

It was going well until Jasper broached a subject I'd rather have avoided.

"So erm… I don't mean to pry but…is Ellie's father still around?" Jasper asked hesitantly.

My stomach dropped.

_Oh come on Alice he was bound to ask at some point._

"Sorry I shouldn't have said anything." he said quickly back tracking.

I glanced up nervously and saw the guilt swirl in his eyes.

"It's okay." I looked back at my plate taking a deep breath "I can't blame you for asking." another deep breath "He's not around anymore." I thought for a second "To be honest he was never around for her, I was just too stupid to see it at the time."

I felt a tentative hand on my arm and looked up into his dazzling dark blue eyes.

He didn't say anything but I saw it in his eyes clearer than I did with Edward.

_He's the idiot not you._

I broke eye contact glancing around desperate for a subject change.

"You're right, this pizza is good." I commented, internally rolling my eyes, I was talking about food!

His hand left my arm "One of Seattle's hidden gems." he smiled accepting the subject change.

I didn't want to take advantage of Bella so ate fairly quickly. When we'd had enough I asked the waitress to box up the last three slices, blushing at Jasper's questioning look.

"For Bella." I shrugged.

"You always this thoughtful?" he asked with a grin, causing my blush to deepen.

When we got back to my apartment building Jasper cut the engine and was opening my door before I could even get my seatbelt off.

"Thank you." I said as he helped me out.

He shrugged "You where too fast for me back at the movie theatre, I thought I'd take advantage of you being hindered by a pizza box."

I laughed as I headed up the steps to the main entrance stopping at the door, I didn't really want him walking me all the way to my apartment.

"Thank you, I had a really nice time tonight." my eyes dropped to the ground before looking back up at him.

He smiled softly "You're welcome Alice, I'm glad you enjoyed yourself."

I bit my lip my stomach doing back flips "Erm…so will you let me pay next time?" I blurted out.

"Well." he said slowly "I am rather old fashioned. But, I suppose, if it would make you happy that can be arranged."

My head shot up and I grinned like an idiot.

He opened the door for me smiling.

"Very old fashioned." I nodded in approval.

He took a step towards me causing the butterflies to return with vengeance.

"Goodnight Alice." he whispered lowering his head aiming for my cheek.

I'm not sure where I got the sudden burst of courage from but I turned my head at the last second so his lips brushed mine gently causing my eyes to flutter closed until he stepped back.

"Night." I squeaked.

I watched him walk back to his car before floating back to my apartment a stupid smile fixed on my face.

Bella looked up as I wandered into the lounge, raising her eyebrows a grin stretching across her face at my expression.

"I'm guessing it went well."

"Uhhuh." I mumbled passing her the pizza box.

"Am I going to be getting a more articulate response tonight?"

"Uhhuh."

I headed into the bathroom trying to remember how I was meant to change into my pyjamas.

Bella was pulling her jacket on as I wandered back from the bathroom, throwing my clothes in the general direction of my closet.

"So, I'm probably going to regret this but, as payment for babysitting, will you come shopping with me tomorrow?" she asked.

My mind was still miles away, fantasising about kissing Jasper, so I simply nodded.

"Great. Oh and I expect details tomorrow as well."

I couldn't help the grin that crossed my face.

Bella laughed "Yeah I definitely want details."

The next morning I was woken by Ellie crying, once I'd got her sorted I text Bella to get a time from her.

She suggested we met for breakfast so we could gather our strength and she could get all the dirt from last night.

An hour later I was sat with a steaming stack of pancakes in front of me, filling her in on my date with Jasper.

"I can't believe he kissed you." she sat gaping at me her fork paused half way to her mouth.

"Well he was going for the cheek and I sort of moved." I grinned.

She giggled "That's impressive, go you." she frowned suddenly "I think it was our fourth date before Edward finally kissed me."

"Yeah well you were younger." I shrugged.

"He was a year older than you are." Bella scowled.

"Yes Bella but he's Edward, he wouldn't know spontaneity if it pushed him off a cliff! He probably had your first five dates planned out before he even asked you out."

She smiled softly "That's true but it's part of what makes me love him."

I braced myself for the familiar pain and was pleasantly surprised when just a dull ache echoed in my chest.

"Speaking of which we have wedding to plan." Bella was suddenly all business.

"I didn't know Seattle contained this many shops dedicated to weddings." I complained four hours later, we had been very lucky Ellie was being good.

"Sorry." Bella smiled "I guess I got a bit carried away. You ready for lunch?"

Ellie sent forth a little cry as if in answer.

"That's a yes." I smiled.

We made our way to the closest restaurant.

"I didn't even think you wanted a big wedding." I said once we were seated. Bella was flipping through some wedding stationery samples we'd picked up.

Ellie was still being strangely co-operative as I fed her her lunch.

"I'm not that bothered really, you know I hate being the centre of attention, but I know it's what Edward wants and Esme."

I shook my head "How was my brother lucky enough to find you?"

She grinned at me "It's your fault, I met him through you."

"You really love him." It wasn't really a question.

"So much that I can't imagine my life without him, it's like if he wasn't there I wouldn't be either you know." her cheeks flushed.

I couldn't stop smiling at her, it was obvious to everyone, it really didn't seem possible to have one without the other. Thinking about that I sighed.

"It was never really like that with James."

Bella froze and I knew I'd shocked her. I'd barely mentioned James since he'd left me.

"Looking back now I can see it clearer, we didn't complete each other not the way you and Ed do. It was more like we complemented each other." I shrugged "I guess it means he was right, he would have been better off suited to someone else."

"Don't make excuses for him Alice." Bella said softly.

"I'm not." I said looking up at her "I mean it doesn't change how much I loved him, how much I gave him or how much he took from me, how much he hurt me. I'm just saying maybe it's not the end of the world for me."

I thought back to Siobhan's words the first day I'd met her and smiled.

"Maybe this just leaves me free to find that person who will complete me."

She smiled back and then looked down at her plate and bit her lip.

"Erm, are you still sleeping on the sofa?" she asked slowly.

I sighed, you couldn't keep anything from Bella "Yeah."

"Alice!"

I cut her off "I just can't face it Bella, I mean the last time I was in that bed…" I trailed of as the memory of his hands on me hit winding me slightly.

"I'm sorry Alice I'm just worried, I mean that can't be comfortable." she tried to lighten the mood.

"I've never told you exactly what happened when he…left have I." I mumbled keeping my head down.

She shook her head "No."

I focused on my napkin twisting it between my hands.

"I'd arranged for mum and dad to have Ellie, I mean he was meant to be back for the summer and I just wanted him for myself at first. I'd missed him and I tried to make it all romantic and shit." I rolled my eyes at how stupid I had been "I didn't mind when he just pushed for more, I just thought he needed me you know." I thought back to that last night and sighed "The truth is for him it had just been sex, the next morning when I woke up he told me about Victoria." I blinked as tears threatened "I had never felt so small and pathetic and worthless. He fucks me then tells me he's met someone else, that we were just kids and it was a bit of fun. I begged him not to go, told him that he couldn't leave me or Ellie and he just told me he couldn't afford maintenance.

He left then and I fell back onto that bed crying, but it smelt like him, like us. I just haven't been able to get past that." I was crying by now "If he'd just told me straight off rather than getting one more shag out of me." I wiped angrily at the tears that fell. "Every time I see that bed I can feel him, hear him." I shrugged.

Bella squeezed my hand across the table and I sighed.

"When I moved into that apartment I chose that bed for us. It sounds so stupid but the apartment and the other furniture I chose cause I liked it, I chose it for me. But, that bed I got with him in mind it was ours, but now there is no us." I shook my head "I don't know Bella. I think I need therapy." I tried to joke.

"I don't know what to tell you Alice. As much as I want to I'm not sure if I can help."

I squeezed her hand with a smile "It's okay, I know. Anyway enough about him lets talk about your wedding."

She looked down at the table with a strange look on her face.

"God I'm gonna sound like a completely selfish bitch, but you don't think Ed…"

I cut her off "Edward would never do that to you Bella." I assured "He's one of the good guys."

She smiled gently "James was a good guy."

I rolled my eyes "In a way, but part of the appeal of James was he did have a little bad boy in him and I paid the price. Edward is not going to hurt you though, ever, I know my brother well enough to be completely sure about that."

Bella smiled at me "Thanks Alice, it's stupid to worry cause I know that too but it's hard not to think about it when your best friend's been screwed over."

The message alert on my phone thankfully ended that conversation.

I rolled my eyes. "I bet it's Edward wondering what I've done with you." I laughed.

I sucked in a sharp breath when I saw Jasper's name on the screen.

"From that smile I'm guessing Jasper." Bella laughed.

I grinned at her.

"Well don't keep me in suspense, what's he say?"

" 'Hey Alice, I hope I didn't wake you this time. Smiley face. I really enjoyed last night, can't wait to do it again. J.' "

"How sweet." Bella laughed making me scowl at her.

"What do I send back?" I asked feeling all flustered.

Bella shrugged "Don't ask me, I'm rubbish at texting."

Rolling my eyes I quickly typed.

_Don't worry I'm up and about, shopping with B._

I paused then pushed on deciding I didn't want to play games.

_I'm free next wed night if you want to do something. Ax_

I pressed send before I could chicken out.

The seconds ticked by incredibly slowly until my phone lit up.

_Wednesday is perfect. How about dinner? Say hi to Bella for me Jx_

"Jasper says hi." I said grinning at Bella who laughed.

"Say hi back."

_B says hi. Dinner would be great. See you wed Ax_

"So what did you say?" Bella asked trying to sound uninterested.

"We're going to dinner on Wednesday night." my face actually started to hurt from the wide smile I couldn't seem to get rid of.

Bella smiled back happily then her face fell. "Are you going to tell Edward?"

I grimaced, I hadn't thought of that.

"I guess." I sighed "And I'll just have to hope he doesn't kill Jasper."

"Alice! Edward would never kill anyone." she looked at me seriously "He'd higher an assassin to do it for him."

I laughed with her but couldn't quite get rid of my worry. This was one conversation I was defiantly not looking forward to.

Bella dropped me off at home after lunch.

"I have to head into the office for a couple of hours so make sure and call Edward now so he'll have calmed down a little before I have to see him." she smiled at me.

"Sure thing Bella." I grumbled.

Trying to buy myself some time I changed Ellie and put her down for a nap before reaching for the phone and slowly dialling Edward's number.

Maybe he'd be out or busy and wouldn't answer.

That spark of hope died when he answered on the second ring.

"Hi Ed."

"Alice, nice to hear you're at home." he said.

"Yeah I kinda need to talk to you about that actually." I winced, why the hell did I say that?

"I'm not babysitting for you Alice, look it's great you're getting your life back on track but you still have responsibilities."

"I know that Ed I'm not asking you to babysit." I said cutting off his rant. "The next time I'm going out is on Wednesday night when mum and dad have her, I'm not going to just push her aside." I bit my lip cutting off my own rant.

"Okay, so what did you want?" his voice was clipped, he was obviously annoyed at me.

I took a deep breath. "Well I know you're a bit upset that Bella was babysitting for me last night, even though she did offer." I added like a smart ass.

Yes Alice because pissing Edward off more is going to make this so much better.

"I can understand that you're young and want to have a life Ali, I do." Edward began "But you went out with your friends on Tuesday."

"Well I wasn't out with my friends last night." I said slowly.

There was a significant pause as I let Edward digest that. When he spoke his voice was deliberately void of emotion. "Who were you out with?"

God he was worse than my dad!

"Jasper." I admitted in a small voice, bracing myself for the inevitable explosion.

A longer pause this time, I could hear Edward's breathing get heavier. "As in Jasper Hale?" he asked.

Maybe I should lie.

"Erm. Yeah."

"What the Fuck."

I jumped as he yelled down the phone.

"Tell me you're joking Alice, tell me you're just winding me up."

He was taking this a lot worse than I'd thought. I knew he'd be a bit upset, but nothing like this.

"We just went to see a movie." I mumbled.

"So it was a date? Christ Alice what the hell are you thinking?"

I frowned in annoyance. "It was just the movies." I yelled "For fucks sake I can't do anything right can I? you moan at me when I stay in every night, you moan when I go out. What do you want me to do Edward?"

"It's classic rebound Alice and you're just going to get fucked over again, so sorry for caring about my sister." he snapped.

Tears burned in my eyes.

He sighed heavily "Is it him you're going out with on Wednesday?"

I nodded then realised I was on the phone and he couldn't see me.

"Yes." I chocked out wiping my eyes.

"Are you crying?" he asked in disbelief.

"No." I spat out trying to steady my voice.

"Look Alice I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm just worried, after James…" he trailed off.

"Well you've been friends with Jasper since college so tell me why I shouldn't go out with him?" I challenged.

There was a slight pause before he simply said "He's just not good for you, it's too soon Alice."

"It's been over a month Edward, how long do you want me to spend crying over the dumb shit who knocked me up then pissed off with another girl?" I asked angrily.

"I think it will take longer than that for you to get over the guy you were in love with for five years." he said softly.

That set the tears off again.

"Look Alice I can't tell you how to live your life, I'm just trying to look out for you. I don't want you to get hurt again."

I sighed sadly "I know Ed."

Silence fell, I didn't know what to say. I was still a little taken back by just how badly he had taken the news.

I desperately wanted to ask Edward if he really thought Jasper would hurt me or if he was just being overprotective as usual. I didn't think now was the best time however.

"Well Bella should be home soon." he said at a stab at conversation.

"Right I'll let you go then."

He sighed "Take care of yourself Alice."

I rolled my eyes "Yeah you too."

I hung up letting out a deep breath.

"Could have been worse." I said trying to convince myself.

I text Bella to let her know what to expect when she got home and then raided my closet to see if I could piece together a suitable outfit for Wednesday night, I couldn't really afford anything new but I could always go shopping after work on Monday.

After deliberating with myself for a while I decided to text Jasper.

_Hi Jasper just to let you know I told Ed so you might want to start __sleeping with one eye open from now on. Sorry Ax_

Knowing I should probably check how low I was running on food I was about to head to the kitchen when my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey Alice, I just got your message. Are you alright?" Jasper's voice sounded worried and I couldn't help smiling a little.

"Yeah I'm alright, just thought I should warn you." I flopped onto the sofa curling my legs under me.

"He didn't take it well then." he sighed heavily.

I shrugged "Could have been worse, don't worry too much I think he's more angry at me."

"That's hardly fair you're not doing anything wrong." he sounded angry.

"That's Edward." I sighed not really wanting to discuss his accusations of a rebound.

Jasper seemed to pick up on my reluctance because he didn't push the matter.

"Okay, well I'm a bit busy now so I have to go. I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

I smiled.

"Thanks Jasper that's sweet, and I really am fine." I assured.

"Alright, see you on Wednesday."

"Yeah." I said smiling more "Bye Jasper."

I couldn't keep the smile off my face for the rest of the afternoon.

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**Quite a long chapter again, and yes Edward is turning into a prat, sorry I can't seem to help myself lol.**

**Review. xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

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**Chapter 5**

The next few days flew by, everyone at work seemed to notice something was up but when I refused to divulge details they gave up asking.

Me and Edward hadn't spoken since Saturday but Bella informed me he was very upset and had annoyingly informed our parents of my plans for Wednesday night which meant I was rather dreading my dads arrival.

Ellie's overnight bag was packed and she was ready to go.

The nerves of seeing Jasper again mixed with my nerves at what my dad would say so I was currently pacing up and down wearing a path in the carpet.

Ellie was in her playpen watching me in fascination.

I'm not sure why I was so nervous, I knew my dad wouldn't be as hard on me as Edward had been but he was still my dad.

He would probably be more annoyed that he'd had to find out from Edward but that wasn't my fault. I had planned on telling him tonight, possibly.

_For gods sake Alice you are twenty years old, you're not a teenager, your dad is not going to ground you for going on a date!_

I rolled my eyes at how pathetic I was being as there was a knock on the door.

"Hi dad." I smiled hugging him.

"Hi Alice is she ready?"

"Yeah she's looking forward to it." I led him back through to the lounge.

He raised an eyebrow at me "She's not the only one from what I hear."

I gave him a look "It's not that big a deal dad."

"If you say so." he grinned at me.

"Dad."

He held his hands up in surrender "I'm not going to say anything, I'm sure you got more than enough from Edward. Just promise me you'll be careful."

I rolled my eyes in exasperation "It's a date, I'm not planning on doing anything dangerous."

He sighed heavily.

"I'll be careful dad." I promised passing him Ellie's things.

"Good. Have a nice time sweetheart." he kissed my cheek before picking up Ellie and leaving.

Two hours to get ready.

By some miracle I was actually ready by the time there was a knock on the door.

I checked myself in the mirror one last time smoothing out my grey dress. Grabbing my purse I took a deep calming breath and opened the door.

Jasper was stood there looking hot in black dress pants and a dark green shirt.

"Hi." I grinned biting my lip nervously as he stared at me blinking for a second. He broke out of his daze handing me a bouquet of mixed flowers.

"I wasn't sure what you liked so I just got a couple of everything." he shrugged.

My smile widened "Thanks Jasper, they're beautiful." I glanced back into my apartment at the piles of laundry and toys strewn all over the place and blushed scarlet "Erm, I'll be right back, just need to put them in water." I stuttered out hoping he wouldn't be too offended I didn't invite him in.

He smiled and leant against the door jam.

I raced to the kitchen and propped the flowers up in the sink, that would do until I got home.

"Okay, I'm ready." I said as I locked the door behind me "So where are we going?" I asked as he led me to his car.

"You'll see." he said.

I scowled unhappily, I didn't like not knowing, what if I wasn't dressed right? I smoothed my dress again self consciously.

"You look beautiful by the way." he said opening the car door for me. I nearly bumped my head in shock.

"Thanks, you don't look so bad yourself." I smiled shyly as he got behind the wheel.

My nerves melted away on the drive as conversation flowed easily between us only to return full force when we pulled up outside a restaurant. This place looked posh.

Jasper took my hand to help me out the car and kept hold of it as we headed inside, the tingles I was receiving from the feel of his hand around mine distracting me slightly.

We were greeted by a rather snooty looking hostess who looked me up and down like I was something disgusting she'd trodden in.

Jasper sent her a slight glare, hid fingers tightening around me and it was a relief when we were seated.

I glanced down at the menu as our waitress flounced over.

"Hey I'm Jessica."

I zoned out while she reeled off the specials, a little annoyed by the sideways glances she kept throwing Jasper.

_He's with me bitch._

I blinked in shock at how defensive I felt. I was never normally the jealous type.

"Can I get you anything to drink?"

I refocused just in time for that, Jasper looked expectantly at me.

"Er, just a mineral water please." I stammered out.

"Make that two please." Jasper glanced up at the bitch and smiled, dazzling her for a second.

He's just being polite, I told myself trying to keep my breathing steady.

"So what's good here?" I asked keeping my eyes on the menu.

"To be honest I'm not sure." Jasper admitted.

I looked up at him confused.

"Rose and Em came here once and said it was nice." he shrugged.

I looked around unconvinced "Doesn't seem the type of place Emmett would enjoy."

Jasper smiled slightly "Never underestimate the effect of a women. Em would do anything for Rose, she's lucky to have him."

I raised an eyebrow "I thought you were her older brother, shouldn't you be scaring him off?"

He chuckled shaking his head "We're not all like Edward. I've known Emmett for six years he's a good guy. Besides I did warn him if he hurts her I'll make him suffer, so he knows the score."

I nodded, that made sense, if only Edward was that understanding. I frowned suddenly thinking of something "It's weird we've never met before. I mean you were friends with Edward all through college like Emmett and he's become like a surrogate member of the family. How come I never met you?"

Jasper shuffled a little uncomfortably but tried to play it off.

"Maybe Edward was trying to delay the inevitable." he joked then sighed when he realised I was still waiting for a better answer "You always saw Emmett during holidays and I was…busy."

I decided not to push it seeing as how he was uncomfortable, this was only our second date after all.

"Speaking of Edward though, have you spoken to him since Saturday?" he asked.

I shook my head "Nah, he's still mad at me."

Jessica interrupted us at this point bringing us our drinks and asking if we'd like to order.

I scanned the menu quickly and settled on the risotto.

"He's not too happy with me either." Jasper said once she'd left.

It took me a second to remember we were talking about Edward.

I scowled angrily.

"He's just trying to look out for you Alice. I can understand that." Jasper said softly.

I shook my head "It's none of his business, I didn't get all upset when he started dating my friend."

He chuckled "It's a little different for brothers." he said before thankfully moving on to a different subject.

I was amazed how easy it was to talk to him and whenever a silence did fall it never felt awkward.

"I used to love dancing." I was saying halfway through dessert "There used to be an after school class at my high school and I took classes privately as well."

"Why did you give it up?" Jasper asked with genuine interest.

My eyes dropped to the table. So I could spend more time with James.

"I just didn't have the time for it, with schoolwork and everything." I said stretching the truth a little.

I had completely forgotten about my insistence to pay this time until Jasper started sorting out the bill.

"Hey, I'm meant to be paying." I said trying to grab it off him.

He held it out of my reach "Actually as I recall, the agreement was you could pay if you asked me out, technically I invited you to dinner so I pay."

I scowled, stupid loop hole.

"At least let me put the tip in." I tried.

"I would." he said slowly "But you didn't seem to like the waitress and I like to tip at least twenty percent."

I folded my arms pouting "I would have tipped. I do work as a waitress, I know how appreciated they are but that doesn't change the fact she shouldn't have been flirting with a guy who was clearly on a date."

He kept his eyes on the bill "She was flirting with me? Can't say I noticed that."

Yeah right.

"She was hardly being subtle about it." Why was this bothering me so much?

"Maybe I didn't notice because all my attention was focused on you."

God he was a smooth fucker.

"Got to say Alice my ego is a little bruised at the knowledge I couldn't hold your attention that much."

I looked up to find him smiling at me.

Now I feel like an idiot.

"Sorry." I mumbled.

He gently picked up my hand and brushed his lips across my knuckles sending a pleasurable shiver up my spine.

"It's getting late, I should get you home." he said checking his watch.

I nodded still too upset to speak.

Jasper took hold of my hand as my silence continued on the drive back.

"Don't be upset."

"I'm not upset." I said causing Jasper to roll his eyes.

Great, even a guy I hardly know can call my bullshit.

"I'd have been angry if some guy was trying to flirt with you." he said, scowling as he seemed to think about it.

That made me smile up at him as he pulled up outside my apartment building.

My smile fell as I got out the car and looked up to the main door to see a very pissed off Edward waiting.

"Shit!"

Jasper followed my gaze and I noticed his jaw tense as he saw Edward. Taking my hand he started to lead me up the steps.

Edward's eyes narrowed as they locked onto our joined hands.

"This is a surprise." Jasper spoke calmly as we reached the top of the steps.

Edward glared at him before turning to me.

"Alice, inside now." he growled out.

"I'm not a child Edward." I spat as I felt Jasper's fingers tightened around my hand.

"You could have fooled me" he hissed back "Cause you're sure as hell acting like one."

Jasper's entire body seemed to tense. Rolling my eyes I turned to face him trying to block Edward out, I'd deal with him later.

"Thanks for dinner, I had a really great time." I said trying to get his attention back to me.

His eyes dropped from Edward to me and the anger and tension seemed to flow out of him.

"You're welcome Alice, I enjoyed it too." he spoke softly

Everything faded as he smiled at me, slowly we began to lean in.

I screamed in shock as I felt myself get yanked backwards, my hand ripped out of Jasper's as Edward forced me behind him.

"I told you to stay away." Edward roared, he was right up in Jasper's face. "To cancel tonight and fucking leave her alone."

I stared at Edward in complete shock.

I had misheard, I had to have misheard. There was no way my brother would do something like that to me.

I glanced at Jasper who spoke through clenched teeth "I believe your exact words were 'she doesn't need someone fucking her over again, especially not now' since I have no intention of doing that…"

"Bullshit." Edward yelled causing me to jump, I had never seen him like this before "You think because she's vulnerable now you can get an easy fuck."

Tears sprang to my eyes and it became hard to breath. Did Edward really think so little of me?

Less than a second later Jasper had him pinned to the wall by his throat a terrifying look on his face.

"Don't." I chocked out.

His eyes flickered to me and he slowly stepped back. He glared at Edward anger burning in his eyes.

"I thought you knew me better than that Edward." he growled.

Edward glared back "She's my sister."

"Edward stop it." I said my voice shaking slightly.

I tried to step towards Jasper but Edward grabbed my arm stopping me. Jasper tensed again as his eyes locked onto Edward's hand gripping me.

I needed to stop this before it turned into a full blown fight.

"Thanks again for a great night." I said to Jasper trying to stop the tears from falling, his face dropped in shock as he looked at me.

"I'm not leaving you with him while he's like this." Jasper told me.

Edward pulled me behind him squaring up to Jasper again. "She wants you to leave."

Jasper never took his eyes off me. "Alice…"

"I'll be fine." I told him "I'll call you later okay, I promise."

Please go, I begged him with my eyes. I couldn't take much more of this.

He shook his head still not looking away from me.

"Please." my voice was getting a little high.

He sighed heavily "Okay." he finally breathed out.

He glared back at Edward, an unspoken warning, before turning to head back to his car.

I could tell it was taking everything he had to turn away from me in that moment and leave me behind and to be honest that scared me a hell of a lot more than facing my furious brother.

Pulling me through the main door Edward dragged me all the way to my apartment.

As soon as we were through the door he rounded on me.

"You are never going to see him again Alice, do you understand." his eyes were burning with a strange mix of anger, fear and desperation.

"He's not invited to your wedding anymore then? Even though you've been friends for years." I snapped, annoyed that he'd ruined my evening.

"Damn it Alice I'm not messing around here."

He took a step towards me his 6"2' form towering over my tiny 5"1', but I refused to back down.

No matter how angry Edward was I knew he would never hurt me.

"Neither am I. are you really gonna throw away six years of friendship with Jasper, and possibly Emmett, because he took me on two dates and." I spoke louder as he tried to cut me off "Acted like a perfect gentleman on both occasions."

"James was a perfect gentleman on your first two dates Alice and he left you with a fucking kid." Edward scowled at me "He's only after one thing."

"And I'm too fucking stupid to realise this?" I screamed at him.

"Yes." he yelled back "You've been fucked over and you're on the rebound, the first guy who treats you nice with his fucking southern charms is going to get into your pants."

It was only when I felt my palm sting I realised I'd slapped him.

"Get out." I hissed, tears of anger and humiliation threatened but I pushed them back.

"Alice…"

"Get out now Edward."

He just stood there staring at me, all his anger gone. He seemed unsure.

I shoved him in the chest as hard as possible causing him to stumble backwards.

"Get out." I screamed again, more tears formed making it hard to see but I heard the door open and close.

Staggering forwards I locked it, I was trembling so hard I couldn't walk so I just slid down the wall and hugged my legs. Resting my head on my knees I finally let the tears fall.

How could it have gone from a dream date to a complete nightmare so quickly?

A strange noise broke through my sobs, it took me a while to figure out it was my phone.

Answering it I heard Jasper muttering. "Pick up the phone Alice."

"I did." I said stupidly.

"Alice, thank god, are you alright?"

"No." I sobbed out too exhausted to lie.

There was a pause.

"Did he hurt you?"

I chuckled humourlessly, I was very close to getting hysterical. Over the past few months I'd gotten to know the signs.

"No, well not physically anyway." I muttered.

"Shit, I knew I shouldn't have left you with him I just… I've never seen him like that, I didn't know what to do."

"Jasper." I cut off his guilty ramblings "I asked you to leave, please don't blame yourself."

I took a shaky breath trying to keep control.

"Do you want me to come over?" he asked.

The shock of that question made me lose control over the hysteria I was trying to fight and my body began to shake.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have asked that, I'm just worried Alice." he did sound concerned.

"It's alright." I whispered "I don't think that's the best idea right now."

_You shouldn't be on your own Alice. _My mind warned me. _He wants to take care of you._

_Or fuck you! _Edward's voice mocked in my head.

Another round of sobs burst out.

"Alice please calm down. I'm sorry I should have told you I'd talked to Edward. Maybe I should have listened to him." he sighed.

"No" I sobbed.

I didn't want to lose Jasper, even after just two dates he made me feel normal again.

The word 'Rebound' flashed in my head like a neon sign.

"Okay. I'm sorry."

Guy was saying that a lot.

"I just don't know what to do for the best here Alice."

I began to notice it was easier to breath when Jasper spoke, I managed to pull myself to the sofa as he asked. "What can I do?"

I bit my lip at the childishness of the request I wanted to make but pushed it aside.

"I know I said you shouldn't come over but…" I trailed off.

"What?"

"Never mind it's stupid." I said quickly.

"What Alice? Please just tell me what you need me to do." he asked desperately.

His simple use of the word 'need' instead of 'want' made me think he may just understand and gave me the courage to ask.

"Will you stay on the phone for a bit? Until I calm down at least." I asked in a small voice.

He sighed in what sounded like relief. "Of course Alice.

The trembles eased slightly. "Thank you."

"So." he began nervously "Did you want to talk about anything in particular?"

"Not sure." I snuggled down on the sofa and realised I was still fully dressed and my bra and shoes were digging into me painfully.

Wincing I reached down to pull my shoes off, a slightly hysterical laugh escaped as I realised I was undressing whilst on the phone to Jasper. Edward's earlier accusations rang in my head again causing yet another round of sobs.

"Shit, Alice please calm down." Jasper sounded like a nervous wreck on the other end of the phone and I took some deep breaths, trying to calm down for his sake.

"Do you have to work tomorrow?" I asked at a stab at conversation as I flopped back onto the sofa after removing my bra, I didn't have the energy to do anymore.

"Yeah I do."

I bit my lip "Sorry, I'm keeping you up."

"It's alright, I don't have to be in till late."

I rolled my eyes pretty certain he was lying but I couldn't bring myself to let him go and sleep.

"What about you?"

I wrinkled my nose thinking about it "I'm working the early shift."

"You should try and get some sleep then."

"I know." I sighed.

Silence fell.

"Er, you still need me to stay on the phone, because I don't think that will help you get to sleep." Jasper said hesitantly.

Tears burned in my eyes and I bit my lip hard to stop crying, he thought I was some weirdo, I knew it.

Thanks to Edward and my creepy stalker type behaviour he was never going to want to see me again.

"No it's alright." I was amazed I could keep my voice so steady "Er, thanks for talking to me."

"Are you sure." he sounded doubtful.

_I'm giving you your out. Take it._

"I'll be fine now honestly." I was full blown lying to him.

Tears streamed silently down my cheeks and I had started to shake again, my chest felt like someone was squeezing it tightly.

By sheer power of will I kept my voice steady, I didn't want him to feel guilty because I was an emotional wreck. He'd already done more than could be expected.

"Okay if you're sure, call me back if you need to okay." he insisted.

"Will do." I hung up quickly and for once just gave up fighting.

I let the damn burst.

* * *

**I hate being mean to Alice, but things will get better, eventually.**

**Let me know what you think**. **xx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**So everyone seems to agree that Edward is an ass, lets see if he cane explain himself. xx**

**Chapter 6**

My alarm went off at six the next morning. Grumbling I rolled off the sofa to my feet.

Making some coffee up I trudged to the bathroom and got a good look at myself in the mirror.

Half my hair was flat, plastered to my face, the other half stuck up at random angles.

My eyes were bloodshot and puffy from lack of sleep and crying all night and my makeup had run.

I had defiantly had better days!

A hot shower later I was downing my first coffee of the day.

Strangely I actually felt a lot calmer than I would have thought, maybe I was too emotionally drained from last night and it would be back later with vengeance.

But, I couldn't help hoping I'd had a breakthrough.

Last night was hardly my first breakdown, but it was the first time I had fully given in and just let it happen, rather than pointlessly fighting it.

Maybe, just maybe, I had needed that and now I could start the long climb out of rock bottom.

I repeatedly checked my phone as I headed for work, praying for a message from Jasper, even if it was just to confirm my fears it was all over.

I stopped myself a couple of times from sending him a grovelling apology for last night. I needed him to make the next move here, whatever that may be.

My obsessive thoughts were interrupted as I rounded the corner to find Liam dropping Siobhan off outside the diner.

At least it was going well for someone.

"Good lord what happened to you?" Garrett asked the second I stepped into the kitchen.

So much for covering up my mental breakdown.

"I had a …. Bad night." I muttered.

Garrett opened his mouth but Carmen distracted him for me with some delivery that had arrived, I gave her a grateful smile.

The message alert sounded on my phone and I scrambled to find it in my bag.

_Call ASAP! Eds going crazy, wont tell me what happened_

_I'm worried sick, just let me know you're ok B xx _

I sighed, half in annoyance, half in disappointment before replying.

_I'm fine, still alive at least. Ed was a complete dick_

_Talk later I'm at work A x_

"Expecting someone else?" Garrett asked.

"Not really, girl can hope though." I mumbled heading back to help Siobhan set up for the breakfast rush.

I got through the morning focusing on work, luckily Siobhan was distracted so didn't insist on any details.

Garrett kept trying to find out more but we were rather busy so I was able to avoid him until my shift ended at three. I hurriedly waved goodbye so he couldn't corner me and rushed outside to where my dad was waiting with Ellie.

"Hi dad, was she alright last night?" I slid into the back seat next to her as she squealed and held her arms out trying to get me to pick her up.

"She was fine, as usual. How was work?"

I rolled my eyes making faces at Ellie making her giggle. "Same as always really."

I glanced up at my dad to see him nod slowly, his eyes on me n the rear-view mirror. I could tell he was stalling and I had a horrible feeling I knew what he wanted to talk to me about.

As we reached my apartment I headed in with Ellie while my dad got her things from the trunk.

"Er, Edward called earlier." he tried to say casually as he closed the door behind him.

I tensed slightly putting Ellie in her playpen.

"Really?"

My dad nodded slowly "He was upset, he said something happened last night."

It was always difficult figuring out how much my dad actually knew in theses situations and whether he was fishing for information or just wanted to hear my side of the story.

I sighed, may as well be honest.

"He was waiting for me when I got back and said some really hurtful things."

That was true, vague but true.

"He seemed very guilty when he talked to me." my dad said his voice still calm.

"Good." I shot back.

There was no way I was going to let him off the hook that easily.

"He really hurt you." It wasn't really a question, my eyes burned a little but I seemed to be out of tears after last night.

"Do you think it's too soon after James to be dating again?" I asked slowly.

I didn't want Edward to be right but I was far too emotional to see anything clearly.

_Answered your own question there Alice._

Dad chuckled a little "I think you're asking the wrong person honey. I'd be happy if you never dated again."

Smiling I hugged him. "I know that but I just need to know what you think."

He pulled back looking at me. "I think you're the only person who can really answer that Alice." he sighed "It's going to take you time to get over James he was such a big part of your life. He's going to be in all your memories of high school and travelling and of course Ellie. But as long as you take it slow I don't see any harm in trying to move forward."

"Thanks dad." I hugged him again.

"Just be careful, I don't want you getting hurt again." he said seriously.

I sighed "I know but I don't think you need to worry about that now."

"What do you mean?" he asked guiding us to the sofa.

I sighed again as I sat down "Edward's pretty much made sure me and Jasper wont be seeing each other again." I said.

"What did he do?" my dad sighed in exasperation.

I shook me head "It doesn't matter."

"Alice he may be my son but you are my daughter and if he hurt you I want to know about it." he gave me a stern look.

Pulling my legs up under me I leant my head on my dads shoulder.

"He basically told Jasper to leave me alone and accused him of…only being after one thing." I blushed a little explaining that to my dad.

"And you think Jasper will listen to that?" he asked slowly.

"Maybe not alone but then I ended up looking like a total psycho when he called to make sure I was okay by having a breakdown on the phone to him." I admitted.

He wrapped and arm around my shoulder. "He phoned to make sure you were okay?" there was a strange tone to my dads voice I couldn't place.

"Yeah, I mean he didn't want to leave me with Edward, cause he was really angry but I knew Ed would never hurt me or anything and I didn't want them fighting so I told him to leave. He wasn't happy about that, but he went and then rang to make sure I was okay." I rambled.

"Well I wouldn't worry too much about him not wanting to see you again then."

I rolled my eyes "Dad he called, then I broke down like an emotional wreck. He may have been alright with what Edward said but I think I definitely scared him off." I mumbled unhappily.

He squeezed me tighter for a second as the weight of that thought crushed me.

"What did Edward say to upset you so much?" he asked quietly.

I sighed wondering how best to paraphrase that and make it 'dad' friendly.

"Basically that Jasper was only after one thing and I was so messed up that I'd be all too willing to let him have it."

My dad tensed next to me and I knew Edward was in for a right bollocking when dad next talked to him.

"So I slapped him." I added making him relax again.

"You slapped him?" he sounded amused.

"He deserved it." I pouted in defence.

"Yes I suppose he did." my dad sighed, and checked his watch "I should be getting home."

Sitting up I wrapped my arms around his neck in a tight hug "Thanks dad, love you."

"I love you too Alice, don't let Edward get you down. I'll deal with him." there was a hint of steal running through my dads words and I couldn't help but smile at the thought of how he was going to 'deal' with Edward.

He stood up to leave and paused at the door "And don't fret about Jasper, if he's worth it he'll call you."

I rolled my eyes at that cliché "Thanks dad."

I changed out of my uniform into some sweats and decided to try and call Bella. I really didn't want to hash over last night again, but I knew how worried she would get if I didn't.

"Alice, thank god, I was so worried." she rushed out without even a hello.

"Calm down Bella." I said soothingly, it didn't work.

"What happened? Are you alright? Edward wont tell me anything, but he's really upset, and did you hit him? Cause it looks like someone did, and I don't know what's happening."

"Bella." I yelled cutting through her jumbled words. "I'm fine okay. Long story short, Ed tried to get Jasper to cancel our date last night and was a bit pissed when he didn't, so he shows up at my apartment when Jasper dropped me back and words were spoken. Yes I slapped Edward, because he pretty much called me a whore. And just give him time to get over it and he'll talk to you about it."

I think that covered everything she'd asked me.

"I can't believe he'd do that." Bella sounded upset.

"Yeah me neither, but it happened." I wasn't going to forgive Edward that easily, but I didn't want Bella stuck in the middle between her best friend and her fiancé.

"I guess he's just worried about you." she said softly "After all when he…" she trailed off but I knew what she was talking about.

Edward had been the one to find me after James left, curled up on the sofa completely oblivious to everything that was going on. The whole thing was still a murky blur of pain to me, but Edward remembered it clearly.

"Yeah." I mumbled "Look Bella I gotta go but I'll call you later okay."

"Alright Alice, bye." she sounded distracted, still trying to get her head around what I'd just told her.

I spent the rest of the day playing with Ellie, trying to focus on the good thing in my life. Maybe it had been too soon to start dating again, but I had liked spending time with Jasper.

I fed and bathed Ellie, getting her to sleep before heading into the kitchen to try and root out something edible. I hoped to god there was something good on telly tonight to distract me from obsessing over the Jasper situation.

I thought back to this time yesterday, I'd been getting ready to go out on our second date, that had been pretty amazing. I sighed angrily, stupid Edward, why did he have to interfere?

The message alert sounded on my phone. I sucked in a sharp breath when I saw it was from Jasper.

The coward in me wanted to ignore it, I couldn't deal with being dumped over a text right now.

Summoning all my courage I opened it and read.

_Hey Alice, I'm sorry I haven't text earlier, work has been insane today. I'm also sorry I was so useless last night. Please let me know you're okay. Jx_

I read the message through five times before allowing a slight smile to grace my face. He hadn't dumped me, that was a very good start.

_I'm fine, honestly. You weren't useless, I'm sorry I put you through that. Ax_

I text back, staring longingly at my phone until it lit up again.

_Glad you're okay, and don't worry about it. What you up to? Jx _

_Trying to find something to eat, then going to veg on the sofa. You? Ax_

_Have to go out with Rose tonight for 'sibling bonding' fun! Jx_

That made me laugh a little.

_Anyone would think you didn't like your sister. Ax_

_Just seems a bit pointless seeing as how we live together. Jx_

I frowned when I read that trying to remember if he'd mentioned that last night. I came up blank. It seemed strange seeing how much we'd talked.

_I suppose, hope you have a good time. Ax_

_I'm sure I will. Are you working tomorrow? Jx_

That was a weird thing for him to ask.

"_Yeah 12 till 8. Why?_

I couldn't help but ask, it seemed such a random question, given the rest of our conversation.

_Just wanted to know what time you'd be home so I can phone. Jx_

I let out a sigh of relief when I read that. Just maybe I hadn't scared him off.

_Best give me till 9 so I have time to put Ellie to bed. Ax_

_Will do. Have to stop texting now, Rose is getting impatient. Talk to you tomorrow. Jxx_

With a giggle I did a little happy dance, he was going to call tomorrow, I hadn't ruined it all. Sure it was annoying he'd taken so long to text me today, I mean would it have killed him to send one message before he went to work to stop me stressing?

Shaking my head I let out another giggle, I was too happy right now to be that mad at him.

I had just settled on the sofa with a box of cereal feeling happier than I had all day when my phone sounded again and my smile fell.

It was Edward.

Well he can go to hell! I thought ending the call.

Less than a minute later it started to ring again. Realising this could go on all night I shoved it under a cushion to muffle the noise and turned up the volume on the TV.

I knew I couldn't avoid him forever, but it had only been one day, he deserved to sweat a little more.

I fell asleep watching telly and woke with a sore neck. Checking my phone I had six missed calls all from Edward. And three messages, one from Edward apologising profusely and two from Bella begging me to talk to Edward.

Rolling my eyes I sent a message to Ed, basically telling him to go away and leave me alone, or words to that effect. Then I sent one to Bella, apologising for causing her so much grief and assuring her I would forgive Edward when I felt he'd suffered enough, which would be at some point before he got grandchildren.

The next few days followed a similar pattern of fielding calls from Edward, apologising to Bella and spending my evenings on the phone to Jasper.

It was five days after our second date I plucked up the courage to ask him out again.

"So I was thinking, if you're not busy tomorrow, we could meet for lunch." I held my breath nervously waiting for him to reply.

"Erm, I'm at work tomorrow so could we meet at the park?"

"Sure, great." I squeaked in excitement.

He chuckled at my enthusiasm causing my cheeks to grow warm.

"So what time?" I asked trying to hide my embarrassment.

"About half 12 okay?" he asked.

"Sure that's fine." I said, hoping I could get a sitter. I knew my mum was busy tomorrow. I need to plan things better.

After hanging up with Jasper I groaned realising my best option. I text Bella.

_If you do me the biggest favour and babysit for an hour tomorrow lunch, I will do whatever you want me to. Please, please, please. Ax_

It didn't take long for her to reply.

_Make up with Edward and I might consider it. Bx_

God she could be a bitch when she wanted to be.

_Okay fine, get him to come over when he's finished work. I don't want to do it over the phone incase I need to hit him again. Ax_

"_Thanks Alice, please try not to hit him. Bx_

I shook my head. I'd try but if he wound me up again, well it was probably best we stayed away from any pointy objects.

At half past three I got a message from Edward letting me know he was pleased I was going to let him come over and he was just leaving work.

I sent back 'k' that was pretty much all I had to say.

Deciding to be nice I put on a fresh pot of coffee rather than expecting Edward to drink the rancid dregs that had been made first thing this morning.

There was a loud knock at the door and taking a deep breath I headed down the hall to open it.

Do not turn this into a fight. I told myself sternly.

"Alice, I am so sorry."

He wasn't even through the door and I wanted to hit him.

"Yeah I got that from all your messages." I grumbled turning to head back inside "You want coffee?"

"Yeah, thanks." Edward said following me into the lounge. He sounded really down.

I took as long as humanly possible to make two cups of coffee, then headed back to find Edward crouched down next to Ellie's playpen trying to get her attention.

I had to fight down a laugh as she stubbornly ignored him in favour of a large blue stuffed elephant Emmett had brought her.

"She's defiantly your daughter." he commented as I handed him his coffee.

I nodded then decided to lay out exactly what I wanted whilst he was here.

"look Ed, I know you're sorry for what you said so I'm not looking for a grovelling apology here. I want to know why you flipped out so much? I mean I know you tend to run on the overprotective side, but that was…What was that?"

He sighed looking at the cup in his hands "I'm sorry."

"I don't want apologies." I tried to stop myself snapping at him.

"I messed up Alice, in a big way, I'm not gonna let that happen again okay."

He began to pace and I just stood there watching him stupidly as my brain refused to work and understand what he was telling me.

"So, you messed up by coming to my apartment and trying to scare Jasper off?" I asked slowly.

"No." he said loudly "God no, that. I should have done more than that."

"Well what then?" I was really confused by now, not to mention annoyed he was still so anti Jasper.

"James!" he bellowed causing me to jump and Ellie to start crying.

Sending a glare Edwards way I picked her up to try and calm her down.

"Sorry." he mumbled looking remorseful.

"How is this about James?" I asked, angry that Edward had brought him up.

His shoulders slumped "I should have protected you Ali. I'm your big brother, I knew he was bad news. I should have stopped him from hurting you. Maybe if I had none of this would even be happening." he took a deep breath and looked at me "I'm not gonna let that happen again Alice."

I shook my head slightly, this wasn't about Jasper, it wasn't really about me. It was about Edward feeling like he'd let me down.

"Even if you had done something I wouldn't have listened because I truly believed me and James were forever. Turns out we weren't, and yes that hurts a lot, but if I got the chance to change anything I'm not sure if I would." I looked up at him hoping to ease his guilt. "It's not your fault Edward. You can't protect me from everything. You have to let me live my life and that includes making mistakes and taking chances that may not work out."

I hoped he'd see where I was going with this. He did.

"I really don't want you dating Jasper." he whined.

I took a breath trying to keep my cool "Why not?"

He ran a hand through his hair "He's…please Alice can't you just listen to me for once?"

I bit my tongue to keep from being a smart ass, I was meant to be making up with Edward.

"If you can give me a valid reason why I shouldn't be dating Jasper, maybe I will."

"Okay, in all the years I've known him he has never dated. Then all of a sudden you come along, vulnerable, and he's all over you. What am I meant to think?"

This was getting close to dangerous territory again and I knew if I wanted to avoid a fight I'd have to redirect it.

"Look I understand you're worried …"

He cut me off angrily "Why am I even bothering? You're not going to take the slightest bit of notice. You're so damn stubborn!"

"Notice of what?" I asked angrily "If you told me he had a secret wife, or a stream of illegitimate children, then that's a good reason to avoid him. All you've said is he doesn't usually date, so maybe he's dating me because he actually likes me, or is that just too far into the realms of impossibility?" I snapped.

It was only the comforting weight of Ellie in my arms that stopped me from screaming at him.

"What is the fucking point?" he asked throwing his hands up in defeat and glaring at me.

"The point is you dealing with your issues." I said rocking Ellie gently.

"My issues?"

"Yes, your issues. Feeling guilty over what James did. Well guess what Edward, I don't blame you, infact no one blames you. You wanna know why? Because it wasn't your fault." it was amazing I actually managed to keep my temper and say that quite calmly "Look Ed I forgive you for what happened on Wednesday, now I understand what you're thinking I can kind of see why you did and said what you did."

He gave me a pleading look "Alice please."

"No." I stated "I'm not stupid okay, I'm not rushing into this, I'm taking it slow, but I like him and I'm not just going to throw that away for no reason."

He sighed heavily "You are so stubborn." he muttered but I saw a slight smile on his face.

I shrugged "Blame mum for that." I joked.

"I should get going." he said running his hand through his hair again "Just, be careful Alice. You've done so well moving on, I don't want you getting knocked down again."

I smiled following him to the door "I know Ed, I'll be careful okay, I promise."

He reached to hug me but faltered slightly, I closed the distance wrapping my arms around his waist and squeezing him tight.

"Thanks." he whispered.

He paused as he walked out the door and turned back to me "Never think you know him Alice, Jasper's very good at keeping things secret."

With that cheerful parting line he left, leaving me to worry about what he'd meant.

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	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

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* * *

**Chapter 7**

Bella showed up at twelve the next day, in a very good mood now I'd made up with Edward.

"Thanks for this Bella." I said simultaneously running a brush through my hair and shoving my feet into a pair of red ballet flats.

"Why don't you take her with you?" she asked curiously.

I sighed "It's only our third date, we're still getting to know each other, it's too soon for me to expect him to deal with Ellie as well."

"I suppose." she mumbled thoughtfully.

Unfortunately for me Bella's question melded with Edward's comment the night before making me stress as I walked to the park.

Was Jasper hiding something from me? Surely if it was anything bad Edward would have told me, I mean he was looking for a way to stop me seeing Jasper.

Maybe that's all it was Edward playing on my insecurities, getting me to not trust Jasper. But what if it wasn't? And then, was I technically hiding Ellie from Jasper?

No I wasn't, he knew I had a daughter, there was nothing wrong with not being ready for him to meet her yet, was there?

I tried to clear my mind, I really didn't want to be stressing over this, I just wanted to enjoy lunch with Jasper.

I arrived just before half past and sat on a bench continually checking my watch.

It's okay, he's not going to stand you up. I told myself.

Glancing around again nervously I finally caught sight of him heading towards me.

All thoughts of taking things slow flew out of my head the second I saw him.

If I thought he looked good before, it was nothing to seeing him in a suit, had we not been in public I may very well have jumped him there and then.

"Sorry, a meeting ran a bit long." he said smiling at me.

"It's fine." I couldn't think of anything more intelligent to say because I was still preoccupied with Jasper in a suit.

Jasper out of a suit!

I shook my head a little trying to get rid of the lust fuelled fog in my brain.

"Lunch?" yep still not very articulate.

"That was the general idea." he teased with a smile and I felt my cheeks heat up.

I turned to start walking somewhere, anywhere, when Jasper's hand took hold of mine turning me around to face him again.

"Hi, by the way." he grinned placing a gentle chaste kiss on my lips.

My heart seemed to be on a mission to beat out of my chest.

"Hi." I squeaked back a little breathlessly.

Taking hold of my hand properly our fingers instinctively intertwined.

"Does your mum have Ellie today?" he asked as we wandered off aimlessly.

I shook my head "No, Bella's watching her for me, of course she only agreed to that if I made up with Ed."

We stopped next to a hotdog vender, after we ordered I managed to thrust money at the poor guy serving us before Jasper could. He scowled at me slightly.

"I asked you out remember." I grinned up at him.

Sighing he shook his head "You know most girls like being spoilt."

I shrugged "I'm not most girls."

"No you're not." I heard him murmur.

"Besides, you did say I could pay." I said as we sat down to eat.

He just shook his head at me.

"You and Edward are okay now then?" he asked after a while.

I shuffled a little nervously "Yeah, he explained and, yeah." smooth Alice "If it's any consolation he's not really mad at you."

Jasper scoffed "Trust me here, he's mad at me."

I shook my head "No, he just has some issues he needs to deal with. It really isn't about you, it's about James." I bit my lip the second that was out.

Jasper was frowning "James?"

Well here goes nothing "Erm…Ellie's father." I mumbled.

"Oh, right."

Three seconds silence ticked past. I chanced a quick glance at Jasper, he was frowning looking at his hands.

"I'm sorry." I said "It's complicated."

He glanced over at me. "No it's, well, I don't really know what happened there Alice, with him." he stuttered hesitantly.

I looked down at my feet.

"I'm not trying to push you to tell me, I'm just trying to see what I've done to make Edward so angry at me."

"You haven't done anything, well other than want to date me." I mumbled "Like I said it's not about you. Ed's just worried I'm gonna get hurt again."

"He's worried I'll hurt?" Jasper said.

I nodded still looking at my feet.

He sighed heavily and I looked up but he was staring at his hands again.

"He thinks it's too soon for me to let someone else in." I said trying to explain.

Jasper looked up at me "Is it too soon?" he asked quietly.

I couldn't lie to him "I don't know." I admitted.

He sighed sadly and looked back down.

"I'm sorry." I stammered "I know I'm not being fair here, and I really don't want to hurt you or anything." I took a deep breath "I like spending time with you and I'm not really looking past that yet."

His eyes met mine and a tremor shot up my spine, he seemed to be seeing right into my soul. I broke eye contact quickly.

"You shouldn't listen to Edward." I said "He feels he let me down by not protecting me from James and, for some reason, he feels he can make up for that by keeping me away from you." I frowned "Somewhere in Edward's twisted mind that makes sense."

"How long were you with James?" he asked his eyes back on his hands.

I sighed I didn't really want to go into this, but I had been the one to bring it up. "Almost five years." I decided to give him a few more details "When I got pregnant he went to college, I hardly saw him for a year, then he shows up and tells me he met someone else." I blinked hard to stop the tears.

"Sorry, I don't mean to drag this up for you, I'm just trying to understand." Jasper said.

I shrugged "It's okay."

For the first time since I'd met Jasper we fell into an awkward silence.

He chuckled nervously causing me to look up at him. He smiled a little at me. "This isn't exactly how I imagined today."

I smiled back "Yeah, sorry, I come with baggage. A lot of baggage."

"That's not what I meant." he said quickly "I just mean, past relationships are a bit of a heavy topic for lunch in the park."

I grinned suddenly feeling a lot more relaxed, that had all been a lot to take in for Jasper and it was a relief that he was still sitting next to me "Yeah, but on our first date you started off by asking if my big bad brother was gonna kill you. I don't really think we're following the normal rules here."

He nodded "True, but in my defence Edward actually does want to kill me now."

I giggled moving so I could hug his arm "Don't worry. I'll protect you."

His head fell "Fuck, I'm pathetic."

I giggled more "Yeah, but, it's kinda cute."

He looked up into my eyes making my stomach somersault.

"Very few people have ever called me cute." he said softly.

I could feel my heart rate increase and swallowed thickly "Well, I'd say you're more sexy. It's just certain things you do to make you cute."

He leant towards me a little, heat raced through my body from the point of contact with his arm

He quirked an eyebrow at me and smirked "You think I'm sexy?"

His voice took on a husky edge that knotted my stomach and I started regretting eating that hotdog. All I could do was nod.

My eyes closed as his lips brushed mine, as I felt him pull away I stretched up to keep contact for a few more seconds.

I heard him chuckle before I felt his lips against mine again with more pressure. Unknown amount of time passed as my lips moved against his.

My eyes opened and I swallowed as he pulled away grinning at me.

"I've wanted to do that all day." he said.

I felt my cheeks burn but I couldn't look away from his eyes, he brushed my short hair back before cupping my cheek.

"You're cute when you blush." he teased.

I tried to scowl but couldn't quite pull it off.

"You know." he began gently brushing his thumb across my cheek "If you're gonna be unable to speak every time I kiss you I may have to stop."

Not fucking likely!

"I'm not unable to speak." I said, my voice betraying me by being an octave higher than normal.

"Good to know." Jasper whispered, then kissed me again.

He pulled back with a curious expression on his face "How about now?"

That was so unfair, he took me off guard.

I shook my head trying to buy myself some time and get my brain to work.

He smirked triumphantly knowing he'd won.

I pouted "It's not fair if you take me by surprise."

He nodded slowly as though digesting this piece of information "You don't like surprises, good to know."

He was being smug and I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine.

Pulling my legs up onto the bench under me I knelt up a little, he shifted as I did and I pounced. Again my courage surprised me as my lips moulded to his and I slowly ran my tongue along his bottom lip before sitting back down, grinning at the dazed look on his face.

"You okay?" I asked smiling sweetly.

"That wasn't fair."

I couldn't stop laughing at how weak his voice sounded.

"Never said I played fair." I said feeling very smug myself now.

His eyes flashed with desire as they locked in mine making me shiver a little. With a sigh he checked his watch. "I should be getting back to work."

I tried to hide my pout of disappointment, I didn't want him to go.

"Thanks for lunch Alice." he said standing up.

"Anytime." I said standing with him which I regretted as he leant in to kiss me again and my legs felt weak.

"I wish I didn't have to go." he mumbled against my lips.

"Hmmmm." was all I could manage.

He chuckled before kissing me once more "I really have to go. I'll call you later okay?"

I nodded "Okay."

Watching him leave I nearly died as he turned and caught me checking out his ass.

What can I say, me likey Jasper in a suit.

_You're meant to be taking things slowly Alice._

I reprimanded myself as I walked home and let my mind wander over what I would have done had Jasper not needed to return to work.

I knew I had to take things slow, but come on, I am only human. I had thought my sex drive had been killed by James, I had never wanted anyone touching me like that again, but when I'd been kissing Jasper I have to admit it had got me incredibly horny.

I reigned myself in, I would not be ruled by my hormones, no matter how much I'd love the feel of Jasper's mouth on me as he thrust into...

God damn it Alice stop!

Trying to stop myself dwelling on this I decided to talk to Bella when I got home.

That plan went out the window when I got back and she spent twenty minutes gushing about Edward which effectively killed my libido.

Instead, the next day at work, I found myself talking to Siobhan.

"Don't think I don't know what you did missy."

Were her first words to me as I walked through the door.

Naturally I had a slight panic attack trying to work out what I'd done wrong until I noticed a rather guilty looking Garrett slink into the kitchen.

"I don't know what you mean." I said putting my best innocent face on.

"Oh really." she came to stand in front of me hands on hips "Who's idea was it to invite Liam to Maggie's leaving party?"

Busted!

I smiled sweetly "Well he's a very good customer…" I trailed off when I saw her lips twitching into a smile.

"Don't worry Alice. I'll thank you for that, but interfere again and I wont be responsible for my actions."

"I take it it's going well then?" I asked with a grin.

She nodded, her cheeks flushing softly.

"Ooooh." I laughed "That good huh?"

That earned me a light slap on my arm "Get some work done." she said.

It was a fairly slow afternoon and at half past three me and Siobhan were sitting at one of the tables waiting for customers.

"So what about you honey, you heard any more from your delicious lunch date?" she asked as we filled up some napkin dispensers.

I grinned, realising just how little I had told anyone about Jasper.

"Sort of." I said slowly.

"I know that smile. Tell me everything." she leant forward, her face shining with interest.

"Well, he got my number off a mutual friend, after the rather disastrous lunch, and we've been out a couple of times."

"What's this?" Garrett's voice interrupted me as he came bounding over pulling up a chair.

"Alice and the lunch hottie." Siobhan filled him in.

"His name's Jasper." I said curtly.

"Come on Pixie, I want details." Garrett was almost bouncing with excitement.

Siobhan was looking at me expectedly and I knew I couldn't get out of this now.

"Fine." I threw my hands up in defeat and told them all that had happened since our lunch in the diner.

"You told him about James?" Siobhan asked in shock.

"Not everything." I said with a shrug "I just needed to so I could explain Ed's little freak out."

Siobhan looked thoughtful "I haven't told Liam anything about Maggie's father."

I sighed looking down at the table "Yeah but unfortunately for me I can't disregard James completely. At some point Ellie is going to want to know about him."

"That's true." Siobhan said.

"I don't know what's wrong with your brother Pix." Garrett said with a frown "I mean after you tell this guy all that, and he's still willing to stick around. I'm impressed."

I rolled my eyes "Thanks Garrett, that makes me feel really great!" my voice was layered with sarcasm.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it to sound so…you know." he mumbled.

I shrugged "I know, most guys wouldn't be willing to deal with all my shit. Anyway, enough overanalysing my three dates." I turned to Siobhan "How's it going with you and Liam?"

She blushed scarlet "That's really none of your business."

"Oh my god, you've slept with him."

I looked over at Garrett who was staring at Siobhan with wide eyes before an evil grin split his face.

"Now Siobhan are you being safe or do we need to have the talk."

The glare she sent his way soon shut him up.

"Excuse me I think I left the oven on." he was out of his chair and back in the kitchen before I could blink.

"Ignore him Siobhan, he's just jealous because he's getting nowhere with Kate."

She sighed "I know, I just hate being the subject of gossip, I got enough of that when Maggie was growing up."

I squeezed her hand supportively "Yeah, tell me about it."

She smiled over at me "We're a right pair aren't we." she chuckled making me laugh "So come on, now Garrett's left us alone. Have you and Jasper.."

"No." I cut her off before she could finish the question causing her eyebrows to shoot up.

"I didn't know you'd be so repulsed by the idea." she said.

"I'm not." I said honestly "I just" I sighed heavily "Yesterday, when we met for lunch. God I'm gonna sound so stupid, but he was in a suit, and I swear it should be illegal for anyone to look that damn sexy."

I took a deep breath as memories of yesterday surfaced, goosebumps erupted over my skin as I thought about his lips pressed to mine.

"When we were kissing." I carried on explaining to Siobhan "Even though it was pretty innocent, I was so turned on, if we hadn't been in public I don't know what could have happened."

I felt my cheeks burn as I admitted that, but it felt nice to tell someone how I was feeling.

"What's holding you back?" Siobhan asked softly.

"I don't want to rush things." I looked at the table "I don't want this to be a rebound." I thought about it for a second "I don't want Edward to be right."

I felt Siobhan take hold of my hands and looked up at her.

"Hon, I don't think this is a rebound, and I don't think wanting to have sex with your boyfriend is rushing things. You may have only been on three dates, but it's been over three weeks, and you've talked on the phone between them right?"

I nodded. Although the word 'boyfriend' threw me a little, me and Jasper were still only in the dating stage. But then was that too soon to be considering sleeping with him? I groaned in frustration.

Siobhan laughed softly at me "Stop worrying Alice, that usually just makes it worse."

I laughed, Siobhan had a point there. Worrying did tend to make things worse because you tended to read too deep into things. But it was hard not to when you'd been fucked over by someone who professed to love you.

We had a busy night meaning it was a late finish, Garrett gave me a lift home after work, insisting it wasn't safe to walk home in the dark. Of course my phone just had to ring as we were stuck in traffic.

I felt myself relax as Jasper's name flashed on the screen "Hey." I answered smiling.

Garrett grinned over at me and I turned my back on him to try and get some privacy.

"Hey yourself." Jasper chuckled "How's your day been?"

"Kind of slow, and just to keep in with that I'm now stuck in traffic."

"Alice baby, come back to bed." Garrett moaned from beside me.

I turned to glare at him as silence came from the other end of the phone.

"Garrett don't be such an ass." I grumbled.

"Do I need to worry?" I could tell Jasper was trying to be funny, but caught the edge to his voice.

Nice one Garrett.

"That depends, do you have a good shovel? I may need some help hiding a body." I continued to glare at Garrett who simply grinned back.

"Don't worry, I know some good lawyers, so I can easily get you off a murder charge." I relaxed as Jasper's voice returned to normal.

"Always good to know." I joked.

He chuckled again "Well, I just called to tell you, I managed to get two tickets for the royal ballet tomorrow night, if you're interested."

My heart nearly stopped, I had been dying to go after seeing the posters around town.

"I thought they were sold out?" I had tired to book tickets myself.

He cleared his throat nervously "Er… yeah they were, but someone at work couldn't go and offered me his tickets."

Being on the phone I couldn't tell if he was lying to me or not, but I wasn't too bothered, the royal ballet!

Just one problem.

"Erm, tomorrow night?"

"Yeah. Rosalie and Emmett offered to babysit, if that's alright with you. I know Rose doesn't really know you or Ellie, but she is good with kids, I'm not trying to interfere or anything, she just offered when I found out about the tickets, but if you don't want to that's fine."

I was laughing my ass off at his nervous ramblings.

"Jasper it's fine, Ellie loves Emmett, and as much as I wouldn't trust him alone with her, I'm sure Rose can handle it."

"Great." Jasper sounded very relieved "I'll call you later when I've talked to Rose. Good luck with the murder."

I laughed "Thanks, talk to you later."

Hanging up I turned to give Garrett my best death glare "You are going to die for that." I warned narrowing my eyes .

Apparently I'm not as intimidating as Siobhan because he simply grinned back.

Jasper arranged to drop Emmett and Rose off and pick me up around half seven so I spent the whole day cleaning my apartment.

I really should keep on top of my mess better, I only bothered to clean when people came over.

I had settled Ellie down and was just finished getting ready when there was a knock on the door.

"Hey short cakes."

Emmett attacked me before he was even through the door, lifting me in a hug he proceeded to walk into the lounge with me still in his arms.

"Put me down Em." I laughed swatting his chest.

"So where's my niece?" he asked setting me back on my feet and looking around. Jasper and Rosalie where stood behind him.

I shook my head at Emmett "She's asleep."

He pouted in disappointment and I decided it was best to give the instructions to Rose who was smiling at me.

"Thanks for doing this." I said stepping towards her.

"It's fine Alice, I kinda felt bad for Jasper after the effort he went through to get…"

Jasper cut her off with a not so subtle shake of his head.

I looked between the two of them but it was obvious no one was going to explain.

"Right, well she's actually quite good at sleeping through, if she does wake up just walk her round for a bit, there's a bottle on the side if she really wont settle, erm, there's soda and juice in the fridge, coffee on the side, I doubt there's any food, but take away menus are by the phone. If there are any problems Em's got my number, or call Edward okay?"

She smiled reassuringly "Okay, don't worry we'll be fine. You two have fun."

I smiled trying to relax as I grabbed my jacket from the back of the sofa.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Emmett teased.

"That doesn't set us many boundaries." I called heading down the hall.

Once we were outside I finally took a good look at Jasper. Good thing I didn't do that in the apartment or we never would have left.

He smiled down at me "You look…wow!"

That made me giggle which trailed off as he lowered his head to kiss me.

"We should go." he sighed "We should go before I drag you back to your apartment and ravage you all night."

That would be more than fine by me.

My cheeks flushed and I looked down at the floor. Jasper placed his hand on my cheek making me look up at him.

"You have no idea how amazing you look do you?" he asked softly.

I shrugged "I'm just not that used to compliments." I mumbled.

He kissed me softly again "Then I shall make it my mission to let you know every time you look beautiful."

I took a deep steadying breath. Could this guy be any more perfect?

I was shocked when we arrived, Jasper had a quick word with one of the ushers and we were led to a private box. My eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"These are amazing seats, it's a shame your friend couldn't come." I said watching him carefully.

His back was to me at the moment but I saw his neck flush a little

"They're not off someone from work are they?" I folded my arms as he turned to look at me.

"Not exactly." he muttered "The company sort of owns this box, and I managed to get it for tonight."

My eyes narrowed further, this was a popular show and as far as I knew Jasper wasn't exactly high up within the company.

"What did that cost you?" I had to ask.

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously and tried to smile "A lifetime of servitude, doing the coffee runs, photo copying, all the crap jobs no one else wants to do basically."

I sighed in exasperation "Jasper you didn't have to do that, I would have been fine just going to the movies again or something."

He shrugged "You said you really wanted to see it."

"Yeah, but not at the cost of you being a slave to your colleagues. Now I just feel guilty." I said looking at the floor.

"Don't." Jasper stepped forward placing his hands on my shoulders "I wanted to do something special, besides I'll save their asses one day and we'll be even again. It's fine."

He was gazing at me with a slightly worried expression and I couldn't stop smiling up at him, he was really going above and beyond, and as much as I told him he hadn't needed to do it, I wouldn't deny that it felt nice for someone to make such an effort for me.

"Thank you." I whispered.

As I watched the dancers moving gracefully across the stage I felt a twinge of regret run through me. I missed dancing, I missed the exhilaration I always felt, the sense of freedom yet control I got as I moved.

Maybe when I had time I could start taking classes again. Yeah and maybe I'd win the lottery while I was at it. But still a girl has to dream.

"That was unbelievable." was all I could say the whole drive home.

As we pulled up outside my apartment I took hold of Jasper's hand to stop him getting out of the car.

"Thank you again." I said looking over at him.

His free hand reached over to brush across my cheek "You're welcome Alice."

His lips brushed mine and my hand flew to the back of his neck to keep our lips pressed together.

Tentatively I nibbled gently on his bottom lip trying to deepen the kiss, both my hands tangled in is silken hair as he opened his mouth, his tongue running over my bottom lip.

I felt him wrap his arms around my waist and squealed into his mouth as he pulled me over the central panel to straddle his lap as our tongues gently collided.

I wriggled my hips a little trying to ease the ache between my legs causing Jasper to break the kiss as his head fell back with a groan.

"Shit Alice, please don't do that." he groaned out.

I realised how I was sat on him and giggled a little.

"Sorry." I whispered.

Lust shone bright in his eyes as they locked with mine and I didn't know what to do.

Part of me wanted to keep going with this but I knew I didn't really want to fuck Jasper for the first time in his car, at some point defiantly, but right now it didn't feel right.

"Rose and Em are probably wondering where we are." I mumbled.

I tried to climb off Jasper's lap but he kept tight hold of me and somehow managed to climb out the car with me in his arms.

I got a rather wonderful view of his ass as he leant back into the car to retrieve my purse.

My whole body seemed to tingle as we walked up to my apartment, a strange energy seemed to surround us and I prayed to any god that would listen that Jasper hadn't noticed.

I knew, no matter how much I might want to, I couldn't follow through tonight and started to feel guilty at my behaviour in the car.

Jasper pulled me to a stop just outside my door, one look at his face told me my prayers had not been answered, he felt it too.

My eyes were locked on his and my heart was racing, he took one step towards me.

What would have happened next I don't know because at that moment my apartment door flew open and Emmett's booming voce broke our moment.

"That is not an appropriate area to be participating in that kind of behaviour." he said trying to sound serious only to laugh loudly.

With a deep breath I broke my gaze from Jasper's eyes and quickly pushed past Emmett into the apartment.

I tried to smile at Rose, who was sprawled on my couch flipping through one of my fashion magazines. "Hey was she okay?" I asked.

"Perfect." Rose said smiling "Em was a little disappointed, I had to stop him waking her up so he could play."

I joined in her laughter as Emmett scowled at us.

"Don't worry Em, we'll arrange a playdate next week." I teased.

"We should be heading home." I heard Jasper say from behind me.

My whole body reacted to the sound of his voice leaning towards him slightly, I tried to keep my breathing steady as I led them to the door.

Giggling I watched Rosalie drag Emmett down the corridor trying to give me and Jasper some privacy.

"Is you having a good time enough to get me off the hook for the private box?" he asked hesitantly.

"I don't know…"

He cut me of by kissing me. "How about now?" he mumbled between kisses.

That was totally unfair, he knew just how to get me.

My arms snaked around his neck of there own accord and my body moulded to his, I had to fight the urge to drag him back inside.

His lips moved to kiss down my jaw and I took deep breaths.

"I think that may have done it." I panted weakly my eyes fluttering as his teeth lightly grazed my neck.

By some amazing power of will I pulled back, Jasper's forehead came to rest against mine.

"Night Jasper" I whispered removing my arms from around his neck.

"Goodnight Alice." he said with a deep sigh.

Yep, he wanted to go about as much as I wanted him to. I stepped back breaking all contact in the hope it would make it easier.

"I'll call you tomorrow." I said trying not to look directly into his eyes.

"Okay." he murmured "Night."

I watched him walk down the corridor and around the corner before I closed the door and took several deep breaths trying to calm my heart rate.

I had never experienced anything like that before, and as much as it excited me it also scared the shit out of me.

I checked on Ellie before heading to the bathroom to remove my makeup and get ready for bed.

As I snuggled down on the sofa I heard my message alert go off.

_Hey beautiful I'll be dreaming of you, hope your dreams are just as sweet J xxxx_

Yes it was unbelievably cheesy but that didn't stop the big grin from spreading across my face.

I managed to stop myself sending back a dirty message containing the words 'wet dreams' and instead sent back.

_I'm sure they will be as I can't get you out of my head. Axx_

With a small giggle I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

* * *

**So no Edward ruining things this time. I decided to give Alice a little break. **

**Reviews make me smile. xx**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**Warning, lemons in this chapter.**

* * *

**Chapter 8**

Due to me being guilty at having left Ellie so much recently and my slight fear at what may happen between me and Jasper I didn't see him for nearly a week.

Ellie was spending tonight at my parents and Jasper was picking me up straight from work, which was a pain as Kate and Garrett refused to shut up about it for the entire shift.

Luckily we were empty by half seven so I slipped into the toilet to change, Kate could cope if anyone came in.

My hands shook slightly as I slipped my top on, I wasn't stupid, I knew something was going to happen tonight, something was going to change and I'd be lying if I didn't say I was scared shitless.

I was ready by ten to eight and half considered staying locked in the bathroom so I could avoid Garrett and Kate.

Then I realised how pathetic I was being and headed back out.

"Wow Pix, who knew that was hiding under the lovely red gingham."

"Thanks Garrett." I muttered nervously smoothing out my skirt.

"You look fine." Kate said smiling "Hell, I'd do you!"

We both laughed at the look on Garrett's face.

"If that ever happens do let me know." he said looking between the two of us.

Kate raised an eyebrow at me and I grinned at her, it was good to know we had a way of winding Garrett up.

A shiver ran up my spine, on instinct I glanced out the window to see Jasper's Aston Martin pull up.

"Holy fuck, that's his car!" Garrett seemed to be drooling.

Kate's eyes widened as Jasper hopped out "Oh wow!"

I smirked at her "Hands off, he's mine."

She grinned at me "Lucky you."

I gave Garrett a sympathetic look as his face fell slightly at Kate's comment.

"See you both tomorrow." I called heading outside.

I didn't hear if they replied or not because I was now focused on Jasper, he kissed my cheek as I reached him.

"You look beautiful Alice." he whispered in my ear causing me to shiver as my cheeks flushed.

He chuckled "Are you going to blush every time I say that?"

I shook my head blushing more.

Leading me over to his car he held open the door for me, like normal.

As soon as he was seated beside me in the enclosed space the air seemed to sizzle between us and I clenched my hands into fists at me side to stop reaching over to touch him in some way. My eyes, however, couldn't be controlled from slowly trailing over him.

We went to the little pizza place he'd taken me to on our first date, my body seemed to be hypersensitive to everything he did. Tingles ran up my arm as he took hold of my hand, and when we were seated everything faded, all I was aware of was Jasper sat opposite me.

His eyes never left me for more than a second, I could tell from the way the muscles in his arm contracted that one hand was clenched into a fist beside him, restraining himself the way I had in the car.

I didn't manage more than a couple of slices of pizza, the butterflies in my stomach making it impossible to eat.

"Are you okay?" Jasper asked in concern.

"Fine." I managed to squeak out.

_Smooth Alice!_

I took a deep calming breath "I'm fine, just not very hungry." for food at least.

He frowned "Did you want to do something else?"

Yeah take me home so I can fuck you all night long!

"No it's okay, you haven't finished. Besides I'm enjoying myself." I said trying not to let my thoughts show.

He raised a sceptical eyebrow "You're enjoying yourself?"

"Of course, I'm with you." I said without really thinking and immediately flushed scarlet.

What was it about this guy that made my brain melt whenever he got within three feet of me?

He placed his hand on top of mine on the table and rubbed soothing circles with his thumb smiling in his unfairly sexy way.

I tried to shuffle subtly on my chair to ease the need burning between my legs, from the way his smirk deepened I'm guessing he caught me and deliberately slowed down his movements.

Well fucker two can play at that game!

I smiled up shyly through my eyelashes and crossed my legs so my foot could rub the back of his calf slowly.

The hand holding mine tensed and one look at his face gave me another burst of courage. I leant forward a little, taking advantage of the fact this top gave me good cleavage, Jasper's eyes flickered down.

"You know when you asked if I wanted to do something else?" I said slowly, drawing it out.

His breathing seemed to get heavier as I continued my slow tortures.

"Well, I think I may have thought of something."

"Can we have the cheque please." Jasper practically screamed at a passing waiter.

As soon as it was placed on the table he threw some notes down without even checking it and dragged me from the place.

I was halfway between amazed and exhilarated I had had such a strong effect on him and couldn't help teasing him more when we got to the car, by gently running my hand up and down his thigh.

His only response was to white knuckle the steering wheel and break ever speed limit we hit.

When we made it to my apartment building he pulled me over to his lap again before crushing his lips to mine.

"You. Are. A. fucking. Tease!" he mumbled between placing kisses on my neck.

I thought I'd prove him right by wiggling on his lap "Don't pretend you don't like it." I whispered rolling my hips into his before, somehow, managing to roll off him and out the car.

That was skilful!

Racing up the steps I paused for a second at the main door to make sure he was following me.

Electricity crackled between us as he caught me, just outside my apartment, and pinned me to the wall.

I was panting as he leant over me, and with no Emmett to interrupt this time, I let my arms snake around his neck pulling his face down so I could reach his lips.

One of his arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer, his other hand was at my neck.

Desire burned through my veins, I had never felt it on this level before, nothing else mattered at that moment other than getting us into my apartment and out of our clothes.

Shuffling, I managed to manoeuvre us to my door, it took me a little longer to find my key and open it, but neither of us wanted to break the kiss to make it easier.

Finally we made it inside. I kicked the door shut, my mouth still glued to Jasper's.

He lifted me up, my back hit the wall and my legs locked around his waist.

The need for oxygen forced me to break the kiss, his lips moved down my jaw to my neck as I gulped in air.

He forced my hands above my head, his body pressed flush to mine to keep me pinned to the wall, nothing seemed to be real as he ran his hands slowly down my arms and sides stopping as they came to rest at my hips.

It felt like I was dreaming, but I knew I wasn't, my whole body was on fire.

My hands dropped to his face pulling him back up to meet my lips. Our tongues moved gently together in comparison to the aggression and heat of our bodies.

My eager fingers made quick work of his shirt buttons, moaning into his mouth as they traced his gorgeous defined chest.

I had to grab his shoulders to keep balance as his hands left my hips to push my skirt further up my legs, his fingers trailed torturously slowly causing me to buck my hips into him as his fingers wrapped around the waist band of my panties.

Breaking our kiss he nibbled up to my ear.

"Alice." he whispered huskily, his voice nearly sending me over the edge there and then.

How can anyone be this fucking sexy?

I whimpered as his hands moved to hold me steady as he stepped back from the wall. My legs tightened around him, no way was I letting him go now.

He chuckled, pressing his lips once to my neck before moving them back up to my ear "Bedroom?" he asked.

My blood ran cold.

Shit!

I couldn't even sleep in that bed, how the fuck was I supposed to have sex with Jasper there?

"Sofa's closer." I mumbled, hoping he'd put my shaking voice down to the current situation.

He tried to pull back and look at me but I crushed my lips to his needing to get back in the moment.

Jasper staggered back at my intensity but thankfully kissed me back as he moved backwards.

His calves hit the sofa and I squealed as his knees buckled and he sat down heavily with me perfectly positioned in his lap. The bulge in his pants pressing into my thigh.

His fingers began caressing my stomach under my top and I lifted my arms so he could pull it off.

My head fell back with a soft moan of pleasure as his thumbs lightly brushed over my breast through my bra.

I quickly undid his pants and let my hand slip down into his boxers.

Hello! I thought with a smile.

He groaned as I gently pumped my hand along him a few times and bucked his hips up into me causing some much needed friction.

Fuck yes. Now. Need to fuck now! My mind screamed.

I clambered off him with less grace than I'd have liked.

He frowned a little until I shimmied out of my skirt and knelt between his legs. I slowly began to pull his pants down, he reached quickly into one of the pockets to pull out a condom, I tried not to giggle, guess he'd been hoping for this too. I looked up with a raised eyebrow and he avoided my gaze.

I continued to pull his pants down, teasing him a little by letting my breath play across the tent in his boxers.

"Fuck Alice!" he mumbled in his sexy voice.

No longer in a teasing mood I pulled off his boxers a little quicker. I swear I almost started drooling at the sight of him standing to attention before me.

Kneeling up a little I ran a trail of kisses up his length, making him moan again.

Pushing back I stood up slowly, suddenly nervous now we weren't touching, reaching up I unclasped my bra and pulled it off.

His eyes shone bright as he looked over me, sitting up he grabbed my waist pushing my panties down himself.

As soon as his hands made contact all my nerves vanished.

He pulled me back to his lap, his mouth descending to my chest, my hands went to his hair as I moaned, trying to pull him closer, my hips rolling against his. The fire in my skin reignited by his touch.

I heard him growl lightly as his arm went around my waist, he lifted me and positioned himself at my entrance before slowly lowering me onto him.

I moaned at the feeling of him filling me. Fuck it felt good.

His lips ghosted down my neck and across my collar bone. I began to rock my hips creating a steady rhythm, he moaned loudly into my shoulder. His hands went to my hips pulling me down harder as I grabbed his shoulders for leverage, my stomach clenched as he rolled his hips up to meet mine.

Suddenly, with no warning, he flipped us over so he was now hovering over me. My legs wrapped around him pulling him deeper as he thrust into me harder.

My back arched as he hit me deeper and I rolled my hips to meet his thrusts the coil in my stomach building. He pounded into me harder sending me flying, with a final thrust he grunted as he reached his peek collapsing next to me.

Wrapping his arms around me as our breathing slowed he showered my face with kisses before nuzzling his face in my hair.

I pulled the blanket off the back of the sofa to cover us before wrapping my arms around his waist and snuggling into his firm chest.

I'm not sure who fell asleep first, all I know is wrapped in Jasper's arms I slept more soundly than I had in months.

Feather light kisses along my neck and shoulders pulled me from the blissful peace of slumber.

I bit my lip trying, and failing, to suppress a giggle. The kisses stopped.

"Mornin' Darlin'." he drawled.

I grinned up at him "Morning."

Forgetting we were precariously balanced on my sofa I stretched out, a pair of strong arms saved me from falling to the floor.

"What time is it?" I asked, a little distracted as his fingers danced up and down my spine.

"Just after seven."

I groaned, wriggling back into his chest trying to block out reality.

He placed a lingering kiss on top of my head "I have to go to work." he mumbled into my hair.

I wrapped my arms around him pouting "I hate the real world."

That made him chuckle as he sat up, pulling me with him so I was straddling his lap in a very familiar way.

I raised an eyebrow at him "This may not be the best way of getting me to let you go."

He smiled at me before rolling so I was now under him.

Yep still not helping!

He gently untangled my arms from around his neck and stood up.

Rolling onto my stomach I shamelessly checked him out as he hunted for his discarded clothes.

"See something you like?"

My eyes shot up to meet his and I shrugged. "Not my fault you've got such a sweet ass."

He came back over dressed in just his pants and crouched next to the sofa "Not as sweet as yours." he said letting his hand caress my ass as he leant in to kiss me.

He pulled back with a groan when I tried to deepen it.

"I really have to go to work."

"Yeah me too." I sighed, remembering I was meant to be working the early shift.

Wrapping the blanket around me I stood and headed for the kitchen while Jasper continued to search for his shirt.

Putting some coffee on I returned to find Jasper dressed an waiting for me.

"What are you doing tomorrow night?" he asked.

My eyes fell to the floor "I've got Ellie tomorrow." I mumbled.

Looking back up I noticed he'd stepped closer "That's okay, cause I was thinking a night in with a takeaway and a DVD might be nice." he sighed sadly when I didn't respond "Alice, I don't want to push you on this, but I think it's time you realised I'm not gonna run away screaming every time you mention your daughter and, I'd like to meet her." he said softly.

He brushed my hair back and cupped my cheek making me look up at him.

"Call me when you decide."

My eyes closed as his lips pressed to mine, when he pulled back I didn't open them.

"I'm sorry." I whispered finally opening my eyes.

He frowned "For what?"

"It's not that I'm not relieved you want to meet Ellie." I began slowly "That you're not ignoring she exists or something but" I winced as I tried to think how to explain this "I don't know how to do that, when I'm with Ellie I'm her mum you know, but with you I can just be myself." I frowned "Okay, that doesn't even make sense to me."

Wrapping me in his arms he smiled softly.

"Alice, it's okay, but I am planning on sticking around for as long as you want me and she's a part of your life, a part of you." he kissed my forehead "I really have to go."

I followed him to the door.

"I'll call you later." I promised as he left.

Wandering back to the sofa I flopped down with a huff. As much as I was unsure about Jasper meeting Ellie, I was relieved he wanted to see me again, it proved he wasn't just after me for sex.

I grinned into the cushions as I thought back to last night. Sure it hadn't been overly romantic, or really spectacular, but it had felt right.

My smile got bigger as I thought of how his hands had felt on my body, and how good it had felt as he made me cum.

I bolted upright as my alarm clock blared.

"I'm up, I'm up." I huffed wandering to the bathroom to get ready for work.

Kate accosted me the second I walked in the door.

"So how did the date go?"

A grin split my face despite my best attempts to suppress it. Could I have been more fucking obvious?

"You had sex with him?"

Apparently not.

"Keep it down Kate." I hissed.

She trailed after me as I went into the kitchen to hang up my coat and bag.

"Come on you have to tell me. Please." she whined.

I rolled my eyes "Why?"

"Because my life is ridiculously boring, so I have to live vicariously through you." she said like it was obvious.

"You can change that by giving in to Garrett." I pointed out.

She huffed at me as we headed back out.

"Morning girls, are you okay?" Siobhan asked.

"Well Alice is, she had sex last night."

"Kate!" I screeched glaring at her.

Siobhan's eyebrows shot up as she looked at me "Really?"

I pouted folding my arms "Can't a girl enjoy her post sex glow without being interrogated about it?"

"Nope." Kate said with a grin.

"Fine me and Jasper had sex last night, happy?"

Kate frowned "We need more details than that." she grinned again "Was he any good?"

My cheeks burned and I bit my lip as memories began to surface again.

"I'd say yes." Siobhan teased. Kate giggled.

"Just because you two aren't getting any." I shot out in embarrassment.

"Don't remind me." Kate groaned.

"Okay. I think we've tortured her enough for now Katie, lets get some work done." Siobhan saved me from more questions.

The morning was, thankfully, busy so they couldn't torture me more and luckily neither had mentioned anything to Garrett, yet at least.

It was getting to midday and we were getting ready for the lunch time rush, my mind wandered to this morning, and Jasper's request.

Would it really be such a bad thing to let Jasper meet Ellie? I mean it would have to happen at some point if we continued seeing each other, but was I ready to let Jasper see me like that?

"What's on your mind hon?" Siobhan asked as I took some empty glasses back to the counter.

"Jasper wants to meet Ellie." I mumbled looking at my hands.

"And that's bad?" she asked slowly.

I looked up at Siobhan, she had a gentle smile on her face, the one that made you realise you could tell her anything.

"Not really, it's just, it's hard to explain but he's gonna see me as a mum and" I shrugged "I'm not sure if I want him to yet. I mean when we go out I make an effort to look nice, but at home, with Ellie, I'm in sweats, and my hair usually hasn't been washed in days. It's stupid I know."

She chuckled a little and took hold of my hands

"Okay, number one, Jasper knows you're a mum, he knows you have a daughter, that's why he wants to meet her. Number two, I think even I know you well enough to know, if someone's coming over you'll make a bit more effort than just wearing sweatpants and number three, you never heard of a MILF? Cause honey, you are one."

That made me smile.

"If you want my advice, let him come over for an evening, that way she'll be in bed early so you don't have the pressure of him spending an entire day with her straight away."

"Thanks Siobhan." I grinned squeezing her hand "Sometimes I don't know what I'd do without you."

She smiled back "Happy to help, now I'm not paying you to stand around gossiping. Get some work done."

My mum picked me up at the end of my shift.

"Thanks again Siobhan." I called

"At this rate I may have to start taking a cut out of your wages." she joked.

My mum gave me her usual disapproving once over.

"What was that about?" she asked.

I shrugged smiling at Ellie who beamed back. "She just gave me some advice about Jasper."

I saw her raise a eyebrow "It's getting pretty serious between the two of you then."

I tried not to grin again when I thought about the night before, I really didn't want to have to go into that with my mum.

"I wouldn't say that, but he wants to meet Ellie and I was a bit unsure about it."

She sighed heavily then shook her head. This was her classic sign she had an opinion on the matter and wanted you to ask her.

I toyed with the idea of ignoring her, but was in a good mood so I thought I could handle whatever she threw at me.

"What do you think?"

The four dreaded words were spoken.

"I don't think that's a good idea Mary."

Fair enough, just hope you realise I only asked to humour you.

"How well do you really know this man?"

Pretty intimately! I bit down hard on my tongue to stop giggling, not the best thing when my mum was ranting.

"Why does he even want to meet her?"

That made me frown "Because she's my daughter." I said like it was obvious.

"You've only been on a few dates. I don't think you should be rushing into anything and then, have you even thought about Ellie?"

My frown deepened "It's five dates mum, and we've talked on the phone every night, and what do you mean 'have I even thought about Ellie'?"

"Introducing another man into her life, what if things don't work out? I mean he's not her father, he has no responsibility to her." her voice was soft but it still cut through me.

I winced and the anger began to bubble up "Maybe not, but he seems a little more interested in her than her father ever was." I snapped.

My mum sighed "I'm just trying to be realistic Mary. You said yourself it's not serious."

I had? Oh yeah I had.

"I meant we haven't been together that long, but it is looking promising, and if things keep going well he is going to have to meet her, I have no intention at hiding her from him."

I know I had been unsure earlier, but my talk with Siobhan had made me see there was no harm in letting Jasper come to my apartment when Ellie was there.

"Well you asked for my opinion, it's not my fault if you don't like it."

Only to keep you happy. I screamed in my head.

She shook her head with another sigh "I don't know why I bother, you'll only do what you want anyway."

Déjà vu, mum and Edward have more in common than they think.

"Thanks mum." I mumbled climbing out the car.

I saw her shake her head at me.

Yeah I'm just a big disappointment.

Grabbing Ellie's things I headed inside.

I quickly changed and thought about calling Jasper until I realised he'd still be at work.

As I played with Ellie my eyes kept going to the bedroom door I always kept closed.

If I was going to let him come round I needed to get over my issues. I couldn't expect him to be okay with not using the bed, even if it was just to sleep in.

My inability to confront my demons had nearly ruined last night.

The ring of my phone pulled me from my musings.

"Hi." I mumbled in a small voice.

"Hi." Jasper chuckled "How's your day going?"

"Okay."

There was a slight pause, he knew something was up.

"So what are you up to?" he sounded a little nervous.

"Just playing with Ellie." I took a deep breath "I was just telling her she has to be on her best behaviour tomorrow night."

"Really why's that?"

"Cause you're coming over. I mean if you still wanted to." I stammered out.

"Really?" he asked sounding very happy.

I laughed "Yeah, I mean you may have to bring a DVD because my collection is limited to child friendly and chick flicks."

"I think I can manage that." I could here the smile in his voice.

"So, how's your day been?" I asked smiling as well.

He groaned "Very long and boring, I kept zoning out in meetings thinking about you, so I have no idea what I'm meant to be doing on several cases but" he paused to chuckle "It was worth it."

"What were you thinking about?" I asked with a giggle.

"Last night mainly."

I pulled myself up onto the sofa, this could get interesting "Really which part?"

He chuckled again "That pizza was incredible."

That made me laugh "Nice to know I made less of an impression than pizza!"

He laughed with me "You really want me to tell you?" he asked.

I thought about that for a moment "I'm not sure." I admitted.

Looking down I blinked when I came face to face with Ellie sitting on the floor looking at me.

Guess that answers that then.

"Maybe not right now." I said sitting up a little.

"Oh okay." he sounded suddenly worried.

"I just think it may be best if I put Ellie to bed before this conversation continues." I explained.

"That would probably be a good idea." Jasper agreed.

I shuffled nervously "You want me to call you back when she's asleep?"

"Actually, I've got a lot of work to be getting on with tonight." he said, though he didn't sound happy about it. "But I defiantly think we should continue this conversation at some point." his voice got husky making me shiver with desire.

"Yeah defiantly." I said a little breathlessly "I'll see you tomorrow."

I took a deep breath as we hung up, calm Alice.

After Ellie was down for the night I paced outside the bedroom for some time trying to work up the courage to actually open the door.

Taking another deep breath I filed my head with thoughts of Jasper before turning the handle, the door swung open.

It was exactly the same as I had left it, the bed still unmade, the final reminder of our last night together and the morning after when it had all gone wrong.

xx

_I woke feeling a little sore, James hadn't been gentle last night, but I couldn't blame him, it had been our first time together in months, in truth I'd been just as eager._

_Looking over I saw him seated on the edge of the bed in a pair of sweatpants. _

_My eyes trailed up the muscles of his back before my fingers followed the same path, up his back and over his shoulders so I could hug him, pressing my bare chest to his back I placed a lingering kiss at the base of his neck._

"_Good morning." I purred in his ear, hoping to get in one more round before we had to pick Ellie up._

_He stiffened under my touch causing me to frown._

"_James?"_

_I heard him sigh "God Mar this is harder than I thought it would be."_

_My lungs couldn't seem to get enough air in. "What?"_

_He gentle removed himself from my arms and glanced at me before looking away. He bent to the floor to pick up a T-shirt and handed it to me._

_Frowning I pulled it on before looking at him._

"_James what's going on?"_

"_Mary, you're great and we've had a great time together but…"_

_My mind went blank, his lips were still moving but I couldn't hear what he was saying._

"_Mar?"_

_I looked up at him with wide eyes._

"_I've met someone else and, she's perfect you know. I mean you and me, we were young, we were fun, but with Victoria it's so much more."_

_It is imposable to actually hear someone's heart break, which is surprising seeing as how much it hurts. No words could describe the pain I felt._

"_You…you…" I couldn't understand what was happening "We…we had sex last night."_

_He smiled at me, honest to god smiled._

"_I know, that shouldn't have happened, but you looked so fucking good." he shrugged "I thought one last time couldn't hurt."_

_Couldn't hurt! Couldn't fucking hurt!_

"_All this time, I've been here planning our future and you've been shagging someone else." I sounded breathless as I panted trying to get oxygen in._

"_Mar come on, we were kids. You can't have believed we were forever."_

"_You fucking told me we were." I screamed at him "You said you'd always love me. 'You and me forever Mar, it'll be perfect.'"_

_He sighed "I should go."_

_My stomach churned as ice cold fear swamped me._

"_No, please I'm sorry, please don't leave me James, please." I felt the tears begin to fall "You can't leave me, I love you, please."_

"_Mar come on, don't make this harder on me."_

_I began to sob as he pulled a shirt on._

"_What did I do wrong?"_

_He didn't answer, he simply leant over and kissed my forehead "Bye Mar."_

"_No." my fingers locked onto the front of his shirt. "Please James, please don't do this. I'll do anything, please."_

_He just stayed quiet as he prised my fingers from his shirt and stepped away towards the door._

"_We have a baby, what about Ellie?" I cried._

_He paused for a second, hand on the door handle and a spark of hope flickered in me._

"_I'm a college student Mar. I can't afford maintenance." he didn't even turn to face me as he spoke._

_I blinked once in shock and he was gone, out of the door, out of my life._

_My body crumpled as I collapsed sobbing onto the bed._

_The smell assaulted me, sweat and sex, me and him._

_My stomach churned as I remembered his hands on me as he moved in me, now I knew only hours before he'd probably been with someone else._

_I felt myself heave and bolted to the bathroom emptying my stomach._

xx

I hadn't set foot in the room since that day, until now.

Everything was exactly the same but it felt different.

The room was stale from nearly three months of abandonment, dust clung to every surface and the air seemed thick, too thick to breath.

I moved around the room and threw the window open, cold air hit my face, stinging my cheeks where tears were falling.

Taking a deep breath I turned back to the bed.

I had to do this, I had to get him out of my life, I had to move on.

He'd already ruined my life enough, caused me enough pain.

With trembling fingers I began to strip the bed, my breathing increased as my hands ripped at the sheets in desperation.

When it was bare to the mattress I pushed all the sheets, duvet, pillows into the hall. Stumbling to the kitchen I rooted out a bin liner and shoved all the bedding inside.

Still in some weird possessed state I dragged the bag outside and flung it into one of the dumpsters at the back of the building.

It was only when I was back in my apartment and my breathing slowed that I actually realised what I'd done.

Laughter bubbled up from my chest. I was certifiably insane.

And now I had a clean bed but nothing to put on it. I had some shopping to do tomorrow.

As the laughter slowly died I threw myself onto the sofa completely exhausted.

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**Review. xx**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**Big thanks to everyone who reviewed an a special shout out to sora kinomoto for being my 100th**** reviewer and the reason I put this chapter up early. xx**

* * *

**Chapter 9**

I was a ball of nervous energy the next day, Jasper text to tell me he'd be over at half five. From that moment on I was checking the clock every few minutes.

Ellie kept giggling at me as I bounced around the apartment singing along to the radio.

We did a quick run to the shops so I could pick up a new duvet and pillows and the rest.

I was in a weird sort of happy fog at having finally got rid of the last piece of James from my apartment.

I remade the bed slightly nervous again, I mean Jasper wanting to meet Ellie was a good sign, unless he just wanted an excuse to stay in so we could have sex again. I'd thought he wanted more from me than just sex, but was that the case?

What if he just took me as easy, I mean I hadn't put up much of a fight the other night. But then again, it's not like that had been our first date.

I screamed quietly, why the fuck did I keep over thinking everything?

I went back to the kitchen where Ellie was in her high chair, and spent some time with her to try and stop myself obsessing over Jasper.

I was just fixing her dinner when there was a knock at the door.

Despite my earlier worries I couldn't help smiling as I skipped down the hall to answer it.

Jasper smiled down at me as I opened the door.

"Hey you." I chirped grinning like a moron.

He kissed my cheek "You look beautiful." he whispered in my ear, my cheeks immediately turned pink.

I turned leading the way back inside "What DVD did you bring?" I asked.

"The latest Indiana Jones one. You said you hadn't seen it yet. I also brought popcorn."

Ellie squealed in protest from the kitchen, a bit upset I hadn't fed her yet.

"Er…you're just in time for dinner." I mumbled "But you can wait here until I'm done if you want. It can get messy and…"

He cut me off by placing a finger to my lips.

"I said I wanted to meet her Alice, and I meant it."

"Right." I mumbled indicating for him to follow me into the kitchen.

Ellie made some disapproving sounds as I moved over to pick up her bowl.

"Sorry angel, I got a bit distracted." I said to her.

Her eyes lit up with interest as Jasper came into view before she got distracted by her dinner.

"She looks just like you." Jasper commented leaning against the side as he watched me feed her another spoonful of baby food.

"So I'm told." I smiled smoothing her dark hair down.

It had been one of the things I'd been sorry about when she'd been born, that there wasn't more of James in her, now it was a relief.

"So she's what, eight months old now?" he asked moving a little closer.

I nodded watching Ellie as she looked up at him, her hands suddenly came down heavily in her dinner causing it to splatter everywhere, including over Jasper.

He staggered back in surprise at having a face full of baby food.

"Sorry." I said turning to grab him a towel and trying to hide my utter mortification.

Why was my entire family trying to ruin my relationship with Jasper?

"That's okay." Jasper said taking the towel to wipe his face and shirt.

I quickly cleaned up Ellie and myself before finishing feeding her.

I kept my back to Jasper, not sure what to say. I jumped a little as I felt him place a hand on my arm.

"You did warn me it could get messy." he said softly.

I nodded, still not ready to speak, but leant into him a little as his hand slid to rub my back soothingly.

When Ellie was fed and cleaned up I headed back into the lounge, Jasper hovered next to the sofa as I set Ellie down on the floor with some toys.

"What?" I asked nervously when I saw him.

He smiled a little nervously back "It's nothing, really, I just haven't been around that many babies. In fact the last was probably Rosalie and I was only two myself." he said rubbing the back of his neck.

Pushing myself off the floor I went to stand next to him, taking one of his hands in both of mine.

"The fact you wanted to meet her means more to me than you will ever know." I explained softly looking at our hands "You've shown more interest in her than her father ever did, and you don't have any reason to."

I felt his other hand brush my cheek. "She's your daughter Alice, that's reason enough. I just…don't know what I'm supposed to do."

Smiling up at him I stretched onto my tip toes to kiss his cheek, then pulled him down onto the floor next to Ellie.

"You play." I stated.

Pulling a shape sorter towards us I placed the large blocks in front of Ellie who picked one up and started banging it pointlessly on the floor.

Taking hold of her hand I guided her to the right hole so she could drop the piece and be rewarded with the flashing lights and music.

I clapped along with her as she squealed in delight before starting the process over again.

Glancing up I saw Jasper watching the whole scene with a look of fascination.

After a couple of goes Ellie got bored and picked up a stuffed toy with a rattle inside.

Smiling I pushed the shape sorter towards Jasper "Think you can do any better?" I challenged.

He raised an eyebrow "Will you help me?"

Turning so my back was to him I moved so I was sat between his legs. One of his arms wrapped around my waist resting on my stomach.

I handed him one of the blocks then took his hand and guided it to the right hole, like I had with Ellie.

It was weird how comfortable I felt in this bizarre situation, although Jasper's hand lightly massaging my stomach probably had something to do with it.

Once all the pieces had been sorted he leant down to whisper in my ear "Do I get a prize now?"

"What would you like?" I asked tilting my head to look at him.

He pressed his lips gently to mine, both arms around my waist.

We broke apart at the sound of a giggle. Ellie was looking at us.

Leaning forward I picked her up "You feeling left out?" I asked in a stupid baby voice, gently kissing her head.

Jasper chuckled softly as Icontinued making silly baby sounds and my cheeks warmed again. This is exactly what I hadn't wanted him to see, there was no embarrassment when I was simply doing this to keep Ellie entertained, but acting like this in front of Jasper was different.

I kept my eyes on Ellie, who was looking at him over my shoulder, I knew she was curious, but also slightly wary as she'd never seen him before.

Seeming to decide he wasn't a threat, or particularly interesting she turned back to try and reach for her stuffed toy again.

"So, what else do you do?" he asked hesitantly.

I giggled a little "She's only eight months old Jasper, if you're expecting an in depth conversation I'm afraid you're out of luck."

"I didn't mean…I know that." he shook his head with a sigh.

"Sorry." I said regretting making fun of him "This is weird for me too you know."

I twisted slightly so I could look up at him and he smiled a little.

He seemed to fight with himself for a second. "So the majority of your nights are just spent like this?" he finally blurted out.

I nodded slowly, slightly apprehensive of where he was going with this. "She'll be in bed soon." I mumbled when he didn't say more.

Jasper looked at me "What would you be doing then if I wasn't here?"

I shrugged, looking down, still having no idea where he was going with this.

"Find something to eat then watch TV." I said quietly.

Jasper leant forward to kiss the side of my head "Sorry, I'm just curious." he chuckled kissing me once more "You fascinate me."

Luckily I noticed Ellie's eyes drooping, giving me a reason to end that conversation.

"Bed time me thinks little lady." I said unwrapping Jasper's arms from around me I stood and gently picked her up.

Her head fell against my shoulder as I carried her down to the nursery and quickly changed her ready for bed.

Laying her down in her crib I noticed her favourite toy missing, she noticed too and started whimpering.

"Where is he?" I murmured looking around.

"Who?" I heard Jasper ask from the door.

"Emmett Junior." I replied absentmindedly "Aha." I found the large brown bear under her cot and Ellie immediately calmed down as I placed it beside her.

Jasper raised an eyebrow and I shrugged.

"Em gave it to her after she was born, to watch over her when he couldn't."

Jasper chuckled "That's sweet, who knew the big guy had it in him."

"Night angel." I whispered to Ellie switching her night light on.

Jasper took my hand as I closed the door and we headed back to the lounge.

"She's sweet, just like her mum." he said softly.

I smiled up at him "Thanks, you hungry?"

He nodded and I grabbed a couple of takeaway menus off the side before settling on the sofa.

"Chinese, Tai, or Pizza?" I asked fanning the menus for him to see.

He shrugged "Whatever's fine."

I sighed at him "Fine Chinese it is." I said passing him the menu.

"You don't want to look first?" he asked.

I shrugged looking down, not really wanting to admit I'd pretty much been living off takeaways for the past year "I already know what I want." I mumbled "I always have the same thing."

I cleared some of Ellie's toys away and pulled the coffee table closer to the sofa as Jasper phoned our order through.

As I straightened up I felt his arms wrap around me from behind and I leant against his chest.

"You know." he said thoughtfully running his nose up my neck "I haven't had a chance to say hi properly."

"You've said hi Jasper." I said trying to keep my voice steady.

He turned me so I was facing him "Not properly though."

I rolled my eyes "Well hi!"

His hands trailed up from my waist to rest either side of my face "Hi." he whispered puling my lips to his.

My eyes closed as I opened my mouth at his begging and he gently massaged my tongue with his. I painfully locked my knees to keep standing

This guy knew how to kiss!

He pulled away causing an involuntary whimper to escape my mouth.

"That's better." he whispered smirking at me. As I took deep breaths trying to control my racing heart.

"You want a drink?" I asked in a weak voice.

That was annoying, how long before I wouldn't lose all conscious thought every time he kissed me.

He smiled brushing my hair back and kissing my forehead.

"I really should stop kissing you, it doesn't seem fair to keep putting you through this."

I felt his mouth turn into a grin against his forehead.

Pulling back I scowled at him "Cocky git!"

He grabbed hold of my arms so I couldn't storm off "I'm sorry baby, I was joking." he pulled me back to his chest "I don't think I'd be able to stop kissing you anyway."

As if to prove his point his lips pressed to mine again. Luckily for my sanity, he kept this one short and sweet.

"And as for a drink, I'd love a soda if you have one." he mumbled in my ear.

How the hell could anyone make asking for a drink sexy?

I swallowed trying to keep my voice steady this time "Sure thing."

I swear the guy had all that planned, as I was getting the drinks from the kitchen our food arrived meaning Jasper paid for it.

Really should have sorted money out when we ordered.

"We're at your apartment, it's your soda and electricity we're using." he said in way of explanation.

We sat on the floor next to the coffee table to eat, spreading the containers out.

Jasper nearly chocked on his noodles as he laughed at my pathetic attempts to use chopsticks.

"Baby, why don't you just use a fork?" he asked.

"Because it's Chinese." I answered whilst successfully spearing a piece of chicken on my chopstick.

I always insisted on using chopsticks, but no matter how many times I stubbornly battled on my technique never seemed to improve.

"Well can I at least help?" Jasper asked watching me with a smile.

I frowned up at him "How?"

He shuffled round next to me, taking my hand in his he rearranged the chopsticks between my fingers and guided my hand towards the tray holding my sweet and sour chicken, he gently manipulated my fingers so that I actually managed to pick some up properly.

"Like that." he kissed my cheek before moving back to his abandoned food.

I tried to copy the movements he'd made and failed miserably, with a sigh I resorted to stabbing at it again.

"Remind me never to take you to a Chinese restaurant." Jasper said shaking his head at me.

When we'd finished I tidied away the leftovers whilst Jasper set up the DVD, I returned to the lounge to find him already sat on the sofa and my stomach somersaulted at the memory of the last time we'd been on it together.

Nerves fluttered in me as I sat down next to him wondering what to do when I felt his arms snake around my waist pulling me to him.

His hands rested on my stomach and he seemed content just holding me.

The bowl of popcorn rested on the coffee table, within easy reach and I grabbed a handful as the film started.

"Want some?" I offered Jasper over my shoulder.

He leant forward resting his chin on my shoulder as I fed him some.

"Thanks." he murmured.

We stayed quiet as we watched the film, the only movement was me picking up popcorn and Jasper leaning on my shoulder when he wanted me to feed him some.

When the ants appeared I squealed covering my eyes. I hated creepy crawlies.

Jasper chuckled softly but his arms tightened around me reassuringly.

"They're gone baby." he whispered when it was safe to look again.

"That was gross." I whimpered.

Jasper's arms remained tight around me for the rest of the movie. I was almost upset when the credits rolled because I was so comfy.

"What did you think?" Jasper asked sitting up a little.

I thought for a bit "It was good, but the original three are better."

"Yeah they are." he agreed "Still a good movie though."

I twisted in his arms so I could look up at him, his hypnotic blue eyes gazed deeply into mine.

Pushing myself up I kissed him gently, I tasted the sugar from the popcorn on his mouth and all thought fled as I deepened the kiss, pulling myself up so I was straddling him.

His hands began pulling my shirt up, before dropping to grip the waist band of my jeans as he broke from my lips.

"Alice." he panted breathlessly.

Lust shot through me like lava, burning me and I tried to kiss him again but he held me back.

"Baby, you keep going I wont be able to stop." he groaned as I rolled my hips.

"And?" I let my head drop so I could kiss and suck at his neck.

His fingers tightened at my waist "I don't wanna do this."

I sat up "Oh." tears burned in my eyes, the burning heat of lust chased out by the icy sting of rejection.

I pushed out of his grip and turned my back to him hugging myself, when I felt him shift closer to me I stood up to move further away, biting my lip to stop the tears.

How could I have been so stupid? Of course he didn't want me now, he'd just been waiting for the right moment to tell me.

"Alice."

I cut him off before he could say anything "It's okay, I understand. You'd better go." despite my best efforts my voice broke at the end.

He put his hands on my shoulders and I hunched up shrugging away from him.

"Alice I'm sorry, that came out wrong. I didn't mean I don't want you. I want you too fucking much, that's the problem."

I felt a tentative hand on my shoulder again, I kept my body tense but didn't move away from him this time.

"You have no idea what you do to me do you?" he murmured softly.

Turning slowly I looked up at him, his eyes were soft and sincere as he used the pad of his thumb to wipe the tears off my cheeks.

"Every time I'm with you I feel like some horny teenager, and I defiantly don't regret what happened, but I shouldn't have pushed you the other night."

I managed a small smile "I didn't exactly put up much of a fight."

That made him smile "Yeah I know, but tonight was meant to be about meeting Ellie and just spending time with you, nothing more."

"I'm sorry." I muttered looking down.

"Don't be." he gently brushed my hair back cupping my check and making me look at him "I just don't think we should tonight."

I nodded "Yeah, I thought that too, I just got a bit carried away."

He chuckled kissing my forehead "Do you and Ellie have any plans for Saturday?" he asked.

I shook my head "No, why?"

He grinned "Just, keep it free for me."

"Why?" I pouted.

"It's a surprise." he grinned as I scowled at him.

"You know I don't like surprises." I huffed.

His face fell as he looked at me with some very heartbreaking puppy dog eyes "Alice please let me have some fun. You'll like it I promise."

I hate that I can't resist him.

"Fine." I huffed folding my arms in annoyance "But if I don't like it you will be punished." I warned.

His eyes sparked and he smirked at me "Yes ma'am." I shivered as his hands ran down my arms slowly.

He checked the time and sighed "I should be going."

I nodded trying not to show how much I wanted him to stay.

"I'll call you tomorrow." he promised as we headed to the door.

"Night." I mumbled as we reached the door.

"Sweet dreams Alice." he kissed my cheek but didn't move.

We just stood staring at each other.

"You know you can stay." I blurted out.

He smiled in an almost pained way "Don't tempt me." his hands came up to gently take hold of my face "I'm trying so hard to be an adult here." he murmured.

My skin tingled as his fingers gently caressed my face.

"Where's the fun in that?" I asked my fingers flexed taking hold of the front of his T-shirt.

"Alice." he whined as I pressed closer to him "You're killing me." his hands moved down to cup my ass pulling me even closer so I could feel exactly what I was doing to him.

Desire sparked in me "Stay." I practically begged my hands sliding up his chest to wrap around his neck.

He stared down at me for a long moment before crushing my lips with his, one of my hands tangled in his hair pulling him closer, the other gripped his shoulder.

With a growl he suddenly pulled back, his head was down and he seemed to be breathing heavily.

The fingers currently tangled in his hair slowly began to massage his scalp.

Lifting his head slightly his eyes met mine, the desire burning there made me shiver with want.

Seemingly unable to speak Jasper just shook his head. Before moving away, my hand dropped limply to my side.

Jasper ran a hand through his hair "I really should go." he mumbled clearly trying not to look at me. "You're making it very hard for me to be a gentleman here baby." he finally met my eyes.

I shrugged unconcerned, I didn't particularly want him to be a gentleman right now.

He moved to rest his forehead against mine and took a deep breath "I'm sorry baby." he mumbled "But I really should go."

I could do no more than nod, his lips met mine roughly once more before he turned and walked out the door.

I watched him down the corridor until he was out of sight.

Heading back into my apartment I changed for bed, I carefully opened the bedroom door waiting for the familiar rush of memories that usually hit, but it never came, with a sigh of relief I threw myself into the waiting comfort of my bed.

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**Review. xx**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

* * *

**Chapter 10**

Saturday dawned bright and sunny, Jasper had said he was picking us up at half eight.

I was just double checking I had everything I would need for Ellie when someone knocked on the door.

Opening it I stepped back in shock when Emmett's beaming face greeted me.

"Hey Ali, Jasper sent me up to help bring all your stuff down."

"Erm…okay." I couldn't think what else to say, Jasper hadn't mentioned Emmett would be joining us, then again this could be my surprise "Don't suppose you can fill me in on what's going on?" I asked hopefully.

Emmett looked at me funny "Jasper hasn't told you?"

I shook my head with a sigh "No, he said it was a surprise."

Emmett grinned "Well who am I to argue with that."

I scowled at him as he picked up the stroller and Ellie's diaper bag.

"Em you know I hate surprises."

He just continued to grin "Trust me, you'll like this one."

Grumbling in frustration I grabbed my bag before picking Ellie up and following Emmett.

When we arrived outside I saw Jasper and Rosalie desperately trying to fit a babyseat into the back of a red BMW.

"Have you still not figured it out?" Emmett asked in disbelief as he opened the trunk to put the stroller and diaper bag inside.

Jasper whirled round to look at me and rubbed the back of his neck. A nervous tic.

"Hi, sorry, Em borrowed it from you dad and it didn't come with instructions."

Shaking my head with a smile I deposited Ellie in Emmett's arms and leant into the car, within a minute I had the seat fitted and was strapping Ellie in.

"See, I told you it went like that." Rosalie muttered making me giggle softly.

I turned back to see Jasper looking a little dejected. Taking a step forward I took hold of his hand.

"You gonna tell me where we're going?" I asked hopefully.

He shook his head with a smile "I told you it's a surprise."

I pouted "Please."

His jaw tightened a little, I could break him.

Stepping closer I took his other hand "Please." I looked up at him from under my eyelashes.

Another step and my chest was pressed to his.

He swallowed thickly. "Alice…it's…you don't have to…wait much longer." his voice weakened as my fingers rubbed circles on his hands.

"Hey, are we going or not?" Emmett's voice broke the moment, ruining all my hard work as Jasper refocused on the world and stepped away from me.

"Sure Em."

Scowling I turned back to the car, noticing Rose was sitting behind the wheel and Em was shotgun, leaving me and Jasper to squeeze in the back with Ellie.

I slid over into the middle and folded my arms turning slightly so I was facing Ellie with my back to Jasper.

I know I was being childish, but I was really funny about not knowing things.

Rose started the engine and we were off to god only knows where.

I felt Jasper's hand rub soothingly on my back and I cursed my natural reaction to lean into him slightly.

"Baby please, can you just humour me?"

Don't look at him, don't look at him, don't look at him.

I looked at him. Big mistake.

His eyes were pleading and he looked a little worried.

_Come on Alice, he's trying to do something nice, taking you and Ellie out._

I crumbled pathetically.

"Fine, but don't make this a regular thing." I said trying to maintain some control.

He smiled, relaxing "Promise, just special occasions."

I rolled my eyes but let it go, for now. "So are Rose and Em part of the surprise?" I grinned at him.

Emmett chuckled from the front seat.

"Not exactly." Jasper said, his face fell a little.

"What?" I asked.

He tried to smile "It's not important."

"Jasper." I said sternly.

He sighed "Well it was meant to be a bit of a group thing, but Edward and Bella were busy planning the wedding."

My face fell, Edward was being really stubborn about this.

"There is a lot to organise." Jasper's attempts to defend Edward just made me angry.

"The wedding isn't until April, that's eight months away, surely they could have spared one Saturday."

Jasper sighed "It's not his fault."

That made me scowl at him "He's just being stupid and childish and I'm sick of it." I huffed folding my arms.

Jasper sighed again sadly "I don't want you falling out with your brother over me."

I looked up into his concerned eyes "I'm not." I assured "I'm falling out with him over being an unreasonable idiot!"

Jasper smiled and shook his head at me.

I glanced up at Emmett who was making no attempts to be subtle listening to our conversation.

"How bad is it?" I asked, Em was always honest with me.

"Pretty bad short cakes, he's even considered asking Jacob to take over Jasper's role."

Jacob was Bella's best male friend, and it was no secret he had a thing for Bella meaning he and Edward didn't get on.

"Yeah that's bad." I agreed in a small voice.

Looking back at Jasper I felt terrible, he smiled sadly at me. I was causing him to lose one of his closest friend.

My eyes fell but he seemed to read my expression, leaning over he took my hand.

"Don't feel bad, you're worth it." he whispered in my ear before placing a lingering kiss on my cheek.

How he could think that was beyond me, he didn't even know me, not really.

My stomach churned and I couldn't look at him, I had made a leap in my choice to accept Jasper, to date him, but I had never really considered the consequences of that choice.

I fell silent thinking about it as Emmett, Jasper and Rose chatted away. Jasper's hand still holding mine, he absentmindedly started rubbing circles with his thumb, which helped relax me.

Whatever this was between me and Jasper, however selfish it made me, I couldn't bring myself to worry, because this, right here right now made me feel good, and that was something I had lost.

I leant over resting my head on his arm and smiled as I felt Jasper press a kiss to my hair.

Forty minutes later I was getting impatient, and so was Ellie. She wasn't used to long trips in a car, the furthest she had ever been was my parents which was only fifteen minutes away.

"We're nearly there." Jasper reassured.

Emmett grinned at me evilly "Yeah, nearly time for the blindfold."

The glare I shot him actually made him cower "You do, you die." I threatened.

Jasper shook his head chuckling at Emmett who scowled back.

"Jasper you need to learn how to control your women."

Two sets of eyebrows raised as me and Rose stared at him incredulously. Jasper just laughed.

"You mean like you do with Rose!"

Even Emmett laughed at that "I'm not that stupid mate." he said smiling at Rosalie before sending another evil grin at me "But short cakes is…well short. She should be easy to dominate." he waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

I was about to start yelling at him until a felt Jasper squeeze my hand "Don't be so sure." he said a grin on his face.

I flushed scarlet at the implication as Emmett's jaw dropped and Rose laughed.

"Dude! Not cool, she's like my little sister." Emmett cried.

Jasper raised an eyebrow "Well Rosie is my little sister, who shares a flat with me, with rather thin walls." he spoke slowly.

It was my turn to giggle as Rosalie suddenly became very interested in the queue of traffic before us. Emmett gaped for a second before his face became the picture of having his hand caught in the cookie jar.

"Sorry man." he mumbled.

Jasper shook his head "Just give me a break okay, fuck knows I've got enough dealing with Edward."

"Yeah he can be a bit over the top." Emmett agreed.

I suddenly caught sight of a sign outside the window and my eyes widened. "Oh my god, oh my god. Are we going to the zoo?"

I started bouncing with excitement in my seat, Ellie giggled at me.

Jasper smiled "Yep."

"Yay." I squealed and went to fling my arms around his neck only to have my seatbelt lock pulling me back into my seat and winding me slightly.

"Baby are you okay?" Jasper asked in concern.

I nodded a little dazed.

"Good job you didn't tell her Jazz, she wouldn't have slept with excitement." Rose joked.

I shuffled in embarrassment, what can I say, I love the zoo.

Jasper frowned at Rose for a second before turning to me and smiling "Told you you'd like it."

I stuck my tongue out at him and saw his eyes spark.

Interesting to know, just the sight of my tongue turns him on. That will come in useful later.

He leant towards me to whisper, so the others couldn't hear.

"Does this mean I wont get punished now?"

All thoughts of the zoo flew out of my head, I wanted to be home, in bed, with Jasper, right fucking now!

My fingers traced patterns along the muscles in his forearms.

"Well no, cause I like it." I saw him pout a little as I paused for dramatic affect. "This really deserves a _big_ reward though."

His eyes locked onto mine, the deep blue almost black as they roved over me. I shivered a little as his breath washed over my neck. Wetness pooled as his eyes locked with mine again.

We started leaning in more.

"We're here." Emmett yelled.

Me and Jasper sprang apart, I was breathing erratically, completely flustered. Deciding it best not to look at Jasper right now I looked to the left and found Ellie smiling at me.

Well shit! That's the second time I've forgotten she was there and nearly done something naughty with Jasper. I am the worlds worst mother!

Knowing how Jasper affected me I didn't dare speak through fear of giving us away, my breathing slowly evened out as Rose pulled into a parking space and by the time we had Ellie strapped into her stroller I felt able to speak.

"Erm, I really need to use the bathroom."

I saw Jasper's jaw tense as he looked anywhere but me. He knew why.

Well fucker it's you fault, no one else can get me that wet with just their voice and eyes!

Rose smiled "There should be one at the entrance."

We set off, Emmett had taken control of Ellie, pushing her stroller and beaming like a proud father. Rosalie was watching him with a soft smile.

Jasper's hands descended to my hips from behind as I turned towards the toilets.

"Need any help?" he asked with a throaty chuckle.

I placed my hands on his leaning back against him "Don't tempt me." I murmured.

He chuckled again before stepping back and letting me go.

I really, really, needed to get off right now, however, having an orgasm in a public toilet with children running around wasn't high on my list of things to do. So I just did what was needed and got back to the others as quickly as possible.

They had already joined the queue to get in, so I got a few disapproving 'tuts' as I pushed my way towards them and tried to hide behind Jasper when I finally reached them.

Emmett was literally bouncing in excitement by the time we made it inside so I took control of the stroller fearing he may tip her out if he got any more excited.

With a very girly squeal Emmett grabbed Rosalie's hand and dragged her over to the first enclosure.

I just laughed at him, and heard Jasper sigh behind me.

"With any luck we can leave him in the monkey enclosure, no one will tell the difference." Jasper mumbled making me laugh harder.

"That would be heaven for Em, being fed, spending all day messing around and getting to entertain people at the same time." I pointed out.

Jasper chuckled as we followed Emmett and Rosalie at a more leisurely pace and paused to watch some Elephants eating hay.

"I always used to think zoos were really cruel in a way." I admitted "As much as I love them, I mean putting all the animals in small cages so we can just stare at them."

"Yeah." Jasper said "But, the laws pretty strict. Congress passed the Animal Welfare Act in 1966 and strengthened the law through amendments in 1970, 1976, 1985, and 1990. It was mainly brought in to protect animals used in research, but it also includes guidelines on how large enclosures have to be, and the treatment of animals in captivity to make sure they're happy and healthy."

I stared at him in amazement, he just gave an embarrassed sort of smile.

"Sorry, lawyer, I tend to know about laws and stuff." he mumbled.

"That's impressive." I said "I can hardly remember anything I was taught in school."

Jasper shrugged modestly.

As we wandered around I realised, that from the stroller, Ellie couldn't really see a lot, so I ended up carrying her so she had a better view of the animals.

Every time I shifted her in my arms I saw Jasper look over with a frown of concern.

I shifted her again.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yeah." I said with a nod "She'd not exactly heavy, it's just holding her all the time can get uncomfortable in the same position, you just need to keep changing."

He looked at me for a long moment as though contemplating something.

"You guys ready for a break?" Rosalie asked wandering over.

"Yeah." Jasper mumbled with a sigh, as he looked at me.

We headed into a small diner strategically positioned about halfway around the zoo.

Rose and Jasper headed up to order some drinks and snacks whilst me and Emmett grabbed a table and got Ellie settled.

Emmett insisted on feeding her, doing the over exaggerated aeroplane motions with the spoon.

"Em, you don't need to do that, she's pretty good at eating." I said with a laugh

Rose shook her head as she came back over "It's more for his benefit Alice." she said with a sigh, placing three Cokes on the table, Jasper came over with his and two bowls of fries.

"Not exactly nutritional, but they'll keep us going." he said.

As he sat down his eye landed on Emmett, who was still feeding Ellie, he sighed softly before looking down at his drink and I took a guess at what was bothering him.

Thinking back now it was always Emmett I looked to if I needed help with Ellie, if I needed someone to hold her I passed her to Emmett, I'd let him push her stroller, play with her as I held her and now he was feeding her.

It wasn't planned that way, she was used to Emmett that's all, but was I pushing Jasper away by doing that. He wanted to get to know Ellie, he accepted that she was part of my life, we came as a package deal, today I hadn't given him any chance to spend any time with her.

I glanced back at Jasper who was eating some fires with little enthusiasm. I opened my mouth to say something to him but couldn't think what.

"She really is a little angel." Rosalie said as she watched Ellie happily playing with the spoon.

"She can be." I said with a smile "She can also be a little monster when she wants." I glanced at Jasper again "But she likes Emmett. Probably because they have the same mental age."

"Hey!" Emmett cried indignantly.

It had the desired effect as Jasper smiled, he looked over at me and smiled wider. Leaning over he pecked my cheek.

After lunch Rose came with me as I changed Ellie.

"So, how are things going with you and Jasper?" she asked casually.

I glanced up at her, she was fighting a smile.

"Okay." I said slowly.

"I noticed he didn't come home Wednesday night." she said looking at her manicured nails.

"Didn't he?" I said turning back to Ellie.

Rosalie laughed "Okay, fine, it's your business. I'm just being nosey."

We lapsed into silence for a while as I finished changing Ellie.

"He really likes you you know." Rose blurted out as I picked up Ellie and made for the door I froze and turned to look at her. "Whatever Edward might say, this isn't just some fling for Jasper."

That statement both excited and terrified me. With a quick smile I continued outside so as to avoid having to explain what it was for me.

"Monkeys!" Emmett declared with delight as we continued around the zoo.

Me and Jasper shared a look and burst out laughing.

"We really should leave him here." Jasper said as we watched Emmett trying to gain the attention of a large gorilla.

"Hey, that's my boyfriend." Rosalie said smacking Jasper's arm.

Jasper just raised an eyebrow at her and looked back at Emmett "Yes he is." he said with a laugh.

Rose scowled at her brother before heading towards Emmett.

"You okay?" Jasper asked when we were alone.

I smiled up at him "Yeah I'm fine, I'm having fun."

With a smile he leant down to kiss me "Told you you would." he teased his eyes went to Ellie who was back in her stroller "Do you think she's enjoying it?" he asked quietly.

I Smiled wider "Well she's not crying, so that's a good sign."

Jasper chuckled, wrapping his arms around my shoulder as we set off again.

Ellie fell asleep on the car ride home, it had been a long day for her.

As we pulled up outside my apartment building I saw Emmett check his watch. "Don't be too long." he said looking at Jasper.

Jasper shook his head "You'll be late, it's fine I can get cab home." He said as I unbuckled Ellie from the car seat, trying not to wake her.

"Cab home huh." I heard Emmett chuckle "Fair enough."

"Thanks for driving Rose, we should get together for coffee sometime." I said once I'd got Ellie out.

She smiled "Yeah that would be great."

I waved them off as Jasper picked up the stroller and diaper bag and we headed inside.

I headed straight to the nursery to lay Ellie down and made my way back to Jasper who was stood in the lounge.

"Thanks for today." I said smiling at him. "I really had a great time."

"No problem Alice." he paused "So, I should call a cab." he reached for his cell but I intercepted his hand stepping closer to him.

"You don't have to." I mumbled, not meeting his eyes.

His free hand reached up to brush my hair. I looked up at him trying to smile as butterflies tried to fly out my mouth. "You haven't had your reward yet."

I saw his Adams apple bob as he swallowed increasing my confidence.

I started walking backwards still holding his hand leading him towards the bedroom, his eyes were locked on mine as I directed us through the door before turning and pushing him down onto the bed.

He sat on the edge as I stepped back, our eyes still locked on each others.

Slowly I pulled my T-shirt off before undoing my jeans and stepping out of them, leaving me in plain pink cotton underwear.

Not overly sexy but Jasper didn't seem to mind. His eyes roved over me and his breathing increased.

I stepped back towards him so I was stood between his legs and my hands moved under his shirt, he seemed to get what I wanted because the next second he'd pulled it over his head revealing his sculpted chest to me.

Pushing him onto his back I moved to straddle him, his hands slid up my back to the clasp of my bra. I scowled a little grabbing his hands and forcing them above his head.

"Not yet." I scolded leaning over him teasingly before pressing a light kiss on his lips and moving down to kiss, lick and nibble my way down his torso. I heard him moan as my tongue ran along the waist band of his jeans.

Popping the button I slowly dragged down the zipper with my teeth smirking at him as our eyes met.

He lifted his hips so I could slide his jeans down his legs, teasing him I kissed my way up the inside of his thigh before wrapping my fingers around his boxers and pulled them down too, kissing up the other thigh.

"Alice." he whined breathlessly.

I looked right at him as I slid to the floor, kneeling between his legs.

Running my hands up his legs and over his stomach, I continued teasing him, touching everywhere but where I knew he wanted me.

It was evil, but seeing him completely at my mercy was fun.

His head fell back with a groan and I knew I had pushed him far enough, with a deep breath I leant forward and ran my tongue up his length.

His eyes immediately snapped open and he was panting as I wrapped my lips around his head and very slowly took him into my mouth.

"Holy fuck." he moaned huskily his head falling back again.

If it were possible I would have grinned in triumph, but my mouth was a little busy pleasuring Jasper, and from the noises he was making I think I was doing a pretty good job.

Breathing through my nose I relaxed my throat to take him deeper causing a round of profanities to explode from his mouth.

"Fuck, Alice…I'm…I'm gonna…"

I felt him twitching in my mouth and pulled back gently dragging my teeth along his shaft, he exploded in my mouth and I quickly swallowed on instinct trying not to taste.

His entire body went limp and I pulled myself onto the bed beside him feeling very pleased with myself.

As soon as his breathing evened out a little he rolled onto his side wrapping his arms around me "If that's what happens when I surprise you, I may have to do it more often." he joked.

I tried to glare "That only happens if I like it." I warned.

His lips wandered lightly over my jaw "It's worth the risk." he mumbled.

His hands ran up my back again and this time I didn't stop him as he unclasped my bra and removed it.

His hands then began tracing patterns on my stomach, I whimpered as he continued to tease me, getting his revenge, never quite touching where I wanted him.

"Jasper." I moaned.

"Yes?" he asked, I could hear the smirk in his voice.

I didn't want to give in and tell him what I wanted, but his little game was driving me insane.

"Please." was all I managed to gasp out.

"What?" he asked his hand lightly grazing the underside of my breast.

I threw my head back in frustration "You either need to move higher or lower cause this is killing me!"

He chuckled "Whatever you want."

He then took the piss completely by sliding one hand up the valley between my breasts, still not where I needed him.

"Jasper." I moaned in frustration.

I had never needed to be touched, to be just fucked so much in my life.

At this rate I'm gonna have to do it myself.

Jasper sat up quickly and raised an eyebrow at me.

"Shit, I said that out loud didn't I?"

He nodded slowly. My eyes dropped as the blush spread over my cheeks.

Leaning back over me Jasper placed soft kisses on my cheeks "One day, I will have to let you show me that." he muttered causing my blush to deepen "But for now, I want to be the one pleasuring you."

I swallowed thickly as one of his hands slid down my stomach and pulled my panties down.

"Oh fuck." I white knuckled the sheets as he gently ran one finger along my folds.

Wriggling down I tried to get him where I needed him, but he just repeated the slow torture.

"For fuck sake Jasper please stop teasing me." I yelled, unable to cope anymore.

His lips crushed mine as he inserted two fingers into me.

I moaned into his mouth and rolled my hips in time with his hand.

He pumped his fingers faster as his thumb rubbed circles on my clit.

I broke from the kiss as I felt myself getting closer, Jasper's mouth dropped and started sucking on my collar bone.

He suddenly bit down hard.

My scream of shock mixed with pleasure as my orgasm finally broke over me. Jasper's fingers curled still moving in me to prolong the pleasure.

My body continued to tremble as I came down from the most intense orgasm of my life, Jasper's arms wrapped around me protectively.

"You need to learn to trust me, I know what I'm doing darlin." he smirked kissing my cheek,

"Uhuh." was my witty retort.

I snuggled closer to Jasper thinking over what had just happened, his teasing had driven me crazy, but I had to admit, the end result was more than worth it.

James had never had the self control to make sure it was that good for me. Sure we'd experimented, we'd played and he usually managed to get me off, but never like that.

"What are you thinking about?" Jasper asked softly, stroking my cheek.

About sex with my ex boyfriend. Yeah, probably best if I'm not one hundred percent honest right now.

"Not much."

He frowned, clearly not happy with my response.

"It's just." I continued hesitantly "No one's ever made me feel that good before." my cheeks heated up in embarrassment.

He smiled and kissed me slowly, taking his time as our tongues gently met, he broke away as it began to get more passionate.

"That was just the beginning." he whispered huskily in his sexy as fuck accent and just like that I was aching for him again.

Rolling he pinned me beneath him and his lips returned to mine, forceful and more demanding than before.

My hiss of pain was trapped between our joined mouths as he slid into me hard and fast, he kept up a fast rhythm, pounding into me making my head spin, I rolled my hips up to meet his thrust for thrust , his mouth and body still dominating mine.

He was in complete control and it was a huge turn on.

Breaking the kiss he sat up a little lifting my leg to his side he began to hit me deeper, pushing me over the edge I came hard for the second time that night screaming his name.

A couple more thrusts and he reached his own release and collapsed onto the bed next to me.

Pulling me to him he kissed me deeply.

"You are amazing." he mumbled against my lips.

I wasn't sure if I'd agree, after all I hadn't done all that much but I couldn't help smiling "You're not so bad yourself."

Chuckling he kissed me again. To my extreme embarrassment I had to break away to yawn.

"It's been a long day." he said pulling me close to him.

I nodded in agreement stretching up to kiss him one last time before letting my eyes close.

* * *

**Review. xx**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

* * *

**Chapter 11**

"Please don't forget Mary." my mother moaned at me.

I rolled my eyes "Mum, when have I ever forgotten dad's birthday? Or anyone's for that matter?"

It was a week since the trip to the zoo and I was a little annoyed I hadn't seen Jasper since Sunday evening.

His firm had taken on a huge case and he'd been working serious overtime.

"Now, the family is going out for a meal on the night."

"Yes mum I know. Look." I pointed to my calendar "I have it written down."

She gave me an exasperated look and continued "Your father would also like to invite Jasper."

"What?" I asked in shock.

She gave me a strange look before sighing "Mary, your father and I are willing to accept him as part of your life."

She said this like I was meant to be happy about the prospect of trying to survive a family dinner with Jasper surrounded by Edward and my parents.

"Emmett will be coming as well and bringing that lovely girl Rosalie." my mum continued.

That relaxed me a little.

My mum gave me a knowing smile "We have to meet him at some point."

I scowled back "Technically you've already met him."

She shook her head at me and turned to kiss Ellie goodbye "Let me know if he can make it, it's…"

"Next Sunday mum, I know."

As soon as the door closed behind her I went into complete meltdown. Sure Jasper had met my family before but never under the label of my boyfriend, if that's what he even was, it was totally different.

On the plus side though, at least Emmett and Rosalie would be there to help keep the peace.

My mind was still a whirlwind as I got Ellie ready for bed and prepared myself a nutritional dinner of chocolate pop tarts.

I really wanted to talk to Jasper, but knew better than to call, he was busy and he would call me when he was free.

It got to the point where I was sat staring at my phone waiting for it to ring, despite that I still jumped a mile when the screen lit up with Jasper's name.

"Hi."

"Hey, sorry it's a bit later than normal, but I really wanted to finish some research tonight."

I smiled relaxing at the sound of his voice "It's fine, I understand you have to work."

"I wish I didn't." he sighed "That way I could be there with you."

I smiled happily "Yeah but it wont be forever."

"That's true, I am planning on having next weekend off, seeing as how the last one was so much fun." he practically growled the last part.

"Jasper don't torment me." I whined.

He chuckled softly "What's tormenting you, memories of last Saturday night or thoughts of what else I can do to you?"

I want him now!

Stupid people breaking the law and needing lawyers to save their sorry asses.

"Mainly the memories. I daren't imagine too much, you may end up disappointing me." I teased playfully.

He growled "Trust me baby, I would never leave you disappointed."

I pouted "Well you are right now, by getting me all worked up."

He paused for a second "Well, I could always help you ease that problem."

That made me freeze as I realised I was once again very close to having phone sex, and it wasn't actually as awkward or embarrassing as I'd have thought. I decided to see where it would go.

"Really how?" I asked.

"I think it might be easier if you were in bed." he suggested softly.

"If you were with me maybe." I complained, but I was off the sofa and through the bedroom door in record time.

Jasper chuckled "I am with you Alice, I'm right here."

"It's not the same." I whined sitting cross legged in the middle of the bed.

He sighed "I know, but it's the best I can do right now."

"Okay." I took a deep calming breath.

"You've never done this before have you?" he asked softly

"Not really." I admitted shuffling nervously.

"Baby if you don't want to…"

I cut him off quickly "No I do, I'm just nervous is all."

Jasper chuckled again "Well that's a surprise, last Saturday you seemed happy to do it yourself."

My cheeks flushed "Not helping."

"Okay, sorry. Just relax."

I took another deep breath suddenly feeling all the awkwardness and embarrassment I'd been expecting.

"I have so many plans for you." he murmured.

My heart rate increased as I fell backwards onto the bed.

"Baby get undressed." he growled huskily.

Dropping the phone in my haste I quickly stripped out of my pyjamas and underwear.

"Done." I said breathlessly as I grabbed the phone again.

"I wish I could see you." his voice dripped with want.

I chewed the inside of my cheek having absolutely no clue what to say to him.

"Alice?"

_Talk to him, say something, anything._

"Baby, are you still there?"

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. My breathing became erratic.

"Baby, what's wrong?" the concern in his voice was clear.

"I…I can't." I whimpered, quickly wrapping myself in the duvet to hide.

Jasper sighed heavily down the phone "That's okay, we don't have to do anything." he said reassuringly "I'm sorry, I thought you wanted to."

"I did." I mumbled my voice muffled by the duvet "But I just can't."

"Okay, well, like I said, we don't have to do anything. You're right anyway, it's not the same as being there with you."

That made me smile a little "Thank you." I whispered.

"Don't be afraid to tell me how you feel." he said "I'm not a mind reader Alice, if you're not happy about something you have to tell me."

"Okay." I agreed feeling a lot better. I shifted sitting up a little "I'm still looking forward to the weekend." I said.

"Good to know." he chuckled.

The weekend.

I frowned, there was something happening next weekend. Something that didn't involve fucking Jasper.

"_Please don't forget Mary."_

My mothers voice rang in my head. Oops.

"Erm, Jasper?" I began slowly.

"Yeah."

"Er…are you…I mean…" I rolled my eyes at my inability to form a coherent sentence.

"What is it?"

"Are you free Sunday night?" I asked quickly.

"Well, I was kind of hoping to spend it with you. Why?"

Of course he'd been telling me all night how he'd planned to have the whole weekend off.

"Well, it's my dad's birthday, and he wants you to come to the family meal we're having. Emmett and Rose are going as well, but if you don't want to it's fine, he just wanted me to ask." I rushed out.

"In what capacity would I be attending?" he asked slowly.

"Well you'd be going with me." I stammered out.

"As your boyfriend?"

I wanted to squeal when he said that but managed to contain myself "Well if you want to label it, then, yeah."

My heart was suddenly hammering against my ribs.

Please don't be scared off, please, please, please.

"Good." was all he said.

"Good?"

"Yeah, I have no problem meeting your family as your boyfriend."

And cue internal song and dance, paired with girlish squeals of delight. Jasper's my boyfriend.

"Great so you'll come." even I could hear the relief in my voice.

He chuckled "Yes Alice, I'll come."

_Earlier you didn't want him to come_

I frowned thinking "Edwards going to be there." I said almost to myself.

I heard Jasper sigh. "Well he's going to have to get used to the idea, like I told you before, I'm not going anywhere."

I smiled happily "Just be careful if he offers you a drink." I said only half joking.

The following weekend passed in a haze of happiness.

I found a new appreciation for my uniform when I arrived home on Friday night. Jasper was waiting for me, and thanks to the easy access provided by the skirt we managed to christen the kitchen sideboard before my mum dropped Ellie back.

I really needed to become a better actress.

Jasper was the perfect gentleman as he spoke to my mum, confirming he'd be there Sunday night and thanking her for the invite, showing no sign he'd just had his wicked way with her daughter literally minutes earlier.

I, on the other hand, was a stammering, blushing moron, making it only too obvious what we'd been up to. Luckily she didn't seem to notice.

We went for a walk around the park on Saturday, enjoying the last of the sunshine, Jasper cooked dinner while I bathed Ellie and settled her for the night.

Turns out he's a pretty incredible cook as well.

And then, after a heavy make out session on the sofa, we somehow managed to make it to the bedroom, most of our clothes getting lost in transit.

Jasper had not lied to me, he seriously did know what he was doing and he did not leave me disappointed.

I awoke early on Sunday morning feeling happier than I had in months, Jasper was still passed out beside me so I quickly left to check on Ellie.

She was awake already, but seemed happy chewing on Emmett juniors ear until she saw me and began to squeal loudly.

I sighed, picking her up. It would have been nice to have still been in bed when Jasper woke up, but Edward was right about one thing, I still had responsibilities I couldn't ignore.

When Ellie was fed he still hadn't emerged so I settled her in her playpen before heading back into the bedroom with coffee.

He was awake and rolled onto his stomach smiling at me as I wandered over.

"I like that look." he commented as I placed both coffee's on the side.

I looked down at myself and flushed a little, as usual I'd thrown on the first thing I could find, which just so happened to be my underwear and Jasper's T-shirt.

"You want it back?" I asked coyly lifting the hem slightly.

He shook his head "It looks better on you."

Rolling to the edge of the bed he wrapped his arms around me pulling me down onto him.

I giggled as he started kissing my neck.

"Jasper we can't." I said as his hands slid under my shirt.

It was one thing to have sex when Ellie was asleep in her room, but she was practically outside the door.

He rolled again so I was now lying next to him.

"Sorry." he murmured "You just look so sexy, I can't help myself."

My cheeks flushed again and he leant in to start kissing and sucking my neck, I pushed him back before he could leave a mark, glaring playfully.

"It's going to be hard enough hiding the love bites you gave me these past two nights." I complained as he tried to get access to my neck again "Jasper, my brother already wants to kill you, do you want my dad to side with him as well?"

He growled as I kept blocking him "Not where people can see."

That was probably the stupidest thing I could have said, he pulled the neck of the T-shirt down and his mouth attached to my chest instead.

So much for wearing a low cut top tonight.

"Jasper." I groaned in annoyance, unsure what his obsession was with biting me.

He ran his tongue soothingly over the new mark, before kissing his way back up to my lips.

He grinned cheekily at me and I tried to glare back, unfortunately he knew my weakness.

His lips captured mine before I could move, it was a good thing I was lying down because it was one of those kisses that makes your whole body melt.

His lips trailed down my neck and my body reformed as I felt him bite down softly.

"Jasper." I yelled pushing him off. This time I really did glare at him. "I asked you not to." I said moving off the bed to inspect the damage.

Thankfully it wasn't that bad, some foundation and concealer should cover it.

"Baby, it's just a love bite." Jasper said, clearly not seeing the problem.

I whirled on him "You are meeting my family as my boyfriend tonight, you may as well walk up to my dad and say 'Hey Mr. Cullen happy birthday, I've just spent the last two nights fucking your daughter six ways from Sunday!'" I screamed at him. "Is it not fucking enough Edward hates you, you want my dad pissed off at you as well?"

I turned and stormed out of the room throwing myself onto the sofa Ellie looked up at me with wide eyes. Standing I leant over to pick her up, her comforting weight calming me.

"I'm sorry."

I glanced up at Jasper for a second before looking back at Ellie.

"Alice I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. It's just" he sighed "My own stupid insecurities."

I glanced back at him, trying to keep my eyes on his face. He wasn't wearing a shirt and it was very distracting.

He sat next to me and it took everything in me not to be childish and move away.

His eyes met mine and I quickly looked away unable to cope with the guilt and upset in them. I could not forgive him that easily, at least not without some form of explanation.

He sighed "I know it's stupid, but I want people to know you're mine, everyday seems like a constant battle just to be with you."

I hugged Ellie tight avoiding his eyes.

"Edward's on at me every chance he gets, even my work seems to want to keep us apart and then when I am with you… you're always so defensive." he said almost apologetically "And I know that's not your fault, I'm not blaming you or anything, it's just exhausting sometimes."

I was fighting the tears now. I was so selfish.

"Everyone seems to get a part of you, no matter how mad at him you get Edward's still your brother, you and Emmett have this great relationship, your even getting on with Rose. Ellie obviously deserves you, you're her mum but" he stopped for a second "Don't take this the wrong way, but through Ellie James still gets part of you."

I winced but couldn't deny it.

"And I just want to be with you Alice, I understand you have a past and that's fine, like I said these are my issues and insecurities and I am sorry I didn't listen to you when you asked me not to mark you, but it just feels like the only thing I can do to make you mine." he stopped and chuckled once "Okay, that makes me sound like some possessive weirdo, which I probably am."

I glanced over at him, he was looking at his hands with such a sad look on his face I couldn't stand it anymore.

Putting Ellie carefully on the floor I threw myself at him, his body relaxed as he pulled me onto his lap, I peppered kisses over his face.

"You do have a part of me." I whispered, I looked down guiltily "I'm sorry I can't give you more yet."

His arms tightened around me "I understand Alice, I really do. But, I'm only human and I care about you, a lot."

Warmth spread through me at those words.

"I am sorry." he said again.

I kissed him gently "I forgive you."

He smiled at me before softly kissing the mark on my neck "I'll try and control myself from now on."

I sighed in defeat, I am such a sucker for him sometimes.

"I don't mind you marking me as yours Jasper." I said brushing his hair out of his face "Just as long as they're not so obvious."

Smiling more he twisted his head and kissed along my arm.

We spent the rest of the morning cuddling on the sofa watching TV, or playing with Ellie. When she went down for her nap in the afternoon cuddling on the sofa turned into making out, which resulted in full blown sex on the lounge floor.

Pulling Jasper T-shirt back over my head I stood slowly.

"I should probably take a shower." I mumbled stretching a little.

I felt Jasper place soft kisses on the back of my knees, nearly causing them to buckle, by some miracle I remained on my feet.

"Jasper, if you keep that up we wont be ready in time."

He sighed "Fine."

I made my escape to the bathroom and quickly washed the salt and sweat off me. I was a bit upset at removing Jasper's scent from my skin, but it was probably for the best, the love bites were bad enough.

As I stepped out of the shower I took a good look at myself in the mirror.

I looked like I had some weird disease.

My chest was covered with them, I had some on my thighs and even on my stomach, not to mention the one on my neck.

"Fuck!" I whispered. Maybe I shouldn't have said this was okay.

Turning I saw he'd even managed to mark my back.

He was more insecure than I'd thought.

I quickly dried myself and pulled my pyjamas on before setting out some clean towels for Jasper to use.

I stopped dead as I stepped out the bathroom, Jasper stood nervously with Ellie in his arms.

I sucked in a sharp breath at the sight causing him to spin around, guilt quickly falling over his face.

"Sorry." he stammered "She was crying." he quickly walked over to me and deposited Ellie in my arms.

I saw the tear tracks on her cheeks, but she seemed calm.

"You were in the shower and…sorry" he mumbled.

I smiled stretching up to kiss his cheek "Thank you."

The guilt disappeared and he smiled back.

"There are clean towels on the side if you want a shower." I said.

As soon as he was locked in the bathroom I carefully collapsed onto the sofa, Ellie still in my arms, trying to figure out the strange swirl of emotions that had stirred at the sight of Ellie in Jasper's arms.

His reaction showed he expected me to be upset, but I wasn't, far from it.

This was what I wanted, I wanted Jasper to be comfortable around Ellie and vice versa, but that complicated things.

Did I really want Ellie getting used to Jasper? to expect him to be around.

What would happen then if things did go wrong? It wouldn't just be me losing him.

I glanced down at my daughter who was looking at the bathroom door where Jasper had disappeared.

"You like him too huh?"

She looked up at me and giggled, smiling in confirmation.

I smiled kissing her head "We'll just have to hope he likes us enough to stick by us then." I said with a sigh.

We had to get a cab to the restaurant because Jasper had brought his bike this weekend.

My parents were waiting outside when we arrived.

"Happy birthday dad." I hugged him tightly with one arm, keeping Ellie balanced in the other.

"Thanks sweetheart." he kissed my cheek, then turned to kiss Ellie "And thanks for my present, I love it."

I shrugged modestly, I'd only got him a new book he'd been after.

He smiled before turning to Jasper.

"Happy birthday sir. Thank you for inviting me."

Me and mum shared a smile at the surprised look on my dads face as Jasper held his hand out politely.

They may have met before, many times, but everyone seemed to accept this was different.

I mentally jumped for joy as my dad gave me an approving nod as we headed inside.

"I must say Jasper I'm impressed." my dad said as we were seated in the lounge area to wait for the others "Not only is Alice on time, she's actually early."

"Dad." I complained in embarrassment.

Jasper chuckled but rubbed my back soothingly.

I was saved further embarrassment by the arrival of the others, they all smiled at me except Edward, who's eyes seemed to zero in on the love bite on my neck. How the fuck he noticed it is beyond me, I'd made sure to cover it.

He turned to glare at Jasper for a second before greeting our parents.

"He can really hold a grudge." Jasper muttered in my ear as we were led to our table.

I nodded in agreement, Edward really wasn't letting this go.

Jasper held my chair out for me as we were seated causing me to smile and my dad to give another approving nod, Edward continued to scowl at us from across the table until Bella elbowed him painfully in the side and he resorted to plain ignoring us.

Things were going fairly well, but I should know better than to test fate.

It was during desert that Edward decided to ruin everything.

"I'm just amazed" I was saying to Rosalie "Me and Edward could barely stand living together when we were kids, I think we'd end up killing each other if we tried now. Yet you and Jasper manage to share a flat."

"It's different Alice."

I frowned over at Edward, now he's registering I exist.

"I mean the sibling bond is stronger when you lose your parents. Right Jasper?"

I could hear voices around me but didn't understand what was being said.

Had Edward just said…?

Bella took one look at my face and turned to glare at Edward.

Taking another mouthful of my chocolate torte I tried to act normally, but it tasted like cardboard as I chewed slowly.

No one else even blinked, they all just carried on like Edward had commented on the weather or something. Emmett was chatting away happily to my parents, Bella was hissing angrily at Edward.

Jasper's eyes were locked on me but I couldn't look at him.

How could he have kept this from me? How could I have not asked about his parents?

I needed this night to end, I needed to talk to him, and I couldn't do that here.

Glancing over at Ellie I noticed her eyes drooping and gave a silent sigh of relief.

"Sorry dad, but I think I need to get her home." I said standing and heading around the table to kiss his cheek.

"That's fine Alice, thanks for coming."

Smiling I turned to hug my mum and noticed Rosalie giving Jasper a stern look.

She stood up to say goodbye and surprised me by hugging me "Please just let him explain." she whispered.

I stared at her for a second but gave a slight nod at the pleading look on her face.

I was vaguely aware of Jasper saying goodbye to my parents as Bella came to hug me tight.

"I'll call you tomorrow." she said an apologetic look on her face. I smiled at her hoping she knew I didn't blame her.

Edward stood to say goodbye, thoughts flooded my head as to what I could do, yell at him, slap him again.

In the end I just shook my head at him "It's dad's birthday." I said softly before turning to lift Ellie from the high chair.

Jasper grabbed our coats as we headed outside and climbed into a waiting cab. I still couldn't look at him and he seemed to take his lead from me and stayed quiet.

As soon as we arrived back I was out of the cab and up the front steps leaving Jasper to deal with the fare. For once not bothered that he was paying.

I headed straight to the nursery and settled Ellie down.

Taking several deep breaths I headed back out.

Jasper was standing in the lounge, hands gripping the back of the sofa, head down.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked softly.

He looked up at me, his dark blue eyes for once unreadable "I liked you not knowing."

I recoiled like he'd just hit me.

He sighed "I wanted you to see me, to like me, not to fucking pity me because my parents are dead." he said harshly.

"How can I see you if you lie to me?" I asked angrily.

"I never lied." he said firmly "You never asked me."

"You still…kept it from me." I said.

"Christ Alice, we've only known each other a few months, there's a lot of shit you don't know about me." he yelled. "I'm not lying to you, it's just never been brought up."

"_Never think you know him Alice."_

"He was right." I said softly.

"What?" Jasper asked in confusion.

"Edward, he told me to never think I knew you and he was right, I don't fucking know anything about you do I?"

"Alice it's not like that." he said wincing in annoyance at himself "It's just…."

"It's just what?" I nearly screamed in frustration "Why can't you just tell me?"

"Fine." he roared "That's the reason you never met me when you met Emmett. My parents died when I was 18, leaving me to care for a younger sister who's head was filled with notions of some perfect fairytale love that she was intent on finding because our parents never fucking showed us what a stable loving relationship was. All they cared about was their social standing, they married out of convenience and never kept their affairs a secret from each other or us. They only fucking had me and Rose because it was 'in' at the time, to have kids and a nanny to look after them and a fucking Chiwawa called Bruce!" he ran a hand through his hair in aggravation. "The only thing my parents actually did together was die." he spat.

I stood staring at him with wide eyes as he took shallow breaths anger seemed to burn in every part of him.

"Rose felt sorry for them." he gave a harsh laugh "She became obsessed with finding love because she didn't want to end up like them." his head fell and he screwed up his face as though trying to ward off some memory.

I was listening to all this, and he was right, it did make me feel sorry for him, it did make me pity him.

"What about you?" I asked in a small voice.

He gave a twisted sort of smile "Well your parents are meant to be your introduction to love, so draw your own fucking conclusions." he growled.

I filched back against the wall at his tone and I saw his face soften a little.

"I never wanted…I never believed in love, relationships all of it, I never…" he trailed off and ran a hand tiredly over his face "Then you fucking happen." he said quietly "And completely knock me off balance."

With a heavy sigh he looked up at me "I know I shouldn't have kept it from you, but the more time that passed the harder it became to bring it up, it was easier not to tell you."

Suddenly it was my breathing that was coming in erratic bursts. My head that was spinning.

"_This is harder than I thought it would be."_

James had kept Victoria a secret because it was easier than telling me.

Jasper said he hadn't lied to me, but we'd talked about our pasts, growing up, our parents. He'd had more than enough opportunities to say something, anything.

"Alice?" he asked softly taking a step towards me as I started to tremble.

"_Never think you know him Alice. Jasper's very good at hiding things."_

What else was he keeping from me?

"You could have told me." I said in a shaky voice "You had hundreds of chances to tell me and you never did. You may not have lied, but you made me think something that wasn't true." my voice broke as a sob ripped through me.

Realisation seemed to dawn on his face "Baby, I'm sorry." he said softly.

Turning I headed into the bedroom. I couldn't even look at him right now.

"Alice?" Jasper called after me.

I was taking shallow breaths as I quickly gathered up all his clothes from the day before.

"Alice?" he asked again frowning at me as I as I came back into the lounge.

"You have to go." I said shoving his clothes at him.

His face fell "Baby please, I'm sorry." he pleaded.

I just shook my head, tears now spilling over "I can't do this Jasper." I sobbed "not again."

"I'm not him." he said firmly stepping towards me, but he faulted as I stumbled back away from him.

I shook my head "What else are you gonna keep from me if I don't ask?" I sobbed.

"Alice.."

"Please Jasper just go." I begged.

He reached for me again and I saw the pain in his eyes as I flinched away again.

"Okay, I'm going." he sighed

He paused to look at me when he reached the door but I just turned my back. I heard the door close and collapsed onto the sofa, crying myself to sleep for the first time in months.

* * *

**I bet you're all really disappointed, you all seemed to think he was hiding something really bad, but like I said, this is first and foremost Alice's story, its all about her. Her insecurities and Edward knowing how to play on them. **

**More will be explained next chapter. xx**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**Okay, lets find out how they've been coping since their breakup. xx**

* * *

**Chapter 12**

The next ten days passed in a blur of depression.

It was incredible how easily I slipped back into my old habits, everyday I just went through the motions, always detached from life as it once again began to pass me by.

Everyone at work knew something was wrong, Siobhan had simply hugged me and told me she was there when I was ready to talk. The others were avoiding me after I'd snapped at Kate.

This isolation only increased the overbearing sense of loneliness that seemed to be eating me up inside.

Jasper had sent a lot of messages, but like the coward I was, I had deleted them. I just couldn't deal with anything right now.

I had also been ignoring Edward whenever he tried to communicate.

And once again I found myself sleeping on the sofa, I didn't really have a reason, it was just something familiar to this feeling of emptiness.

It felt like I was wading through treacle, time could not be passing slower if it tried.

Half two on Thursday I actually found myself counting down the seconds until I could go home and wallow.

I sighed heavily as the bell sounded telling me I had a customer. I was really not in any mood to deal with people today.

Looking up my eyes widened at the sight of Rosalie stood nervously in the doorway.

"Hi." she smiled hesitantly at me.

"Table for one?" I asked wandering over with a menu.

"Er, actually I was hoping you could spare me a couple of minutes." she glanced around the empty diner and I cursed the fact I had no excuse.

"Sure." I sighed heavily "You want a coffee?"

She smiled, relaxing "Yeah that would be great, thanks."

Shrugging I pointed her to a table and headed back to pour two coffees.

"Kate I'm taking five." I called through the kitchen door where Kate had taken refuge with Carmen to avoid me.

Rosalie smiled sadly as I sat down opposite her. "You look nearly as bad as Jasper."

Flinching at the sound of his name I stared into my coffee.

"Look Alice, I'm not normally the interfering type, and I don't know exactly what happened between you the other night, but I hate seeing my brother so depressed." she paused for breath having rushed that out "And by the look of it you're not doing so well either." she said softly.

"I've been through worse." I muttered still staring at my coffee as though it held the answers to all my problems.

"Is there really no way you can work through this?" she asked.

I didn't answer because the truth was a part of me did want to get past it, wanted Jasper back, wanted to be happy again.

"What exactly did he do wrong?" she asked slowly.

"He…" I began but stopped. Why was I so upset with him? "He wasn't honest with me." I mumbled, realising just how pathetic that sounded "It's complicated." I added defensively.

I had a legitimate reason for all this. Didn't I?

"He didn't tell you our parents were dead."

I shook my head thinking back, trying to remember why I'd been so angry that night.

"He didn't mention something he finds difficult to talk about. Is that really worth breaking up over, is it worth all this?"

"I've always been honest with him." I said angrily "Even when it came to things that were difficult to talk about. I told him about James."

Everything suddenly feel into place, Jasper hadn't been honest, just like James.

"He made a mistake."

I shook my head, refusing to listen to her.

"I can't risk it Rosalie, I can't go through that again, it nearly killed me last time."

She took hold of my hand across the table making me look up at her. "It's not the same thing Alice, Jasper would never do that to you."

"If he can keep something like this from me what else is he hiding? He knew Edward knew, hell, from their lack of reaction, everyone fucking knew."

Rosalie looked down at the table and several seconds of silence followed.

"Do you want to know why he never talks about it?" she asked finally, fiddling with a ring on her finger and avoiding my eyes. "It's because of me, he blames them for…what happened to me." she looked up and tried to smile "I know he wont have told you much about me, because that's the kind of man Jasper is. He'd never betray your trust." she paused swallowing thickly.

I could tell it was taking a lot for her to open up like this "You don't have to tell me." I said.

"Actually I do." she looked at me taking a deep breath "If it makes you give him a second chance."

I looked away as the war in my head continued, a battle of wills between the part of me that wanted Jasper back and the part that shied away from the possibility of being hurt again.

"I always wanted more than my parents had. They were happy enough but I wanted to love, to be loved. I wanted the sort of love you read about, when even after fifty years your heart still quickens when you see him." she sighed "I was so desperate to find that, to prove Jasper wrong, that I convinced myself I had." she shook her head "I was so stupid, Jasper tried to warn me but I just thought he was being overprotective, you know, interfering older brother."

I nodded with a small smile, I could relate to that.

"Turns out he had been right to worry. Long story short, and sparing you the gory detail, one night the 'love of my life' and his friends got drunk and…they attacked me."

My mouth fell open in horror, I had no idea what I had been expecting but it wasn't that.

"Jasper blamed our parents for never showing me what a loving relationship was like, for making me so desperate to find love I looked for it in the wrong person. Since then he's just sort of cut them out of his life, like they never existed. It was the only thing he could do to punish them." she smiled a little "He's so easy going on Em, as overprotective as he became after, he knows Emmett loves me and would never hurt me."

More silence followed as I tried to wrap my head around this new revelation. My brain continued to flounder as it tried to process this information.

"I don't know what to make of all this." I finally admitted.

Rose looked at me and sighed "I know it's a lot to take in, but I thought you should have all the facts before you come to a decision."

I groaned, letting my head fall onto my arms "I know it may seem like an overreaction." I mumbled, my voice muffled by my arms "But this is a huge thing for me. I have serious trust issues, I need to be able to trust him Rose and I don't know if I can."

"I do understand about trust Alice." she said softly "But I also know what can be gained by taking that risk to trust someone again." she bit her lip realising she was pushing a little too far "I know I can't force you to take him back, and I'm not trying to. But now you know more about it will you at least talk to him, even if it's just to end things properly." she smiled sadly "I think you need some closure as much as he does."

I tried to smile "Last time you asked me to talk to him, let him explain, I ended up throwing him out of my apartment. What makes you think talking wont make things worse?"

She smiled properly then "Because, deep down, I know you miss him as much as he misses you." standing she checked the clock "I think I've kept you long enough. See you Alice."

Depositing some money on the table to pay for her coffee she quickly left. I remained seated in a daze.

Kate's voice brought me back to reality "Alice it's ten past three, don't you have a home to go to?"

The next thing I remember was being back at my apartment. I absentmindedly cleaned as I tried to give my brain time to think.

My mum dropped Ellie off at four and it was while I was preparing her dinner that I saw it came down to two things.

Did I want to be like Rosalie and take a chance, risk getting hurt, but maybe find something better. Or did I want to be like Siobhan, shut down and keep everyone away and stay safe but risk missing out on something good.

By the time I put Ellie to bed I'd come to a decision.

_We need to talk._

Probably the four most dreaded words in the English language.

I sent the message to Jasper.

Rose didn't think talking would make things worse and right now that was all I had to go on.

My phone sounded.

_Do you want me to come over?_

Last chance to back out.

_If you can_

His reply was instantaneous.

_I'll be there in 10 minutes. Jxx_

I spent the next ten minutes trying to remember the calm deep breathing exercises I'd been taught in prenatal yoga.

A knock at the door ruined all my hard work as my breath hitched and my heart started hammering against my chest.

The truth was I still had no idea whether this was going to end with a reunion or a goodbye and that uncertainty scared me.

Opening the door I realised Rosalie had not been lying. Jasper looked a mess.

His eyes were bloodshot and there were deep purple bruises under them indicating several sleepless nights. He hadn't shaved in a while either, although I had to admit the stubble did make him look kind of hot.

"Hey." I said like a moron because I couldn't think of anything else.

His lips quirked a little but he didn't manage a smile.

Stepping back from the door I let him come inside.

An awkward silence fell, neither of us seemed to know what to say.

"Thanks for letting me come over, I really wanted a chance to try and explain." Jasper said softly after a while.

I simply shrugged "You should thank Rose."

He frowned before understanding dawned "Shit, I told her not to interfere." he muttered "I'm sorry."

"You wouldn't be here if she hadn't." I told him honestly.

He flinched a little at that "Alice, I'm so sorry, I can't even begin to tell you…"

I cut off his grovelling apology, I didn't need to hear it "Jasper I know you're sorry. I know you didn't mean to hurt me but it doesn't change the fact that you did." I was amazed my voice stayed steady, I wasn't standing close to him, but I could still smell him, I could hear his deep breaths and I felt my resolve sway slightly in the direction of forgiving him. "I've always been honest with you, even when things were hard to talk about. I know a lot of this is me blowing things out of proportion because of my stupid issues, but it's something I need you to understand. I need you to be honest with me." I sighed heavily before continuing "I wouldn't have made you go into detail if you didn't want to, but you could have just told me, I mean everyone else knew. I know I'm not being fair, I know I'm expecting a lot when I can't give you more and I wouldn't blame you if it's too much…"

He stepped towards me placing his hands on my shoulders cutting me off.

The depressed haze of the past week lifted as I looked up at him. He was smiling softly.

"How did me fucking up suddenly turn into something you're supposedly doing wrong?" he asked.

I shrugged, it made sense to me. I could hardly take the moral high ground with Jasper for not trusting me when I couldn't extend him the same courtesy. I was asking for a lot, but it was what I needed for this to work.

He sighed "Baby, this is about me okay. I fucked up, I know that. And the worst part is I gave Edward ammunition knowing he was looking for just that kind of opportunity to come between us. You're right, I should have just been honest with you from the start, and I have no reason or excuse why I wasn't."

He tentatively reached up to brush my hair back, my eyes closed and I relaxed into his touch.

"I swear to you Alice, I will never keep anything from you again." he said his eyes burning into mine.

I took a very shaky breath as the tidal wave of emotion I'd been holding back threatened to break.

"I know it doesn't make it better, but I am sorry." he whispered.

I couldn't put it off anymore, this was decision time, take him back or let him go.

My arms wrapped around his waist and I buried my head in his chest inhaling deeply to take in the scent of his skin mixed with cologne. He relaxed as his arms pulled me closer to him

Call it a rebound, call me weak and pathetic, but Jasper made me happy, and he obviously cared about me, right now that's all I wanted.

Lifting my hands I grabbed his face pulling his lips down to mine.

Rose had been right, I thought smiling into the kiss, I had missed him.

I giggled as he moved to kiss my cheeks, nose, eyes before trailing his lips down my neck, I shivered as he sighed happily into my skin.

"I swear to god baby I am never going to fuck up again." his arms were still locked tight around me "This past week has been hell."

"I can tell." I giggled, running my fingers through his dishriveled hair.

"I've missed you so much." he breathed, his lips still reacquainting themselves with my neck.

"I can tell that too." I giggled again.

One hand tangled in his hair encouraging his current activities, the other went to his shoulder helping me pull closer to him.

I moaned softly rolling my head a he gently nudged my jaw for more access.

His hands fisted the hem of my shirt and I pulled back reluctantly before this could go further "It's getting late." I sighed surprised by the time.

Had we really been talking that long?

I felt Jasper nod against me.

"Do you want to stay over?" I asked quietly, I really didn't want him to go.

"Yes please." he murmured before capturing my lips again.

"I'm going to get ready for bed." I said pulling back,. Removing myself, with difficulty, from his arms I headed for the bathroom

I changed quickly into my pyjamas and brushed my teeth.

Jasper was waiting for me outside the door and took my hand as I lead the way across the hall to the bedroom.

I jumped onto the bed as Jasper pulled off his jeans and jacket before joining me, pulling me down onto his chest his lips pressed onto my hair.

Wriggling to get comfy I curled up next to him, my head resting on his chest listening to the steady beat of his heart.

The past ten days caught up with me as my eyes closed and I fell into a deep sleep.

I awoke giggling as Jasper tickled me gently.

"I was havin' a good dream." I complained with a pout.

His hands slid to my hips "Surely the reality is better." he grinned at me cheekily.

I bit my lip to stop laughing "Not really, cause in reality I'm not dating Jackson Rathbone."

He scowled at me and I couldn't hold off the laughter.

"Oh you are gonna pay for that." he threatened pushing me onto my back and tickling me again.

I tried to wriggle away but couldn't "Jasper stop." I gasped out.

"Not until you tell me I'm better looking than Jackson Rathbone." he growled.

Giggling I couldn't help teasing him more "But I promised not to lie to you." I said blinking up at him innocently.

"Wrong answer."

He moved to straddle me, keeping me pinned beneath him and tickled me more.

"Okay, okay, okay." I squealed, unable to take anymore "Reality is better when I get to wake up to you."

He smiled triumphantly, kissing me once before letting me up. I pouted slightly when I saw the time.

"I suppose you have to go home now so you can get ready for work."

He stood up and stretched, my eyes immediately flicked down to check out his ass. God I'd missed that!

"Not really." he turned back to look at me "I have a spare suit at the office, if you don't mind me taking a shower here."

I shook my head quickly, trying and failing to stop the stupid grin spreading across my face.

"You want breakfast?" I asked "I've got bacon and eggs."

He chuckled and kissed my head "Sounds great baby."

"Okay, well there are clean towels in the bathroom so you take a shower and I'll fix us breakfast." I said hopping out of bed.

He raised an eyebrow "You're going to cook?"

I frowned at the implication "I can cook Jasper, I just choose not to."

"Okay, but if I'm off work with food poisoning I'm blaming you." he dodged out the room as I tried to hit him.

I made my way to the nursery humming some nondescript tune happily.

I had just finished the bacon when Jasper wandered into the kitchen freshly showered, his hair hung damp in his face and he ran a hand over his chin.

"I think I need a shave." he mumbled.

"I don't know about that, it has a roguish, devil may care, sexiness to it." I grinned at him.

He smirked back sexily.

"You like scrambled eggs?" I asked turning back to the oven.

"Yeah that's fine." he answered "Hey kiddo, you miss me?"

I turned a little to watch as Jasper squatted next to Ellie in her high chair, she smiled happily at him and clapped her hands.

"I'll take that as a yes." he smiled happily.

The smell of burning made me turn back to the oven.

"Shit." I muttered.

I heard Jasper chuckle softly "She can cook she says. Do you think I should give your mummy a hand?"

"I can cook." I insisted as Jasper gently moved me away from the oven and took over.

"You're just a little out of practice from choosing not to." he finished for me.

Huffing I sat down grumpily at the kitchen table. Ellie giggled at me "You're no help." I told her "You're meant to be on my side."

"Don't worry baby." Jasper said as he placed a plate of bacon and eggs in front of me "I like looking after you."

Sighing in defeat I let it drop. I'd get my chance to prove I could cook.

I placed a bowl of cut up banana in front of Ellie, hoping she would take the hint and start feeding herself, all the books said she should be eating finger food by nine months.

She just stared at it.

With a sigh I pushed it closer to her and took a mouthful of eggs. Ellie squealed but refused to even attempt to feed herself.

"She should be learning to feed herself a little now." I answered Jasper's questioning look.

"She doesn't seem too fond of the idea." he said.

I rolled my eyes as Ellie screamed in complaint again. It was now a battle of wills and I knew I'd be the one to give in in the end.

"She'll have to get used to it." I muttered stubbornly picking up a piece of banana and placing it in her hand.

Instead of lifting it to her mouth, like I'd hoped, she simply closed her hand into a fist squishing the banana in it.

"Ellie." I sighed in aggravation standing to grab a wet wipe off the side before she got mashed banana everywhere.

I turned back in time to see Jasper steal a piece of banana from her bowl and pop it in his mouth.

I couldn't help smile as she stared at him, seemingly unable to believe he'd just done that.

"Well if you don't want it." he said reaching for another piece.

She squealed angrily and I held my breath as she picked up a piece herself. Irritation mixed with disbelief as she put it in her mouth and reached for another.

"I've been trying to get her to do that for over a month." I seethed.

Jasper gave me an apologetic smile "Sorry, I just remember Rose telling me about this kid she used to babysit for, thought it was worth a try. I didn't mean to interfere." he added a little nervously as I continued to glare angrily at my nine month old, who was happily munching through the rest of the banana.

I sighed plopping back down into my seat to finish my breakfast "It's okay, at least she's eating it now."

Jasper took hold of my hand across the table rubbing soothing circles with his thumb. "You know what the problem was?"

"No." I snapped in irritation.

I didn't want to be a bitch about this, I was happy Jasper and Ellie were bonding, it just pissed me off he'd managed to get her to eat so damn easily.

"You love her too much." he said softly making me look up at him.

He was smiling softly at me, lifting my hand from the table he held it between both of his and gently kissed my knuckles "She knew you'd give in to her because you hate to see her unhappy."

That made me feel better.

I finished my breakfast one handed, Jasper showed no sign of giving me my hand back anytime soon as he played with my fingers.

"I should be heading to work." he said once I'd finished but he didn't move.

"Do you want to come over tonight?" I asked "I mean it will just be another boring night in cause I wont be able to get a sitter, but you're welcome if you want." I looked at the table.

He pressed his lips to the palm of my hand trailing up to the pulse point at my wrist. I felt him bite down lightly and suck on the skin.

Another love bite!

"Baby nights in with you are anything but boring." he smirked at me causing my cheeks to glow.

"Erm…I'm not sure what time you should come over cause I think I need to have a serious talk with Edward."

Jasper's face tightened in anger. "You don't want me here when you talk to him."

I shook my head "He needs to accept the fact we're together and get over his stupid issues and I think it's best he hears that from me."

"What if he doesn't take it well?" he asked, his fingers tightened slightly around my hand and I knew he was thinking about the way Edward had been after our second date.

"It's not me he wants to kill." I tried to joke. Jasper's face remained serious and I sighed "He's not gonna hurt me Jasper, no matter how angry he gets. He may say some hurtful shit but he'd never hit me or anything."

Jasper sighed still not happy with the idea.

"I have to sort this out with him, for Bella's sake if no one else's." I said softly.

"If he does anything you'll call me right away."

"He wont do anything." I repeated.

That wasn't what Jasper wanted to hear, he glared at me.

"If he does I'll call you." I promised to placate him.

He brought my hand back up to his lips placing another kiss on it "I don't like this plan." he muttered.

"I'm meant to be maid of honour at his wedding Jasper. Bella's my best friend and I hate that she's stuck in the middle. Not to mention the fact he could have ruined my dad's birthday. I have to sort this out with him."

"I know." he paused "If he does anything to hurt you can I have your permission to beat the shit out of him?"

I shook my head, rolling my eyes "Only if you take Emmett to referee." I joked.

"Deal." he said it a little too seriously for my liking. I'd just have to make sure Ed did nothing to make Jasper hurt him.

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**See I couldn't keep them apart for long, and Edward is going to get an verbal ass whooping next chapter lol. **

**Review's make me smile xx**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**The argument between Alice and Edward was a lot harder than I'd thought, so I hope it's okay. xx**

* * *

**Chapter 13**

Edward showed up at four as we'd arranged, looking far too happy for my liking.

"Hey Ali, look I'm sorry I had to do that on Sunday, but it was for the best, you'll get over him."

Well he just made it easy for me to wipe that smile off his face.

"Me and Jasper haven't broken up Edward." I said, turning and heading back into the apartment.

"What?" he asked in disbelief "Bella said you threw him out."

"I did." I said turning to face him "I needed some time to think, and I came to realise I was overreacting. So we talked things through."

I watched in slight amusement as Edwards face turned from shock, to disbelief to anger.

"You took him back, even after he lied to you." he growled out.

"He didn't lie, yes he wasn't honest, but he's explained why." I said loudly.

Edward clenched his fists tightly "Do you want to get hurt again Alice?" he spat at me but I had had enough.

"What do you want me to do? Fine so I break up with Jasper then what? Am I supposed to avoid men for the rest of my life to keep you happy? Be alone and miserable just to stop myself getting hurt?" I glared at him and his anger seemed to fade a little. "Yes Jasper made a mistake, so what he's only human. If I'm honest what hurt more was you bringing it up just to try and get between us. I mean what was that Edward, what exactly is your problem?" I really had hit my limit with him.

His head dropped a little and he glared at the floor. I took a deep breath, after all I was meant to be sorting things out, not making things worse.

"Look Edward, you're my brother and no matter how pissed at you I get I will always love you, and it hurts that you can't see that Jasper makes me happy. He's a good guy."

Edward scoffed and I saw red.

"Tell me then." I screamed at him, his eyes widened in surprise "If Jasper is such a bad person for me then tell me why." I glared at him "Tell me why you are so against me being with a man who treats me nice, who takes care of me, who gets on with Ellie. You show me another guy like that Edward and maybe I'll think twice about being with Jasper."

"Alice…" he began but trailed off.

"You see you can't, because there isn't anything is there." I screamed.

"You were off limits." he growled his anger reignited.

"Why?" I asked.

"You're my sister Alice. He knew you were off limits." he yelled at me.

I shook my head "So because of some stupid rule of 'brotherhood', you're gonna be pissed off at Jasper for treating me well? Deny me happiness because I'm your sister? That is seriously fucked up Ed" I said, then sighed heavily "Edward I really like him and, I hope, he's going to be a part of my life for the foreseeable future. Please, can you at least attempt to be okay with this. For me."

He shook his head still glaring at the floor. Sighing I knew I had to play my trump card.

"Alright, do it for Bella then."

His eyes flew up to meet mine.

"It's killing her being stuck between the two of us." I said softly.

I saw the guilt and pain in his eyes at the thought of hurting Bella, and I knew I had him. His head dropped again and he sighed in defeat.

"Why did it have to be Jasper?" he mumbled "Anyone else Alice, you could have picked anyone else. Why did it have to be him?"

"I don't know." I answered truthfully. And I didn't.

Had anyone else shown interest so soon after James I would have run, I had tried to run from Jasper.

Maybe that was the answer, Jasper hadn't given up, but he hadn't pushed me either. He had been willing to go slow, to be patient and despite all my defences he had gotten close.

Edward gave me a small smile before turning serious again. "If he hurts you I will kill him Alice."

He said that with absolute seriousness but I couldn't help bursting into laughter.

Edward looked at me in alarm "Alice?" he asked slowly as though fearing for my mental state.

"Maybe I should just lock the two of you in a room to fight it out, saves me having to choose." I giggled.

Edward frowned at me in confusion.

"Jasper wasn't happy with the idea of me talking to you alone after the way you acted after our second date, so I promised him if you hurt me he could beat you up." I grinned at him.

Edward was trying to fight his own smile "I guess that would be a pretty good plan, as I'm bound to win."

"Yeah right." I shot back "Jasper's got way more muscle than you."

"It's not what you've got, it's how you use it." he grinned at me.

I wrinkled my nose in distaste "Ed, as much as I'm enjoying this little sibling bonding moment, considering what that phrase usually refers to, I really don't want to know."

He chuckled a little before getting serious again.

"I'm not saying I'm happy about this Alice. Jasper was my friend, and there are certain lines he shouldn't have crossed, I can't change that."

"You're getting married to my best friend." I said quickly.

He raised an eyebrow at me "Do you have a problem with that?"

"No." I sighed in defeat, it had been a long shot "But if I did would you have broken up with her?"

It was Edward's turn to sigh "Probably not, but it's a different situation, you have Ellie to think about as well."

I scowled "Mum's already given me that lecture." I warned him.

He shook his head "Okay, well like I said I'm not happy about it, but" he sighed heavily "I can't tell you how to live your life, if you're happy I will at least try to be civil." he winced as though the thought caused him physical pain "And I promise I wont pull another stunt like Sunday night."

I had to admit that was better than I'd hoped. Not to mention easier.

"Thank you." I said stepping forward to give him a hug.

He took hold of my hand, smiling happily now we'd made up. His eyes rolled and he sighed angrily as his eyes fell to my wrist.

"If I see one more love bite Alice I'm knocking him out." he growled "I never want to have to think about that side of your relationship."

I pulled my hand back so my sweater would cover my wrist "Don't worry, I've talked to him about that." I mumbled.

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose, screwing up his face to banish the thoughts that were assaulting him.

"I have to get all the gory details from Bella." I complained as he continued to overreact.

"Never Alice." he repeated again.

I rolled my eyes "Do you think Ellie was immaculate conception?"

"Alice please." he whined "You're my baby sister."

"Fine." I huffed "But you should probably explain to Bella that some things should stay between couples." I paused for a second "Tarzan!"

Edward's cheeks flushed red and I bit my tongue to stop laughing.

"I should be er…going." he stammered in embarrassment.

"Give Bella my love." I called sweetly as he fled.

I let the laughter out then as I thought back to Bella's many graphic descriptions of her and Edward's sex life. Who new my straight laced older brother was so adventurous behind closed doors.

I flitted around tidying up a little before texting Jasper to let him know he could come around whenever he wanted.

He text back saying he'd be here at seven.

I pouted but quickly reprimanded myself, he did have a life outside of me. I shouldn't just expect him to be at my beck and call all the time.

I fed and bathed Ellie, she took a while to settle that night which worried me a little.

Two minutes to seven there was a knock at the door.

Opening it I found Jasper stood there juggling a huge bouquet of flowers and a couple of carry out boxes.

"What's all this?" I asked, taking the flowers off him as he passed them to me.

"Well, you said nights in were boring, so I thought I'd make it a bit more special for you." he said with a pleased smile.

"You didn't have to do this." I muttered.

His smile softened "I know, but I wanted to." he kissed my cheek "Now come on the pizza's getting cold."

I was blown away by the gesture. Not only had he gone to get pizza from our little restaurant, he'd also gone all the way across town and somehow managed to get the chocolate torte from the restaurant we'd gone to last Sunday night.

"You didn't really have a chance to enjoy it." he said with a shrug when I expressed again he hadn't needed to do this.

The flowers were Jasper's special mix of everything, which I loved, because I really wasn't sure what my favourite flowers were.

The only other person to buy me flowers regularly was James, and he'd always just gone with roses.

"You're too good to me." I mumbled as we cuddled on the sofa.

He shrugged "I still owed you. I know you're not big on grovelling apologies so I had to be a little creative."

I shook my head, pulling myself up so I could rest my forehead against his. "Jasper, there was no need for a grovelling apology, or grand gestures, I forgave you." I gently ran my finger down his cheek.

He smiled "In that case, I like spoiling you."

Laughing I kissed him "You don't need to spoil me, I've got more than enough with you."

To my surprise that made him scowl "You deserve being spoilt every now and again." he insisted.

I let him win, I didn't agree but I didn't want to fight over something so stupid, instead I pressed my lips to his again.

His tongue traced my bottom lip and I sighed happily, opening my mouth to him, my tongue meeting his in a soft dance.

As it started heating up I shifted to straddle him, my hands twisting in his hair keeping his lips glued to mine.

He groaned into my mouth as I pressed my chest to his. One of his hand slipped under the back of my shirt fisting the back of my bra, the other ran up and down my thigh.

I ground down onto him, wishing our clothes would somehow just magically disappear so I didn't have to break from this kiss.

Jasper stood quickly wrapping my legs around his waist. He stumbled a couple of times on his quest to reach the bedroom.

I screamed as he literally threw me onto the bed, his eyes slowly wandered down my body all the way to my feet before moving back up to my face.

Pushing myself up a little I smiled shyly as he smirked down at me, pulling his sweater of he slowly unbuttoned his shirt before removing that as well and my eyes dropped to the perfectly sculpted muscles of his chest and arms

He crawled up the bed over me, so close he forced me to lie back down.

His lips pressed to mine for a few seconds in a hot passionate kiss before his head dropped to kiss the few inches of bare skin at my stomach where my shirt had ridden up slightly. He kissed and licked softly and my eyes rolled back in pleasure, his fingers slowly began to unbutton my shirt from the bottom, kissing his way up me.

My fingers moved to tangle in his hair and I whimpered quietly as his lips continued to worship my body.

He paused when he exposed my bra covered chest and let out a husky chuckle "Did we have expectations tonight Miss. Alice?"

I felt my face grow warm as I remembered I'd put on my front clasp bra.

"Maybe." I said drawing the word out with a giggle "If I did are you gonna leave a girl disappointed?"

In response he undid my bra and ran his tongue up the valley between my breasts making my head fall back with a moan.

He finally made his way to my neck, where he spent some time kissing, nibbling and sucking on the sensitive skin there.

I hoped he wasn't leaving any marks, but I had no intention of stopping him, every spot his mouth brushed over tingled, I rolled my head to give him better access.

I was so relaxed thanks to his ministration yet at the same time my body burned with desire and as I felt his hard on pressing into my stomach, where he was straddling me, I had suddenly had enough of foreplay.

As if reading my mind Jasper sat up, pulling me with him so he could fully rid me of my shirt and bra.

I made my move swiftly when he was distracted, pushing him hard in the chest. He lost his balance giving me my chance to roll us so I now straddled him, pinning him to the bed with a smug grin.

I nipped playfully at his chest.

"Alice." he huffed.

Ignoring him I concentrated my thoughts on how to remove his pants without letting him up.

"Alice." he said again trying to sit up.

Scowling I pushed him back, biting his chest a bit harder. "Behave." I warned.

Crawling down him I undid his jeans and he obediently lifted his hips and I pulled his pants and boxers down in one go.

He made to move and I glared at him warningly as I stood to remove my own pants and underwear.

Sighing unhappily he fell back. I didn't like the fact he was unhappy. Climbing back onto the bed I lay down next to him.

"Jasper." I purred, taking his earlobe gently between my teeth.

"Hmmm?" he responded.

"Don't you trust me?" I asked softly kissing down from his ear to his neck.

"Of course I do." he said.

Grinning I rolled so I was straddling him again and attacked his mouth with mine, grinding my wet centre down onto him.

He moaned loudly bucking his hips up into me.

"Good." I whispered rubbing my chest against his as I reached over to get a condom. I may have been on the pill, but you could never be too cautious.

Jasper's hands were at my hips as I positioned myself over him, though he thankfully allowed me to slowly lower myself down onto him.

Our moans combined as we both thrilled at the feeling, pushing on his chest I began to move up and down him causing more moans to escape Jasper's mouth.

One of his hands ran up my stomach to grope my breasts, the other arms wrapped around my waist influencing my movements.

I moved my hands to rest on Jasper's thighs so I could lean back and began to rock my hips faster.

Pushing himself up Jasper's mouth joined his hand at my chest making my pants and moans fill the room.

Jasper began thrusting his hips in time with mine, penetrating me deeper, the coil in my stomach tightened, my movements became more erratic as I began to tremble at the build to my release.

Both his arms locked around me holding me tight as I let go, screaming his name , my walls clamped down on his, triggering his own release.

We collapsed next to each other in a sweaty mass of limbs, trying to catch our breath. I felt his fingers draw small circles on my back.

He brought one hand up to stoke my cheek smiling down at me and I got lost in his beautiful blue eyes.

"Alice."

The way he whispered my name caused goosebumps to appear and a shiver to run up my spine.

He brought his lips to mine in a soft sweet kiss. His hand still lay flat against my cheek as he pulled back, staring into my eyes.

"I love you."

My eyes widened. Had he just said…?

I opened my mouth to respond but nothing came out, there was nothing I could say because I couldn't say those three little words back.

It was too much, way too much, way too soon.

I looked away, tears forming in my eyes. God I was such a bitch.

"It's okay." he whispered his hand still caressing my face "You don't have to say anything, it's fine, I understand."

I closed my eyes to try and stop the tears falling.

"Alice I'm sorry."

"Don't." I moaned pulling away from him.

My eyes opened in time to see the hurt flash across his face.

What the hell was wrong with me?

"Alice" I heard the confusion in his voice, he tried to reach for me but I pushed further away.

"No. Stop fucking apologising. Stop feeling bad for shit that's not your fault. God Jasper I am such a bitch can't you see that?" tears were flowing now, I tried to wipe them away but they just kept coming "I can't do this to you anymore."

Pain seemed to split his face at that. "What are you saying?" his voice was raw as he spoke.

I looked over at the man next to me, he was perfect in everyway, yet still I couldn't do it, I couldn't risk getting close to him.

"You could do so much better than me." I sobbed finally "And I've been selfish keeping you here cause it felt nice, and now you say you love me and you shouldn't because I don't deserve you Jasper."

It was killing me to say all this but he needed to hear it. He needed to get out before things got worse.

Not that they really could.

"Alice please come here." he held his arms out to me but I stubbornly shook my head, despite every part of me screaming to be in his arms.

"Alice, please." his voice shook slightly and my resolve weakened.

Shuffling a little closer I reached out to take his hand, the next second he'd pulled me against his chest. The guy was stronger than I'd thought.

His arms locked around me and I couldn't stop pressing a little closer to him.

I felt him kiss the top of my head "Fuck Alice you are so…infuriating sometimes."

Not quite the word I would have used.

"I know this sounds crazy and we haven't known each other that long, but the thought you wouldn't forgive me, that I'd lost you, I…I can't risk that again. I need you to know and I don't care if you're not ready yet, I understand it's going to take time for you to trust again, not only me but yourself. But, I fucking love you and I'm not gonna pretend otherwise. I'm not gonna lose you, not again, and I'm not gonna let you push me away. I don't care okay, I just want you.".

He was practically yelling this at me as I continued to sob pathetically all over his chest. Mumbling something even I didn't understand I lifted my head a little "Why do you want me?" I know I may seem a little self deprecating but I really couldn't understand this.

I mean I'd been with James for five years, we had a baby together, and even he didn't want me.

"What have I possibly got to offer you?"

"You really don't see yourself very clearly do you?" he muttered, pulling me up so my forehead rested against this, making it very difficult to avoid looking into his eyes.

He sighed "Do you really want me to list all the reasons I love you?"

I forced a smile "Shouldn't take long." after all what was there?

"Okay." he moved me so my head was now resting on his shoulder and slowly ran his fingers through my hair.

"Well, you're smart and funny, I have never met anyone I can talk to as easily as I can you. Even when we're not talking I can be completely comfortable sitting in silence with you in my arms. You have a huge heart and obviously love your friends and family, you're an amazing mother, you love Ellie more than anything and always put her first." he chuckled "You do sweet little things for people and always know what to do to make them smile. You can look after yourself, and as much as I love taking care of you, it's nice to know you can cope on your own." he raised my head so I was looking at him "You are, obviously, unbelievably beautiful and sexy without needing to try. You're an amazing lover."

My cheeks glowed at that and I buried my head in his shoulder again.

"The way you smile when you see or hear something you like, the way your eyes get an extra sparkle when you're plotting something. The way you blush whenever I try to compliment you. Your inability to sit still for more than five minutes. The way you tease me, even though it does drive me crazy." he paused for breath "The way you carry on, even though you've been knocked down, you got up and carried on, you are so much stronger than you think."

He stopped and I risked looking up at him.

He smiled "Do you really need me to keep going, cause we may be here for a while."

I shook my head unable to speak.

His smile softened "Alice I love you. Can I please kiss you now?"

I bit my lip, trying to hide the smile on my face and slowly nodded.

His lips met mine gently moving together, I pulled back before he could deepen it.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

I'm not sure exactly what I was apologising for, there was so much I knew I needed to.

"It's okay." he murmured kissing my hair again. "I didn't tell you so you'd say it back Alice, I realise it's too soon. I know it's crazy, but I also know how I feel and I'm sorry but I'm not going to hide that." he nuzzled into me "I need you to know I love you, and all I need in return is for you to want me here with you."

"I do want you with me." I mumbled "But that's selfish of me."

He shook his head "Not when it's what I want too." he whispered wriggling down to get comfy.

I snuggled into him, his arms still holding me tight.

I was the first awake the next morning. I tried not to move, as Jasper's arms were still around me and I didn't want to disturb him, I just lay there listening to his breathing and thinking back over the night before.

He loved me. This incredible man loved me.

Despite the fact I couldn't love him back, not yet anyway. I just wasn't ready to trust anyone with my heart yet.

There was a definite possibility that I could fall for Jasper, I had already let him in more than I planned. But, right now that thought scared me more than anything.

Sighing sadly I pressed myself closer to Jasper, hoping his seemingly endless patience wouldn't run out, because I really wasn't sure how long it would take me to trust him.

He stirred next to me and his arms tightened slightly as I felt his lips press to my hair. Rolling I moved so I was slightly under him and smiled up into his face.

"Morning beautiful." his voice was heavy with sleep.

I rolled my eyes at him.

"What? I said I was gonna tell you every time you looked beautiful."

"Jasper, it's first thing in the morning, I have no make up on and my hair needs washing, there is no way I look good."

He shrugged pressing a kiss to my forehead "You always look beautiful when I see you first thing in a morning, because it means I got to spend the whole night with you."

Wrinkling my nose I tried not to smile "You know, sometimes lines like that just sound cheesy."

"Maybe, but it doesn't stop it being true."

My bones turned to liquid as he began kissing and sucking on my neck before suddenly sitting up a little and pulling me further under him.

"Alice, what is your opinion on morning sex?"

I bit my tongue to stop from laughing or moaning. First from the serious look on his face and second from the way his hands floated across my body.

"Well I don't really have enough experience in that area to give a fair assessment." I managed to gasp out.

He leant back over, nibbling behind my ear "Well then, we'll have to rectify that at once." he whispered layering his accent on thick.

My hands moved down his back to squeeze his ass, my lips moved to his neck as one of his hands ran down my leg pulling my knee up before he tickled the inside of my thigh.

I rolled my hips up to brush his, then froze.

Please no.

Jasper pushed himself up to look at me "What?"

His question was answered as Ellie screamed again.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled closing my eyes so I didn't have to see his face.

I felt his lips brush my forehead before he rolled off me "Don't be sorry." he whispered.

I nodded before sitting up to pull on some sweats and left the room quickly, still unable to look at him.

"It's okay." I cooed picking Ellie up and hugging her tight.

She continued to cry as she buried her little head in my shoulder and the guilt gnawed away at me.

How could I have been thinking of myself when she needed me.

As she began to calm down I wandered to the kitchen to sort her a bottle and start some coffee for me and Jasper.

Once she was fed and settled in her high chair I headed back to the bedroom to give Jasper his coffee.

He was sat on the edge of the bed his head in his hands, dressed in his boxers and T-shirt.

Another wave of guilt hit me.

"I'm sorry." I muttered again, placing his mug down on the side.

His head snapped up and he tried to smile, but couldn't quite pull it off, I looked down feeling tears prick my eyes.

"Come here." he murmured.

I took a tentative step forward and felt his arms wrap around me pulling me down onto his lap. I buried my head in his chest as he held me tight.

"It's okay." he whispered "I'm sorry too. I didn't think."

"You shouldn't have to." I mumbled causing him to sigh.

"Yes I should, and I shouldn't have put you in that situation. Please don't be upset."

I just stayed quiet, letting him hold me tight.

"Do you want breakfast?" I asked quietly after a while.

"What are you making?"

I shrugged "Whatever I have in, so probably toast." I mumbled.

"Toast sounds great." he kissed my forehead before letting me up.

Standing he followed me to the kitchen his hands on my shoulders.

"Does this mean our activity for the day will be grocery shopping?" he asked laughing as I stuck my tongue out at him.

Ellie smiled at Jasper as we entered the kitchen, banging her hands on the high chair.

"Oh sure, no you're in a good mood." I grumbled at her heading for the toaster.

Jasper chuckled and kissed the base of my neck before turning to Ellie "Hey trouble what's been bothering you huh?"

She gurgled a little unhappily.

"I think she's coming down with something." I said placing my hand on her forehead to see if she was running a fever "I'll get my dad to check her out if she gets worse." I sighed. One more thing for me to worry about.

One day my life would be easy, I smiled a little, if that ever happened I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

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**Poor Alice, make her feel better with a review. xx**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

* * *

**Chapter 14**

Instead of just going to the grocery store Jasper took me to a huge indoor market to shop. Ellie, thankfully, fell asleep so we could take our time browsing without her getting bored.

We found a stall selling hand made jewellery and Jasper insisted on buying me a heart shaped pendant with stars embossed on it.

As he fastened it he kissed the base of my neck again making a lump form in my throat.

He hadn't said the words 'I love you' since last night, but it was the little things like that that made me know it was true. As I pushed the stroller he kept a hand protectively at the small of my back, little gestures that spoke volumes and made me hate myself.

We brought some sort of savoury crepes to eat as we wandered around, and despite the self hatred that was eating away at me, I actually enjoyed myself.

Mid afternoon Ellie awoke, unhappy and crying, signalling it was time to head home.

The rest of the day was less fun, Ellie definitely had a fever and no matter what I tried I could not get her to settle.

She seemed calmest in my arms, which unfortunately meant Jasper ended up cooking dinner again, not that he seemed to mind.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled every now and again.

"Stop apologising." he said finally "I'm just happy I'm here to cook you something, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be eating tonight if I wasn't."

He'd even cut it all up for me so I could eat one handed and keep Ellie balanced on my knee.

I really did not deserve this man.

"You can head home if you want." I said after dinner "I'm probably gonna be up most the night and you may not get much sleep here if she's crying."

He came to stand next to me and placed a soft kiss on the side of my head.

"The weekends the only real time I get to spend with you, if you're okay with me being here I'd like to stay."

Sighing I turned to face him "I'm fine with you staying, but don't say I didn't warn you."

As if on cue Ellie's whimpers started to get louder until she began to cry, long drawn out, high pitched screams that drilled into my skull making my head throb.

Jasper was an absolute saint, bringing me coffee and cookies to help keep me going as I tried everything I could to get her to calm down.

My self hatred rose as I watched him wait on me, and mixed with the irrational guilt over Ellie.

I knew she was sick and it was normal and something I couldn't control, but I was her mum, I was meant to keep her safe, make it all better, and I didn't know how. My angel was suffering and I couldn't help, I had never felt so useless.

I had called my parents earlier that day only to find my dad was out, mum had promised to get him to call round first thing tomorrow, meaning I had one night of hell to suffer, not knowing what to do for the best.

She finally quietened down just after midnight and I persuaded Jasper to go to bed while I stayed on the sofa with her.

She was still whimpering softly, but the bursts of screaming and crying seemed to have come to an end. Whenever she became restless I'd walk her around for a bit until she settled again.

It was around three in the morning when she finally fell asleep.

Too tired to move I simply closed my eyes and drifted off with her safe in my arms.

I woke to the smell of fresh coffee and stretched carefully, aware that Ellie was still asleep on my chest, hissing in pain as my back and neck complained.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." I heard Jasper's voice from somewhere above me and blearily opened my eyes as he squatted down next to the sofa and brushed the hair off my face.

"S'okay." I mumbled "My dad will be here soon anyway."

Concern flashed in his eyes when I moved and winced as pain shot through my shoulders.

"I should put her in her crib for a bit while she's asleep." I mumbled, still disorientated from lack of sleep.

"Do you erm want me to do it?" Jasper asked, rubbing the back of his neck, his little nervous tic.

I thought for a second before nodding "If you don't mind."

The worst thing that could happen is he'd wake her up, which was more likely to happen if I tried to move out of my current position whilst she was asleep on me.

Jasper carefully lifted her, I swear he wasn't even breathing as he cradled her gently in his arms and headed towards the nursery.

I sat up rolling my shoulders and trying to work the knots out of my back and neck.

The smell of coffee got stronger as Jasper returned with a steaming mug in his hands.

"You are a saint." I said taking a sip and sighing in relief as the hot liquid rolled down my throat.

He sat beside me on the sofa, I started to turn so I could face him, but his hands moved up to my shoulders and started massaging the tension out.

My head rolled forward as I moaned in pleasure at the feeling of relief he was creating. Unfortunately, in my lucid state of mind, I began to think of another type of relief he could be producing.

I bit my tongue to stop from moaning again as his hands slid lower to the tension in my back, it felt so good having his hands on me.

_Your daughter is sick, get some perspective women._

I blinked hard several times trying to clear my head, which was difficult with Jasper's hands still performing their magic on my back.

His lips pressed to the base of my neck again and rational thought fled. I was just about to fling myself at him when there was a knock at the door.

"Thanks." I murmured to Jasper as I stood and stretched feeling much better.

Stumbling down the hall I opened the door to my dad's smiling face. His smile fell with one look at my face "Oh Alice, I'm sorry I couldn't come yesterday."

I smiled tiredly and gave him a hug "Don't worry about it dad, you were busy."

I led the way back into the apartment "She's asleep at the moment." I said yawning loudly.

"Looks like you could do with a few more hours." he noted.

Shrugging I flopped down onto the sofa, grabbing my coffee off the table I took a long gulp.

"Morning Jasper." I heard my dad say.

Frowning in confusion I looked around, I'm pretty sure I'd left Jasper on the sofa. He was just leaving the bathroom, the added addition of pants to his outfit.

Good thing one of us was thinking clearly.

No matter what the circumstances it probably wasn't best for my dad to find my boyfriend in my apartment in just his underwear.

"Morning Doctor Cullen, would you like a coffee?"

"That would be great thanks. Oh and Jasper, just because you're now dating my daughter doesn't mean you have to stop calling me Carlisle."

Jasper chuckled "Right Carlisle, one coffee coming up."

"I'll take another." I called finishing mine off in two gulps.

"You'd be better off trying to get some more sleep." Jasper berated in concern, he came to take my mug.

"Coffee works just as well." I replied causing him to shake his head, worry in his eyes.

"Jasper I'll be fine, I've had sleepless nights with her before and survived." I tried to reassure him.

Sighing unhappily he headed to the kitchen to get more coffee.

"He's right you know." my dad commented sitting down next to me.

I shrugged "I've had worse nights when she was younger." that was true, when I'd first had her and she'd started crying I'd had no idea what she wanted.

He shook his head "Just don't forget to take care of yourself."

"Jasper's been taking care of me." I mumbled without thinking.

"I can see that."

I looked up to see my dad smiling at me. He put his arm around me hugging me and placed a kiss on my head. "He's a good guy Alice."

I smiled "Thanks dad." I murmured.

My eyes drooped as I rested my head on his shoulder.

I heard voices near me talking, but nothing made much sense. I seemed to be surrounded by some sort of thick fog.

The sound of Ellie crying pulled me out, I sat up quickly.

"Alice I'll get her." my dad said standing "You'll probably be having a few rough nights with her, so get some rest while you can."

I nodded in defeat yawning again, the fact I'd spent the night before up with Jasper wasn't helping either.

Jasper moved to sit next to me, his arms wrapping around me and I leant into him letting my eyes close, but fighting sleep. Ellie might need me.

Jasper began to hum softly, pulling me closer to sleep. I opened my eyes refusing to give in and saw him shake his head in annoyance.

"I'll sleep when I know what's wrong with her." I said pushing myself out of his arms and grabbing the coffee he'd brought me.

"She has a fever Alice, it's not uncommon, especially at this time of year." He said.

"Are you a doctor now?" I snapped.

There was a slight pause "Sorry." I mumbled.

That hadn't been fair, he was just worried about me, and after everything he'd done last night.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean…" I began again turning to face him.

He cut me off by pulling me back into his arms "You get crabby when you're tired, that's good to know." he chuckled kissing me softly.

Usually a comment like that would have me scowling, telling him not to be such an ass.

Unfortunately, at the moment, I was having trouble remembering my own name as he kept placing gentle kisses on my lips.

"Jasper." I moaned, whether I hoped he'd stop or keep going I wasn't sure.

He pressed his lips to mine more forcefully, I responded enthusiastically causing Jasper to pull back.

"Baby your dad is right down the hall." he chuckled kissing me one last time before sitting up and pulling my head down to his chest.

I felt my eyes closing again and sighed happily as Jasper held me tight.

"Please try to sleep." he whispered to me.

I pulled myself up a little and scowled at him "Wake me up if I do."

"Alice." he complained "Baby you need to rest."

I shook my head stubbornly "Not yet." I tried to sit up more but he held me tight.

"Jasper." I growled angrily "I can't until I know if Ellie's okay."

Sighing unhappily he let me up.

I took another gulp of coffee hoping the caffeine would start taking effect soon.

"You're a great mother you know." Jasper said quietly.

I rolled my eyes "Yeah, that's why she's sick."

He nodded slowly as though he finally understood my irrational behaviour. Sitting up again he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed the top of my head.

"People get sick Alice, babies get sick. It's not your fault."

"But I'm meant to make it better." I insisted,

"You spent all of yesterday and last night with her, just because she can't tell you doesn't mean she didn't appreciate it, it doesn't mean it didn't make her feel better."

I smiled up at him. How was it he always knew what to say?

"Thanks." I said resting my head on his shoulder.

"You were right, she has a fever."

I looked over to where my dad had emerged with a very unhappy looking Ellie.

Pushing myself off the sofa I took her into my arms, placing a kiss on her hot forehead.

"I could prescribe antibiotics." he began slowly.

I knew what he was saying, my dad wasn't a great believer in antibiotics. I could still remember his lectures from when we were younger, how in the long run they did more damage by not allowing people to build their own natural defences, and I had taken that belief myself, but it was difficult telling myself this was for the best when my angel was suffering.

"Over the counter remedies will help lower her fever, and if she doesn't improve antibiotics are still an option." my dad pushed.

I nodded with a sigh, he was the doctor after all.

"I'll go pick you some stuff up. You need anything else?"

I started to shake my head 'no' when Jasper spoke up. "Some ready meals would be good."

Both me and my dad stared at him, he just smiled at me.

"I'll have to head home later so I can get to work, and I think I know you well enough to know you wont eat unless it's made for you."

My dad chuckled next to me. I scowled at both of them before heading to the kitchen to try and get Ellie to eat something, or at least take a bottle.

I heard the door close and nearly jumped out of my skin as Jasper's hands descended on my hips from behind.

"You fancy pancakes for breakfast?" he asked, trailing kisses along my neck and shoulders, his hands sliding to my stomach to pull me back against him.

"Someone's horny this morning." I said, pulling away to focus on Ellie.

He sighed "Sorry, I know you need to focus on Ellie, I just can't seem to help myself around you."

I turned to smile at him "It's nice to know you still find me sexually attractive when I look like shit. And pancakes would be wonderful." I added answering his earlier question.

"You don't look like shit." he said firmly.

I rolled my eyes as I tried to coax Ellie to eat.

I'd hardly slept, so my eyes were bloodshot, I hadn't brushed my hair or removed my makeup from the day before so I probably had panda eyes and I was wearing sweats.

I seriously doubted this would be the next big thing on the runways of Paris.

I didn't answer back though, there was no point arguing with him when he was like this.

He moved around the kitchen making pancakes, his hands occasionally running across my back or down my arm every time he came close to me.

The guilt from yesterday returned as I realised he was wasting his time off work being my slave.

"You don't have to stay." I told him as we settled down for breakfast.

Ellie hadn't eaten a lot but she did seem content in her highchair, allowing me both hands to eat.

"I don't mind." he said smothering his pancakes in syrup.

"Surely there's something more fun you could be doing." I pressed.

He shrugged "To be honest Em and Rose have been making the most of having the apartment to themselves at weekends so I'd rather not go back until I'm expected." he smiled.

"Okay." I conceded "But there are other things you could do."

"Alice." he said firmly "When are you gonna realise, that as long as I get to spend time with you, I really couldn't care what we do."

This had the potential to turn into a pointless argument, fortunately my dad returned at that moment.

"I got some medicine to lower her fever and help her sleep."

"Thanks dad." I stood to hug him.

"And I got you some ready meals." he grinned.

I scowled back "I can take care of myself you know."

My dad shook his head turning to Jasper "I feel sorry for you Jasper, she's too independent for her own good."

Jasper nodded in agreement "I know, she's the only person I know who doesn't like being spoilt."

"She's still here you know." I grumbled waspishly.

Chuckling my dad kissed my head "I'll call you later to see how she's doing. Don't hesitate to call if you need me."

"I will, thanks again dad." I went to walk him out but he pushed me back to my breakfast.

"I can find my own way out sweetheart, you enjoy your breakfast. Bye Jasper."

"Bye Carlisle." Jasper called as I sank back into my chair.

Once Jasper had finished his pancakes he stood to place his plate in the sink before standing behind my chair, his arms moved around my waist and his lips went to my neck.

Too tired to resist I let my head fall to the side, an involuntary moan escaped my mouth as he sucked the spot just behind my ear.

One of my hands went to the back of his head, my fingers softly intertwining in his hair. My eyes fluttered closed as I simply enjoyed the sensation of his lips on my skin.

His fingers began to massage my stomach causing another moan.

"Jasper." I whimpered.

He jumped back as Ellie screamed loudly and began to cry.

Fuck!

My eyes snapped open as I shot out of my chair. Even when she was sick I forgot about her, what the fuck was wrong with me?

"Sorry." Jasper gasped out. I didn't miss his subtle rearranging of the trouser department.

I picked up Ellie hugging her close and fighting back the tears that were threatening. When she didn't settle in my arms I balanced her on my hip so I could read the instructions on the medicine my dad had got, measured out the right amount and somehow coaxed her to take it from the syringe.

I walked around rocking her gently until her head began to droop and she was happy to be settled back in her crib, hopefully now she'd get some sleep.

Heading back to the kitchen I saw Jasper cleaning up our breakfast dishes.

"Stop it." I said irritated.

He turned to me frowning and my breath stuttered at the sight of him, shirt sleeves rolled up revealing his muscled arms, his hair was messed up from where my fingers had been tangled in it earlier, and he had never looked more desirable.

Thankfully my kitchen was tiny, it only took one step for me to be within reach, wrapping my arms around his neck I forced his lips to mine, he stumbled forward losing balance at my sudden attack. My back painfully slammed into the sideboard behind me, but I was too far gone to care, all I could feel was Jasper pressed against me, his lips losing there hesitancy and his tongue began to fight back against mine.

He ripped my top over my head breaking our kiss for less than a second, I moaned loudly into his mouth as his hands ran over me.

Lifting me with ease he set me on the sideboard, forcefully parting my legs as he stepped between them.

My hands went to his waist fumbling slightly in my rush to remove his pants, I used my feet to push them down his legs.

Lifting my hips I let Jasper pull down my sweats and panties in one go, our mouths still glued together.

I barely had time to moan as he filled me before he pulled out only to thrust back in fast and hard. I finally broke our kiss to trail my lips down his jaw to his shoulder.

My hands dug into his back through his shirt as I buried my head in his neck. Panting hard I rolled my hips to keep up to his pace.

Jasper's hands gripped my hips tight enough to leave marks and my legs wrapped around his waist pulling him deeper.

My scream of pleasure was muffled in his neck as I came, my walls clamping down triggering his own release.

Jasper tried to pull back but my arms and legs tightened around him.

"Alice." he murmured, twisting his head and bringing his hands up to tilt my head so he could place a soft sweet kiss on my lips.

A large hand seemed to be squeezing all the air out of my lungs, tears sprang to my eyes as I pulled away, pushing Jasper away I slid from the side and fled. I was locked in the bathroom seconds later trying to get myself to think clearly.

My pyjamas lay on the side and I pulled them on shaking.

A timid knock on the door made me jump.

"Alice?"

I was terrified at the level of fear in his voice.

"Alice, I'm sorry."

The tears I'd been fighting began to fall, I shook my head trying to tell him it wasn't his fault but my throat was blocked.

"Baby, if you want me to go I will, but I need to know you're alright first."

I shook my head again, I didn't want him to go.

_You have to say something dumbass he can't see you._

"No." I managed to choke out.

Reaching up from where I was cowering on the floor I managed to unlock the door. It opened slowly and Jasper stepped in fully dressed, I couldn't look at him. I just hugged my knees tighter.

He crouched down so he was closer to my height but kept a space between us.

"Baby, I'm sorry." he begged slightly.

"It's not you." I mumbled

I didn't like the distance between us, I didn't like that he was scared of me.

Another round of sobs surfaced and through my tears I saw Jasper reach for me, but his hands dropped back to his sides as he faltered.

I finally looked at him properly and saw the sadness in his eyes as he looked at my pathetic form cowering on the floor.

Slowly I dragged myself across the small space between us and collapsed into him, his arms wrapped tightly around me, protecting me from the world.

I rested my head against his chest, the steady beat of his heart calming me as my eyelids began to droop.

The next thing I knew I was lying on my bed, Jasper was behind me, his arms still tight around me.

I hugged his arms tightly and felt him place a soft kiss on my neck.

"How long was I out?" I mumbled.

"Almost four hours." he replied softly.

I wriggled in his arms so I could face him burying my head in his chest, trying to avoid the conversation I knew was coming.

He gently brushed back my hair "Baby what happened?" he whispered, his voice sad and confused.

With a sigh I pulled back so I could sit up a little and frowned as I tried to work out my latest emotional breakdown.

"I don't know." I finally admitted. "I'm just…it all got a bit too much I guess."

He sighed "I'm sorry."

Frowning further I looked at him "Why?"

"What happened in the kitchen…" he trailed off looking around the room at anything but me.

I shrugged, it hadn't been the sex that upset me, I wanted that, needed that.

He smiled at me "You're too damn irresistible for your own good."

Guess I needed to explain this to him.

"Jasper it wasn't that, it wasn't you. It's me okay, I'm just an emotional wreck that breaks down at the most inappropriate times. I'm sorry"

I reached up my hand to cup his cheek, he still looked sad.

Smiling he turned his head placing a soft kiss on my palm.

"Okay, I'll believe you, but for future reference if you're ever not in the mood let me know, or at least don't tease me cause my self control is very limited around you."

I chuckled "Jasper, I never have and never will regret having sex with you, and I owed you for last night anyway." I mumbled as a yawn overtook. I still felt exhausted.

Jasper immediately tensed next to me pushing away. I frowned up at him confused as anger flashed in his eyes.

"Jasper?"

"That's why you had sex with me in the kitchen? Because you felt you owe me."

I sat up confused as he pushed himself off the bed.

"Yes…I mean no…well, it's a bit more than that." I stammered, wondering why this was pissing him off so much.

"For fucks sake." he growled.

I shrank back as he turned to glare at me.

"Do you really think so little of me? Of yourself?"

I blinked trying to get my brain to wake up and work out what I'd done wrong. Seems I couldn't do it.

"Jasper what…?" I couldn't even form a simple question as I watched him pace angrily next to the bed.

"I wanted to." I finally stuttered out "You'd got me so fucking turned on from earlier, but.."

"There shouldn't be a 'but' Alice." he yelled cutting me off as he stopped pacing.

He put his head in his hands and growled dangerously.

"What else am I meant to do to prove to you I am not fucking James!" he spat his name out through clenched teeth "I do not spend my weekends at your apartment simply so I can fuck you."

I flinched, tears forming in my eyes again.

"I know that." I said "But I've been so busy, with Ellie and stuff and I've sort of pushed you aside, and you've been great about it, but I should be making more of an effort to make time for you, but every time I do I feel guilty leaving Ellie, and I just feel like I'm being torn in two sometimes."

I was gasping for breath at the end, trying to reign in the sobs that threatened to take over.

"Alice." Jasper winced in exasperation "There is no need for you to feel like that, I want you to put Ellie first, I expect that okay, it's one of the things I love about you. And I have told you a million times I'm happy to spend time with you just like this." he paused "Well not exactly like this." he gestured between us "But just at your apartment, with Ellie too, and I like being able to take care of you, you're so god damn independent and stubborn it makes me feel useful, like you actually need me. Because, you want to know the honest to god truth Alice?" he stared at me, his eyes burning into mine "I am terrified of losing you. I don't care if you're not ready to commit to me, if you're not ready to love me yet. I can handle that. What I can't handle is not having you in my life." he laughed once humourlessly "In two months you became the most important thing in the world to me, and the fact you feel you owe me for being with you, when that is all I want, is so fucking infuriating."

I felt so miserable and pathetic I could think of nothing to say but "You're shouting at me."

Groaning loudly he dropped to his knees next to the bed and took hold of my hand.

"I didn't mean to shout, I just got angry." he said softly kissing my hand.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

He shook his head pressing his lips to my hand more forcefully.

"I'm not angry at you Alice. It's just when you say shit like that, it reminds me of how…broken _he_ left you and I get mad at him for hurting you so much it makes you too scared to trust me, to trust yourself, to let yourself be happy."

Pulling himself back onto the bed he gathered me in his arms, placing kisses over my face.

"I love you Alice." he whispered.

And the truth of that was in his arms as he held me tight, it was in his lips as they pressed gently to my face, it was in every part of him.

Twisting my head I captured his lips with mine.

"I know." I whispered pulling back and wriggling back into his chest. "I know you do."

Although I have no idea why.

* * *

**Wasn't really sure how to end this chapter, oh well.**

**Review. xx**


	16. Chapter 16

****

Disclaimer:

**I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**I know another chapter, I'm on a roll lol. xx**

* * *

**Chapter 15**

The next few days passed in a sleep deprived blur.

I was almost relieved when Wednesday rolled round and I could get to work.

Siobhan is the best boss ever, she ended up working half my shift for me so I could get some sleep.

"Siobhan I really don't know what to say, thank you." I mumbled as she showed me into the little office where there was a sofa I gratefully collapsed onto.

"Hey don't even worry about it, I know what it's like remember. Besides I can't have you out there half asleep spilling food all over everyone." she chuckled as my eyelids drooped and I was lost to the world.

She woke me up three hours later. "Hey sleepy head, your rides here."

I looked around dazed for a second "What?"

Siobhan chuckled "You've really had a rough few days huh?"

Smiling sleepily I nodded "Not the worst I've had, and I don't doubt I'll have worse in the future."

Siobhan wrapped an arm around my shoulder leading me back into the diner, handing me my jacket and bag "I'm giving you the week off hon. Take some time, get some sleep."

I opened my mouth about to protest but with a glare she shut me up.

"You're no good to me half asleep."

"Sorry." I mumbled, feeling guilty I was letting yet another person down.

"Don't be sorry, just get some rest okay."

I nodded in consent "Thanks Siobhan, I owe you."

She smiled at me "Don't worry about it I'm keeping track."

I was surprised to find my dad waiting for me outside.

"Hey dad, where's Ellie?" I asked, expecting him to have brought her to save him a trip.

"She's staying with your mum and me tonight." he said in a stern, no nonsense voice.

I slumped in my seat. I am a failure as a mother and person in general.

My dad understood my look and sighed "Alice, sweetheart, it's not that we think you can't cope, but we're worried about you."

I sighed in defeat "I just feel so useless dad." I admitted.

He smiled softly at me "Every parent does when their child is suffering. Let us help Alice. You're still our baby, and we're feeling a bit useless ourselves."

I raised an eyebrow at him "Mum's better at emotional manipulation." I told him.

He chuckled a little "Yeah, I told her you wouldn't fall for that."

I shrugged "Well, Siobhan just gave me the week off so it's not like I have to worry about work."

"Still, I'd like to spend some time with my granddaughter." he gave me another smile and I caved.

"Fine, tell mum she can drop her home anytime tomorrow, since I don't have to work."

I sighed again, maybe it was the sleep deprivation talking, but I couldn't help feeling my life was starting to spin out of control again.

I said goodbye to my dad before dragging myself up the stairs to my apartment. Realising just how much I had neglected it these past few days I refused to give in to the temptation of my bed, instead I changed into some sweats, poured myself a very large mug of coffee and grabbed a bin liner and cleaning products.

I set to work throwing away various ready meal containers and gathering up random articles of clothing to throw in the laundry.

I had just finished cleaning the kitchen when my phone rang.

The three mugs of heavily sugared coffee I had downed had me a little hyper. Giggling I answered the phone "Hey you." I chirped.

Jasper's deep chuckle greeted me "You sound happy."

"Not really, my parents have done an intervention because I'm failing as a mother, so they've stolen my child."

He didn't seem to know how to take that "Erm…really?"

I giggled again "Not really, they're just having her for tonight to give me a break."

"So you're gonna get a good nights sleep then." he said sternly.

Rolling my eyes I sighed "Well, I was going to see if you wanted to go out, seeing as how I'm free, but I guess you don't think I'm up for that."

Jasper sighed "What did you want to do?"

"Not sure." I said thinking "Maybe a movie?"

It turned into a question, but it was short notice and seemed the most logical idea.

"I guess that would be okay."

My grin returned. He had agreed. I bounced happily for a few seconds.

"Okay." I sang happily down the phone.

Jasper chuckled again "Baby have you been in the sugar?"

"Maybe." I stretched the word out and giggled again.

"Well I hope you've calmed down a bit when we head out. I'll be over in about twenty minutes, if that's okay."

I glanced at my reflection in the mirror, I only really needed to change.

"Sure that's fine."

"Okay, oh and erm, make sure you wear trousers."

"I thought you preferred me in no pants." I teased with a giggle.

He chuckled "Oh I do. But I'll have to bring the bike, Rose has the car in the garage."

My eyes lit up, I finally got to ride on the bike.

"Is that okay?" Jasper asked.

"Great" I assured quickly "I've always wanted to ride you, I mean on your bike, I mean ride your bike." my cheeks burned, maybe this much sugar wasn't such a good thing.

"You'll get your chance later." he mumbled huskily.

Great now I needed clean panties as well. Curse him and his sexiness.

"Okay, well I'm gonna hang up now." I said "So I can get changed and you can get your sexy ass over here."

"Yes ma'am." he chuckled.

I changed quickly into some black boot cut jeans and a long sleeve blue top with a low cut v-neck, and then quickly changed into a push up bra for added effect.

I had touched up my makeup and was just pulling on my boots when there was a knock at the door.

"It's open." I hollered.

"That's not very safe baby. What if I was some lunatic?" Jasper's disapproving voice came form the hallway.

"What do you mean 'if'?" I called, holding back another giggle.

"Very funny." he mumbled.

"Don't worry, I only unlocked it cause I knew you were coming and wasn't sure if I'd be ready to open it."

"Fine, I'll believe you." he sighed "You ready?"

"Yep." I hopped up grabbing my purse from the side and turned to face him. My eyes widened and I, rather obviously, looked him over.

He could certainly handle the 'biker' look. His faded jeans and black T-shirt showed off what he had to offer, but it was the leather jacket that had me needing another change of panties.

Jasper's eyes flickered down to my cleavage and I smiled triumphantly. Taking advantage of the distraction I took a step forward and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I've missed you." I whispered smiling up at him as his eyes met mine, he smiled back.

"Yeah?" his hand came to run through my hair "I've missed you too baby. Being restricted to weekends just isn't enough."

I stretched up so I could kiss him "This isn't a weekend." I pointed out.

"True." he kissed me again "What movie did you want to see?" he asked as he took my hand and led me out of the building.

"Erm, actually I have no idea what's on. It just seemed the most logical thing to suggest. We can do something else if you want."

He smiled at me "Well seeing as how keen you are on the idea, how's about we just go for a ride?"

I grinned back refusing to feel embarrassed. I liked to shag my boyfriend, is there anything wrong with that?

"Sounds good to me."

"Great." he led me to a huge silver bike and I raised an eyebrow at him.

"You like power between your legs huh?" I asked with a smirk.

He just smirked back in response "You know it baby."

I had no idea what had gotten into me, but I kind of liked it as I giggled "You may need to help me get my leg over!"

I jumped a little as Jasper's arms wrapped around me lifting me off the ground and sitting me sideways on the bike.

"Lift your legs." he told me.

I complied but wrapped them around his waist, which I don't think was what he meant.

He tried to give me a stern look "Baby, you want to go out you gotta start behaving."

I pouted at him slowly unlocking my legs "Spoil sport!"

Shaking his head he spun me so I was now straddling the bike and passed me a spare helmet.

I screwed up my face in distaste "This is going to ruin my hair."

"Your safety is more important than your hair." he stated sternly "Besides, if Edward ever found out I let you within three feet of this thing he'll kill me, don't give him any more reason to."

"Fine." I huffed pulling it on. It was a modern stylish one with silver stripes down the sides that made me think of futuristic astronauts, that made me giggle.

"What's so funny?"

I yelped in shock as Jasper's voice echoed in my head. Have I gone insane?

"There's a mike system in the helmets Alice."

"You could have warned me before I put it on." I complained, my heart still beating a hundred miles an hour.

He carefully positioned himself on the bike in front of me "Hold on tight."

He didn't need to tell me twice. I wrapped my arms around his waist pressing myself into his firm back.

My hands wandered lower until Jasper placed his over the top stopping me.

"Behave you horny little monster." he chuckled "You do that when we're moving and we'll crash."

"Okay sorry, but like I said I've missed you."

He mumbled something too low for me to hear and kicked the bike to life.

I bit my lip hard to stop moaning at the sensations the idling engine were causing.

Bikes are officially my favourite mode of transport!

"Hang on." Jasper said as he released the throttle and we set off.

Being so short I knew there wasn't much chance of me seeing anything over Jasper so I kept myself pressed to his back, simply enjoying the rush of the wind, the vibration of the engine and just being close to Jasper.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Oh yeah." I assured "This is so cool."

He chuckled "I'm not the only one who likes power between their legs!" he teased.

My arms tightened around him "Jasper you keep saying stuff like that and I'm gonna make you crash." I warned "You have no idea how turned on I am right now."

"Really?" his voice took on a husky tone.

"Oh yeah, fuck the bike I want you between my legs."

I felt the bike wobble beneath me "Shit Alice." Jasper moaned.

"I did warn you." I pointed out.

"I kinda like this side of you." he chuckled.

"What sleep deprived, high on sugar and horny?"

He chuckled again but didn't respond. I felt the bike slow down and peeked out so I could see where we were.

The city was lost somewhere behind us, on every side of us trees grew, with only the bikes headlights illuminating the way, it was a little creepy and I pressed closer to Jasper.

"Nearly there." he said reassuringly.

I frowned "Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

He refused to say anymore.

He pulled off the road after a while and followed a dirt track for a few miles before the trees thinned, a large moon now lit the area as Jasper brought the bike to a stop.

He climbed off, kicking down the foot stand to keep the bike upright, I pulled my helmet off and looked around, we were in a field somewhere. Jasper had stepped away and was staring at something in the distance.

I squirmed for a minute before realising I was stuck.

"Jasper I need you to get me off." I called.

He turned and stepped back toward me smirking, his eyes shining in the dim light and I realised what I'd just said.

"The bike!" I clarified.

"Of course darlin'. What else would you mean?" he teased picking me up bridal style.

He shifted me slightly so he could support me with one arm, so he could retrieve a blanket and thermos.

I raised an eyebrow "Did you plan this or are those just for emergencies?"

He grinned at me "Always come prepared."

He carried me a few feet until I could see what he had been staring at, the lights of the city shone bellow us.

"Wow." I gasped "How did you find this place?"

He lay the blanket on the ground settling down with me sat between his legs leaning into his chest. He pulled the rest of the blanket around us cuddling me.

"Just luck really, I was out for a ride trying to blow off some steam and just came across it. I've been waiting for someone special to share it with." he mumbled in my ear and kissed my head.

I smiled snuggling closer to him "Have I ever told you I don't deserve you?"

He chuckled "Yeah you do talk rubbish sometimes."

I laughed a little "You're perfect, you know that right?" I turned, kneeling up so I could wrap my arms around his neck.

He leant forward resting his forehead against mine "Remind me to thank your parents for taking Ellie tonight.".

"Yeah, it has been a while since it was just the two of us." I mumbled.

He scowled a little "Don't you dare feel guilty."

I shook my head "Not tonight, tonight I'm just gonna enjoy being with you." I promised.

He smiled leaning forward, this time bringing his lips to mine. I was so hot for him right now, I pressed myself closer deepening the kiss and moaning into his mouth.

"You really wanna have sex in a field?" he asked pulling back.

Sighing I sat back "I guess not. You're just too damn sexy, I can't help myself."

Chuckling he pressed a kiss to my forehead before turning me so my back was to him again, his arms wrapped around my waist.

It didn't help, I was horny and I wanted him. I rubbed my thighs together to try and create some friction and heard Jasper chuckle.

He rested his head on my shoulder "You need me to get you off?" he asked innocently.

I shrugged "I could always do it myself." I teased sliding a hand down my stomach.

He kissed my neck, placing a restraining hand on top of mine "For my sanity I think I'd better do it." he murmured against my neck.

I bit my lip hard as he carefully popped the button on my jeans and slid his hand down.

He was really going to do this! That thought alone had me seriously wet.

"Jasper." I moaned softly as his fingers found my clit.

He chuckled "Try not to make too much noise baby."

I bit my lip, whimpering as his fingers sought out my entrance, he paused "You're so wet."

Well duh! Just get on with it. I screamed in my head.

Wriggling down I pushed myself onto his fingers a little, he responded by thrusting two into me. I moaned loudly forgetting what he'd said about being quiet.

"Shh." he chuckled "Don't make me gag you." he joked.

I put a hand over my mouth muffling another moan, as his fingers carried on working me, it didn't take long before my walls tightened as wave after wave of pleasure washed over me.

Sighing happily I collapsed back against Jasper "Thank you." I whispered.

He kissed the side of my head "The least I could do seeing as how it was my fault you were so horny."

Giggling I snuggled into him more shivering a little.

Jasper's hands began rubbing my arms in an attempt to keep me warm "You cold baby?"

"A little." I admitted "But I don't want to leave just yet."

He shifted behind me and I looked back to see him removing his jacket.

"You'll get cold." I said as he passed it to me.

He shrugged "I'm fine."

I rolled my eyes but pulled on the jacket, loving the smell, a mix of Jasper and leather. I leant back into him feeling spent after my orgasm.

"Are you gonna stay tonight?" I asked.

I heard him sigh "I don't know. Do you want me to?"

I fought with myself for a while, it was selfish asking him to stay when I knew he had to work tomorrow, but at the same time I agreed with him, weekends just weren't enough and I really wanted to make the most of it just being the two of us.

"I'd like you to." I said "But I know you have to work, so I understand you'd rather go home."

"I'd rather not have to work and spend all my time with you." he said pulling me back against him.

I smiled, this conversation was getting us nowhere. "I'd like to spend more time with you too."

I felt him stiffen a little "Well there is a way that I could." he said slowly as though testing the waters.

Shifting in his arms I turned sideways so I could frown at him "How?" I asked.

"Baby I could spend more nights at your apartment, but…" he took a deep breath running a hand over my hair "I'd need some of my stuff there."

I froze for a spilt second as I let that sink in.

"What kind of stuff?" I asked slowly.

"Well stuff for work, erm, some clothes, bathroom stuff" he trailed off looking at my face trying to gauge my reaction.

"Oh." was all I could manage.

"I'm not asking to move in Alice." he quickly stated "But if you want me to stay over in the week I'm gonna need…stuff." he finished a little lamely.

I took a steady breath trying not to freak out too much. I looked up at his face, his eyes were still on me.

"Can I think about this?" I asked softly.

He smiled and nodded, relieved I wasn't running in the opposite direction "Sure baby."

I stayed sitting how I was and leant my head on his chest as I looked back out at the lights of Seattle twinkling below us.

Jasper checked his watch and sighed "I should get you home. You need to get some sleep while you can."

I didn't realise how tired I was until I went to stand up and staggered into Jasper, the caffeine and sugar had finally worn off and all I wanted to do was sleep.

He kept up a stream of random questions all the way home, making me answer to stay awake so I didn't fall off.

When we got back to my apartment he spun me so I was sitting sideways on the bike again, taking off my helmet he smiled softly as I blinked at him sleepily.

My arms wrapped around his neck and I leant into him, I never wanted this night to end.

Jasper kissed my forehead "Come on beautiful, we need to get you to bed."

I grinned up at him "I like the sound of that."

Jasper sighed as he lifted me, my arms stayed around his neck and he carried me up to my apartment, I started to nibble his ear and down his jaw.

"Alice." he warned.

"Yes?" I replied blinking at him innocently.

He sighed heavily "I don't want to be a dick Alice. I really could do with going home tonight and I don't want to be the guy that fucks you then leaves you."

I pouted at him "I understand you need to go home." I said softly "I wont think you're a dick."

His jaw tensed, a clear indicator I was close to breaking his resolve.

I was still in his arms as we arrived outside my door and I tightened my arms so he couldn't put me down.

He looked down at me for a second then smiled "You gonna open the door?"

Grinning triumphantly I shifted a little to grab my key out of my purse, Jasper set me down so I could open the door and followed me inside and through to the bedroom.

He paused at the door as I stripped out of my jacket, boots and jeans.

"You're really not gonna hate me if I'm not here when you wake up?" he asked.

Turning back to him I shook my head before pulling my top off, leaving me in just my underwear. Climbing onto the bed I never took my eyes from his.

Jasper swallowed thickly "I just need to use the bathroom." he said, turning quickly to head across the hall.

I huffed a little dejectedly and flopped onto the bed, not exactly the response I'd been hoping for.

Smiling happily I snuggled down into my pillow waiting for Jasper to return.

The next thing I knew it was morning, I blinked slowly as my eyes focused, I was still in my underwear but was now under the duvet.

Sitting up I looked around confused. How was it suddenly morning?

A piece of paper on the pillow next to me caught my attention. I felt a smile tugging at my lips as I picked up the folded sheet to find my name printed on the front in Jasper's neat script.

I giggled, he had left me a note.

_Morning baby,_

_Sorry I couldn't stay last night, and I know I sort of tricked you. But, you really needed to sleep._

_I promise I'll make it up to you this weekend._

_Have a good day, I'll call you later._

_Love you baby,_

_Jasper xxx_

Giggling again I fell back onto the bed, feeling well rested and strangely giddy.

Last night had been exactly what I needed to reenergise myself and dispel my ridiculous guilt over not making time for Jasper.

It had been just perfect, now all I had to work on was making the rest of my life that good.

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	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

* * *

**Chapter 16**

My mum dropped Ellie off at eleven, now I wasn't sleep deprived I noticed she was looking better.

"How was she?" I asked.

Mum shook her head "She was fine Mary. You must have seen her through the worst of it."

I smiled as Ellie gurgled happily from my arms "Guess we both just needed a good nights sleep."

I spent a few hours playing with her, making up for the past few days.

Bella text asking if I wanted to meet for coffee. Seeing as how we hadn't had a good chat in a while and she was finishing work today at half one.

I leapt at the chance, needing to talk to someone about Jasper's request from the night before.

I surprised myself by showing up early at the little café we'd selected and took the time to get Ellie settled before Bella showed up.

"Hey Ali." she greeted me with a hug before placing a kiss on Ellie's head.

"Hi Bella, you okay?" I asked as she shrugged out of her jacket and sat down opposite me.

He smiled "Fine, things are finally starting to fall into place for the wedding, I think I've found the dress I want , but I really want some second opinions so I'll need you for that at some point next week."

"And how's Edward?" I felt a strange pang asking that. Four months ago I wouldn't have needed to, I'd have spoken to him myself, but ever since I'd started seeing Jasper a space had formed between me and Edward. Ninety percent of our conversations turned into arguments or at least us passing bitchy comments to each other.

Bella grimaced a little "He's okay." she said slowly, using her freshly delivered cappuccino as a distraction.

I sighed and Bella shrugged.

"It's self inflicted in a way, but he's feeling lonely. He barely even sees Emmett now either, he misses his friends."

"Why's he not hanging with Em?" I asked in confusion.

Bella shook her head and let out a soft sigh "They had an argument, well as much of an argument as you can have with Emmet. Edward seems to think he's siding with Jasper, when he should be siding with him and trying to keep you and Jasper apart. It's complicated."

I saw red and clenched my teeth tightly "When is he going to get over that?" I snapped "When is he going to realise I'm happy. Jasper hasn't done anything wrong."

Bella just shrugged and sipped at her coffee and I realised I was losing her to the dark side.

"Bella, tell me you don't agree with him." I begged a little, my hands gripping my cup tightly.

"He's your older brother Ali, he's trying to look out for you and just because Jasper's never had a serious relationship doesn't mean he's…inexperienced."

"He loves me." I stated stubbornly.

Bella just took another drink of coffee.

"Is that why you invited me out, to take up the fight against Jasper because I wont listen to Edward?"

"No." she said sounding hurt "I miss you, we haven't spent time just us for weeks. And don't have a go at me, I'm trying to see this from both sides. You're my best friend Alice, but Edward's soon to be my husband and I understand his concerns."

A second of silence past.

"Sorry." I mumbled.

"Me too." Bella smiled over at me and I grinned back, we never stayed angry for long.

"Just so you know I'm fighting your corner to Edward as well."

"Thanks Bella." I took a deep breath "If you want I can talk to Emmett, get him to suggest a night out with Edward, I hate the idea of him losing his friends because of me."

Bella smiled gratefully "That would be great." she took another sip of coffee "So, how are things with you and Jasper?"

I thought about that for a second. How where things?

_Great,_

_Fantastic,_

_Beyond words,_

_Changing._

That was the biggie right there, as things stood it was perfect. But things were at a crossroads, after last night whatever I decided would change things.

Obviously him staying over more, having things at my apartment made things more serious, but if I told him I wasn't ready for this it would be a rejection, and even though our relationship status wouldn't change certain things would.

"Hello, Earth to Alice."

I looked up at Bella.

"Was that space out good or bad?" she asked.

"Both." I mumbled "He wants to sort of move in a bit."

Bella frowned in confusion and I rolled my eyes at myself.

'_Sort of move in a bit', what the fuck Alice?_

"Last night we went out and I complained that we only really get to see each other at weekends and because of that it sometimes feels rushed, like we're trying to cram everything into two days. So Jasper said he'd be able to stay over more, but he'd need 'stuff' at my apartment."

I looked up to find Bella looking at me expectantly "And?" she prompted.

"I don't know if I'm ready for that Bella." my eyes dropped to the table "For all the times I've said I don't want to rush this, I feel like I'm being rushed along against my control."

"But he stops over at weekends, so doesn't he kinda have some stuff, like a toothbrush, there already?" she asked.

I shook my head "No, he brings what he needs week by week." I admitted feeling awful.

Jasper should be sainted for putting up with my shit.

"It's not like he's asking to move in Alice, and you've already said you want to see him more. So I'm kind of missing the problem here."

"So am I." I groaned angrily at myself "I don't know what's stopping me, but something is holding me back. I'm scared to admit I like him that much, I'm scared of getting used to having him around and I'm scared of Ellie getting used to him being around, because one day he might not be."

I heard Bella sigh but didn't look up from the table "This is about James." she said softly.

Well duh! I thought angrily. Everything was fucking about him and I hated it, I hated how much control he still had over my life.

"You want my advice?" Bella asked slowly, playing with her engagement ring.

I nodded desperately, I needed someone to tell me what to do because I was bound to mess this up somehow.

"Trial period." she said "Do not give him a key, that way you can still control when he comes over. Your apartments tiny Alice so it's not like you need to worry about him bringing loads of stuff cause there isn't room, but there is no harm in letting him have a change of clothes and other essentials at yours. If you feel like it's getting too much tell him." her eyes suddenly locked on mine "Now I know you Alice, and the hardest part for you will be keeping control, despite your fears you like Jasper, you like having him in your life, and you like the way he makes you feel, but you're right it is too soon for him to move in, so you need to make sure you still have a couple of nights a week when he's not allowed to stay over okay." she was looking at me sternly, and I looked down she was right that would be the part I caved on.

"I'll try." I mumbled.

"Not good enough." she took a deep breath "Okay, how many late shifts do you work a week?"

"Average of two, it depends if people want time off." I answered.

"Okay, when you're working a late shift, he's not allowed over." Bella said firmly.

I couldn't help smile at how seriously she was taking this "You want to make us colour coded schedules so we know for sure?" I teased.

She tried to scowl but laughed with me "I don't know, you try to help a girl out."

"I know, thanks though Bella, I needed a plan." I said.

"Here to help." she said "One more thing though, what do you usually wear to bed?"

I felt my cheeks heat up "Well, when Jasper's over, usually nothing."

Bella giggled.

"Otherwise, my pyjamas. Why?"

Bella sighed "Alice, as much as I know I'm going to regret saying this, we need to go shopping."

It was my turn to giggle, Bella hated shopping, well no, she hated shopping with me. I did have a bit of an addiction, although due to my limited funds the last few years it had eased a little.

"Why?" I asked again.

"You need something a bit sexier. You're an adult now Alice and cute just don't cut it."

Bella paid for the coffee as I strapped Ellie back into her stroller.

We headed for the shops where Bella picked out some sexy, silk and lace nightgowns. Due to the price I narrowed it down to two.

"I'll add to the collection when my pay check comes through." I told Bella as she returned the rejected items to the rails.

The ones I'd chosen, one was a pale blue silk sheath with spaghetti straps, the other was purple silk with black lace trim.

On my way home I made another quick stop to pick up a toothbrush, it was a bit silly but I wanted something to symbolise the decision I'd made.

Even though she was better Ellie wasn't completely over her fever and was very grumpy when we got home, so after a quick text to Jasper asking if he'd come round after work, I spent the rest of the afternoon with her.

I had just finished feeding her when there was a knock at the door, taking her in my arms I headed down the hall to answer it.

Have I ever told you Jasper's looks good in a suit?

I could feel myself getting wet just looking at him.

"Hey what's the big emergency?" he asked, giving me a quick peck on the cheek as he closed the door behind him.

I simply smiled at him and headed back into the lounge, carefully depositing Ellie in her playpen I grabbed the toothbrush off the side and handed it to Jasper.

He stared at it for a second before looking at me and quirking an eyebrow "Is this your way of telling me I have bad breath?"

I shook my head trying to stop giggling "It's my way of saying I don't mind you having 'stuff' at my apartment." I did the little air quotes for emphasis.

A smile broke over his face, that he quickly tried to tone down "Are you sure?" he asked.

My growing happiness halted and I sighed "Not really." I admitted "Which is why there are rules, for both of us."

I pulled him down onto the sofa.

"Like?"

"Well I'm not giving you a key." I said a little apologetically "And you can't stay when I'm working a late shift, and my apartment is about ready to burst with mine and Ellie's crap so you obviously can't bring loads of stuff."

I got a bit distracted as he started playing with my hair.

"And which of these rules must you follow?" he teased, smiling to let me know he wasn't serious.

"The not letting you over every night and pretty much having you move in rule." I sighed looking at him "This is new for both of us, and as much as I've said I don't want to rush things, part of me wants to. I like you being here."

Again I lost my train of thought as his fingers moved from my hair to skim my neck and shoulders.

"I can most defiantly live with those rules." he mumbled huskily leaning in to kiss me.

I melted, pressing myself into him I moved to straddle his lap, grinding down onto his hardening cock.

We both jumped at the sound of Ellie gurgling and I quickly climbed off him.

"And the most important rule." I stammered "No inappropriate behaviour in front of Ellie."

"That may be the one we need to work on." Jasper chuckled.

"So you wanna stay tonight?" I asked quickly looking down at my hands.

"Well I have some work I need to do, but I have the files in my car, so if you don't mind me working I'll stay."

He reached over to make me look at him.

"I don't mind." I whispered as our eyes met "Gives me a chance to prove I can cook." I added with a grin.

It was strangely comforting having Jasper work at the small kitchen table whilst I played with Ellie for a while before settling her down for bed.

We chatted a little as I made dinner, it was only pasta due to my limited food supplies, but at least it would be difficult to mess up.

"You finished?" I asked when it was nearly ready.

Jasper leant back in his chair stretching a little and I let my eyes run up his exposed legs and arms.

He'd been planning on going to the gym after work so had changed into his shorts and T-shirt so he could wear his suit tomorrow.

"Yeah, I've been done for a while actually." he grinned cheekily.

"Why didn't you say?"

His grin widened "I've been enjoying watching you cook. I never thought food preparation could be so sexy!"

My cheeks burned as I turned away from him to serve the pasta and placed a bowl before him.

I scowled as he tentatively speared some pasta on his fork and lifted it to smell before carefully placing it in his mouth and chewing slowly. He swallowed and waited a few seconds.

"Well it's not poisoned." he said.

I flung a coaster at his head "You are such an ass sometimes."

Jasper just laughed "Okay, I'm sorry, but this is the first time I've known you to cook without it burning."

He ate some more as I continued to scowl and violently stabbed at my own pasta.

"This is actually really good baby." he said, trying to undo the damage with a compliment.

"Sounding so surprised about that doesn't actually do you any favours." I muttered.

I heard his chair move and the next second his arms wrapped around my waist.

"I'm sorry" he mumbled, nuzzling my neck "I shouldn't be surprised you're a good cook, after all you're good at everything."

Rolling my eyes I turned my head slightly to kiss him "Overkill Jasper." I said.

The rest of the night we spent cuddling in front of the TV until I yawned loudly and Jasper declared it was bedtime.

He made a great show of removing his new toothbrush from the packaging and then placing it in the holder next to mine after he'd finished using it.

"Freaking out yet?" Jasper asked, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind and resting his chin on my shoulder.

I shook my head "No, I just know one night I'm going to see that when you're not here and miss you. That's when I'll freak out." I turned to smile at him "I've got to check on Ellie." I told him.

He pressed a kiss to my head and then headed across to the bedroom, whilst I headed down the hall to check on Ellie.

She was sound asleep.

Jasper was sat up in bed as I walked into the bedroom and quickly changed into my new night time attire. Jasper cast an appreciative glance over me as I slid into bed beside him.

"Nice." he commented, running a hand up my side.

I moaned quietly "Sexy nightwear was Bella's idea"

He leant over to start nibbling down my neck "Remind me to thank her." he mumbled.

I pouted sighing lightly, guess comfort wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

"Problem?" he asked seeing the expression on my face.

I shook my head "No, it's just my pyjamas are comfier, but I know they're not sexy."

Jasper sat up, one hand brushing my hair back "Baby, you could look sexy in a bin liner."

I giggled looking up at him coyly "Well maybe I'll try that tomorrow night. I guess it would be easy for you to rip off me."

Jasper let forth a half moan half growl crushing his lips to mine.

"See, you just made a bin liner sexy." his hands fisted the fabric tightly "But if this is really that uncomfortable."

I'm not quite sure how he managed it seeing as how he had me pinned to the bed but the next second he'd pulled it up over my head.

I squeaked in surprise.

"Better?" he asked caressing up my stomach.

I tried to pout, which was very difficult with his hands working their magic on me "I told Bella it would be a waste."

Jasper chuckled "Oh trust me, it wasn't a waste." he said rolling his hips into me so I became acquainted with his raging hard on.

The sound of Ellie crying broke me from my dreams in the early morning. Jasper's arms were wrapped tight around me.

I wriggled carefully trying to get free without waking him. His arms tightened and he mumbled incoherently in sleep.

"Jasper, you gotta let me go." I whispered trying not to laugh as he pouted like a toddler.

"No." he mumbled still asleep "Mine."

"I'll be right back." I promised finally freeing myself.

I grabbed my nightie from the floor and frowned, searching for my panties. What the fuck had he done with them?

I gave up as Ellie's cries got louder and quickly headed to the nursery.

It took me a good half hour for me to get her to calm down and a further twenty minutes before her eyes began to droop.

"She okay?" I jumped in shock as I headed back into the bedroom and Jasper spoke up.

"She's fine now. I'm sorry I tried not to wake you." I said, quickly sliding back in bed with him.

I felt him shrug as he pulled me into his arms "You didn't. I just woke up and you weren't here."

I rested my head on his chest getting comfy, trying to get rid of the worrying feeling that no matter how slow I tried to take things I was already in deeper than I was willing to accept.

I didn't want to get used to him being here, for him to get used to being here, but at the same time when I was snuggled in his arms like this I never wanted him to leave.

His hands started to wander up my legs and I wriggled against him with a giggle.

"Don't you have to work tomorrow?" I asked.

He completely ignored my question his hands moving higher.

"No panties. Nice" he murmured.

I sat up to pout at him "Yeah, I couldn't find them after you removed them earlier!"

He grinned "It's not like you need them."

Rolling he pulled me so I was straddling him.

"I repeat, don't you have to work tomorrow?"

He shrugged, his sexy smirk on his face "I need something to keep me going through all those long boring meetings."

Fair enough.

I settled myself more comfortably, my fingers trailing down his chest.

Once again I thanked Siobhan for giving me the week off.

* * *

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	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

* * *

**Chapter 17**

Time really does fly when you're having fun.

After about two weeks of living by Bella's rules they were quickly flung to the wayside.

Don't get me wrong Jasper still hadn't moved in, in fact in many ways he spent less nights at my apartment this was, because he soon found out he got very little work done when he did stay over.

He just seemed happier spending his time with Ellie and me, and I was more than happy spending my nights with him.

It was just annoying that now I was actually happy time seemed to be moving so quickly, I turned around one day in a slightly blind panic realising it was November and I had yet to even think about Christmas.

Not only was it Ellie's first Christmas, but this was also the first occasion for exchanging gifts for me and Jasper and I wasn't sure what the rules were.

Did we just get joke presents, did we get something more serious, could I get him clothes or was that too old married coupley?

I was usually pretty good about just knowing what people would like but with Jasper, as usual, I was over thinking everything.

I was lying on the sofa thinking about it one night whilst Jasper took a shower.

Letting my eyes close I travelled the dangerous paths of my past, thinking about things I'd brought for James.

Dangerous in more ways than one when you think about it.

A husky chuckle sounded above me "Wakey wakey sleeping beauty."

I wrinkled my nose and sighed sadly, sitting up so Jasper could fit next to me.

"What's wrong, would you prefer Cinderella?" he joked.

My chest tightened and I blinked as tears pricked my eyes.

"What?" he asked his voice getting worried now.

"Nothing. I just don't really believe in fairytales since Prince Charming turned out to be such a toad."

I closed my eyes so I didn't have to see Jasper's reaction. Why the fuck did I just say that?

"Sorry." I said risking a look at him after a few seconds silence passed. His face was sort of blank.

His voice held no emotion when he spoke "I guess that makes sense." he took a deep breath "I always thought Prince Charming was overrated though."

I risked another glance at him and found him smiling at me.

"Really?"

He shrugged "He seemed a bit full of himself, I always saw myself as a knight in shining armour, riding in to whisk fair maiden away."

This guy really was so perfect.

I giggled "And where do you plan on whisking me away to?"

He leant over me his lips descending to my neck and working them up to my ear where he whispered "The stars!"

I burst out laughing at that and raised my eyebrows at him "Someone's watched Titanic too many times."

He laughed with me "Well excuse me for trying to be romantic." he suddenly became serious "How does New York take you instead?"

I blinked at him "What?"

He shrugged looking nervous "I was just thinking, a long weekend in New York might be nice, we could do some Christmas shopping."

I looked away "What about Ellie?"

He sighed "Well, I was thinking your parents wouldn't mind tacking her for a couple of days. Or" he continued when I didn't respond "I hear the Doubletree Metropolitan Hotel has good facilities for kids."

"Which weekend?" I asked quietly.

"Whatever's good for you." he said softly.

"I don't know." I mumbled.

"Alice, baby look at me."

I glanced up nervously and he placed his palm against my cheek, stopping me turning away.

"My life's not that simple." I burst out "I can't drop everything for a weekend away."

He sighed "I'm not asking you to Alice. I don't want you to abandon Ellie, or choose me over her. I would just like to spend some time with you. Just one weekend, me and you."

I closed my eyes again, as it was the only way I could avoid looking at him.

"I know." I whispered "And you've been great, being patient with me and you're great with Ellie. And I know it's not fair to keep expecting you to be the one who always has to compromise or make sacrifices. But it's complicated, I've never left her for more than one night, and even then I've been close by in case anything happened."

Jasper sighed "Alright, I'm sorry, I wont push you on this." he tried to kiss my forehead but I shook my head angrily.

"You see." I groaned leaning forward so my head rested on his shoulder "Why do you have to be so great? Why do I always end up the bad guy?"

"Alice." he said in an exasperated voice "What do you want me to say? You want me to be a dick, fine. I want to spend time with just you, make you breakfast in bed without you needing to sort Ellie first. I want to spend all day in bed with you without having to move. I want to go out one night and not have to worry about getting back to relieve the babysitter. I want a chance to spoil you properly."

He pulled me onto his lap, wrapping me in his arms.

"Baby please, can you at least ask your parents if they would mind having her for a weekend, it doesn't have to be before Christmas if you don't want to. But please, will you at least ask for me."

I nodded into his shoulder. The least I could do was ask my parents about it.

He pulled my face up and kissed me deeply.

"I love you." he said smiling at me "That's why I'm patient, that's why I adore Ellie, that's why I will sacrifice anything to be with you and that is why I want to whisk you off to New York for a weekend."

I sighed heavily and wrapped my arms around his neck "Why are you so great?"

Jasper started running his fingers through my hair "You know you're a really good boost to my ego."

I tried not to smile "You are great." I insisted, moving so I was kneeling over him "No one else would put up with all my baggage."

He brought his lips back to mine shutting me up.

"You wouldn't be you without your baggage and I love all of you." he mumbled against my lips.

Realising I wasn't going to win this I let it go in favour of making out.

The next day I'd agreed to go with Bella for her final dress fitting. She met me at work and we grabbed a late lunch at the diner when my shift ended.

"Excited?" I asked smiling at her.

Bella shook her head "I am, but I'm also scared. I mean it's really happening now, I'm getting my dress."

I laughed at her "So you're getting cold feet."

"No." she insisted "I'm not, I know he's been a bit of an ass to you and Jasper lately, but he's still my Edward and I want nothing more than to marry him." she laughed "I just wish I'd been more selfish and agreed to his Vegas plan."

"It's going to be fine." I assured "It's not a huge wedding anyway, and if it does all get too much just focus on the two week honeymoon." I waggled my eyebrows suggestively making her blush.

"I guess. Anyway, after today I am ignoring it until after Christmas."

"I suppose there isn't that much left to organise now." with my mum involved it was a miracle Bella had anything to do.

"Nope, everything is booked, your dresses are sorted, once mine is sorted, there is just one thing I'll need your help with, but like I said it can wait until after Christmas."

I frowned "What could I possibly help with, like you said the dresses are pretty much sorted and mum's dealt with the rest."

She shrugged "Getting Edward to forgive Jasper and let him back in as ring bearer. I have a bad feeling about Jacob doing that particular job."

I giggled "Yeah, he'd probably lose them 'accidentally'" I teased.

"How are things with you and Jasper anyway?" she asked.

"Okay." I answered slowly "He invited me to New York for a weekend last night."

Bella's eyebrows rose "He's taking you on a mini break, that is so romantic." her eyes glazed over as she got lost in her thoughts.

I rolled my eyes "Yeah really romantic. The problem is I can't just drop everything that easily."

She refocused with a frown "Why not? Come on Alice, New York!"

"Ellie?" I asked.

Bella's face fell "Oh, right. Well surely your mum and dad wouldn't mind having her."

I sighed "Yeah, that's what Jasper said." I checked the time "Come on we've got to go."

"What's bothering you? Come on Ali I'm your best friend I know when something's up" she said as we walked towards the dress shop.

I shook my head "I guess it just took me off guard a little. You know what I'm like, I tend to freak out before I give myself a chance to think things through rationally. I'd love to go with him, spend time just us two."

"So go already." Bella said with a laugh before she looked at my face "Alice what's wrong?"

"Am I being selfish wanting that?" I asked looking at my feet "Am I selfish for wanting to leave Ellie behind?"

"Oh Alice." Bella sighed "Everything you do is for Ellie, you deserve this break, it's not selfish and besides you're not leaving her alone, your mum and dad will take care of her, they'll spoil her rotten, you know that."

This is why I loved Bella, she always knew how to make me feel like I wasn't a complete failure.

"And if your mum and dad wont take her for a few days. I will." she shrugged.

"Bella." I said, a little overwhelmed by her gesture.

She shrugged again "After everything you've been through in the past year you deserve a holiday. Besides think of the fun you and Jasper can have in a hotel with no child around." she suggested, trying to get me back for my earlier comment.

I just giggled "Don't worry Bella, we don't really have any problems in that area."

She shook her head at me as we entered the shop.

The dress Bella had chosen was absolutely beautiful, it was a pale cream with lace, off the shoulder sleeves, the bodice had lace overlay with small jewels sewn in. the skirt flowed out to the floor. The veil had jewels along the edge and was held in place by a small tiara.

"Bella, you look amazing." I said as she stepped out.

She smiled shyly before turning to the mirror to admire herself "You like it then?"

I smiled feeling tears prick my eyes "Bella, it's perfect."

My reassurance seemed to calm her nerves.

"Now aren't you glad you didn't end up in Vegas." I teased as we headed home. I was carrying the dress for Bella because she was scared she'd end up ruining it by tripping over something and ripping it.

I laid it gently on the backseat of her car.

"Please don't wreck it." she begged as we arrived at my apartment and I picked it up again.

I rolled my eyes "Bella I will have it less than an hour, as soon as my mum drops off Ellie she is taking it, to be put away somewhere safe until your wedding." she scowled at me "I will be careful with it." I promised.

I hung it up on my bedroom door and changed quickly before waiting nervously for my mum. I may as well ask her about taking Ellie for a weekend while she was here.

"Oh it's more gorgeous than I remember." she gushed as she came through the door and spotted the dress.

"Yeah, Bella's terrified it's going to get wrecked, so please take it with you so I don't get blamed." I joked as I took Ellie off her.

She just looked at me and got ready to leave.

Now or never.

"Erm, mum."

"Yes sweetheart."

I took a deep breath "I don't suppose there's a weekend you and dad are free when you could have Ellie is there?"

She just continued to stare at me.

"It's just." I carried on "Jasper asked if I'd like to go to New York with him for a weekend break and I just wondered if you'd mind having Ellie?"

I braced myself for the inevitable tirade of accusations, how I had responsibilities, how I shouldn't just expect her and dad to take Ellie when I wanted a break, she was my daughter etc, etc.

"Of course sweetheart, which weekend."

I looked up at her in shock "What?"

"Well, which weekend would you like us to have her?" she asked slowly.

"Erm." I stuttered, her simple acceptance having completely thrown me "I'm not sure, we were waiting to see which was good for you."

"Okay." she smiled "Well how about I talk to your father and you talk to Jasper and then we can decide what works best for everyone."

I nodded smiling in relief, she kissed my cheek, then Ellie's, picked up Bella's dress and left.

I staggered to the sofa in a daze.

Had that really just happened?

I looked at Ellie who was gazing at me "Has Grandma been taking any new medication did you notice?"

Jasper got in from work about half five, Ellie was fed and ready for bed but happily playing on the lounge floor.

Jasper came over wrapping his arms around my waist he kissed up my neck.

"Missed you." he murmured as he reached my ear.

I willingly leant back into him "Really? I'd never have guessed."

With a chuckle he placed one last sloppy kiss on my cheek before heading into the bedroom to change.

"What did you want to do about dinner?" I asked through the door keeping my eye on Ellie as she set off on an expedition across the lounge.

"Don't mind baby, you got anything in, or you just want takeout."

"I'm thinking takeout." I said decisively. I couldn't really be bothered to cook.

Jasper came out dressed in jeans and a T-shirt "I can cook if you want." he offered.

I laughed a little as he found Ellie at his feet and picked her up to deposit her back in her circle of toys, she gave him an annoyed sort of look before setting off on her mission again.

Jasper just stared at her as I laughed harder "Sorry." he called to her, she gurgled at him.

"I think you're forgiven." I giggled.

"Where's she going?" he asked watching her.

I shrugged and reached out to grab the menus by the phone "What do you fancy?"

"Pizza?" he suggested flopping onto the sofa next to me and pulling me against his chest, his eyes still following Ellie "Or Thai, for a change."

My eyes lit up "Thai green curry." I almost shouted.

Jasper chuckled "Okay, guess that answers that." he took the menu off me to look for himself.

"You had a good day?" he asked after calling our order through.

I nodded "Pretty good." I said sorting a bottle for Ellie before bed "We got Bella's dress sorted."

He smiled "You got yours yet?"

I grinned up at him "Yeah mine was sorted before Bella's."

"What's it like?" he asked.

I shook my head turning to Ellie who was back playing in the lounge "Nope, it's a surprise."

"Not even a little clue?" he asked, his hands doing their unfair magic thing they did when he touched me, making me melt.

"Jasper be patient."

"Not even a colour?" his lips brushed across my neck.

My eyes fluttered "Fine, it's silver, strapless, long."

"Mmmm." he murmured into my neck "Sounds nice, I can't wait to see you in that. And out of it." he whispered before pulling back. I huffed in annoyance.

Bastard getting me all hot and bothered.

I looked up at him and he smirked before his eyes went back to Ellie and his face softened as he watched her.

"You want to give her her bottle?" I asked quietly. His eyes dropped to mine in surprise and I shrugged. "Just a thought." I said quickly.

"I'd love to." he said holding out his hand, I passed him the bottle, smiling as I watched him pick up Ellie and set her on his knee so he could feed her.

"I'm so used to doing everything myself, I forget you want to help." I mumbled sitting next to him. "You should remind me now and then."

He just smiled at me for a second before his eyes dropped back to Ellie, who's eyes were on his face as he fed her.

Once she was fed I walked her around a bit until her eyes began to droop and I settled her down in her crib.

Coming out of the nursery I found our food had arrived and Jasper was plating it up.

As we ate we chatted a bit more about our days. I was impressed Jasper didn't bring up New York again, I guess I'd have to do it seeing as how open my mum had been to babysitting.

"So I talked to my mum today." I began slowly "About her and dad maybe having Ellie one weekend."

I kept my eyes on my plate but I knew he was looking at me.

"And she was asking which weekend we'd like them to have her, so when were you planning on whisking me away?"

I glanced up when I'd finished to find him beaming at me.

He shrugged "When would you like to go?"

I chewed my cheek thoughtfully "Well not this weekend because it's a bit short notice, maybe next week? If we leave it too long I'll lose my nerve."

Jasper chuckled "Okay, sounds good to me, I'll ring around some hotels and airlines if that's okay with your parents."

"You'll ring round?" I asked.

Jasper shrugged "I'm whisking you away remember."

I frowned, that meant he'd be paying for everything.

"Don't pout." he warned "I'm spoiling you, no arguments Alice, understood?"

I stuck my tongue out at him "I wasn't pouting."

He shook his head "If you say so, but I mean it, no arguments."

"But it's unfair, expecting you to pay." I burst out.

Jasper sighed heavily "You're not expecting me to pay." he pointed out "I'm treating you to a weekend in New York. Just stop worrying about it."

I huffed "Fine, but don't go overboard okay."

It was stupid because I knew Jasper could afford this no problem, he was ridiculously rich, but sometimes it was just another way I felt inadequate.

Tears pricked my eyes and I blinked angrily.

Why was I crying?

My eyes wandered around my crappy little apartment and my chest got tight.

"Alice."

I looked up to find Jasper looking at me a frown on his face and the tears started to fall.

Quickly I grabbed our empty plates and made my way to the kitchen to clean up.

I jumped as Jasper placed his hands on my shoulders turning me away from the sink so I was facing him.

I kept my eyes on the floor as he brushed away my tears with the pad of his thumb.

"Baby what?" he asked slowly "What's wrong?"

I shook my head closing my eyes tightly. His arms went to wrap around me but I pulled back.

"Why are you with me?" I asked.

He sighed angrily "Do not start this again." he warned.

I shook my head "I don't get it, I don't get what you could possibly want here. I mean look around it's hardly the Ritz."

He gave an exasperated sigh and spun away heading back into the lounge. I followed slowly and he whirled around to face me.

"What do you want Alice huh? do you want someone who doesn't want to spend time with you? Who judges you? Who doesn't like Ellie?"

I shook my head, tears rolling freely down my face.

"Then what am I doing wrong?" he roared at me.

I took several deep breaths "Nothing." I sobbed out.

Jasper turned gripping the back of the sofa tightly, his head fell forward "You have got to stop doing this." he said angrily.

I swallowed thickly "But, you could have…"

"No." he didn't even let me finish, in two strides he was towering over me, his hands wrapped tightly around the top of my arms, his eyes burning into mine.

"Just stop it." he hissed. "Stop fucking fighting me Alice. I don't care, I wouldn't care if you lived in a cardboard box with fourteen fucking kids, I would still love you. I am not going to stop loving you, I don't want anyone else. I want you, I fucking love you, and you know what Alice, despite what you may believe you deserve to be loved." he glared down at me "You do not say shit like this again, do you understand." he growled.

I sobbed and Jasper's hands immediately loosened and he pulled me to his chest. I gripped his T-shirt tightly in my hands as I slowly soaked it with my tears.

"I'm sorry." he whispered softly "I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry I got angry." he sighed softly pulling back to take my face gently between his hands, he looked down into my eyes, his expression soft, reassurance in his eyes "I'm sorry. But I love you Alice." he shook his head in exasperation "Please just let me."

I nodded slowly pressing myself back against his chest, he was right, I had to stop doing this, I had to stop pushing him away, trying to prove he'd end up leaving me.

I had to let go of the thought I wasn't worth anything that I had carried around ever since James left me.

Taking a deep steadying breath I looked up at Jasper "So about New York…"

* * *

**So what will they be getting up to in New York? Find out next chapter.**

**Reviews are better than Jasper loving you.**

**Well okay they're not, but they're still pretty good lol. xx**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**So what will Jasper have planned for New York, well read to find out. xx**

* * *

**Chapter 18**

I could not believe this was happening. Jasper's hand gripped mine tightly as we listened to the long list of safety checks and things we needed to know in case the plane crashed.

I swallowed nervously, that was a comforting thought.

"It's fine Alice." Jasper's calm voice assured.

I nodded, I knew that, I'd flown before. A lot further than across the country as well, and I was fine once the plane was actually moving. It was this bit that freaked me out.

"If the life jacket doesn't inflate…"

"You'll drown." I muttered causing Jasper to chuckle.

My head fell back against the headrest as it finally came to an end.

"You know." Jasper murmured leaning closer "If you need something to take your mind off our impending doom we could always join the mile high club." I could hear the smirk in his voice.

"Jasper." I turned to look at him "I'm not having sex on a plane. I never have and I never will. There are just some places in the world that are not suitable to participate in certain activities and a passenger jet bathroom is one of them."

He pouted rather adorably but I folded my arms stubbornly. It was not going to happen.

Jasper continued to pout for most of the flight, I ignored him for the most part because I was busy stressing about Ellie.

What if something happened when I wasn't there?

What if she thought I was abandoning her?

Had I packed everything she was going to need?

"Alice, try to relax. You're supposed to be on vacation." Jasper murmured as I fidgeted in my seat "You sure I can't take your mind of anything?" he asked with a smirk.

I scowled over at him "Jasper once we get to the hotel you can do whatever the hell you want, but I've told you it's not happening here."

He leant over to press a kiss to the side of my head "Anything I want?" he asked with a husky chuckle.

I nodded my head in consent, not really thinking about the possible consequences, just agreeing to anything to stop him pestering me for sex on an airplane.

As soon as we landed and were off the plane I called home whilst Jasper retrieved our bags.

"I'm just checking everything is okay." I said.

I could almost hear my mum roll her eyes "Everything is fine Alice, your father and I do have some experience when it comes to looking after children. Aren't you supposed to be relaxing and having a good time?"

"Okay, okay, I'll call you tomorrow."

"Alice"

I hung up before she could complain anymore.

"Don't." I warned Jasper seeing the grin on his face. I knew I was stressing over nothing but I couldn't help it.

He shook his head "I wasn't gonna."

Despite all my worries I was rather looking forward to getting to our hotel room and was a little put out when Jasper simply dumped our bags then dragged me back outside and bundled me into the back of a taxi.

"Jasper?"

He shrugged, giving directions to the cabbie before turning to smile at me "You can't come to New York and not go sight seeing. What did you think we'd be doing?" he asked with a knowing smile.

I rolled my eyes "I was hoping you'd at least let me unpack."

"You'll have time later." he said looking out the window.

My eyes narrowed, he was up to something.

Of course I completely forgot Jasper's plotting when we arrived outside the Empire State building, my eyes lit up and I tired to hold in my squeal of delight but didn't quite manage it.

Jasper chuckled as we got out and he paid the fair before grabbing my hand and leading me into the building.

"Glad we decided to go sight seeing now?" he joked.

"I suppose." I muttered "So what other surprise's did you have planned, despite the fact you are well aware I hate surprises."

He shook his head with an over exaggerated sigh "I don't know, you try to do something nice…" he trailed off with a grin as we got in line for the elevator.

"You know I hate surprises." I huffed.

Jasper leant closer to my ear and I shivered as his breath danced over my neck "But the last time I surprised you I got such a wonderful reward." he chuckled.

I bit my lip hard, why did there have to be children around? And people in general?

"I told you that only happens when I like the surprise." I said pressing back against him as carefully as possible, seeing as how we were in public. He let out a barely audible groan.

"But you do like it." he pointed out huskily.

"Hmm." I tapped a finger to my chin thoughtfully "So I do. I guess that means I should reward you."

His hands slid to my hips just as we were ushered into the elevator so I had to step away from him.

I smiled up at him sweetly as he moved to stand beside me, I had so much fun teasing him, and just because I liked the surprise didn't mean I couldn't punish him a little for it.

The views were absolutely breathtaking, I'd been to the Eiffel Tower with James and had always thought nothing would beat that.

"It's incredible." I breathed leaning back into Jasper as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Better than our view in Seattle?" he asked.

I frowned "In some ways, in others I prefer our view cause it's ours." I then grinned evilly "That and you can't give me an orgasm here!"

Jasper chuckled "You have got to stop teasing me when we are in public." he warned.

"You can talk." I grinned at him.

He shrugged "Yeah but I have an excuse, because you're irresistible."

I giggled happily as we wandered around the observation deck hand in hand.

"So what else do you have planned?" I asked casually.

He shook his head chuckling "I'm not that stupid Alice. You'll just have to wait and see."

"Jasper." I pulled out the full force of my pout.

He sighed "Alice, I want to spoil you." he returned his own pout, that annoyingly actually worked on me.

"You're not getting the whole 'I hate surprise's' thing are you?" I huffed.

Jasper just chuckled "Of course, I'm just more interested in the 'when you like the surprise I get a blow job' thing."

I shook my head, this guy was incorrigible.

My body seemed to be humming in anticipation as we got back to the hotel. My mind wandering to all the possibilities our luxury suit offered, the king size bed alone was going to be a lot of fun.

"So do you want your reward now?" I said as we entered our suit, running my hands teasingly up his chest.

Jasper shook his head making me frown.

"Not yet, you've got a few more surprise's left." he pointed through to the bedroom "In your suitcase there is a garment bag, Rosalie picked the dress out so I have no idea what it looks like. Take a shower and get yourself ready for a night out."

My mouth was hanging open in shock "Are you serious?" I finally managed to stammer out.

He nodded "Taxi's booked from the hotel at seven, so be sure to be ready for then."

He guided me into the bedroom before closing the doors behind him as he went back into the lounge area.

I was still gaping in shock.

How in the hell had he managed to organise so much in just over a week?

I took out the garment bag and my mouth dropped again as I unzipped it to see the dress.

"Wow Rose." I breathed.

A small note was pinned to the inside of the bag.

_Alice,_

_Hope you like. I thought it would suit you._

_Make sure you wear the shawl as you leave the hotel so Jasper can get the full effect when you arrive at your secret destination._

_Give him a shock seeing as how I know you hate surprises._

_Have fun, love Rose. xx_

The dress was stunning, it was black, floor length, and sleeveless with a triangle shape cut out of the side with ruffled edges, that would reveal part of my back and stomach but still remain tasteful.

I took a long hot shower, wrapping myself in an overly fluffy hotel towel I headed back into the bedroom to try and find some underwear that would work with the dress only to discover nothing actually would, unless I wanted it on display.

"Guess I'm going commando." I giggled, Jasper would love that.

My hair was at that annoying length where I could do nothing with it and I was delighted to find Rosalie had thought of everything as I found a couple of silver hair clips meaning I could just leave it to curl naturally and pin it back.

She had also brought me a matching earring and chocker set with, what I hoped were fake, diamonds set into it.

There were also some very nice new black strappy heels.

I dreaded to think how much the entire outfit had cost but decided, for tonight at least, I'd let it go and just enjoy myself for Jasper's sake.

I pulled the dress on when I was ready and stared at myself in the mirror in shock.

I had never looked this good in my entire life. Even my senior prom dress was nothing on this.

Tears pricked my eyes as I thought back to what a wreck I had been five months ago.

I owed Jasper so much, he'd really picked me up off the floor.

Blinking to stop myself crying I made a vow that this weekend was about him, I would not let my issues and insecurities ruin it. I'd let him have his way, I'd let him spoil me and I'd give him as many fucking rewards as I could.

I grinned at my reflection, grateful Rose had also brought the shawl to cover me so Jasper wouldn't see my dress until we arrived, wherever the hell we were going.

"Alice, you ready?" he asked knocking gently on the door.

Quickly wrapping the shawl around me I made sure it fell to my thighs covering the top section of the dress.

"As I'll ever be." I said quietly before turning to open the door.

The second I saw Jasper I started to wish I'd worn panties because, fuck me!

He was in full black tie, his curly hair combed back and I had to physically grab the door frame to stop launching myself at him.

Wherever we were going had better be good.

He blinked several times as he took me in and I felt my cheeks heat up.

"Wow." was all he managed "You look…wow."

I giggled self consciously. "Impressive vocabulary there." I teased "Although I have to admit you look pretty wow yourself."

He swallowed thickly and shook his head a little as though trying to clear it "Shall we?" he offered me his arm.

"If we have to." I smiled to let him know I was kidding as I took his arm.

He gave me another look over "Yeah, I'm feeling that way myself, but it's all arranged now, so…" he trailed off but made no sign to move.

"So?" I prompted, curious despite myself at what he had arranged for tonight.

With a slightly regretful sigh Jasper led me down to the lobby and out to the waiting taxi, I climbed in carefully, trying not to reveal anymore of my dress to Jasper.

He slid in beside me and leant forward to tell the driver where to head, I only caught the word 'marina' but it was enough to perk my curiosity more.

He took hold of my hand as he sat back "You excited?" he asked with a smile.

Sighing I knew it best to be honest "Annoyingly I am, I want to know what you've planned."

He smiled triumphantly and raised my hand my knuckles. "You'll like it, at least I hope you will." his face became thoughtful.

I laughed "Don't worry Jasper, you'll still get your reward from earlier even if I do hate it, which I doubt."

He grinned "Good to know."

The cab ride was about thirty minutes and my curiosity was eating me up inside by the time the cab stopped.

My head snapped around to look out the window and, for what felt like the hundredth time that day, my mouth fell open in surprise.

A small cruise ship was anchored in the marina, hundreds of lights strung around the outside. Other couples were making their way towards it.

Jasper opened the door and helped me out the cab as I continued to just gape like a moron.

"This…it's…Jasper." I breathed.

He shrugged nervously "I thought a night of dinner and dancing might be nice."

Laying my arm in his he started to lead me forward, pausing for a minute "It's okay right?"

I just looked up at him blinking, completely overwhelmed by the entire thing. No one had ever made this much of an effort for me before.

"It's…it's." I took a deep breath "Jasper it's…I can't…it's perfect."

His face relaxed and he leant down to place a kiss on the side of my head.

"I wanted it to be special." he whispered.

"Well it's definitely that." I said still staring in wide eyed wonder.

As we arrived at the entrance I felt like I was walking into someone else's life. This sort of thing just didn't happen to me.

Jasper gave his name to some guy seated behind a desk while someone else came to take my shawl.

I was suddenly ridiculously nervous about giving it up. It was like my security blanket, but I wasn't sure if you were allowed to refuse the help so I took a deep breath as he pulled it from my shoulders.

I wish someone had been filming Jasper's reaction. I loved Rosalie in that moment.

He did a comical double take before just standing there open mouthed as his eyes moved slowly over me.

I giggled nervously.

Jasper blinked breaking from his daze and cleared his throat, offering me his arm again which I willingly took.

"You know the stupid thing?" he murmured as we were led into the large ballroom set up for the dinner and dancing, and showed to our table.

"What?" I asked.

"I can still think of nothing better than wow!"

I giggled again.

The host made a great show of pulling my chair out for me making Jasper narrow his eyes until he left.

Looking around the room I noticed all the tables were set up as twos around the edge of a large dance floor, a small band were on a raised platform to one side.

It was all so far removed from my normal life I felt a little intimidated so looked down at the table instead only for my eyes to widen at the hundreds of pieces of cutlery set out.

"So what happens here exactly?" I asked nervously.

"Well it's a set five course dinner, and dancing." Jasper replied.

"You don't really know do you?" I asked with a grin.

He shrugged "Hey I've never really done this kind of thing before."

I bit my lip then decided to just ask what I was thinking "Weren't your parents into this kind of thing?" I asked hesitantly.

I heard him sigh "Yeah, but most of the time me and Rose were just left at home with the nanny. We went to the odd party, but nothing like this."

I nodded letting it go.

"'Start from the outside and work your way in.'" I quoted as the first course was brought out and set before me.

The food was delicious and even though it was five courses they were small enough not to make me feel stuffed.

Many of the couples got up to dance between courses, but me and Jasper were happy just sitting at our table talking.

The meal also came with champagne which I enjoyed immensely, despite the fact I technically shouldn't be drinking it. When I pointed that out to Jasper he smiled guiltily and said it was a special occasion and he'd make sure I didn't get drunk.

"Did you want to dance?" he asked nervously as the plates from the final course were cleared away.

I nodded, unable to speak as my heart started to beat crazily against my ribs.

Jasper helped me out of my chair and led me onto the floor, placing my left hand on his shoulder I kept hold of the other one, he pulled me closer.

We didn't do anything particularly impressive, Jasper taught me basic waltz steps but we mainly just swayed.

"Do you have any idea how beautiful you look tonight?" he murmured gazing down at me.

My cheeks warmed "Actually I do." I admitted "I almost didn't recognise myself."

His eyes suddenly snapped onto something over my head and narrowed, his hand slid to the small of my back protectively.

"If I see one more person panting after you." he growled lowly.

I rolled my eyes "Jasper, they're all couples here." I pointed out.

His eyes came back to me and he scowled "Yep, and you're making some wives and girlfriends very jealous."

"No I'm not." I insisted, felling my face heat up.

Jasper raised an eyebrow "Baby you are the most gorgeous thing in this room, even that guy who's old enough to know better can't keep his eyes off you."

"Jasper." I whined pressing closer to him.

"Seriously, there are so many men currently undressing you with their eyes I'm about five seconds away from staking my claim right here and now." he growled making goosebumps erupt over my skin.

I giggled "Oh yeah, and how do you plan on doing that?" being so close to him was starting to effect me and I'd suddenly had enough of dancing.

His eyes burned into mine "Taking you right here on the dance floor." he said calmly as though he actually intended on doing that.

I pressed even closer to him my lust increasing.

"How about you drag me back to my lair and have your wicked way with me caveman." I purred, stretching up to place a teasing, chaste kiss on his lips.

Jasper let forth a half groan, half growl and dragged me off the floor.

I was giggling like a school girl as we left the room, the mix of lust and champagne making my head nice and fuzzy.

"I should probably use the bathroom before we go." I said, seeing the sign as we made it to the lobby.

Jasper nodded letting go of my hand. As I came back out I saw him putting his phone away.

"Trouble?" I asked, wondering if my mum had called.

"No, everything's fine." he assured. His smile turned into a scowl as a rather eager looking teenage boy came over with my shawl.

"I'll take that." Jasper declared causing the boys face to fall in disappointment and me to bite back a laugh.

I shook my head at Jasper as he wrapped an arm possessively around me and led me outside.

The cab ride back to the hotel seemed to take twice as long as me and Jasper teased each other mercilessly.

As we pulled up in front of the hotel Jasper just flung a fistful of notes at the driver and dragged me into the lobby. The elevator doors had barely closed behind us before he had me pinned against the wall kissing me deeply, my fingers tangled in his hair, kissing back with just as much enthusiasm.

I broke away, sucking and nibbling his neck as we reached our floor. Jasper lifted me, carrying me down the hall to our suit as my mouth continued exploring his neck and jaw.

He put me down just inside the room and I looked around in surprise. This must have the been the phone call he'd made.

Soft music echoed around us, a large Jasper bouquet was set on the side and a room service trolley was placed in the room holding strawberries and more champagne.

"I felt bad dragging you from the party, so I thought we could have one of our own." he explained throwing his jacket over the back of one of the chairs.

I turned to him with a mischievous grin, my hands went to the waist band of his pants and began pulling his shirt free "I like that idea, cause if it's a private party you can be naked!"

Chuckling he helped me rid him of his shirt.

Wandering over to the room service trolley I took my time selecting a strawberry before making a big show of eating it, I probably looked like a porn star as I slowly sucked it into my mouth, but the rather nice bulge developing in Jasper's pants showed me it had had the desired effect.

Grabbing a champagne bottle I made my way back towards him, pushing him down onto the chaise lounge.

I had to hitch my dress up a bit so I could straddle his waist. He was smirking at me as I pushed him down onto his back and poured a small amount of champagne onto his chest, with a grin I leant in and ran my tongue up him lapping it up.

He moaned softly and I glanced up to find his eyes shining as he watched me, one of his hands trailed over the exposed skin on my side making me shiver in pleasure.

He took the bottle out of my hand, placing it on the floor as he sat up making me stand in front of him, his hands running over me.

"Remind me to thank Rose for picking that dress out." he said his eyes following the path his hands took.

"Yeah I really like it." I said smirking "It's makes it easy to get ready cause I don't need to worry about underwear."

Jasper's fingers clenched around my hips.

"Say that again." he demanded.

Biting my lip I held in a giggle "Well the style of the dress means it's impossible to find underwear that doesn't show. So I just decided not to bother with any."

Jasper let forth an appreciative moan leaning his forehead against my stomach.

Extracting myself from him I went to get another strawberry, this time taking my time to suck the juice off my fingers and I thanked god for the champagne I'd consumed that was stopping me from realising just how ridiculous I looked.

Jasper's self control snapped, the next second he was crushing his lips to mine, his hands fisting my dress pulling it up my legs.

I winced as I heard the fabric rip, I really loved this dress.

"Jasper." I mumbled against his lips pushing him back.

He snarled, his tongue trailing slowly along my jaw making me moan softly.

Okay, fuck the dress! I thought quickly helping him rid me of it.

Jasper's eyes ran over me, then strangely he stepped backwards and settled himself on the sofa.

"Come here." he demanded.

Heat shot through me as I slowly walked towards him, his breathing got heavier as his eyes roved over me.

I stopped just out of his reach causing him to scowl.

"You're wearing too many clothes." I pointed out "I'm feeling rather underdressed."

He quickly discarded his pants and boxers before sitting again "Now come here." he ordered with a growl.

I moved forward then so I was straddling his lap, his hands went to my hips. His eyes checked mine once for permission and I nodded, I had been ready for him the second I'd seen him tonight.

Instead of lowering me onto him he thrust his hips up penetrating me deep. I let out a gasp of surprise my hands grabbed onto his arms as I started to ride him.

I let out a small giggle, Jasper frowned. Leaning in I kissed him my hands going to either side of his face

"This is more what I had in mind for this weekend." I panted.

Chuckling he kissed me deeply speeding up his movements, bringing an end to conversation for the night.

* * *

**I think they're having fun lol. What do you think?**

**Review. xx**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**I feel like I should put a warning Jasper is going to be showing his kinky side, enjoy lol.**

* * *

**Chapter 19**

Butterfly kisses along my jaw woke me. Giggling I rolled over pulling Jasper's lips to mine.

"Morning." I mumbled still groggy with sleep.

His fingers began playing up and down my sides causing me to shiver in delight.

"Morning." he replied before returning his attention to sucking and nibbling my neck rolling his hips into me, letting me feel his morning wood.

"Jasper, I just woke up." I groaned still trying to clear the sleepy haze from my brain.

He nibbled his way to my ear "This is your six am wake up call." he chuckled.

"Six am? Didn't you get enough last night?" I huffed.

"Never enough." he mumbled his fingers running up my stomach.

"Have you take Viagra or something?" I asked, pointlessly trying to fight him off.

He sat up pulling me under him and shook his head "Nope, this is the result of getting to sleep with the sexiest, most amazing lover in my arms all night." he grinned "And knowing I get you all to myself with no interruptions for two more days."

I couldn't contain a moan as his hands cupped my breasts his thumbs brushing over my nipples.

"Alice." he moaned sucking on the sensitive skin behind my ear "If I'm not inside you in three seconds I'll self combust."

That made me giggle. He growled loudly moving his lips down to my collarbone and he had me.

"Fine, do what you have to. I'll just try to get some more sleep." I teased spreading my legs and closing my eyes.

Unfortunately Jasper knew exactly what to do to get me all wet and wild for him, and whilst it was longer than three seconds it didn't take much more for me to be begging him to take me.

He had not been kidding when he said he couldn't get enough, the guy was like a machine.

I collapsed back onto the bed panting after another orgasm, finally understanding the term 'shagged out'.

Jasper lips began caressing me again and I had to push him off me.

"I can't." I panted, still trying to regain my breath "I'm done."

He sat up so he could gaze down at me and smiled guiltily "Sorry, I got a bit carried away." he placed a soft kiss on my forehead.

I smiled brushing his hair back "You're sure you haven't taken Viagra? Because, fuck me, I have never heard of a guy recover so fast."

He kissed me softly "No, that is all you baby."

"God, I've never wished I was unattractive before." I joked.

Chuckling Jasper rolled off the bed, he pulled on a pair of boxers and a T-shirt and crouched down next to me. His fingers running through my hair.

"You get some more sleep. I'm gonna take a shower, then order us some breakfast. What do you fancy?"

"You." I giggled kissing his nose.

Raising an eyebrow he smirked at me "I'll shag you again if you keep that up."

Groaning I flopped down into my pillows "Who'd have thought that would be a threat." I thought for a second "Pancakes." I decided "Smothered in maple syrup."

His eyes sparked slightly.

"What?" I asked.

He shook his head leaning in to kiss me "I've just had the most delicious image of you smothered in maple syrup."

I bit my lip hard "A cold shower for you me thinks."

He sighed kissing me once more "This is what you do to me woman." standing he headed for the door.

"Jasper." I called out sweetly, rolling onto my stomach to look over at him "Maple syrup's a bit sticky, if you want me smothered in something make it whipped cream."

His knuckles turned white as he gripped the doorframe and I giggled as his boxers tented out.

"You are gonna be the death of me." he groaned turning to leave quickly.

Giggling I snuggled back into bed happily letting sleep take me again.

"Wakey Wakey beautiful."

I wrinkled my nose as something ran down it and pulled the blankets up over my head with a groan

Jasper chuckled and slowly pulled them back down.

I scowled up at him, he grinned down at me, a yellow rose from the bouquet he'd got me between his teeth.

"That's the second time you've woke me up." I pouted.

He chuckled, removing the rose from his mouth he ran it down my nose again "Breakfast is served." he gestured to a large tray resting on the dresser holding a heap of pancakes and a steaming mug of coffee. I giggled as my eyes fell on an aerosol can of whip cream.

"Yeah." Jasper gave me a look "And just so you know the guy who delivered all this seemed to know exactly what we wanted that for."

He passed me his dress shirt from the night before as I sat up and I pulled it on, Jasper placed the tray in front of me then climbed back in bed beside me.

"I haven't had breakfast in bed for years." I giggled trying to remember when the last time actually was.

"Oh the joys of a five star hotel." Jasper grinned smothering his pancakes in maple syrup.

He dipped his finger into it and brought it to my lips. Locking eyes with him I sucked his finger into my mouth.

He swallowed "Alice eat." he said breathlessly turning to focus on his breakfast "You'll be needing your strength for what I have planned."

Turning my attention to my breakfast I tried not to think about Jasper's plans.

Gulping down a mouthful of coffee I tried to give myself a quick burst of energy before attacking my stack of pancakes.

After breakfast I quickly called home to check on Ellie and then hopped in the shower.

Knowing Jasper had no intention of leaving the hotel room today I didn't even bother getting dressed. I simply emerged wrapped in a white fluffy towel to find him lying on the bed in just his boxers.

Making my way over to him he sat up to wrap his arms around me then sighed sadly.

"No, I'm sorry this just isn't working."

I frowned as he pulled back a thoughtful look on his face.

His hands suddenly clenched tightly on the back of the towel ripping it off me he pushed me back onto the bed.

Moisture built between my legs at the feeling of his body pressed to mine.

"That's better." he smirked, taking my hands he pulled them up above my head and directed me until I was gripping the bars of the headboard.

He shifted slightly to straddle my waist and grinned evilly down at me.

I heard an ominous click, my eyes widened as cold metal closed around my wrists.

Glancing up at the headboard I saw myself successfully handcuffed to it. I looked back at Jasper wide eyed.

"Jas…"

He cut me off by pressing his lips to mine briefly.

His sexy smirk was back in place as he slowly ran one finger down my arm, continuing down my body, between my breasts to my belly button. "Now, what am I gonna do with you?"

I swallowed thickly, this is new and this is different and this is exciting!

He shuffled forward so he was now straddling my chest, though he was careful not to put any weight in me.

Leaning forward he ran his tongue down my arm wrist to elbow and blew gently on the damp skin.

I whimpered, my hands strained against the handcuffs as he repeated the process on the other arm.

As he kissed down from elbow to shoulder I squeezed my thighs together, the ache between them already nearly unbearable.

Chuckling he shuffled higher so he could torment me more by gently nibbling and sucking on each of my fingers.

I was gone.

He hadn't even made it lower than my shoulders and I was gone, a whimpering withering mess beneath him being driven insane with want.

I pulled pointlessly against the restraints that held me and felt him shift slightly, I focused my eyes to find him holding the can of whip cream.

"Now Miss. Cullen, what would you like me to do with this?" he asked with a smirk. I grinned back, as much as I was ready for him to just fuck me already I couldn't deny this was insane amounts of fun.

I jumped a little as he sprayed a straight line from my belly button up to my throat and moaned loudly as his tongue ran up me licking it off.

Jasper was frowning as he sat up and dropped the can to the floor confusing me. I gave him a questioning look and he smiled leaning in to kiss me.

"I don't like it. It ruins your taste." he murmured softly.

I whimpered again as he slowly started to nibble at my collar bone, teasing me again.

"Jasper." I moaned wriggling against him and whimpered as his hands trailed down my sides.

"Patience." he teased leaning in to kiss me, he pulled back far too soon and I let out a moan of disappointment.

"Just relax Alice." he whispered sucking and nibbling my neck.

Rolling my head to give him more access I tried to do as he said, but it was very difficult.

He continued to move lower at a torturously slow rate taking his time, using his mouth to worship my body.

Finally, after what felt like hours, he positioned himself between my legs.

I rocked my hips towards him to tell him what I wanted as it was imposable for me to form coherent words by this point.

I groaned as he lifted one of my legs and moved down to suck on my toes and run his lips up slowly.

"Please…please." I begged as his teeth teased the inside of my thigh.

Instead of listening however, he simply moved to the other leg.

He chuckled as I wriggled beneath him, I'm not sure what I was trying to achieve, I didn't even notice when he pushed my legs wider apart.

I let forth an appreciative moan when I felt him place a kiss where I was aching for him, he chuckled and the vibration shot straight through me.

I closed my eyes waiting for him to move back up me and spread my legs wider to accommodate him. My eyes snapped back open as I felt his tongue dart between my folds.

"Fuck!" I whimpered.

His tongue moved to start lapping at my clit and I bucked my hips into him instinctively, a stream of unintelligible whimpers escaping my mouth.

Shit, he'd never done this before, I'd never had this done before.

I'd given oral plenty of times, but the thought of receiving it had always freaked me out a little.

Jasper slid his tongue inside me and I moaned loudly trying to get my hands free again.

Boy had I been missing out!

My hips bucked again, trying to get closer to him as he continued to fuck me with his tongue.

I screamed out as he began to hum lowly, my stomach clenched, I was so close.

His hands were massaging the inside of my thighs, he moved one down pressing his thumb to my clit and I saw stars as I came hard on his tongue.

His hands continued to caress my thighs as he pulled his head away, with one look at his lust filled eyes I was ready for him again.

Forming words was still beyond me so I whimpered arching my body towards him.

With a growl he pulled himself up crushing his lips to mine kissing me hungrily.

His hands were still at my thighs keeping my legs wide apart for him.

He broke from my lips to place open mouthed kisses down my neck and torso, biting down softly now and then.

I felt him tease my entrance.

"Jasper." I gasped out, our eyes locked and he thrust into me.

My back arched and the cold metal dug into my wrists as I pulled against it, my head was spinning as he continued to pound into me, his hands gripped my hips, I flew over the edge again with his name exploding from my mouth, my own name echoed back as Jasper came.

I was still panting heavily, my body shaking slightly as Jasper freed my hands. He placed soft kisses around my wrists where the metal had dug in.

"You may need to get those fluffy ones for next time." I told him.

He raised an eyebrow at me "Next time?"

I nodded "Oh yeah, we are so doing that again."

He chuckled huskily and kissed me, my eyes drooped slightly as a wave of tiredness crashed over me, Jasper ran a hand lovingly through my hair before wriggling down in the bed and pulling me to his chest.

Listening to the steady beat of his heart it didn't take me long to be lulled to sleep.

A few hours later I awoke still in Jasper's arms. I looked up at his face to see his eyes closed and ended up staring at him for a while, smiling softly.

Spending all day in bed with him was like a weird dream, and I felt sad that we couldn't do this at home as well, just spend a day fucking and sleeping, then fucking again. I giggled softly.

"You fancy a nice bubble bath?" he asked causing me to start a little. His eyes opened and he smiled down at me.

"Yeah sure." I said quickly to hide my embarrassment at having been caught staring at him.

"Would you object to me joining you?" he asked leaning in to kiss me.

I melted into him and all I could manage was a shake of my head.

Sharing a bath with Jasper was another dream like experience, his sexual appetite seemed to finally be sated and he was content to just hold me.

When the water began to cool we got out, I couldn't stop giggling as he dried me off.

I pulled on his shirt again once I was dry and a pair of boy cut panties.

Jasper groaned when he saw me pulling me into his arms and leaning down to nibble my neck "You are utterly too delectable for your own good." he murmured against my neck.

"I can change if I'm distracting you." I giggled.

"Don't you dare." he growled playfully, pulling back to look at me "If I had my way you'd dress like that all the time." his fingers played with the buttons "Or maybe a little less."

I swatted his hand away "I need food." I complained, my stomach handily growling on cue.

Shaking his head he pulled me through to the lounge area passing me a room service menu.

"Order whatever you like, and don't you dare look at the price." he told me.

Shaking my head I looked down and knew the second I saw it "Steak."

"Good choice." Jasper laughed calling down to order two steaks with potatoes and veggies and a bottle of wine.

"You plan to get me drunk?" I teased "You know I'm not old enough."

Jasper grinned pulling me to his chest "You're on vacation, and I wont tell if you don't."

We ate our steaks curled up on the sofa watching Ice Age on the large flat screen that came with the room. I flopped onto my back over Jasper's legs when we'd finished.

"I'm stuffed." I moaned.

Jasper leant down pushing the shirt up he kissed my stomach several times. I sighed happily as he held me close and we finished watching the movie.

"Baby?" Jasper asked softly.

"Hmmm." I murmured nearly asleep again.

"Would you do something for me?" he pulled me up against his chest.

I looked up at him curiously "What?"

He placed a kiss on my temple "Dance for me."

I tensed a little nervously "You want me to dance."

He nodded slowly.

"You danced with me last night." I pointed out.

His arms tightened around me "You told me you danced ballet, I'd just like to see you."

I shuffled nervously, it had been a while since I'd danced, but after all Jasper had done for me this weekend it seemed the very least I could do for him.

Sighing I pulled his mouth to mine "The things I do for you." I mumbled pulling free of his grip "I'm a bit out of practice." I told him nervously, stretching a little.

Turning my back to him I tried to forget he was watching.

Thinking back over my years of classes and recitals I easily moved so I was in third position before slowly moving, I just went through some basics, a couple of pirouettes letting my body bend and sway into the familiar posses and moves.

I closed my eyes letting my instincts take over, twirling and moving gracefully. Naturally I let the dance come to an end and opened my eyes to find Jasper sat forward watching me.

I shrugged self consciously "Like I said I'm out of practice."

Shaking his head he pulled me back onto his lap "Looked good to me. Why did you give it up?" he asked.

"I told you, there were other things I wanted to do instead." it came out harsher than I'd intended but dancing for Jasper had made me realise just how much I missed it.

"I think in the new year you should look into a class." he murmured.

Sitting up I looked at him "Jasper I don't have time, and I have Ellie."

He pulled me back to his chest kissing my head "I know, but you obviously miss it, and you're really good. Besides if it's an evening class I can watch Ellie, I mean if you wanted."

With a sigh I wrapped my arms around him "Why do you always make it sound so easy?"

"Because it is easy Alice. I just want you to be happy, if not dancing then look into a college course or something. I'm just thinking about the future." he defended as I looked at him.

Smiling I kissed him deeply for a few minutes "You do that quite a lot don't you." I whispered.

He shrugged "Yeah I think about our future a lot."

Hearing him say that made me feel very warm inside, and safe.

My hands came up and I ran my fingers over his face memorising him.

"Really?" I asked quietly.

He nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving mine "I plan on having a very long and happy future with you." he leant in to kiss me "I love you." he said before kissing me again.

Our lips collided gently in soft kisses.

"I love you." Jasper whispered again.

Tears pricked my eyes as our mouths continued moving gently together.

Jasper moved to nuzzle lovingly along my jaw "Love you so much." he murmured.

I bit my lip hard fighting back the tears that continued to collect in my eyes.

He stood slowly, my legs wrapped around his waist as he carried me back to the bedroom.

It was slower and softer now, his body was pressed to mine, our mouths moving together softly.

Calmer than the raging animalistic need we'd given into earlier. I felt completely safe and completely loved and I couldn't stop the tears flowing over as he slowly brought me to my release.

He rolled off me and I turned kissing him all over his face.

I felt his hand brush over my damp cheeks and he looked up at me in alarm.

"Thank you." I chocked out before he could say anything.

"For what?" he whispered wiping away my tears.

"For this." I gestured around the room "For whisking me away, for being you, for loving me." my voice wavered as my emotions spiralled "Please don't stop." I begged.

"Don't stop loving you?" he asked in confusion.

I nodded burying my head in his chest I felt him sigh.

"Baby that is not something you ever need to worry about." he grabbed my face making me look at him "I will never stop loving you." he swore.

In that one moment everything screamed to say it back, I wanted so much for it to be true, but I knew it wasn't, as much as I wanted to I still couldn't let go of my fears.

Jasper's lips found mine and the moment was gone.

The next day we spent shopping, something I'm pretty sure Jasper regretted suggesting after about an hour of being used like my own personal pack mule.

"What should I get Ellie for Christmas?" he asked as we wandered through a toy store.

"You don't have to get her anything." I mumbled.

Jasper sighed then repeated "What should I get Ellie for Christmas?"

I gave him a look and he shrugged "My new thing is to ignore you." he said with a smile.

I rolled my eyes at him "I don't know. I'm not even sure what I'm getting her yet." I paused as we excited the toy store and dragged him over to a jewellery store instead.

"I wanted to get her a charm bracelet." I told him looking at the rows of gold and silver "But I think I'll get her that for her first birthday. That's when I got mine."

Jasper frowned "You don't wear a charm bracelet."

I looked down "Not anymore, it holds too many memories now." I shrugged trying to be nonchalant "But I loved it."

In the end I allowed Jasper to buy her an activity mat thing, that would take over my lounge floor but was easy to pack away as well, he also helped me pick out a necklace for Rosalie.

He complained it was too much but I insisted, after all she'd done to help me, and as I pointed out he hadn't needed to buy anything for Ellie.

"So what did you want for Christmas?" I finally plucked up the courage to ask.

He smiled "To spend it with you and Ellie."

I rolled my eyes "I was thinking more present wise."

"Like I said, allowing me to spend it with you and Ellie will be the best present you could give me."

I gave up on him for now and moved on to Edward and Bella.

By the time we'd finished I had presents for pretty much everyone, except Jasper. I was feeling a lot more relaxed about Christmas and actually started looking forward to it.

We headed back to the hotel to pack and I tried to force all the things I'd brought into my suitcase.

Jasper chuckled as he watched me struggle before pulling an empty holdall from his own suitcase.

I glared at him "Why didn't you tell me you had that earlier?"

"It was fun watching you try to pack." he wrapped me in his arms with a sad sigh "And I don't want to leave."

"I don't want to leave either." I admitted leaning into him, I never wanted this weekend to end "But reality awaits." I stretched up to kiss him "And it's not like we wont be able to spend time together at home."

"True." his fingers slipped under my sweater drawing patterns on my stomach "And we have made some rather fun memories."

"Jasper we need to get to the airport" I trailed off moaning as his hands moved high. Just as I was about to give in he withdrew his hands.

"That's true." he said picking up our suitcases "Come on then."

I scowled at him grabbing the holdall and my carry on "You are in so much trouble for that mister." I warned.

We made it to the airport in plenty of time to check in and grab something to eat before our overnight flight back to Seattle.

Most of the other passengers slept which Jasper took full advantage of by teasing me more.

"You planned this didn't you." I murmured softly as his lips ghosted over my neck.

He chuckled "Not really, I'm just going with the opportunity that seems to have arisen."

I shook my head stubbornly "There is no opportunity. I told you before, I am not having sex on an airplane."

His hand went to start massaging my thigh "It's not like anyone would know, they're all asleep. Come on baby, we're still technically on vacation."

My resolve was nearly gone as his fingers trailed higher up my leg.

"How longs this flight again?" I asked a little breathlessly. Squeezing my eyes shut I took steady breaths, trying to fight down the urge to pin Jasper to his seat and fuck him senseless.

"Depending on traffic we can be back at your apartment in seven hours." he whispered in my ear.

Seven hours, I could last for seven hours.

He began to lick and suck behind my ear "Alice." he murmured "Please baby, for me."

My resolve snapped and I got out of my seat quickly, checking where the stewardesses were, seeing the coast was clear I headed towards the bathroom, Jasper close behind me.

I shimmied out of my jeans an panties quickly and looked around the small space "How exactly is this gonna work?"

Jasper didn't bother with anything fancy, he simply lifted me against the door, my hands gripped his shoulders for support as my legs wrapped around his waist.

"Okay, we are not doing that again." I insisted as we made our way back to our seats.

Jasper chuckled, he was in a very good mood now I'd given in to him "I remember you telling me you'd never regret having sex with me."

I sighed "Jasper I don't regret it, but that was a once in a lifetime thing I'm never doing again, so I hope you made the most of it."

A stewardess glared at me as we sat down. I wondered what her problem was and quickly figure it out when I caught her fluttering her fake eyelashes at Jasper.

Oh this bitch had caught me at the wrong time!

Catching her attention I threw her a glare that really did define the term 'if looks could kill' before curling up against Jasper's side. As I'd hoped his arm curled around me holding me tight, his fingers trailing up and down my arm softly.

"Thanks." he mumbled kissing my hair "I know you didn't really want to do that."

I shrugged.

"Hey can I get you anything at all sir?"

This woman had a death wish, I thought glaring at her, she smiled back at me.

"How's about some privacy?" I snapped waspishly feeling Jasper shake with laughter beside me.

"I think that will be all thanks." he said politely trying to hide his smile by burying his face in my neck.

When she'd left, looking very put out, Jasper pulled back to kiss me. "You know, you get jealous really easily. After all, you're the one I was just fucking in the bathroom!" he chuckled.

"I did notice that." I said "And anyway you can talk, giving evil eyes to teenage boys offering to help me." I teased, trying not to think about why I had turned into the jealous type.

He shrugged "Anyway, back to what I was saying before we were so rudely interrupted. Thank you."

I shook my head with a smile "It's fine Jasper, thanks to you getting me all horny I did enjoy it, I just prefer being somewhere a little more private."

"What time is your mum dropping Ellie off?" he asked innocently.

I rolled my eyes "About midday, why?" I asked, knowing perfectly well what he was thinking..

"Just curious." he murmured.

I sighed heavily suppressing a yawn "Jasper I hope you realise I'm going to need time to recover from this weekend as it is, do you really want me unable to walk?"

I saw guilt flash in his eyes "Sorry baby." he murmured.

I shook my head feeling my eyes droop, Jasper had really worn me out "Don't be sorry." I murmured "Best weekend of my life." I whispered leaning my head against his shoulder.

I fell asleep for the rest of the flight wrapped in Jasper's arms. The perfect end to a perfect mini break.

* * *

**I'm sad New York is over, I liked making them happy for a change.**

**Review. xx**


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**Chapter 20**

"I can't believe you gave into him." Rosalie was nearly doubled over laughing at me.

We'd finally decided to get together for the girl time we'd been promising ourselves for months.

I was trying to finish off my Christmas shopping and filling Rosalie in on mine and Jasper's sexscapades in New York.

"He was very persistent." I mumbled feeling my face heat up.

"God, how was my brother lucky enough to get you?"

I got the weirdest sense of déjà vu when she asked that, remembering asking Bella the same thing.

"He's not that lucky." I mumbled.

It had been two weeks since we'd been to New York and everything had just slipped back into the same routine. The only difference was my guards seemed to be back in full force.

The feelings I'd had in New York had seriously unnerved me and I knew I was keeping Jasper at a distance again. I was pushing him away and I hated myself for it, I mean what else did this guy have to do to prove he loved me, to prove he wouldn't just abandon me?

Rosalie picked up on my failing mood and suggested a pit stop.

We headed into a crowded Starbucks and I grabbed a free table whilst Rosalie got us a cinnamon spiced latte and a chocolate muffin each.

Ellie was happy enough in her stroller so I didn't bother trying to take her out.

"Why don't you think he's lucky?" Rosalie asked before she'd even sat down. That was one of the great things about Rose, she always got straight to the point.

I shrugged "I'm not such a great catch."

She laughed softly "Wow, he said you were self deprecating but I thought he was over reacting like normal."

I picked at the chocolate muffin before me.

"Think about it Rosalie, all the things he does for me, all the stuff he sacrifices and I still wont let him have a fucking key to my apartment." I sighed heavily "I can't let him into my life, not fully. I can't and I don't think I'll ever be able to actually love him. How is he lucky?"

I heard Rosalie tut a little and she reached over to take my hand.

"Alice, leave the muffin alone, it did nothing to you." she joked and surprisingly it made me smile. "I'm going to tell you something that may surprise you. All his life Jasper has never been interested in relationships, you know get married, wife, kids, white picket fence, that whole scene."

I opened my mouth to say something but she held a hand up to stop me.

"But, neither has he been particularly ambitious with work, he enjoys what he does, and the good thing about having parents with money is neither of us have to worry about it, he doesn't need to be promoted to get a bigger salary. He was always content with his lot so to speak, until I met Emmett."

I frowned in confusion.

"Jasper's main purpose in life, as far as he's concerned was being my big brother, looking out for me, he's always taken care of me, but now I have Emmett. Don't get me wrong Jasper's my brother, I love him and always will. But I don't need him the way I always had before, I've got someone else who loves me, who takes care of me and Jasper feels kind of redundant I guess. That's the moment he realised something was missing in his life. Then he met you. I don't know Alice, but in that moment he changed. then you started dating and it was like he'd found it. I know it sounds patronising to you but he needs to have someone to take care of, and as much as you might not want to admit it, you need to be taken care of, to a certain extent." she added quickly seeing my face. "You gave meaning to his life, you gave him something to actually live for."

I sighed "I don't get how he can see me that way."

Rosalie laughed lightly "And I don't get how Emmett can love me sometimes, but he does. There's no sense in love. Until the day you send him from your side Jasper's going to be there, and he will be as patient as you need him to be."

I nodded Jasper had told me that himself. "I just feel like he deserves more than that, you know."

Rosalie gave a sad sigh "You know Alice we're very similar in a way. It took me long time to accept Emmett. You obviously care about Jasper, and you want to be with him. That's all he needs."

I rolled my eyes "You and Jasper are pretty similar too." I said making her smile.

I drank some of my latte and ate the none mangled part of my muffin before asking Rosalie the question that had been bugging me for a month. "What am I meant to get him for Christmas?"

Rosalie laughed again "I'm not sure, I mean don't take this the wrong way, but when you have money presents get tricky."

My heart sank.

"Has he told you what he wants?" she asked.

I sighed "To spend it with me and Ellie, but he can hardly unwrap that."

Rosalie giggled at the dejected look on my face "Excellent."

I gave her a look that clearly said 'what the fuck?'

She grinned at me "Lingerie shopping is my favourite."

I continued to just stare at her not having a clue what she was talking about.

"He wants you for Christmas Alice." she grinned "And don't worry, I'm sure we can find something he can unwrap!"

My mouth dropped as I finally understood what she was telling me "I don't know about that." I stammered.

Unfortunately Rosalie was not taking no for an answer as she quickly finished her drink and dragged me from the place.

"You know we've probably just scarred my daughter for life." I told her as we excited Victoria's Secrets a few hours later.

I had been convinced by Rose to purchase a rather nice outfit to surprise Jasper with at Christmas.

"Come on, I was right about the dress wasn't I?" had been her convincing line.

Rose had about four bags of stuff. Her and Emmett had apparently been enjoying having her and Jasper's apartment to themselves.

"Sorry, but I'm running low. Emmett tends to rip things." she said with a shrug.

I laughed loudly "Too much info Rose."

She shrugged unconcerned "I'll be seeing you on Christmas day, me and Em have been invited to your parents for dinner."

"Okay, and thanks for today." I told her turning to head home.

"Don't worry I enjoyed myself, we are defiantly going shopping again sometime."

"Sounds good to me." I said with a smile, it was nice to find a good shopping companion.

The week leading up to Christmas was both exhausting and ridiculously fun.

Exhausting because work was just manic, with all the last minute Christmas shoppers, and ridiculously fun because, one Maggie was home for the holidays and whenever we did get a slight reprieve we spent it catching up on each others gossip, and two Jasper had finished work for Christmas and was staying at my apartment.

I had finally given him a key, although there was an unspoken assumption that once Christmas was over he would be giving it back.

I knew it was stupid, but it was the only way I was able to cope with it. I did enjoy having him around, but it was like New York, the fact it was Christmas made it different from normal life.

With all the extra shifts I'd had to pick up and my mum being busy organising things for Christmas Jasper had been a great help taking care of Ellie for me.

I had been a little unsure about that but he was loving it. Rosalie had been right, Jasper needed to be needed, he needed to care for someone.

I came home absolutely exhausted the night before Christmas eve, feeling very relieved I now had a grand total of five days off.

"Hi baby." Jasper greeted the second I was through the door, wrapping me in his arms "Ellie's asleep and dinner will be ready in about forty minutes so" he led me through into the bathroom and I giggled, a bubble bath had been drawn, steam swirling enticingly around the room which was lit with candles "That gives you the chance to relax." he murmured leaning down to kiss me.

"Jasper." I breathed, once again overwhelmed by him.

He chuckled "I would join you , but your bath tubs small, and dinner wont cook itself."

How the hell did I get this lucky?

I let out a contented sigh as I slid into the hot water, my muscles relaxing, there were defiantly advantages to Jasper having a key.

Closing my eyes I began to go over the pros and cons of letting him keep it, to be honest there weren't that many cons.

"You need someone to scrub your back?"

Opening my eyes I found Jasper leaning against the door frame watching me, a smirk on his face.

"Come here." I said holding a hand out to him.

He came over and crouched down next to the tub, I rested my chin on the side gazing at him.

"You said you had to cook dinner." I reminded him.

He smiled "I do, but I have about ten minutes free, so I came to see if I could be of assistance."

My hand tangled in his hair pulling his head down so I could kiss him deeply.

"Just a warning." I murmured "A girl could seriously get used to this."

He chuckled "That is the plan." he kissed me once more "If you're sure you're okay I'll return to my duties in the kitchen."

"Hmm, the only thing I want will take longer than ten minutes." I teased.

Jasper groaned, one hand dipping into the bath water to trail up my leg. "I'll help you out there later." he promised kissing me again before standing to leave.

I was enticed out of the relaxing bath by the most mouth watering smells coming from the kitchen. I was dressed in my new silk pyjama pants and cami set, the compromise of sexy but still comfy.

"Something smells really good." I said my eyes widening as I took in the candlelit table Jasper had prepared "You really went all out."

He shrugged modestly "It's only chicken casserole." he steered me to the table to sit down and kissed my damp hair.

My stomach growled in anticipation "That sounds really good."

It was really good, and so was the chocolate pudding he'd made for dessert.

I was feeling very content and very sleepy as he cleared up after we'd finished, I made a half ditch attempt to say I'd do it but didn't really have the energy to fight with him.

Jasper's chuckle made me look up blearily from where I'd been falling asleep at the kitchen table.

"Come on baby, bedtime."

I wrapped my arms around his neck as he lifted me and carried me to bed. He lay me down under the duvet and quickly stripped down to his boxers before joining me.

My eyes felt heavy as I snuggled into his chest and I couldn't hold onto consciousness anymore.

I woke late on Christmas eve feeling well rested to find Jasper gone and the apartment quiet.

A pot of fresh coffee was made in the kitchen and a note was pinned to the fridge.

_You looked like you needed the sleep, so I took Ellie for a morning stroll._

_Hope you don't mind, we wont be long._

_Love you, Jasper._

I shook my head with a sigh, I was getting way too used to having Jasper around, and the real worry was I just didn't care, I liked him being here, was that really a bad thing?

I got dressed and was just finishing my breakfast when I heard the door open.

"Good you're up." Jasper said as I came out of the kitchen.

"Yeah I'm up."

He grinned gently placing Ellie in her playpen "I couldn't manage everything in one trip."

Without further explanation he turned and headed back out. I looked down at Ellie who's eyes were on the spot where Jasper had just been standing.

"Care to explain?" I asked her.

She ignored me in favour of playing with Baby Emmett, another stuffed bear from Emmett.

"It's a conspiracy." I grumbled.

I heard Jasper laugh from outside the door "You know one of these days you'll realise you tend to like the surprises I give you." he said struggling through the door with a small Christmas tree wrapped in that netting to make it easier to carry.

He shrugged when he saw the shocked look on my face.

"It's not Christmas without a tree." he said "And it's not a tree if it's ninety percent plastic.

"Real trees are the best." I agreed "But you didn't have…"

His hand closed over my mouth shutting me up.

"I don't want to hear one more 'you didn't have to' or 'this is too much' for the rest of Christmas okay." he half glared at me.

I raised my eyebrows at him and looked down at his hand still covering my mouth, making it imposable to speak.

He slowly removed it "Okay?" he repeated, firmer this time.

"Okay." I huffed "And for the record." I said smiling "I love the tree."

"Good." he said "Now, do you mind popping down to my car while I set it up, there's a box on the back seat with decorations."

I opened my mouth but he cut me off before I had chance to say anything.

"I haven't spent anything, they're all old ones Rosalie didn't want to use, so I borrowed them, seeing as how I doubted you had any."

He was learning at least, I thought as I retrieved the small box from his car.

I paused just outside my apartment a smile spreading over my face as I listened to Jasper talking to Ellie and her replying in her baby talk.

"What do you think?" he asked "Bit more to the left?"

Ellie babbled something unintelligible.

"No you're right, that's perfect."

I giggled giving myself away. I'd make a terrible spy.

Jasper shrugged as I came in and placed the box on the sofa, going around to him I wrapped my arms around his waist, kissing his cheek.

"You're really cute sometimes." I giggled "And Ellie was right, that is perfect." I said looking at the tree.

My first Christmas tree. It was very small, but given the size of my apartment that was probably a good thing.

"Want to decorate it?" Jasper asked, childish pleasure danced in his eyes.

"Definitely, but I need hot chocolate first." I told him.

Jasper frowned and I just grinned at him.

"When we decorated the tree at home, we always used to have hot chocolate." I explained heading for the kitchen.

"If that is your tradition, better make it two." Jasper called.

I smiled at him as I headed back from the kitchen clutching two hot chocolates complete with cream and marshmallows.

"Don't you have any Christmas traditions?" I asked passing him one.

"Not really, as kids we pretty much spent three days with the nanny because our parents went to so many parties. We never got to decorate because they got people in to do it." he shrugged "It never meant all that much to me really."

That was sort of sad, I couldn't imagine not decorating our tree, one of my first memories was of my dad holding me up so I could place the angel on top.

"Well." I said dipping my finger into the cream on my hot chocolate and putting a blob on his nose "I guess I'm going to have to show you the joys of Christmas aren't I Mr. Scrooge."

I laughed at the look on his face stretching up to kiss his nose, licking the cream off.

"First things first, decorating the tree."

Placing my mug on the side I started riffling through the box of decorations he had brought over.

We spent a good hour and a half decorating the little tree, sometimes helped, but mostly hindered by Ellie who was fascinated with all the shiny baubles.

When we were done Jasper held her up for me so I could help her put the angel on top, tears stung my eyes as she clapped her hands and giggled.

"There is one tradition me and Rose kinda had." Jasper admitted as we sat down admiring our handy work.

"What's that?" I asked leaning forward to stop Ellie wrecking the tree as she reached for one of the baubles.

"Christmas eve night we'd always exchange one gift, just the two of us. We never really carried it on after we left home but I guess it's the only one I can really think of."

I thought about that, there was, after all, one present it would be better if Jasper didn't unwrap when we were at my parents tomorrow.

"Well we can do that if you want." I told him "After Ellie's in bed."

"Okay." he agreed "What other traditions do you have then?"

I grinned "Well I usually helped my mum cook, but without her to supervise maybe we should leave that one."

Jasper grinned suddenly "Gingerbread." he declared loudly making me giggle.

"What?" I asked laughing.

"We always had gingerbread, Nettie, the nanny, would always bring us some. We could always try to combine the two."

I raised an eyebrow "You want to try and make edible gingerbread with me?"

Jasper nodded, his face once again lit up like an eager child and I couldn't say no.

I sighed "Do you really think I'm going to have the right ingredients?"

His face fell adorably.

"Jasper if you can find a recipe then we can try it." I said, half hoping he'd give up on the plan.

He didn't. He seemed possessed with some strange manic energy, as he found a recipe online and headed out to try and pick up the ingredients.

Most of the mixture went on the floor as we started a food fight halfway through mixing it, and I had no cutters so we ended up with random free cut shapes that didn't really resemble anything.

Cleaning up as they were cooling was a lot fun. I had put Ellie down for her nap and me and Jasper ended up sharing a shower and having some nice hot sex in the process.

"For a first attempt this isn't bad." Jasper said munching his way through what he insisted was a gingerbread dog, to me it looked more like something a dog had done.

"Definitely something we can work on." I said tentatively eating my own piece.

I didn't miss the big smile that crossed Jasper's face when I said that.

We were cuddled on the sofa watching Christmas movies, another tradition. I'm pretty sure my mum had invented it when me and Edward were younger to keep us occupied for a few hours so she could get some work done.

"You have quite a few traditions don't you." Jasper murmured pulling me closer to his chest.

I shrugged "That's sort of what Christmas is about though, you only get to do these things once a year so it makes them more special."

"Hmmm." he murmured into my hair "There are other things of course that are better not restricted to once a year."

I bit my lip hard trying to focus on The Polar Express and not Jasper's lips moving down my neck.

There would be time for that later.

After I'd put Ellie to bed that night and we'd eaten dinner, Jasper pulled me excitedly down onto the floor next to our little tree and handed me a small wrapped box.

Resorting to the big kid I was I quickly ripped off the paper, my smile fell a little when I saw the jewellery box underneath and my heart began trying to escape my chest.

_Please don't be a ring._

Thinking logically I knew it wasn't, not only was the box too big but I knew Jasper wouldn't do that to me.

It was a ridiculous thought, so why had it immediately jumped into my head?

My heart still hammering I quickly opened the box, my mouth falling open as I saw what lay inside.

"Jasper." I gasped gently running one finger over the delicate sliver Pandora bracelet.

"I hope you like it. I just noticed you seemed sad you couldn't wear your charm bracelet, it's not the same I know, but I thought…"

I cut off his nervous ramblings by throwing my arms around his neck and crushing my lips to his.

"I love it." I murmured against his lips.

Smiling in relief he picked the bracelet up and I held out my arm so he could fasten it around my wrist.

I admired it for a few seconds before reaching under the tree for the small box containing part of the present I was giving Jasper tonight.

As he took it off me my fingers began to nervously twist the bracelet he'd given me, the sound of ripping paper made my eyes return to Jasper.

I took a deep breath, holding it. His forehead furrowed in confusion as he opened the box and pulled out the small piece of red card shaped like a heart with the words 'I owe you' written on it.

Lights began to dance in front of my eyes and I realised I was still holding my breath, I let it out slowly and Jasper looked up at me.

"It's promise." I whispered, my fingers now twisting together nervously.

His face broke into the biggest smile and he wrapped me in his arms kissing me deeply.

Relief he had accepted my gesture gave me the burst of courage to attempt to give him his other present.

"I know we said only one present tonight, but there is another I have for you that can't really be unwrapped in front of my parents." I said smiling shyly.

Jasper smirked at me and nervous giggles escaped my lips.

"I'll be right back." I said kissing him one last time "It's in the bedroom." I explained.

My heart was thudding against my chest as I changed into the blue corset and panties set me and Rose had picked out.

I took a quick peek in the mirror and let out a deep breath, I looked pretty good. The dark colours stood out against my skin, the blue matching my eyes, I plucked nervously at the black ribbon that tied up the sides of the panties.

The look was finished with black lace thigh highs and black stilettos.

Butterflies fluttered manically in my stomach as I grabbed the dark blue silk gown, wrapping it around myself and tying the belt.

I let out another nervous giggle. Rose really had found the perfect outfit for Jasper to unwrap.

Pushing the door open a little I peeked out to find Jasper had his back to me. I stepped away from the safety of the door and took a couple of shaky steps forward.

"I hope you like it." I said, amazed my voice didn't shake.

He turned and his mouth dropped open comically when he saw me. Taking that as a good sign I moved towards him slowly.

"You want to unwrap?" I asked coyly my hands playing with the belt.

I shivered as his hands ran up my stomach and he skilfully undid the robe, letting it fall open to reveal the outfit beneath.

Jasper sucked in a sharp breath as I shrugged out of the robe, letting it slide off my arms to the floor.

"This is the best present I have ever been given." he murmured in a week voice. His hands slid to my hips pulling me closer.

"You haven't even unwrapped it all yet." I teased turning so he could see the ribbon crisscrossing my back.

When I felt his hands move to my back I stepped away. I wanted this to be special, a quick fuck on the sofa wasn't what I had in mind.

Looking over my shoulder I caught him pouting slightly. Turning back to face him I took a step backwards and stretched my hand out towards him, he stood slowly and followed me to the bedroom as though hypnotised.

I turned to make sure I wasn't going to fall over something and ruin the moment and Jasper pounced, his hands grabbed my hips pulling me back against his chest, his lips descended to my neck.

My head rolled to give him more access, one of my hands tangled in his hair, the other ran up and down his arm.

"Alice." he murmured against my neck.

I continued moving forward until my knees hit the edge of the bed. Jasper pulled back a little.

"On the bed." he growled.

I pulled myself up on my knees keeping my back to him, the mattress shifted as he climbed up behind me pulling me against him again, his erection pressed into my back.

Skilfully, his hands began undoing the ribbon of the corset. I let my head fall back against his shoulder turning it painfully so I could nibble his neck.

He growled low in his throat and the corset was off pretty quickly after that, his hands ran over me making me moan. I moved my hands back to where they had been before, one running up and down his arm, the other tangled in his hair.

I tensed a little in surprise as his hand turned, grabbing mine and placing it palm down on my stomach, his hand over it.

"Touch yourself Alice." he whispered huskily in my ear.

He shifted so his chin rested on my shoulder, I glanced at him to see his eyes bright as he stared at my hand.

Keeping my eyes on his face I moved it up over my ribs to cup my breast.

His breath got heavier, blowing over my neck as my fingers played with my hardened nipple, making myself moan.

I watched Jasper closely as I slowly withdrew my hand back to my stomach, and smiled as he frowned slightly, very slowly I began to move it lower dipping below the waist band of my panties.

I moaned softly running a finger over my clit, Jasper's fingers suddenly gripped my wrist withdrawing my hand.

"Too much." he growled and moved from behind me. I heard him getting undressed. Now thoroughly turned on my hands ran over myself again and I moaned softly.

I needed Jasper right now.

He was suddenly pressed against my back again, completely naked.

His fingers pulled the ribbons holding my panties on and he quickly got rid of them before wrapping an arm around my stomach pulling me back against him.

"Are you ready for me baby?" he asked.

Stupid question really, I was aching for him.

I moaned again as his fingers explored my dripping centre.

"Jasper." I gasped wriggling back against him.

He positioned himself carefully and my head fell back to his shoulder with a satisfied moan as he sheathed himself deep in me.

We remained still for a moment, just enjoying the feeling of our union.

Jasper began to softly massage my stomach and I rolled my hips creating a steady rhythm.

I loved how attentive he was when we had sex, his hands began caressing me again as his lips trailed over my shoulders and neck, causing appreciative moans leave my lips.

The build was slow as we made the most of being together.

I knew Jasper was getting close to release, his hands slid down my stomach his fingers seeking out my clit, I arched back into him moaning.

"Alice, cum for me." he growled, his teeth racked over my neck, his arm tightened around me pulling me down harder onto him.

"I'm so close." I gasped the tension in my stomach building.

He groaned into my shoulder, his teeth biting down lightly, and I knew it was taking a lot for him to keep control and not give into his own orgasm.

He thrust up into me hitting me deeper and I came undone moaning his name.

Both his arms wrapped around me keeping me on him as our breathing evened out, I leant back against him feeling completely euphoric.

He kissed a trial of fire from my shoulder up to my ear.

"I can see why you wouldn't want to do that in front of your parents." he chuckled huskily causing a round of giggles to explode out of me.

His lips went to my neck again and I relaxed into him.

After a while his arms released me and I was able to climb off him. Taking off my stilettos and thigh highs I climbed under the duvet, wanting to sleep naked with him tonight.

He joined me pulling me against his chest.

"You liked it then?" I asked quietly.

He kissed my forehead grinning "Baby, you could give me that for every Christmas and birthday for the rest of my life and I would be the happiest man in the world."

"Well that makes my life easier." I giggled "Seeing as how I've had the hardest time trying to figure out what to get you."

He chuckled "Just make sure only I get that present."

"Well." I said thoughtfully "Garrett's birthday is in January, and I have no idea what to get him."

Jasper growled his arms locking around my waist possessively.

"Jasper I'm kidding." I assured quickly.

"Mine!" he growled.

I wrapped my legs around his waist as my arms snaked around his neck "Yours." I said kissing him deeply.

"Please tell me I don't have to wait for Christmas day to play with my present again." he pouted at me, his fingers drawing lazy patterns on my back.

I nibbled up to his ear and whispered "It's your present, you can do whatever you like with it."

He grinned happily, rolling to pin me beneath him "Baby, you may regret saying that."

Guess I was getting no sleep tonight.

* * *

**Just some more cute fluffiness, I wanted them to have a nice start to Christmas seeing as how Edward will be returning next chapter. xx**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**Yay new Chapter. I am now on Twitter so come find me itstimetoburn**

* * *

**Chapter 21**

I suppressed another yawn as I helped Ellie open her presents on my parents lounge floor.

Courtesy of Jasper making the most of his 'present', and Ellie deciding to wake up at five am, I had had a grand total of two hours sleep last night, and somehow now had to survive a day with the whole family.

Edward sat in one of the armchairs scowling at Jasper. Bella had planted herself firmly in his lap preventing any outright altercation.

My mum was flitting around happily, refilling peoples drinks and handing out presents.

Jasper gave me a look as my mum gave him a small pile of gifts.

I shrugged innocently "They're not all from me, and besides, I'm assuming you got me more than one." I said pointing to the large pile of gifts I was yet to start unwrapping.

"Yes but…" he began.

"No buts!" I said mock glaring at him "It's not much anyway." I mumbled, looking back to Ellie in embarrassment.

Jasper sighed and dropped to the floor next to me "You've already given me everything I wanted." he whispered so no one else could hear "I wanted to spend Christmas with you and Ellie, and that is what I am doing."

I opened my mouth ready to tell him he gave me more than I deserved simply by loving me, only to snap it shut as I remembered my promise to him.

He chuckled "You're getting better." he teased making me scowl.

I watched Jasper unwrap his presents and groaned when I saw what my mum had got for him.

"Mother." I growled.

"What?" she asked innocently.

Jasper was biting his lip hard to stop from laughing as he pulled out the most hideous holiday sweater ever created.

"Thanks Mrs. Cullen, it's really…great." Jasper somehow managed to keep a straight face saying that as I hid behind Ellie to hide my embarrassment at my family.

I knew it was a joke, she'd done this same thing to James and Bella, and even Emmett. It was kind of a right of passage into the family. But did she really have to do it to Jasper?

He completely surprised us all by actually pulling the damn thing on over his shirt. Three snowmen singing carols beamed up at me from his chest.

"You don't actually have to wear it." I told him "She wont be offended. It was a joke."

His face fell "But I really like it."

Everyone paused for a second to stare at him incredulously.

"Jasper it was a joke." my mum said softly, clearly worried about his mental state.

How anyone could actually like that…thing, was beyond me.

His face split into a grin "For a family that like a joke, you sure can't take one." he teased pulling the sweater back off.

I relaxed letting out a sigh of relief "You know, we could have been in trouble there." I joked.

He unwrapped my gift last, I hadn't been kidding that it wasn't much, in fact I hadn't been sure whether or not I would even give it to him, but something had made me buy it.

It was just a keyring with his name on it, I had originally planned on getting him one with just the initial 'J', but it was a bit too close to James.

"For your key." I mumbled quietly, relieved that I was actually okay with this.

I didn't miss Edward's head snap over to us when he heard that, I ignored him though focusing on Jasper.

"Thanks baby." he said smiling he leant over to kiss me softly.

"Told you it wasn't much." I defended.

"It's perfect Alice." he whispered "Your turn."

Jasper reached to take Ellie off me only for Edward to swoop in and snap her up. I glared at him until Jasper placed a hand at the small of my back claming me.

"It doesn't matter." he murmured.

Maybe not to him, but I wasn't sure how much longer I'd be able to hold my tongue around Edward if he kept this up.

Even my dad gave him a warning look.

For now I let it go in favour of opening my presents, most were the usual, clothes, cosmetics, chocolate. Mum and dad had gotten me a small framed picture by M.C. Escher I'd been admiring for months.

Jasper had gotten me a charm for my bracelet, it was a heart shape with a lock through the middle and a small key attached, I smiled softly as I put it in place.

"Me and your mum kind of worked on that one together." he shuffled nervously as I reached for the last present.

"Oh no." my mum said loudly smiling down at us "It was all Jasper's idea, I simply agreed he should do it."

I looked over at Jasper who's eyes were moving nervously around the room. I slowly ripped the paper off.

Tears pricked my eyes as I saw it.

It was a babies first Christmas tree decoration with a photo of Ellie in the middle.

I hadn't even thought about doing something like this.

"That explains the tree." I said still fighting my tears.

He shrugged, his hand automatically going to rub the back of his neck.

Pushing myself onto my knees I wrapped my arm around his neck "I love it." I whispered "Thank you."

His arms wrapped around my waist and his lips pressed to the side of my head.

Edward sighed angrily but Bella spoke up before he could say anything.

"That is so cute." she gushed as she looked at the decoration "Ed, we are so doing this when we have kids."

She grinned evilly at me as Edward chocked a little behind her and I bit my lip hard to stop laughing, my mum beamed at Bella.

"More grandchildren, how wonderful." she said ruffling Edward's hair affectionately.

"Well, lets wait until we're married before we start thinking about that." he said quickly.

Bella laughed as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.

One of our favourite past times had always been winding Edward up, even though she was marrying him it was nice to know we would still have our fun.

The way he had been behaving recently I was especially enjoying watching him squirm.

I moaned in anticipation as we sat down for lunch. Jasper gave me a weird look as Bella laughed at me.

"Bet you're looking forward to this." she teased.

"Yes I am." I grinned back.

Jasper's confusion increased so I decided to explain.

"I didn't eat much last year, I was eight months pregnant, the size of an elephant, with swollen ankles, feeling bloated and horrible. I intend to make up for it this year though, because there is no nicer food than my mum's Christmas lunch."

"God she'll be one in a month." my dad said staring at Ellie, a mix of wonder and regret on his face.

Jasper looked over at me "You carried her full term?"

I nodded, it had been unusual, given how small I was "Actually she was a week overdue. I was put on bed rest because of the size of me, that and once I was lying down I couldn't get up again! They ended up having to induce me, she really didn't want to come out."

Bella winced "Trust me Jasper, if you want to hear about the birth, leave it until after we've eaten."

I glared at her "You weren't the one in labour for twenty three hours!"

"No , but I was outside your room the whole time." she winced "I suffered through it with you."

I rolled my eyes "Yeah, you were a great support." I turned back to Jasper "She doesn't like people being in pain and she's very squeamish, so as soon as the first contraction hit she was out of there like the roadrunner."

Bella shrugged guiltily.

"She was there for you more than James was." Edward spoke up, successfully killing that conversation.

I glared over at him "Yeah, thanks Ed."

Jasper's hand found mine under the table giving it a light squeeze, I twisted my hand round so I could lace our fingers together. His thumb traced circles on my hand making me smile. I really liked him being affectionate, it wasn't over the top but it made me feel cared for.

When my mum served our food I regretfully let go of Jasper's hand so we could eat.

The rest of the day passed without major incident, my dad had given Edward a severe look bringing an end to his attitude, for today at least.

Emmett and Rosalie showed up at five, Emmett in full Santa suit bearing presents for everyone.

I rolled my eyes as I saw he had gotten Ellie another stuffed bear.

"This is Little Emmett." he declared.

"Enough with all the mini Emmett's!" I laughed.

His eyes lit up "She doesn't have a Mini Emmett yet."

"She doesn't need one Em, she already has Emmett junior, Baby Emmett and now Little Emmett. Not to mention the big, bad, slightly insane original." I punched him affectionately on the chest.

"Still…" he said, trailing off thoughtfully.

"Emmett please, I don't have room for all this stuff as it is." I whined.

He shrugged grinning at me "I need to get her something for her birthday."

I sighed in defeat, knowing once Emmett got an idea in his head nothing would change his mind.

I knew it was his own fault really, but I felt bad as I saw Edward hovering on the outskirts as everyone interacted. Seeing as how it was Christmas, the season of goodwill, I decided to make an effort.

"Hey, thanks for the clothes you got Ellie, she really is getting through them." I said moving to stand next to him.

"You're welcome." he said curtly.

I sighed softly "God Ed I hate this." I finally burst out after a few seconds of silence. "I hate that we don't talk anymore, I hate you've fallen out with your friends because of me."

"That's not because of you." he said softly "It's because of…" he didn't say but he glared at Jasper giving me my answer.

"Edward." I whined, how long could he keep going with this.

He sighed "Earlier we were talking about this time last year, twelve months ago." he explained like I didn't know how many months were in a year "When it was James sitting here, having a laugh with the family."

Tear sprang to my eyes and I began to wish I hadn't come to talk to him.

"And Jasper was probably buried between some random girls thighs."

I flinched back but took a deep breath trying not to show how much that hurt.

"A lot's changed." I said as calmly as I could.

"Yeah it did, in a very short amount of time."

I shook my head "Can't you just be happy for me?" I asked quietly, he didn't respond "I'm happy Edward, Jasper's good to me, more than good to me. If he was really just after me for sex do you think he'd have stuck around this long? I put out months ago." I said bitchily watching Edward pale with a sort of sick satisfaction. "Why can't you just accept we're together? This grudge is ruining you're friendship with Emmett as well, and don't tell me you don't miss him, don't tell me you don't miss Jasper because deep down I know you do, same as he misses you. You've been friends for years Ed, why are you throwing that away?"

He looked down at me "You know why Alice." he said.

I rolled my eyes at him "No offence Ed, but that is bull. Jasper has picked me up off the floor, he actually made me feel good about myself. He makes me feel like I'm worth something." I looked up into his eyes "Would you prefer me to still be depressed and moping over James?"

Edward seemed to swell in anger for a moment before he deflated "Of course I don't." he sighed "But the Jasper I was friends with doesn't do long term relationships, so what do you do then?"

I opened my mouth but didn't answer, because I couldn't. That right there was what I was terrified off. What would I do if Jasper left me?

"The Jasper you knew grew up."

Both mine and Edward's heads whipped around at the sound of Jasper's voice, he smiled softly at me before looking back at Edward as he scoffed.

"What Jasper 'I'm such a player' Hale?"

"I was an asshole in college Ed, and I wont deny it, and I don't blame you for being concerned about your sister, but I swear I'll never hurt her."

Edward looked between the two of us and sighed "Well it's not like she listens to what I say anyway." he grumbled.

"Yeah she can be stubborn." Jasper said "But you not having a say isn't the same as accepting we're together."

Edward's eyes locked onto Jasper's and he scowled "I do accept you're together, but that doesn't mean I have to like it."

"Is this gonna be your new thing." I snapped angrily "Every time we have a family get together you're gonna ruin it by being an ass?"

He glared at me for a second before heading over to where Bella was talking to our mum.

I groaned in disappointment watching him walk away, Jasper wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tight "He'll come round in time." he murmured.

"In the meantime he's drifting further apart from you and Emmett." I mumbled, I wrapped my arms around his waist hiding my face in his chest "Why can't things just be easy for once?"

Jasper chuckled "Where would the fun in that be?"

I looked up at him and shook my head "You have a strange definition of fun."

"Alice, I'm not going anywhere." he said softly "In time I'll prove to Edward I'm not what he thinks."

"What does he think?" I asked quietly. I didn't really want to do this now, but I couldn't let go of what Edward had said.

Jasper sighed "I was a bit of a player in college." he said. "Me and Em used to have stupid bets about it, mocking Edward cause he'd only ever been with Bella. We were young and stupid." he sighed heavily, a note of self disgust in the sound.

"So, you've" I paused thinking how best to phrase this "Had a lot of experience." I mumbled.

Jasper sighed again, he looked down at me but I kept my face hidden in his chest.

"Yes." he said quietly, I couldn't help flinching a little as one of his hands ran up and down my back "Baby they meant nothing, literally nothing. I don't even remember most of them I was that drunk at the time. It's not an excuse but my parents had just died and I was trying to look out for Rose and I was stressed out with studying and I just needed a release and for me that was meaningless sex. I made sure it was good for them because that was the point, having them begging for more whilst I could just walk away." he blurted out his voice desperate "I was a wanker and I'll admit that. It was only after Rose…after what happened to Rose that I stopped, I couldn't be that guy anymore, not after…" he sighed running a hand over his face. His arms tightening around me "That's why I get so angry when you're so hard on yourself. You say shit like you don't deserve me when it is quite clearly the other way round."

I stayed quiet, wrapped in his arms as I let myself process all of that, in a way I'd always known. Edward had hinted as much and even Bella had warned me Jasper was experienced, so hearing it from him wasn't actually as bad as I'd have thought, sure it hurt a little, but could I really hate him for his past given the amount of baggage I came with?

"Please don't feel bad." he whispered "You mean more to me than anything. If I could change my past I would, I'm not proud of it Alice."

I took a deep breath "I'm not upset." I assured him looking up into his eyes "It's your past Jasper, it's not like you still do that." I felt him relax a little and grinned up at him "Besides if you hadn't had all that practice you wouldn't be able to get me screaming like a fucking banshee every night would you?" I giggled.

He shook his head at me but I could see the grin on his face before he buried his head in my hair. I squeezed him tighter moulding myself to his firm chest and making him moan softly.

"You know the weird thing." he mumbled, his thumbs slipping under my top to draw circles on my hip bone "After college I was actually a happy celibate until you came along."

"Really?" I asked in disbelief, considering the amount of sex we had it was hard to imagine him abstaining for long.

He nodded "Yep, hadn't had any for." he thought for a moment "Well over a year." he frowned "How the hell did I manage that?"

That made me laugh "You got me, considering these days you can hardly survive five minutes!"

"That's your fault, I swear you've turned me back into a horny teenager. Between our meeting in the diner and our fifth date I think I jerked off more than I have in the rest of my life put together."

I was laughing freely now making him smile.

"I don't know whether to be flattered or grossed out by that." I teased still laughing.

"Probably best to be flattered." he chuckled kissing me softly "Promise you're not upset, and you're not just overlooking this because it's something Edward said." he said his face becoming serious.

I smiled up at him reassuringly "I promise Jasper. I didn't even know you back then, as far as I'm concerned it has no reflection on our relationship. Like you said you grew up, you're not that guy anymore."

A smile of relief spread over his face and he leant in to kiss me "Love you." he murmured.

I smiled sadly "I know." I snuggled back into his chest just happy to be in his arms, after a few minutes I sighed sadly "We should rejoin the others before they think we're up to something." I said pulling out of his embrace.

"I'm not that bad. I can wait another hour or two." he teased making me smile.

His hand found mine giving it a soft squeeze as we headed back to the lounge where everyone was gathered.

Bella's eyes met mine, an unspoken agreement passed between us. In the new year, one way or another, Edward was going to be dealt with.

* * *

**I know Edward's still a dick, but he will get over himself, eventually.**

**Push the button, let me know what you think. xx**


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**I know I said I'd have this up at the weekend but I have literally had no time. xx**

* * *

**Chapter 22**

Christmas and new year had really been the best ever, and in honesty that was all down to Jasper.

Having him stay over had been great and I really missed him the first night he spent back at his apartment. So much so I seriously considered asking him to move in properly.

The only thing that stopped me was the fact I still wasn't ready to admit I loved him, I wasn't even sure if I did. I mean I liked having him around, he made me feel good about myself, and he was just about as close to perfect as you could find. But the truth was I still wasn't ready to go further in than that, and it was selfish giving him mixed signals by asking him to move in when I wasn't willing to commit more of myself to him.

Even though I missed Jasper it wasn't like I had nothing to keep me distracted, Ellie's birthday was fast approaching and I intended to celebrate it in style.

The party was being held at my parents because I just didn't have the room, therefore my mum had taken on the decorations and food.

All I really had to do was order the cake and buy her a new party dress and a present, obviously.

On one of my days off I managed to rope Rosalie into joining me for a serious days shopping, hoping to get most things done in one go.

Thankfully she leapt at the chance of some girl time. She was more than happy to push the stroller around whilst I looked for a suitable gift and outfits for myself and Ellie.

I smiled softly as I came out of the changing rooms, Rosalie was crouched down talking to Ellie who was playing with her long blonde hair.

"If you're not careful she'll start chewing on that." I warned Rosalie as Ellie twisted more blonde strands between her fingers.

Ellie looked up at the sound of my voice and smiled when she saw me "Mama." she giggled making me beam, like always.

The first time she'd said it I honestly thought my heart might burst, she still wasn't overly vocal still using sounds more than words, but I wasn't worried, she could say 'mama' that was enough for me, the rest would come in time.

Rosalie smiled up at me. "You find something?" she asked indicating the sweater dress I had over one arm.

I nodded happy with my find, I really liked the dress and already had leggings and boots at home that would go with it, it was a shame really, I would have loved to buy an entirely new outfit, but I knew my bank balance would thank me.

Rosalie gently disentangled her hair before it ended up in Ellie's mouth, pulling funny faces at her to stop the tantrum that would no doubt have followed.

"Jasper's right, you are good with kids." I said.

"I'm not really." she laughed as we got in line to buy my dress "I once thought I'd like to be a teacher or something but then did some work experience at a kindergarten and I swear after three days it's a miracle I hadn't committed murder!" She smiled down at Ellie as she made baby noises "One on one I'm fine and I definitely want my own, but working with them is just too much."

I nodded "I suppose it's different when they're kids you know, compared to a large group of screaming kids who don't listen to you."

"Yeah, I prefer cars, quieter and easier to fix."

That made me laugh "So were moving onto cars as a topic then?"

Rosalie sighed "Well as I don't have a child and you don't have a car both topics are a bit tricky for us."

"I may not have a car but I do know something about them." I said "Same as you know some things about babies."

"So you drive then?" she asked sounding surprised.

"Yes Rosalie, I got my licence when I was sixteen and I had a car in school, but I sold it when I graduated to get the money and after Ellie was born I couldn't afford, I had more important things to buy." I explained.

She nodded thoughtfully and I realised my mistake. I had always avoided this topic around Jasper and now I'd just gone and told his sister.

"You can't tell Jasper." I practically growled at her.

She looked over in shock and I knew I sounded like a mad person.

"Please Rose." I begged "He'd probably end up buying me one or something."

She smiled then understanding my insane behaviour "Okay, I wont tell him."

I sighed and decided to explain a bit more to her "I know it sounds stupid but I can't be a freeloader, I wont even take money off my mum and dad. And I don't care if he tries to play it off as a gift, a car is too much."

"Alice clam down, I wont tell him. I get it, you want to be in control, make your own way. I understand that, and surprisingly so does Jasper." I frowned so she continued "We could pretty much live off our parents inheritance without needing to work, but we want to make our own way too." she smiled and I felt silly for my outburst.

"Thanks Rosalie."

She was a really great shopping companion as well as a great counsellor. Helping me pick out the charm bracelet I'd wanted to get Ellie as well as finding her an outfit that coordinated with mine.

"You excited or scared?" Rosalie asked as she drove us home.

"Well at the moment I'm excited." I admitted "It's her first birthday and I'm looking forward to it, but I know at some point I'll probably freak out because she's growing up." I rolled my eyes "Fuck it, I sound like my mother." I said making Rosalie laugh

That was a scary thought!

Sunday dawned wet and windy and I felt my heart drop thinking that Ellie would never have nice weather on her birthday, well unless we moved. She'd never be able to have party games outside or a pool party when she got older.

Jasper stirred next to me, I jumped a little as his arms wrapped around me pulling me back against his chest.

"Morning beautiful." he murmured softly "How are you?"

I rolled over to look at him "Well I'm feeling better than I was twelve months ago." I said with a grin. "Then again I haven't been in labour for twenty hours so I'm bound to be."

He chuckled showering kisses over my face, I had to push him back as I heard Ellie start to cry.

"The birthday girl wants attention." I said grabbing Jasper's T-shirt to pull on and rooted out some clean underwear.

"You look so sexy in my clothes." Jasper growled sitting up a little

I did a catwalk strut to the door and posed "What do you think?"

Jasper groaned falling back onto the bed "I think you need to go and see to your daughter before I drag you back to bed."

With a giggle I slipped out the door and down to the nursery.

"Happy birthday to you." I sang as I picked Ellie up. She looked up at me with tear filled eyes "You have no idea what I'm talking about do you?" I sighed.

She just mumbled unhappily.

After changing her I headed through to the kitchen to find Jasper already cooking breakfast.

I bit back my usual comment telling him he didn't need to. Jasper liked taking care of me, the least I could do was let him.

"Hey birthday girl." he said smiling at Ellie as I set her in her highchair she smiled up at him, Jasper certainly had a way to charm us girls.

He placed a bowl of oatmeal down for her and I rolled my eyes as I saw the smiley face he'd made from slices of strawberry.

"What?" he asked with a grin.

"Nothing." I sighed sitting down as he finished off our pancakes.

"You need to get a waffle iron." he said "Then I can make waffles." I gave him a look and he shrugged "Hey this is all you let me do, so I make the most of it." he said placing my pancakes down, also complete with strawberry smiley face.

I couldn't stop giggling a little.

"Well, what else would you like to do?" I asked.

"Well." he said slowly looking around "If you'd let me, I'd love to give the place a descent clean."

I felt my mouth drop "My apartment is clean!" I said my voice higher than normal.

"I'm not saying it isn't baby." he said calmly "But, I would love to give it a thorough spring clean. Sorry I'm a bit of a neat freak."

I wasn't sure whether to be offended or not so I let it pass until a rather funny image popped into my head making me laugh.

"What?" Jasper asked.

"Well." I said tucking into my breakfast "I was just thinking how sexy you'd look in an apron and marigolds!"

He frowned at me.

"And nothing else." I teased.

Jasper chuckled "If I dressed like that would you let me spring clean?"

I thought about it for a moment "Maybe."

He chuckled again "Well if you dress as a French maid I may let you help!"

I raised an eyebrow at him "If we did that we may not get much cleaning done." I pointed out. Still it could be fun.

After we'd both showered and dressed we headed to my mum and dad's. All Ellie's presents had been stored there so she could open them with the whole family, just like Christmas.

My mum had gone to town decorating the place, pink banners and balloons were everywhere.

Edward, Bella, Emmett and Rosalie were already there when we arrived and everyone immediately descended on Ellie as I carried her in.

"Happy birthday sweetie."

I quickly passed her to my mum to avoid getting crushed.

Ellie still seemed totally oblivious as to what was happening as everyone wished her happy birthday, but she did get excited seeing the large pile of presents set up for her.

"Just like you." Edward teased nudging me as I scowled up at him.

I settled on the floor with Ellie to help her unwrap them.

Edward, Bella, Emmett, Rose and Jasper had got her a mix of clothes and toys. I nearly cried when I unwrapped another stuffed bear.

"Emmett!"

He just grinned cheekily "Technically it's Mini Emmett." he joked catching the bear easily as I flung it at his head.

Ellie started whimpering and I rolled my eyes as Emmett passed the bear back with a smug look as Ellie calmed down.

Mum and dad had got her a little 'E' charm to go on her bracelet.

I frowned picking up the last present, scowling when I saw this was also from Jasper, my mouth dropped open when I unwrapped it, it was another charm for her bracelet, a small gemstone.

"It's her birthstone." he explained shrugging when I glared at him "Well you wouldn't give me any idea what to get her."

I clenched my jaw tightly to stop saying anything, I didn't want to get into an argument in front of everyone. But he was seriously not learning.

I wound up ignoring him for the next few hours, because I really didn't want anything to spoil today, especially me and Jasper fighting.

We'd just finished cutting up the cake, a pink Disney Princess one, and were heading back into the lounge when he pulled me to one side.

"You're upset with me." he said simply as he looked down at me. I refused to meet his eyes.

"You got her clothes and toys, that was enough." I muttered.

"Don't you like it?"

"No, I mean I do like it, it's perfect, but that's not the point." I kept my voice low so we weren't overheard.

"Alice." he sighed "Why does this bother you so much?"

"I don't know." I admitted, angry with him and angry with myself. "I just, I don't expect you to buy her stuff like that Jasper."

He flinched back a little and I bit my lip in guilt.

"I know you don't expect me to." he said quietly "But I like doing it. Alice if it was up to me I would buy you something everyday, but I know you don't like that so I'm trying to hold off, but it's her birthday."

I shook my head "With New York, Christmas and now this, how much money have you wasted on me?"

"None." he snapped angrily "It's never a waste of money, fuck it Alice I thought we were passed this."

"I'm sorry." I mumbled looking at the floor.

"Alice, I like being able to treat you, and it's not like I can't afford it. And besides it's not like I earned most of the money I have, it doesn't feel like I deserve it and I like being able to spend it on something special, someone special, especially on your birthday."

"It's not my birthday." I mumbled still refusing to meet his eyes.

Jasper chuckled "You're right, it's Ellie's, and I brought that charm for Ellie, because it's her first birthday and I wanted to get her something nice."

He lifted my chin so I was forced to look at him.

"Are we gonna have to go through this on every birthday and Christmas, every Valentines day?"

I shook my head "Just stop going overboard."

He shook his head pulling me in so he could kiss me "I don't, it wasn't that expensive, I promise."

I had a feeling mine and Jasper's definition of expensive were very different, but I let it go. I was being stupid, once again, and I didn't want to ruin Ellie's birthday with my inability to accept a thoughtful, and to be honest, perfect gift.

When Ellie went down for her nap we all ended up reminiscing over the past year.

"I have to say being there when Alice gave birth did put me off having kids for a bit." Bella said.

"Was it that bad?" Rosalie asked.

I rolled my eyes "Listening to the horror that was Ellie's birth was bound to put you of." I said "It sure as hell put me off."

Jasper and Rosalie looked shocked, having been the only ones not present for at least part of Ellie's birth.

"Although, I have to admit, you did make us laugh as well." Bella said with a grin.

"Child birth is funny?" Jasper asked with a chuckle.

"Not for me!" I stated "It damn well hurt." I caught myself at the last second so I didn't actually swear in front of my parents.

"The funniest part, to be honest" Bella gave me a slightly apologetic look "Was when James finally showed." she carried on quickly before anyone could comment "Edward's there yelling at him for being so late, he turns to me, trying to ignore Ed and asks how it's going, at the exact moment a nurse is leaving Alice's room, opening the door enough to hear Alice scream 'Get it fucking out of me!'" Bella did a very bad impression of me, but everyone still laughed including me "James's face was a picture."

I shook my head "I'd been in labour for over twenty hours, I just wanted it over." I said in my defence.

"I have to admit Alice that day certainly opened my eyes." I glanced over at my dad "I wasn't aware you had such a wide vocabulary of swear words at your disposal." he was fighting a smile as I felt my cheeks heat up.

"I was in pain." I defended again making everyone laugh.

Luckily Ellie woke up at that moment giving me an excuse to leave that conversation behind.

However, Bella bringing up James got me in a bit of a dark mood, which I tried to cover.

Me and Ellie were doing fine without him and I wasn't going to let him ruin her first birthday by getting all upset over him again, but I couldn't help wondering if he even remembered it was his daughters birthday.

To say my heart wasn't in it for the rest of the day was an understatement.

The more I thought about James the worse it got, but I couldn't seem to stop. I started to wonder where my life would be if he'd never left me and he was here celebrating with us.

Guilt churned my stomach as I looked over to where Jasper was laughing with Emmett and I shook my head firmly.

I shouldn't be dwelling on the 'what if's'.

My life was not that bad, in fact it was pretty damn good, in fact it was pretty damn perfect. The only person who couldn't seem to appreciate it was me.

Why was I worrying over the bastard who'd left me and his six month old daughter when I had the perfect guy.

The perfect guy I didn't appreciate, and kept pushing away and yelled at when he did something nice.

_Okay Alice, this line of thought is not helping with the depressed mood._

By the time Jasper dropped me and Ellie home I was nearly in tears and I hated myself for it.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Jasper asked after I'd put Ellie to bed. He was waiting in the lounge looking worried. "Baby I'm not stupid, I know something's bothering you." he said as I shook my head "You know you can tell me."

I took a deep breath "It's just, today, it made me think." my eyes dropped to the floor, I couldn't look at his face "Does he even know it's her birthday?"

I heard Jasper sigh softly, he took a step towards me lightly placing his hands on my shoulders.

"I'm not going to get upset every time you mention James." he said softly "Well no that's a lie, I will be upset because the guys a dick and I want to beat the shit out of him for hurting you, but I wont get upset at you. He's Ellie's biological father, I understand he's going to be on your mind sometimes, especially on her birthday, or other important events in her life. So don't be afraid to tell me if your feeling down okay? Okay?"

I nodded slowly. "Why are you so great?" I sighed wrapping my arms around his waist to hug him.

He chuckled but didn't reply "Do you want me to stay tonight?" he asked after a while.

I bit my lip, yes I wanted him to stay, but I knew he needed to go home before work tomorrow.

Pulling back I smiled up at him "No Jasper I'm fine, thanks for today." I said leaning back in to squeeze him tight.

"I enjoyed myself." he kissed the side of my head "Is it okay if I come round tomorrow after work?"

I rolled my eyes smiling, he still felt the need to ask "Of course, I have the day off so you want something special for dinner?"

He smirked down at me "I'd like something special for desert." he said waggling his eyebrows.

I giggled as one of his hands slid down to squeeze my ass.

"I'll see what I can do." I told him.

His mouth found mine, my fingers gripped the front of his shirt pulling him close, his hands were still on my ass and I moaned.

"Fuck Alice." he growled breaking away from my mouth "You sure you don't want me to stay?"

I grinned guilty "Sorry, but you know what you do to me."

"Yes I do." he growled running his nose down my neck.

"Jasper, don't you have to go home?" I gasped as his teeth lightly scraped my collar bone.

"I don't have to." he mumbled "But I probably should." he sighed pulling away.

I bit my lip to stop whimpering.

"I'll see you tomorrow." he said kissing me one last time before heading to the door "I love you." he called before leaving.

"Yeah, I know you do." I murmured softly at the closed door.

I got ready for bed trying not to think too much, I reran the day in my head insted, it had been good, and Ellie had enjoyed it.

My phone began to ring and I giggled again, I may not deserve him but Jasper sure did make me happy.

"Hello." I sang happily anticipating his husky chuckle.

"Mary?"

My smile fell, my insides seemed to freeze as I sucked in a sharp breath. I knew that voice.

"Mar, it's James."

* * *

**Evil place to leave it I know.**

**Let me know what you think. xx**


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**So, lets find out what James wanted. xx**

* * *

**Chapter 23**

_You are an idiot!_

_You are a complete fucking moron!_

I continued to berate myself as I sat on the park bench my hands gripping the seat tightly.

_You just lied to Jasper and why? So you could meet your fuck useless ex-boyfriend._

I actually felt physically sick with self disgust, as my heart beat a little faster at the thought of seeing James again.

My mind went back to the phone call last night.

"_I know I'm the last person you wanna hear from but, my mum's sick, like really sick, they don't know how long she has and she wanted to see…her granddaughter before it's too late."_

I was trying hard to convince myself I was here because of his mum, but I knew it was a lie. He could have said anything and I knew I'd have agreed to meet him, and I hated myself for it.

After everything he'd done I should have slammed the phone down on him, or at least yelled at him for having the nerve to call me. Instead I'd sat there listening to the sound of his voice like some love sick fool.

Maybe I was feeling too sentimental with it being Ellie's birthday.

_Which he never even mentioned, face it him calling yesterday was coincidence, nothing more._

Yeah well, he's had a lot on his mind.

Oh dear lord, I was still making excuses for him.

My hands came up to my face as I groaned, what the fuck was I doing here?

He had left me, after cheating on me for god knows how long, he had left me to raise our daughter alone without any word for seven months and yet one call from him and I come running.

"Mar?"

My head snapped up and I stopped breathing as I came face to face with the guy who had been my whole life, who had torn my world apart, who had left me alone and broken trying to raise our daughter.

He looked good, better than good. The tight white T-shirt showed off how ripped he was, and he was in his old beat up leather jacket. I bit my lip hard, I loved that jacket, I could still remember the times I'd stolen it from him, how it smelt like him, the feel of the leather. I'd surprised him once after football practise, he'd arrived home to be greeted by me in nothing but that Jacket and some sheer lace lingerie, that had been a fun night.

I took a deep breath trying to reign in my thoughts.

One half of his mouth raised in his traditional half smile and I felt my traitorous body reacting to him, as if the past seven months had never happened.

"Hi." I managed to squeak out.

He sat down beside me, closer than I would have wanted had I been thinking straight, unfortunately his very presence was effecting me.

"Hi." he said with a smile looking right at me.

I stared into his deep brown eyes completely hypnotised.

"You look good Mar." he said, his fingers brushed over mine.

That snapped me out of the trance I had been in, I was here for a reason.

"I'm sorry about your mum." I mumbled clasping my hands in my lap and looking down at them, if I didn't look at him maybe I could get through this.

"Yeah, me too." he sighed "It's been hard, it's going to be hard." there was a brief pause. I glanced up to find his eyes cast down a sad look on his face.

I couldn't fight the swell of pity I felt. Carol was all James had. His dad had walked out on him when he was little.

_Apples don't fall far from the tree_. My mind mocked me.

I took a deep breath, I was here for a reason, I reminded myself again "So, how would this work? I mean does she just want like a one off visit or will she want to see Ellie as often as she can?" I asked trying to stay focussed.

I jumped as one of his hands grabbed mine tightly.

Goosebumps erupted all over my skin at the contact, although I wasn't sure if it was due to pleasure or revulsion.

"I don't know." he murmured "I'm sorry, this is just hard for me."

My hand automatically turned so I could lace our fingers and gave his hand a supportive squeeze. He smiled down at me and I got lost in his eyes again.

Silence descended again as we stared at each other.

James sighed softly "We used to be able to talk about everything and anything." he said with a light chuckle.

With that I came back to reality and tried to let go of his hand but his fingers tightened.

"Things change." I murmured. This was not going well.

He was looking around the park now, not listening to me.

"This is a bit like that park in Germany. You remember? The one with that weird band that would just start playing randomly." he chuckled.

I smiled remembering back to happier days "Yeah and the one tune we recognised they didn't even finish. They just kind of stopped halfway through."

"That's right." he chuckled "Good times." he murmured.

"Yeah." I sighed sadly my smile falling. I successfully let go of his hand that time.

James looked down at me. "We had good times Mar."

"Yeah we did." I mumbled trying to stop the tears falling "Shame they're all overshadowed with the memory of you walking out the door." I spat.

He had left me, we were here to talk about his mum seeing Ellie, not to reminisce over old times, and certainly not to pick up where we had left off.

Me and James were over, he had left me, and I did not want him back.

"Look I know I didn't exactly go about that the right way." he began.

"We're here to talk about Ellie." I said loudly cutting him off.

"I know." he sighed.

Another silence descended as my eyes wandered around the park, refusing to look at James.

"Fuck Mar." he suddenly burst out "Seeing you again. You look fantastic." he took a deep breath "I miss you." his hand found mine again and I tried to no avail to pull away "I can't pretend I don't want you."

What the fuck?

"You've got Victoria." I tried not to spit her name out.

"It's not the same." he murmured shifting so he could run his hand up my spine.

"You're right, you said it was better." I chocked out, my voice breaking a little.

I closed my eyes as I felt his breath on my neck and tried to move away, but his hand moved up keeping me in place as his lips descended to my neck.

My eyes fluttered and I felt myself relaxing into the familiar feeling. I took a deep breath, his scent invading my senses.

"God, I've missed you so much." he murmured against my neck.

"_I've missed you so much." I whispered running my fingers through his long blonde hair._

_His face tightened as he tried to smile before kissing me._

"Stop!" my eyes snapped open "James, stop it." I managed to push him away.

"I can't do this…this is not…" this is not what was meant to be happening. This couldn't be happening.

"Mar what?"

"No." I yelled stopping him, I took a deep breath "Have you broken up with Victoria?"

He frowned but didn't respond.

I let out a bitter laugh "That's a no then." I sighed heavily, I was so close to falling for his shit again "Shit James, you say you want me, you've missed me, maybe I'd believe you if you fucking proved it."

His lips were suddenly crushing mine, his tongue demanding access. My hands tangled in his hair pulling him closer as my mouth responded to his, my body instinctively trying to mould to his firm chest, he forced my lips apart his tongue and mouth harsh.

Not loving, not caring. It felt wrong, all wrong.

_Jasper._

Shit!

Fisting his hair I pulled him away from me gasping in air.

"No!" tears sprang to my eyes "Fucking dick, that's not…"

"You asked me to prove it." he smirked at me.

"That's not what I meant." I screamed "Fuck, I'm with someone else." tears started to fall.

Shit, I cannot believe I just did that.

His smirk only deepened "He can't mean that much, you kissed me back."

My guilt swirled into anger and I saw red.

His fingers locked painfully around my wrists as I went to slap him.

"Don't pretend Mar. I know you too well." he said, smirking more "When you're with him it feels wrong, the way he kisses you, touches you. When he fucks you you imagine me, admit it."

I ripped one of my hands free and smacked him, putting every bit of heartache and hate I'd ever felt for him into it.

He just smirked back grabbing my wrist again.

"That's a yes!" he mocked.

Tears continued to pour from my eyes, what the fuck did I ever see in this dick?

"Yeah, your right." I spat.

Triumph lit up his face.

"Every time he says he loves me, or kisses me, or does something sweet and heartfelt I think of you and how much I hate you, because you fucking ruined me and because of you I can't love him back, and he deserves so much better than that." I spat at him.

His smirk fell and his fingers loosened allowing me to pull my hands free.

Tears streamed down my face and I did the only thing I could, I turned and ran. I couldn't think straight, my mind was just a whirlwind of chaos.

I didn't try to control it, I didn't want to think, didn't want to admit to myself what had just happened, what I'd just done.

My breath came in sharp pants as I pushed myself on, just wanting to get home.

I nearly sobbed in relief as I reached my apartment until I opened the door and I realised my bad day was about to get a lot worse.

Stood in the lounge was a very pissed off looking Jasper. His eyes narrowed as they locked on mine.

"Not quite the surprise I had in mind." he growled.

I just stood there waiting for the inevitable, it's not like I had any defence I had fucked up big time and I knew it.

"I had planned on surprising you at work, but for some reason you weren't there despite telling me you would be."

His voice shook with anger and one look in the mirror told me why.

My hair was messed, my cheeks were flushed and my lips were red and swollen.

Fuck!

"Jasper" my voice shook as I tried to speak.

"Don't give me the fucking emotional bullshit Alice, just tell me where you were." he snapped.

"I went to see James." I answered automatically.

I knew the second the words were out of my mouth that had been the wrong thing to say, his face crumbled with pain.

Stepping forward I tried to explain "Jasper it wasn't…"

"Don't." he hissed stepping back.

"His mums sick, she wanted to see Ellie, I could hardly say no." I rushed out desperately.

"That's bullshit Alice." he yelled "Ellie's with your mum today so don't fucking lie to me."

Shit, this wasn't going well.

"I know." I shouted back needing him to listen to me "I didn't want to take her until we had something sorted."

"Well why didn't you just tell me that? Why lie about it?" he asked angrily.

"I didn't want you to worry." I mumbled realising how lame that excuse sounded.

He sighed shaking his head "You didn't want me to worry? Fuck Alice, I think your working only to show up at your apartment to find you've actually been out with your ex, looking like he just fucked you! But you didn't want me to worry." he spat sarcastically.

I winced "I did not fuck him, he…" I bit my lip shutting myself up.

"He what?" Jasper growled out his voice dangerously low.

"He kissed me." I mumbled, leaving out the part where I'd kissed him back.

I jumped as Jasper's fist contacted with the wall, he growled loudly and I took an unconscious step back as uncontrollable rage seemed to encompass his. Then his shoulders slumped and all the fight seemed to go out of him.

His eyes met mine and my chest constricted painfully at the look on his face.

"Do you still love him?" he asked softly.

That question caught me completely off guard.

I blinked stupidly for a few seconds and Jasper seemed to deflate more.

He shook his head breaking eye contact, running a hand slowly through his hair.

"I can't do this." he murmured almost to himself.

Ice cold fear filled my insides.

"I love you Alice." his eyes met mine again "More than I ever thought possible and I would do almost anything for you, but I wont be second place."

Tears began falling again but I couldn't speak as Jasper continued.

"You need to decide what you want. If you want me or you're just with me because you can't have him. If that's the case…" he took a deep breath clearly steeling himself up for something and looked me straight in the eyes "I wont be your back up option."

We continued looking at each other for a few seconds before he turned to leave.

_Stop him! _my mind screamed at me.

But I couldn't, I just watched through my tears as he walked out the door.

* * *

**I know it's kind of short, but I wanted to be evil again and leave it there lol.**

**The next chapter should be up by the latest of Friday, so you wont have to wait long. xx**


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**Thanks for all the reviews, and the death threats, they really keep me motivated, and made sure I got this chapter out quickly. Anyway I'll let you read on now. xx**

* * *

**Chapter 24**

Minutes ticked past but I couldn't move, I just stood staring at the door, tears streaming down my face.

_He's not coming back._

Those four words hit me with the force of a steam train, my knees buckled and I collapsed to the floor.

I knew it, I had always known this would happen, I knew he'd leave me, just like James did.

Sucking in a sharp breath I shook my head angrily at myself.

That was not fair, Jasper had every right to walk out on me, I'd fucked everything up.

I had someone who loved me, who took care of me, who didn't care that I was scarred and broken and I had thrown that away, for what?

"Idiot, idiot, idiot!" I screamed at myself.

I could not believe it, James had been back in my life less than twenty four hours and it had once again turned to shit.

How had I let this happen? Why didn't I just tell Jasper James had called? Why the fuck did I just go running back to James the second he called?

Fumbling with my phone I dialled the familiar number with ease.

"Bella." I sobbed as she picked up.

That was all it took, in ten minutes she was hammering on my apartment door.

"Alice what?" her eyes were wide in panic as she saw me "What happened?"

I took several deep breaths trying to talk but all I managed was a pathetic gurgling sound.

Bella had me sat on the sofa in less than a second and just held me tight as I cried.

"Jasper's gone." I finally managed to choke out.

Bella's face hardened "He just left you? Why? That bastard I'll kill him."

"No. No, no, no, no." I cried "No, he…it was my fault Bella. I lied to him, I told him I was working so I could go and see James." I blurted out.

Bella's mouth fell open in shock "When the fuck did James…you and…how…Alice what the fuck?"

I managed to get my crying under control, my eyes were cast down as I explained everything to her "He called me yesterday, asking if we could meet, he wanted to talk about Ellie. I don't know why I lied, I just thought it would be easier but it just…" I trailed off with a sob.

"Oh Alice." Bella sighed hugging me tight.

I glanced up nervously and she gave me a knowing look, I decided to just come clean. Bella was my best friend I could trust her to understand.

"I wanted to see him again Bella, I wanted to know if he thought about me if he missed me, but when he said he did." I shook my head "All I could think about were all the nights I'd lay in bed missing him when he was at college, wondering if he was thinking about me, only to find out he had been off with someone else." I fought back the tears "I don't know how I feel anymore, about anything." I admitted finally.

"He was your first love Alice, your first everything. That's always gonna leave a mark. Then when he left you, he left you completely lost."

Tears were streaming down my cheeks again.

She sighed squeezing me tight "You keep pushing Jasper away because you don't want to go through that again, which is understandable. In many ways you and Jasper were bad timing, you finally started getting yourself back together and making it on your own, but you never really got the chance to because Jasper showed up."

I nodded slowly in agreement, I had never really given myself time to get over James before I started seeing Jasper and I had never gotten over that fear.

I didn't want to get hurt again, I wasn't sure how I made it through James betrayal and I cursed myself for just running back to him when he called, because of that I had lost Jasper, I had finally pushed him too far.

Pain crippled me as it ruptured through my whole body, I curled up instinctively trying to block it out. This is what I had been fighting against ever since I met Jasper, what Edward had tried to protect me from.

This crippling agony that cut through every part of me, that made it imposable to move, to function. My chest felt like someone was twisting a knife in my heart.

This is how it felt when James had left.

I sobbed out once "Oh god what have I done?"

"Ali?" Bella asked in concern as my breathing started to pick up, but I wasn't paying attention.

I sat upright making Bella start.

I had spent so much energy fighting it that I had failed to realise I was, in fact, completely and utterly in love with Jasper.

Looking up at Bella I felt a huge smile break across my face "I love him." I murmured.

"What? Who?" Bella looked seriously confused.

"Jasper." I said like it was obvious "I really love him." I laughed as I let myself bask in this feeling for a few moments.

I wasn't completely broken, I was able to love again. I was in love with Jasper.

I giggled once until I remembered how this little revelation had been brought about.

Jasper had walked out on me, he was gone.

_Go after him and get him back. _My mind ordered me. _You do not give up this time, you fight for him._

I shot off the sofa, I was not going to lose him. I was going to make this right.

"I have to go." I mumbled to Bella "I need to see him."

Without waiting for a reply I sped out the apartment, hailing a cab the second I was on the sidewalk.

The uncontrollable joy at the realisation I was head over heels in love with Jasper had disappeared as I stood at the door to his and Rosalie's apartment, my hand held up ready to knock.

I mean sure I loved Jasper, but that didn't change the fact I'd treated him so badly, it didn't change the fact I'd lied or that I had kissed James.

My hand fell.

I had to stop being so selfish, maybe he would be better off without me.

_You owe him an explanation._

I sighed, that was true. It wasn't fair to just leave him with nothing, even if it wasn't enough to get him back he had the right to know the truth.

Summoning up my courage I raised my hand and knocked.

I waited nervously, wondering if he had gone back to work and I'd have to come back and try to talk to him again later, when the door opened.

My heart stuttered at the sight of him.

How could I have not realised I loved him?

One look at his face caused my heart to fall, he'd obviously been crying and his jaw was tense as he looked down at me.

"Jasper." I blinked, everything I wanted to say flew out of my head "I'm so sorry." I whispered.

My eyes dropped to the floor as guilt washed over me.

Without a word he stepped back into the apartment, the door was left open so I took that to be my invitation and followed him.

Even though it was my first time in his apartment my eyes didn't wander, they stayed glued to his back as he stood tense next to the sofa.

"What do you want Alice?" he asked after several seconds of silence, his back was still to me.

_You!_ My heart screamed.

"To apologise." I muttered.

"You've done that." his voice was hard and all my defences were telling me to turn and run, but I stood my ground. I was sick of running, sick of pushing him away.

I was scared to take this step, to admit to him how I felt, especially given the situation. There was a very good chance what I had to say wouldn't make the slightest bit of difference, but I had to be honest.

"And to thank you." I added.

I noticed his head raise slightly and could imagine the confused frown on his beautiful face.

"You see." I continued trying to just not think, I needed to get this out before he stopped me "I realised something when you left. Watching you walk out my door broke my heart Jasper, which was a shock as I never thought it would ever be whole again. But, thanks to you it is, you rebuilt it, so I guess that means it's yours." I swallowed trying to keep my voice steady "I mean, if you still wanted it."

His back was still to me and I started to panic, maybe this was all too late. Then his shoulders slumped and the tension flowed out of him.

The next second I was in his arms, he lifted me and my legs automatically wrapped around his waist pulling him closer.

"I love you so much." he murmured before crushing his lips to mine.

My hands flew to his hair trying to pull him closer as our tongues battled together, one of his arms was around my waist supporting me, the other hand was at the back of my neck keeping me close.

I broke from his lips peppering kisses all over his face.

"I love you Jasper." It was only when I heard my voice break I realised I was crying.

His lips pressed to my cheeks wiping away the tears.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I continued to sob.

"Shhh." he hushed hugging me tighter.

"I'm an idiot, I can't believe…I'm sorry."

"I know you're sorry baby." he said calmly "I know, it's okay."

I clung to him still sobbing uncontrollably, Jasper just stayed quiet holding me tight, running a soothing hand over my back.

Calming down slightly I set myself back on my feet looking up at him "I really love you." I whispered.

He smiled softly his thumbs drawing little circles on my cheeks "I've waited a long time to hear that." he murmured.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled again.

"I know, it's okay. I would have happily waited fifty years, than have you say it and not mean it." his lips pressed to my forehead.

I closed my eyes and sighed contentedly.

Jasper chuckled softly and I pulled back to look up at him.

"I guess I don't need this anymore." he said pulling the small heart shaped red card from his jacket pocket.

The edges were slightly frayed as though he carried it everywhere with him.

That thought made me smile and feel another wave of guilt crash over me.

My fingers trailed over the black letter as I remembered when I'd first had the idea, in honesty back then I hadn't known if I'd ever really make good on that promise.

I stretched up so I could reach his lips kissing him softly.

We spent a few moments just staring into each others eyes, it wasn't quite the big romantic moment I'd have loved to have because there was still so much that needed to be said.

"My mum's going to be dropping Ellie off soon." I murmured. I knew I still had a lot of explaining to do, but I wanted to keep this good feeling for a bit longer before I had to ruin it again.

"Okay." Jasper sighed, he pulled away and headed into a room, I presume was his bedroom.

I smiled as he came back out dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, his suit in a garment bag over his shoulder.

"Is it okay if I stay tonight?" he asked.

I nodded smiling wider "Of course it is." I giggled, he was so sweet I just loved him. That made me giggle again.

The evening went smoothly enough, there was still a slight tension in the air, but it wasn't enough to make either of us confront it. I couldn't ignore what had happened though, and as we got into bed that night I couldn't push it aside anymore.

"Jasper?"

"Yeah?" he rolled onto his side to look at me.

"I'm sorry, I made a really stupid mistake today." I mumbled not quite meeting his eyes.

One of his hands cupped my cheek softly "It's okay baby."

I shook my head "No it's not. I have fought you and pushed you away every step of the way, and if you hadn't left today I don't know how long it would have taken me to just admit I was in love with you."

He smiled softly when I said that.

"When James left me." I began.

His smile quickly fell.

"If it wasn't for Ellie I don't know how I would have survived it, and I can't go through that again Jasper." I took a deep breath.

"Tell me." he said softly making me frown in confusion.

"What?"

"Tell me what happened Alice, help me understand what your scared of." his face was deadly serious.

"You're not gonna like it." I whispered.

"Yeah I know that. But, I need to know what you're scared of Alice, so I make sure I never hurt you, or let you down." he said, his fingers gently trailing over my cheek.

I took a shaky breath "Can you promise me something?"

He kissed my forehead "Anything baby."

"Just, don't hate me okay. Let me explain everything and just" I broke down a little "Please don't hate me."

His arms wrapped around me "Never happen, I swear. No matter what you tell me I wont think any less of you. I've never gone through a breakup, so I am in no position to judge you for how you dealt with it."

He always knew how to calm me down.

"I didn't deal with it, that's the problem." I muttered before taking another deep breath.

I kept my head down unable to look at his face as I told him everything that had happened from the moment I had found out I was pregnant.

All the times James had let me down and I'd just overlooked it, our last night when he'd used me, then the morning after when he'd left me feeling completely worthless. I told him about sleeping on the sofa for over a month, admitting that was the reason we hadn't used the bed the first time we'd had sex.

I told him everything I'd been feeling, why I hadn't been able to trust him. My slightly psychotic behaviour over getting rid of my bedding and finally being rid of James.

"I guess that's the first time I really wanted to let go." I said "I didn't want him hanging over us, guess I fucked that up huh?"

I tried to swallow down the lump in my throat but it wouldn't budge, another deep breath and I was able to continue.

"The truth is Jasper I'm scared of admitting how much I love you, of letting you in, because the last time I did it nearly destroyed me. I mean I know you're not James, I know you've promised never to hurt me like that, and I do trust you but" I paused "I trusted James as well, all the times he cancelled visits, all the times I called and he was busy or out, I never once thought he was cheating on me. I think that's the worst part. Call me stupid and naïve if you want, but I never saw it coming. I never even suspected him it was totally out of the blue."

I stopped to take a deep steadying breath.

"That's why I went to see him today, I mean I know I could have arranged to take Ellie to see his mum without him having to be involved, but I needed some kind of closure because, I don't know what went wrong." I sobbed "I don't know why I wasn't enough, why he couldn't just tell me the truth when he first met her. Why he had to keep stringing me along."

The tears started to fall again.

"I know I shouldn't have lied to you, and I know it's not fair dragging you into all this, and I know I'm not being fair and I should just let it go and focus on us, but I can't. he just left me and I want to know why."

Jasper's hand was running over my back soothingly "If he said he wanted you back" he began, but couldn't seem to finish that thought.

"He did today." I admitted feeling Jasper tense beside me "I told him to prove it, and that's when he kissed me." I finally looked up at Jasper to find his eyes burning with anger "I pushed him back telling him I was seeing someone else." I mumbled, relieved when I felt him relax a little. "I don't want him back." I continued, I knew that for certain now "I don't love him anymore, but I did love him for five years, I have a child with him, I can't cut him out of my life that easily." I sighed "I'm sorry Jasper."

"Hey." his hand came to my chin tilting my head so I was forced to meet his eyes "I'm not asking you to cut him out of your life, it's not fair to cut him out of Ellie's. No matter how much of a dick he is, he's still her father and she has a right to know him. I just need some assurance here Alice, that it's me you want to be with, because I know you loved him and he was important to you, and the truth is that scares me." he admitted.

I snuggled closer to him bringing my hands up to caress his face, I kept my eyes locked on his.

"I love you." I said firmly "I am not going to leave you, especially to go back to my lying, cheating twat of an ex."

I leant in so my lips could take over from my fingers, placing kisses over his cheeks and jaw.

"I know I fucked up today, but seeing him again, how I felt when I watched you leave, everything that's happened, I know now for certain, it's you I want, it's you I love."

I pressed closer to him, my lips still working over his jaw and down to his neck.

"Alice." he murmured softly, one of his hands sliding under the back of my top.

I trailed my lips up to his ear "Jasper." I moaned mocking him.

He growled rolling on top of me, my arms wrapped around his neck.

"You wouldn't be trying to tease me would you Miss. Cullen?"

I blinked innocently up at him "Why of course not Mr. Hale." I said, contradicting myself completely by wriggling against him and running my leg up the inside of his.

He growled again and reached around his neck to grab my wrists.

I hissed in pain, pulling my hands from his grip. Jasper bolted upright in shock.

"What? What did I do?" he asked in panic.

"Nothing, it wasn't you." I assured cradling my hands to my chest.

He lay back down next to me gently taking my hands in his, he inspected the marks and bruising forming around my wrists.

I bit my lip as anger flashed in his eyes when he gently placed his hands around my wrists, confirming to himself they had been made by fingers gripping me. His eyes snapped to mine.

"James?" he growled out through clenched teeth.

I nodded "He was stopping me from slapping him." I said.

"Son of a bitch." Jasper growled before taking a deep calming breath. He lightly kissed each mark on my skin "If he ever touches you again I will…"

The threat trailed off, but I knew Jasper would willingly inflict lots of pain if James ever hurt me again.

I felt the usual comforting feeling of safety I always got when I was in Jasper's arms. Another wave of guilt crashed over me, he gave me so much without even knowing it.

"Jasper." I whined gaining his attention. My hands were still in his, he was cradling them like they were made of the most precious crystal or something.

"Kiss me." I begged.

He willingly complied as we gave into our need for each other.

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**Well in my opinion I think Alice got off too lightly, but Jasper refused to stay mad at her no matter how hard I tried to make him.**

**What do you think? xx**


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**Sorry this chapter took so long to get out, enjoy. xx**

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**Chapter 25**

As much as I wanted to I couldn't ignore James's request.

The next day I waited until Jasper came home before calling James's mum, Carol.

He just sat on the sofa playing with Ellie, and keeping her out of the way whilst I paced.

"Hello?"

"Hey Carol, it's Alice." I said coming to a halt, I really should have planned what I was going to say.

"Alice?" she sounded confused.

I winced "Yeah you know, Mary." I hated that she only knew me by that.

"Oh, hello honey, how are you?" she asked, her voice taking on a friendlier tone.

"I'm fine thanks. Erm, James called me a few days ago, and said you wanted to see Ellie." I wasn't sure what else to say so I stuck to the facts.

"Oh right, I wasn't sure if he'd actually contact you or not." she said softly seeming a little nervous "So" she pressed.

I took a deep breath looking over at Jasper, he gave me an encouraging smile.

"So I just wondered when the best day would be for you."

There was a pause on the other end "Well, I'm free most days actually." she answered slowly.

Another deep breath "Okay, well I'm off work tomorrow." I checked Jasper's face, he was currently pulling faces at Ellie, making it hard to see what he was thinking "If that's okay."

"Of course, that's fine honey." she said eagerly.

"Right, I'll probably be round about eleven."

We finalised the details before I hung up and collapsed next to Jasper who had just put Ellie in her playpen.

"Am I doing the right thing?" I asked as he extended an arm around my shoulder.

I felt his lips press to my hair "Yeah baby, you're doing the right thing." he assured.

"And you're okay with this?" I asked looking up at him.

He sighed heavily his arm tightening slightly around me "Truthfully, I wish it wasn't happening and that bastard would just fall into a volcano or something. But, I know that's not going to happen and this isn't even about him. I trust you Alice, and you're doing the right thing letting her see her granddaughter, despite the fact she hasn't made much of an effort for the past few months." he added

I sighed "I know. Just more questions I need answers to. But I don't want to be spiteful, I mean maybe James told her not to contact me or something." I chewed on my thumb thinking about it.

I had been close to Carol, and in the beginning she had doted on her granddaughter, and I wanted to know what had gone wrong. I rolled my eyes, I knew what had gone wrong, James had left me.

Jasper kissed my cheek "Come on baby, we're going out." he stood up decisively trying to pull me to my feet, but I remained on the sofa making him frown.

"Where?" I asked with a smile.

He shrugged "I want to go out for dinner, so get up and go get yourself, and Ellie ready."

I remained seated and Jasper lost patience he bent down and lifted me over his shoulder. I couldn't hold in a giggle.

"Come on." he said lightly smacking my ass "You need a distraction, so we are going out, now get yourself ready."

I giggled again as he set me on my feet and wrapped my arms around his neck "I can think of distractions that can take place right here." I grinned.

Jasper smirked "Well if you still need distracting later, I'll use every power at my disposal." he teased.

I turned to head to the bedroom, jumping a little as he smacked me again.

I loved this man, he really did help take my mind off things, one way and another.

I would never have gotten much sleep that night, but at least, thanks to Jasper, I wasn't just lying there worrying about everything.

Although it wasn't just about me, Jasper needed the distraction as well. As much as he said he was okay with this I knew he was still worried and a little insecure, the love bites he left on my breasts and shoulders a good indicator of that.

I got a taxi to Carol's the next day, trying not to yawn too much. Me and Jasper had gotten less than an hours sleep last night, god knows how he was going to cope at work. Still, it had been worth it.

My stomach was doing somersaults as I travelled the familiar streets that led to James's old house. I hadn't realised how hard this was actually going to be.

By the time we arrived I was taking deep even breaths, trying to stay calm. I stumbled out of the taxi, weighed down with Ellie and both our supplies for the day. I just stood staring up at the house that held so many memories.

Being the only child of a single parent we'd always had more privacy at his house, so this is where I'd spent most of my free time during high school. This is where I'd lost my virginity.

I fought back the tsunami of memories preparing to crush me and slowly headed up the path to the door.

Carol had the door open before I even made it to the porch.

She did look ill, she had lost a lot of weight and her skin had an unhealthy greyish tinge.

"Hi Mary." she smiled warmly and I couldn't help return it.

I had been close to Carol, especially during my rebellious teenage years when me and my mum had pretty much spent three years screaming at each other.

"Sorry, Alice, I always forget you prefer that, it's just James always called you…" she trailed off as my smile fell.

I shrugged "It's okay, my mum still call's me Mary."

Her eyes went to Ellie "She got really big."

"Well, she is one, she's a big girl now." I said as we headed inside. This was a lot more awkward than I'd expected.

Ellie wiggled closer to me, uneasy in our strange surroundings. I sat down on one of the sofa's trying not to think of all the times me and James had gotten to second base here.

Carol sat down on the sofa opposite me placing a tray of coffee and cookies on the coffee table between us.

She sighed heavily as silence descended between us "I think I owe you an apology." she said quietly.

I sat still, well as still as possible with Ellie wriggling on lap, maybe I was about to get some of those answers I'd been hoping for.

Before she could say anymore however she was interrupted as the front door opened.

"Hey mum, it's just me."

I sucked in a sharp breath at the sound of his voice, although, thankfully, all I felt was anger.

"I just popped in to…"

I didn't look up as he came into the lounge, I kept my eyes on Ellie who looked close to crying with all the new people and places I was forcing on her today.

"I didn't think you were coming today." I heard Carol say, I could tell by the tone of her voice she was upset at how things were going, so at least she didn't plan this.

"I wasn't going to, but I was just passing so thought I'd see if you needed anything." I could tell he was looking at me but I refused to look up "Hey Mar."

"James." I managed to say, rather formally.

"Yes James, that would be your daughter." Carol said in an annoyed sort of voice.

I looked up to see Carol scowling at her son as his eyes wandered around the room, deliberately not looking at me or Ellie.

"Anyway Alice." she looked back at me "As I was saying, I owe you an apology." she sighed "After I found out what had happened, what my son had done." her voice became angry as she threw James another glare making me fight a smile "I didn't know what to do, it didn't feel right, trying to see Ellie. I just didn't think you'd want to see me. But, I should have made an effort to make sure you were okay."

I smiled at her, at least she'd apologised, that's more than I'd got off James. It made sense I suppose, I wasn't really sure how I'd have felt if Carol had tried to call me, the truth was I had been in such a bad place, I had been so confused over James maybe being cut off from him completely had been a good thing for me "That's okay. I'm not sure how I'd have reacted if you'd called." I admitted.

"Well I'm sorry anyway, and I'm sorry about him. I thought I'd raised him better than that." she glared up at him again and I had to bite my lip hard to stop giggling as he squirmed in discomfort.

Seeing Jasper beat the shit out of James would have been fun, but seeing Carol rip him a knew one was even better.

"Carol, I forgive you. It wasn't an ideal situation and I can understand why you stayed away." taking a deep breath I looked up to meet James's eyes "But I can't forgive him." I said my eyes dropping quickly.

It wasn't even just about him leaving anymore, but the way he'd acted when we'd met up again. Instead of trying to make up for his mistakes he'd just made it worse and there was no way I could forgive him for that.

"That's more than I deserve." she told me with a smile, shifting forward so she was sat on the edge of the sofa "I can't believe she's already one."

"I know." I said watching Ellie as she eyed Carol cautiously "My dad actually cried on her birthday." I joked "He can't believe how fast it went."

"Can I?" she asked, holding her arms out hopefully, James was still hovering by the door and I knew Ellie wouldn't like being far away from me so I moved to sit next to Carol, keeping Ellie in my arms.

"She's okay with people after a while." I assured as Ellie turned to bury her face in my chest "It took her a while to be really comfortable around Jasper, but she adores him now."

"Who's Jasper?" I started a little at the harsh tone in James's voice, before turning to look up at him.

"My boyfriend." I said, staring him down, just daring him to say anything.

I heard Carol sigh softly "It's your own fault James, you were an idiot to let her go, you can't blame her for moving on." she told him sternly.

James moved to sit on the sofa I'd vacated his eyes still burning into mine, I refused to be the first to look away.

"I know I was an idiot." he said calmly "But I am trying to rectify that mistake."

I scoffed, yeah he was doing a bang up job there!

"I'm going to make some more coffee." Carol said shaking her head.

I felt a tremor of fear at being alone with James, then realised it was stupid, Carol was only down the hall, and I was a big girl, I could handle myself.

He shifted forward slightly "She looks just like you." he said.

"Yeah I know." I muttered looking down at Ellie who was still hiding.

"I mean it Mar, I know I was an idiot." he said softly.

I took a deep breath and looked back at him "This is all about eight months too late James, or are you referring to your behaviour in the park?"

He looked down, almost looking remorseful.

"You moved on, so did I. let's just leave the past in the past." I said.

He smiled, his eyes crinkled at the edges showing me the man I had loved "You haven't changed." he chuckled.

Carol reappeared before I could respond to that. Although to be honest, I'm not sure what I would have said.

We chatted for a bit, I filled her in on my life, how I was moving forward, in turn I had to listen awkwardly as she told me about her treatment and her decision to stop and just enjoy the time she had left.

"They said if I continue the chemo I may get a few more months, but in truth I'd rather spend my last few months relatively happy than spending half my time sick from the treatment."

Thankfully we quickly moved on from that topic, it wasn't that I wasn't upset, I just wasn't sure what to say and was terrified I'd say the wrong thing.

After a few hours Ellie decided that Carol wasn't so bad after all, and allowed her to join in her games on the floor.

James never stopped looking at me as I kept my eyes on Carol and Ellie playing on the floor. I wished he'd leave but didn't quite have the courage to just ask him to fuck off in his mum's house.

I didn't realise how long we'd been there until Ellie yawned and I checked my watch. It was nearly half four.

"Christ, I didn't realise it was that late." I said "She's usually had a nap by now."

Ellie looked up at me sleepily "Mama." She whined lifting her arms so I'd pick her up.

"Sorry, times just flown." Carol said, pushing herself off the floor, she looked over at me hesitantly "So, would it be alright if I saw her again?"

I thought for a moment before nodding slowly "Yeah, I'll call you when I'm free." I said picking up Ellie's things and reaching for my phone.

"What are you doing?" James asked.

I tried not to roll my eyes "Calling a cab." I said like it was obvious.

"Don't be silly, I can give you a lift." he said.

I chewed my lip, this was a very bad idea.

"Come on Mar, I'm trying to be nice here." he pushed. "I'll behave I promise."

"Fine." I caved, just wanting to get Ellie home as quickly as possible.

Carol gave me and Ellie a quick kiss before we headed to James's sports car, it obviously didn't have a back seat so I had to keep Ellie in my arms.

"Drive slowly." I warned him, I knew what kind of driver James had been and I didn't feel safe, although that may have been down to being in an enclosed space with him rather than his driving ability.

"Getting to see you again, was that and open invitation, or just for my mum?" James asked.

I sighed angrily "If I had my way, just for your mum, but I can't stop you visiting her when we're there, today being a fine example of that." I snapped.

He sighed and I stared out of the window determinedly not looking at him.

"I know I messed up." he mumbled, I continued to just stare out the window ignoring him. "Have I wrecked all my chances?" he asked slowly.

I sighed angrily "You may still be able to make Ellie's good books if you try."

"But not yours." he said sounding sad.

"No James, its too late." I said simply.

"Why were you so eager to meet me when I called?" he asked.

I opened my mouth ready to give some smartass answer but closed it so I could think. "Because you never even gave me a chance to say goodbye." I replied softly "You just left James, and I didn't know why. I mean one minute we're having sex and making up for not seeing each other for months like nothings wrong, then the next you tell me it's over cause you've found someone else."

He shifted uncomfortably in the drivers seat.

"I didn't know how to tell you." he said after a few minutes silence "About Victoria. You were so happy with the baby and everything, and I didn't know what to do."

I felt tears prick my eyes "Well for future reference don't fuck a girl you're about to break up with because it makes her feel like a cheap whore!" I spat at him.

We lapsed into silence for the rest of the trip and I wished I'd just called a cab.

As we pulled up outside of my apartment building I rolled my eyes at my own cursed luck as I saw Jasper pull up in front of us.

"I take it that's your boyfriend." James said moodily as we both watched Jasper get out of his car.

"Yes he is." I quickly unbuckled my seatbelt and started to manoeuvre out of the car.

James hopped out and came to open my door, he tried to reach for Ellie but she pulled back screaming.

James frowned at her and stepped back as I staggered out weighed down with various bags and now, thanks to James, a screaming wriggling Ellie.

"Need a hand?" Jasper came over and I willingly passed him Ellie, because it was just easier.

She calmed down a little as he rocked her gently, he seemed to be overly focused on her and purposely ignoring James as he moved to the shelter of the apartment building.

"What's her problem?" James asked angrily.

"She doesn't know you." I said simply.

He frowned in annoyance, watching Jasper with her "But she's fine with Rhett Butler over there."

I gave him a look "Yeah, she likes him, unlike you, Jasper actually made an effort to get to know her." I snapped.

James just scowled "I'm her father."

That made me bristle angrily, in my eyes he had no right to say that "Biologically maybe." I snapped "And believe me, if I could change that I would."

He seemed taken back by that and I realised it was a little harsh.

"James if you want her to like you, you need to spend time with her, get to know her."

"Get to know her?" he asked "She's one, what can she tell me, her favourite brad of diaper?"

I clenched my teeth and took a deep breath, fighting down the urge to whack him around the head with the rather heavy diaper bag I was carrying.

"Just forget it." I said turning to head inside.

I screamed as I made my way into the apartment making Ellie cry again and me to feel very guilty.

"Oh, I'm sorry angel." I cooed soothingly picking her up from her playpen where Jasper must have deposited her when he came in "Mummy just gets pissed off she let herself get impregnated by such an asshole."

Jasper chuckled from behind me, turning I sucked in a sharp breath, he was obviously halfway through changing and wasn't currently sporting a shirt, my eyes wandered over his chest as he came towards me.

"You know, she's going to start picking up on words soon." he said with a smile.

I shrugged "As long as she only uses them to describe James it's fine." I said grinning up at him.

Jasper placed a kiss on my head "You have no idea how happy it makes me, knowing you're so mad at this guy."

I rolled my eyes at him, but had to smile. At least Jasper was happy.

I settled Ellie as Jasper finished getting changed and came back to the lounge to join him on the sofa.

"So how did it go?" he asked trying to sound uninterested and failing miserably.

"Okay actually, Carol apologised, and kind of explained why she hasn't been in contact for eight months."

"That's good." he said when I paused.

"Yeah, then James showed up unexpectedly." I said "I still have no idea what's going on in his head, whether he wants to be part of Ellie's life, or he's just trying to make an effort for his mum's sake." I sighed heavily, leaning my head against Jasper's shoulder.

"Did he" Jasper began hesitantly "Did he try anything today?"

I shook my head "No, he just acted like he wanted us to be friends or something." I gave a small laugh "Like that's gonna happen!"

"It could over time." Jasper said heavily "If he does want to be Ellie's dad now."

I looked up at Jasper, the sadness evident on his face. I knew Jasper loved Ellie, it was just another area where I had taken him for granted.

He cared for her like she was his own and I couldn't even begin to imagine how hard it must be for James to suddenly be trying to muscle in.

I moved to straddle his lap, my fingers playing with his hair. I wrinkled my nose at the amount of product he used to keep it off his face for work, I preferred it soft and wavy.

He twisted his head to kiss up my arm "Sorry I wasn't much support outside." he murmured "I just can't be around that guy without having the urge to kill him."

I giggled a little "It's okay."

He shook his head with a sigh "I should have said something, I mean the way he treated you, I should have…"

"Hey." I cut him off "Trust me here okay, you did more to hurt him being you than you would have done by hitting him or something."

Jasper looked at me unconvinced.

I thought for a moment "James isn't in to hard work. Like I said, he wants to be friends, he wants Ellie to like him. You of all people know how long that can take, you were patient enough to be rewarded. James isn't patient, seeing the way Ellie accepts you bothered him, but it's his own fault he's not willing to make that effort." I paused for breath "Jasper you're the better man, you're more patient, you're loving, you're understanding, you're selfless and you're smart enough to know beating the shit out of James isn't the best course of action, no matter how satisfying and entertaining it would be."

That got me a smile "I'm sure they'll be other chances." he joked.

I wrapped my arms around his neck "It's you me and Ellie love, and by walking away and not instigating a fight you showed why, so you have no reason to be sorry." I leant in to kiss him.

Jasper chuckled "You know baby, all this praise is going to give me a swelled head."

I grinned "Hopefully." I said slowly grinding down on his lap to indicated which 'head' I was referring to.

He let forth a moan before claiming my mouth in a mind blowing kiss, I ground down harder and it wasn't long before our clothes were strewn around the lounge and I was bent over the sofa with Jasper pounding into me.

"If you need another boost to your ego." I said once we were finished and Jasper's fingers were lazily trailing over my stomach as I lay next to him "I've never had to fake it with you."

He chuckled kissing my shoulder "But you did with James?"

"Yeah, quite a few times." I admitted.

He chuckled again "You're right, that does boost my ego."

I rolled my eyes. Men!

We got dressed when we started to feel hungry and Jasper whipped up a quick stir fry for dinner.

"I will be taking Ellie to see Carol again at some point." I admitted.

Jasper nodded, I could tell from the look on his face what he was holding back from saying.

"I hope he's not gonna be there, but I can't stop him visiting his mum." I mumbled looking at my plate.

Jasper sighed "I know, sorry, my insecurities getting the better of me again."

I smiled at him "I can hardly say anything about that given my many freak outs."

He tried to smile, but I could tell it was forced.

"Tell me what I can do?" I said desperately "What can I do to prove to you I have no intention of going back to him." I winced realising the one thing I could have done was not lying about meeting him the first time, and I'd ruined that. Jasper had every right to be paranoid.

He shook his head and pulled me against his chest "Just come home to me." he murmured softly.

I smiled snuggling into him more "That I can most defiantly do." I swore.

His smile softened. "Thanks baby." he said running a hand over my hair "Love you."

"Yeah I know. I love you too."

His smile got bigger when I said that, and I knew he still loved hearing it, and the truth was I loved saying it. I loved feeling it.

I giggled, I loved loving Jasper and I point blank refused to let anything ruin that ever again.

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**I know a lot of you wanted Jasper to beat up James, but there is still time.**

**Let me know what you think. xx**


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**Okay, so I could spend ages here telling you the hundred and one reasons this chapter took so long to upload, but instead I'll just let you go read it. Enjoy. xx**

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**Chapter 26**

I took Ellie to see Carol at least once a week, depending on what I was working.

Carol seemed to have gotten a new lease of life getting to spend time with her granddaughter and Ellie was loving all the attention. From Carol at least.

James did have a tendency to show up whenever we were there, apparently being in the same room as Ellie was his way of making an effort. Needless to say it didn't work and she still didn't like him, something I was rather smug about.

I still wasn't sure whether this little show was for his mum's sake, or if he did want to be part of Ellie's life and, seeing as how I was avoiding being alone with him at any cost, I hadn't had many opportunities to ask him.

As happy as I was that Ellie and Carol were bonding I couldn't help worry, Carol wasn't going to be around forever, how did you explain that to a one year old?

Add that to my worries over what James's intentions were and it wasn't such a nice time for me.

I tried to keep my concerns from Jasper as much as possible but he could always tell when something was bothering me, and I had learnt my lesson about lying to him.

"I just don't want him coming in and out of her life like this. If he wants to see her I know I can't stop him, but he has to be serious. I don't want her going through the emotional upheaval of not knowing how long he'll be around, or if he'll come back at all." I told him one night.

"You have to tell him this." Jasper murmured soothingly.

"I know, but I don't want to talk to him." I huffed "But, I know that's selfish because it's not about me and James, it's about Ellie. Seeing as how James is refusing to grow up I have to be the adult here and try and do what's best for her." I sighed heavily "I can't make the decision to not let her know her father." I knew it wasn't fair to her, no matter how much better I believed her life would be without James in it.

Jasper sighed sadly "I can't tell you what to do here Alice, because she's not my daughter."

"I wish she was." I mumbled without thinking "I just mean it would make things easier." I stammered out quickly.

"I know." he said, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear "But that doesn't mean I don't love her, I'll always do what's right for her, and you."

I cuddled closer to him, I really hated putting him through this.

"Maybe I could stop him seeing her." I said.

"You can't baby." Jasper said sadly "No matter how much of a dick he is, there's no legal reason to prevent him seeing her, and he could make life very unpleasant if he drags this through the courts."

I scowled angrily "He makes life unpleasant by breathing!" I said venomously.

Jasper chuckled a little "I know, but he has the power to make it a lot worse given the chance."

I let go of that train of thought, after all Jasper knew more about legal stuff than I did.

To try and stop myself dwelling on this I made a vow to talk to James the next time I saw him, in the meantime I had more important things to focus on.

My mum and dad were taking Ellie for the night and I intended to make the most of it and make up for being such a selfish cow.

It would be the first time me and Jasper would be properly alone since New York, and if I had my way handcuffs would defiantly be making a reappearance.

My mum was picking Ellie up after lunch and Jasper was planned on finishing work early so we could have some quality time together.

"What do you have planned for tonight?" I asked Jasper at breakfast.

"Well" he began with a smirk.

I scowled at him "If you want any tonight do not say it's a surprise." I threatened.

"I wasn't going to." He chuckled, unfazed "There's a European market I thought might be nice, then dinner. Then maybe a walk in the park." he smirked at me "Depending on how long you can hold out."

I raised an eyebrow at him "Bet I can hold out longer than you." I challenged.

"You're probably right." he conceded "Seeing as how I'm very close to taking you against the kitchen cupboards as we speak."

I took a shaky breath "Jasper." I said nodding my head to where Ellie was sat between us watching our conversation "She's going to start picking up on things soon." I said, using his own words against him.

"Right, sorry. I will try to control myself." he said.

Ellie giggled as if she knew what we were talking about.

"She knows you too well." I teased collecting up the dishes to wash "You have no self control."

His arms wrapped around my waist and he rubbed his prominent erection against my ass.

"Trust me darlin', with you around I have to have an abundance of self control, otherwise we'd do nothing but fuck!" he whispered in my ear making my whole body feel like jello "See you later." he murmured placing a lingering kiss at the base of my neck.

Oh lord, it was going to be a very long day!

A thought struck "Are we taking the bike?" I called to Jasper before he left.

"No." he answered "It's raining heavily, the roads wont be safe."

I pouted a little in disappointment, but on the bright side that meant I could wear a skirt.

After I'd cleaned up from breakfast me an Ellie had some girl time picking out my outfit for tonight.

Every article of clothing I owned was strewn around the lounge. Ellie was having a ball crawling through them all, they also provided her something soft to land on as she took a few tentative steps before landing on her behind.

Just like talking, walking was coming slowly to her, but she kept trying and I ended up forgetting about tonight altogether as I watched her take seven full steps from her playpen to the sofa.

She beamed up at me proudly as I gave her a round of applause before we got back to the serious business of finding me something to wear.

"What do you think?" I asked holding up a knee length black skirt.

Ellie shook her head firmly "No."

"You're right, too dressy." I said casting the item onto the ever growing rejects pile.

We finally agreed on a denim mini skirt, dark blue leggings, a black tank top and blue sweater finished off with brown boots and a brown jacket.

Once my mum had collected Ellie I took a long hot bath and shaved my legs, then spent the afternoon exfoliating, toning, buffing and polishing every surface of my body.

Tonight wasn't really anything special, but I wanted to make the effort and be at my very best for Jasper. It was about time I started making an effort for him.

When he got home at three I was putting the final coat on my nails.

He came over to the sofa to give me a kiss and paused as he pulled back "Hmm, you smell good." he murmured.

"New body lotion." I told him as he ran his nose down my neck. I made sure my nails were dry before wrapping my arms around his neck "Passion fruit." I whispered in his ear.

He groaned heavily pulling back "You nearly ready to go?"

I raised an eyebrow, I was more than ready to go. Then I realised he meant go out and felt my cheeks heat up.

"Just need to get changed." I said.

"Okay, well I'm gonna take a quick shower." he said making a quick escape to the bathroom.

I tried to control myself, forcing my body through the bedroom door, rather than following Jasper, which is what I wanted to do. We had made plans to go out tonight and it's not like I wouldn't have time later to fuck Jasper senseless.

I daydreamed happily about that as I got changed into my chosen outfit.

"Jesus women, are you trying to kill me?" Jasper growled from the doorway.

That had been a quick shower, I'd only managed to change into my skirt and tank top. I shrugged innocently as his eyes wandered over me.

"I'm not fully dressed yet." I told him before turning my back on him and deliberately bending over to retrieve my leggings.

He let forth another low growl and I decided to stop teasing him, with Ellie it was so rare we got a whole night to ourselves to go out, just us two and as much fun as it would have been to spend the whole evening having sex I also wanted to spend some time with Jasper.

When I turned to face him however I knew we were going nowhere until he'd been dealt with. I really should learn not to tease him so much.

Before he could move I gave him, what I hoped was, a sultry smile and wandered over, with exaggerated swaying of my hips. As soon as I was close enough I dropped to my knees and peeled the towel away from his hips.

"Alice." he murmured his fingers taking a gentle grip in my hair as I took him into my mouth, lazily swirling my tongue around his head I took him deeper at a torturously slow rate.

Okay I know I said I should stop teasing him, but it was fun!

He let forth a guttural groan and I decided to stop being mean and spend up my movements. It didn't take long for him to cum.

"What was that for?" he chuckled as I pulled back and stood up.

I shrugged "I didn't really want to start anything that would prevent us going out, but I could hardly leave you in that state considering it was my fault for teasing you." I smiled up at him.

He just shook his head with a chuckle and smoothed out my hair where his fingers had been gripping it "I love you."

"I know." I replied my smile getting bigger "Guess what." I whispered wrapping my arms around his neck and stretching up so my lips were at his ear.

"What?" he asked also in a whisper.

"I love you too."

His arms tightened around me pulling me flush against his body and reminding me he was naked.

"You need to get dressed." I told him pulling away and grabbing my leggings and sweater off the bed "Before we lose the opportunity to go out."

"We could have just as much fun staying in." Jasper chuckled moving to pull on a pair of jeans, deliberately letting me know he was going commando tonight.

Putting my hands on my hips I turned to scowl at him "Me and Ellie spent ages picking out the perfect outfit and I intend to wear it." I headed to the bathroom to finish getting ready, feeling it would be more productive if we were in separate rooms, away from temptation.

We finally made it out of the apartment, later than planned, and headed the European market Jasper wanted to visit.

I didn't really understand what the big deal was until we got there. There were loads of different craft stores with unusual pieces of artwork I spent quite a while admiring. I could see Jasper chewing his lip, resisting the urge to offer to pay when I saw something I liked. I really appreciated the effort because it felt like years since I'd brought myself something nice.

Sometimes a girl just has to treat herself.

He did, however, end up buying me several boxes of the most delicious chocolate ever made, because I became rather addicted to the free samples and it would have been rude not to buy any after I'd scoffed so much.

We wandered around hand in hand discovering lots of new delights.

There was a clothes store with some weird psychedelic knitwear, Jasper brought me a pair of gloves because my hands were freezing, had they not been I'd never have put the things on, but was pleasantly surprised when they actually went with my outfit.

"You getting hungry?" Jasper asked after a couple of hours.

I nodded, surprised given the amount of free samples I'd been working my way through "Yeah I am." I looked around sadly, we'd only really got to see about half the stores.

"It's open until nine, we can come back once we've had dinner." Jasper said picking up on my look.

I smiled up at him "I know, but we wont."

Once we were sat down to eat there would be nothing to distract us, the lust would start to build and we'd be lucky if we made it to dessert. There was no way in hell either of us would want to come back here after we'd eaten.

We went to a small Italian Bistro and chatted about random things. I smiled happily, this is exactly what I'd wanted from tonight, to just spend time with Jasper, no stress, no worries, just us two.

"Have you thought anymore about looking into a college course?" Jasper asked softly.

I sighed looking down at my plate of pasta "Not really." I muttered "I've had other stuff to think about."

He sighed softly but didn't push me.

To be honest I hadn't given it a thought since he'd first mentioned it, what felt like a lifetime ago, in New York.

I just wasn't ready for that yet, I was happy with how my life was at the moment and I didn't want to disrupt it.

Jasper's concern for my future was touching though, just another thing I'd overlooked when I'd been too busy fighting him to see how perfect he really was.

"I promise I'll look into it when I have time." I swore to him, and I would. I had had every intention of going to college after Ellie was born and I still did.

Jasper nodded, seemingly okay with that.

By the time dessert arrived I was one hundred percent certain we would not be returning to the market. The candlelight from the table was flickering across Jasper's face, creating shadows and showing off his chiselled cheekbones. It had gotten to the point I wasn't even aware what he was saying to me, all I could do was sit there staring and marvelling at how any one single person could be this attractive.

"Alice?" he said loudly making me start.

"What?" I asked refocusing.

"Where did you go?" he asked with a chuckle.

My eyes took a trip down to his hands where they rested on the table, and I spaced again thinking about what they could be doing to me.

"Just thinking." I managed to answer him.

"About what?" he asked huskily leaning towards me.

My eyes went back to his, they were burning with a deep intensity that made my toes curl.

I made a show of glancing around the bistro before leaning in closer "This isn't really the place for that kind of talk I'm afraid."

He raised an eyebrow at me "Wanna get out of here?" he asked with a smirk.

I nodded and as Jasper sorted the bill I quickly finished off both our desserts.

Jasper may be the sexiest man alive and be about to take me home to experience the best kind of pleasure, but this was white chocolate panna cotta with Chantilly cream, it deserved respect!

"Do you think it's safe to get up to third while you're driving?" I teased once we were in the car.

Jasper just shook his head in response.

"That's a shame." I sighed slowly walking two fingers up his thigh.

"Alice." he growled "Trying to concentrate on the road here." he groaned from between clenched teeth.

"And you're doing such a good job." I said patting his leg gently "I'm almost jealous." I murmured running my hand back up. My fingers lightly brushing over the bulge in his pants.

One of his hands shot of the steering wheel and found it's way under my skirt, he frowned and withdrew it.

"Leggings off." he demanded.

I quickly complied, kicking my boots off so I could pull them down my legs, as soon as I sat back up his hand was back under my skirt.

"Jasper." I moaned as he started teasing me "I thought you needed to concentrate on the road." I trailed off moaning.

He chuckled, happier now he was in control, and getting his revenge "You said you felt jealous so I thought you needed some attention as well. Besides it's not only women who can multitask."

With that he shoved one finger into me. I moaned softly, sliding down on the seat trying to get him deeper.

I rocked my hips against his hand, which wasn't doing such a good job as usual seeing as how half his attention was still in the road. I let out a whine of complaint trying to wriggle down more on his fingers.

"Fuck it!" I heard him mutter.

"Jasper." I whined as his hand disappeared from between my legs.

I sat back up to look around. No police, no strangers staring into the car, in other words no reason he should have stopped!

"Where the hell are we?" I asked, I recognised nothing.

"We'll never make it to your apartment ." was his cryptic response as he pulled onto some side road.

It was nearly pitch black outside and I grinned as I suddenly got what he'd meant.

I unbuckled my seatbelt, as Jasper cut the engine, and climbed over so I was straddling his lap.

Taking a tight grip in his hair I tilted his head back and attacked his mouth with mine causing a deep moan to resonate through him.

I trailed my lips up to his ear "I've always wanted to fuck you in your car." I whispered.

He groaned, his hands went to try and get my panties down, I tried to sit up to make it easier only to bang my head on the roof.

"Fuck." I moaned "Jasper this isn't going to work."

"Back seat." he said, virtually forcing me through the gap between the two front seats, I quickly stripped out of my jacket as he followed me.

Grabbing my hips he pulled me down so I was lying on my back across the seats and he was hovering over me. He leant down plundering my mouth with his tongue, my fingers gripped his shoulders as I arched my body toward his.

Our mouths remained joined as he quickly removed my panties and I unfastened his jeans and pushed them down, now very grateful he had forgone underwear.

Breaking from the kiss I sat up to remove my sweater, Jasper eyes glinted in the dark as he pulled down the straps of my tank and bra revealing my breasts to him.

I saw the slight flash of white teeth as he grinned before his head dipped and he started nuzzling my chest, his teeth biting down lightly now and again, my back arched pushing me closer, I wanted so much more from him.

His hands were at my thighs spreading them wider for him.

"Wait." I managed to gasp out, reaching forward I grabbed my purse and pulled out a condom. I shrugged at Jasper's questioning look "Don't want to make a mess. Imagine trying to explain what the stain on the backseat is to Rose next time it needs a service."

Letting forth an exasperated grunt he quickly took the foil square from me and rolling the condom on before grabbing my wrists forcing my arms above my head, his eyes burning deep into mine.

"Jasper." I cried out as he sheathed himself deep inside me.

It wasn't gentle or romantic, it was lust driven sex, plain and simple.

The cool glass behind my hands was in complete contrast to the heat of Jasper's body, the rough fabric on the seats and the smell of the car mixed with sex all just added to the intensity. Jasper grunted with exertion as he repeatedly thrust into me hard and fast.

I flung my head back with a scream, banging it against the door rather painfully. The combination of orgasmic ecstasy and possible concussion had me seeing stars.

Jasper moaned as he reached his release and, with the limited room, had little choice but to collapse onto me.

We both lay there panting, trying to regain our breath. I had the weirdest sensation of something cold running down my arm and giggled as I looked up to where my hand still rested against the window.

"We steamed up your car." I said with a laugh. Pressing my palm against the glass and leaving a hand print in the condensation.

Jasper chuckled as he slowly pushed off me "And probably fucked up the suspension." he added pulling his jeans back on "Any idea how I explain that one to Rose?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

I shrugged "Just tell her you like it rough." sitting up I rearranged my clothes "Jasper where are my panties?" I asked looking around the back of the car.

He shrugged climbing back into the drivers seat. I rooted around a bit more.

"Seriously what the hell do you do with them?" I asked, this was far from the first pair I'd lost after he'd removed them.

"Well sorry, but they're comfier than mine." he said.

I looked up at him with wide eyes and he burst out laughing.

"Alice I have no idea where they are, I threw them in that general direction." he gestured unhelpfully to where I had been looking.

"Well I can't find them." I complained giving up and pulling myself back into the front seat.

"Baby, there's only so many places they can be in the car, I'll have a good look tomorrow when it's light. Okay?"

"Fine." it's not like I was going to need them tonight "Any idea how we get home form here?" I queried as he started the car.

"Sort of."

Guy speak for 'I have no idea where we are but if I drive around enough I'm sure to find something familiar'.

"By the way, what did you mean I like it rough?" he asked once we were back on a main road.

I looked over to find him frowning "Well you do."

"I've never heard you complain." he smirked at me.

I shrugged looking down at my hands "I like you being in control." I admitted in a small voice "Which reminds me" I continued before he could say anything about that "I don't suppose you have your handcuffs available for tonight do you?"

He shook his head and I pouted.

"Sorry baby but I got rid of them after they hurt your wrists."

"They didn't hurt my wrists." I insisted, sure they'd left a few bruises but that was nothing.

Jasper shrugged and I tried not to roll my eyes.

"What are we gonna do then?" I asked.

He glanced over with a smirk "I'm sure I can find something to tie you up with if you so wish." he chuckled.

I looked away feeling my cheeks warm "Like I said, I like you being in control, it's a huge turn on. And I can't believe you got rid of them, I told you I wanted to use them again." I huffed.

It was a bit weird talking so openly about sex, me and Jasper were hardly prudes about it, but with Ellie sleeping just down the hall it felt wrong to be too experimental.

"So you're up for a bit of S and M then." Jasper teased.

I raised an eyebrow at him "If you think I'm calling you 'Master' you've got another thing coming." I said, somehow managing to keep a straight face. I didn't want to take it to that extreme, there was just something really hot about having Jasper in control.

We made it back to the apartment surprisingly fast, either Jasper really did know where he'd been going or his sense of direction was being fuelled by lust.

In a repeat of our first time Jasper had me pinned to the wall the second we were through the door, he took advantage of our lack of underwear by just taking me against it.

A trail of discarded clothes led from there to the bedroom.

Anyone would think we'd been celibate for the past few months the way we were acting. I for one could not get enough of him.

His taste, his smell, his touch, I needed it like oxygen.

My fingers tensed, digging into his back as I tried to press even closer to him.

There were no restraints between us, no secrets. For once everything was out in the open, my feelings over James, Edwards doubts about Jasper concerning his past, my final acceptance of my feelings for him freed all the barriers between us.

For once I held nothing back. I was his completely and during our union I got a single moment of clarity where I just knew I always would be.

* * *

**Once again sorry it took so long. Let me know what you think. xx**


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

"**Good morning starshine, the Earth says hello!"**

**Sorry, I'm a little high on cold and flu medicine right now, so I apologise. Enjoy the new chapter. xx**

* * *

**Chapter 27**

One evening in late February Jasper and Rosalie were going out to spend some time together, now that Jasper was pretty much living with me, sibling bonding became a little more necessary.

Seeing as how this left me and Emmett free for the night Bella decided to make good on her plans to try and change Edward's mind about Jasper and invited us over for dinner.

It was with the sad realisation that this would be the first time I'd seen Edward since Ellie's birthday that made me determined to sort this whole mess out.

Emmett picked me and Ellie up, I was surprised to find he wasn't in his jeep, but Jasper's Aston Martin.

"Jasper didn't like the idea of you and Ellie being in the jeep, so he lent me his car." he grinned.

"Overprotective fool." I huffed "If he had his way we'd both be wrapped up in cotton wool."

Emmett shrugged "Your not the only one who's scared Ali." he murmured.

I frowned "What do you mean?"

He glanced over at me "Jasper's terrified of losing you." he said softly, then grinned "But, his protectiveness will be good ammo to use against Edward."

"Yeah, if he listens." I said dejectedly, stubbornness was a family trait and I knew just how obstinate us Cullen's could be.

Emmett shrugged again. "He has to start listening at some point. Jasper's been good for you, and despite what you may believe, you've been good for Jasper as well."

I smiled up at Emmett "Thanks."

I knew Rosalie approved of me, but it was nice hearing it from Emmet as well.

He gave me a grin, and there was a mischievous sparkle in his eyes "Although maybe it's best we don't mention some things."

I frowned in confusion "Em what are you going on about."

His grin widened "Jasper wanted me to return these."

My eyes widened as he held out the panties I'd lost in Jasper's car, I quickly snatched them off him, my cheeks burning.

Emmett burst out laughing beside me.

"Concentrate on the road." I warned him, trying to hide my embarrassment.

I could not believe Jasper would do that to me, especially giving them to Emmett of all people.

Emmett seemed to read my mind "Don't be mad at Jazz, they were sort of in a bag when he told me to give them to you, I was just nosey."

I just stared out of the window determined to ignore this conversation.

"Why did he have them anyway?" Emmett was clearly not getting the fact I didn't want to discuss this.

With a sigh I decided to just answer him "He has a habit of misplacing them after they've been removed." I mumbled my face burning brighter.

Emmett chuckled "So where did he misplace these? I mean you've never been to his and Rosalie's apartment."

I chewed on my lip "In the car." I finally muttered.

There was a split second of silence before Emmett hooted with laughter, he had to pull over to prevent an accident.

It was contagious and despite my embarrassment I ended up laughing as well.

"Remind me to give him a pat on the back next time I see him." Emmett gasped out between laughter "Way to go Jazz. And way to go short cakes, I didn't know you had it in you."

I punched him lightly on the arm "Are you telling me you and Rose have never had sex in your car?" I asked with a grin.

Emmett continued to chuckle "Ali, Rose owns a garage we've had sex in the back of a lot of cars!"

I cringed at that thought "Okay, we need to get to Edward's and I think for both are sakes we need to pretend this conversation never happened."

Emmett started the car again, still chuckling quietly to himself. I directed the cool air onto my face, hoping to remove the blush by the time we reached Bella and Edward's house.

Bella greeted us when we arrived "Hey guys, I'm so glad you could come." she grinned at me.

"Hey Ed." Emmett greeted as we headed into their small house.

I was relieved to see Edward smile warmly as he greeted Emmett, at least they were on good terms again.

"Hey Em, how've you been?"

Emmett chuckled "Pretty damn good, me and Rose have been enjoying having her apartment to ourselves." he turned to wink at me.

"Emmett!" me and Bella moaned simultaneously.

"I'm gonna go finish dinner." Bella said, beating a hasty retreat to the kitchen.

"It's your fault." Emmett said grinning at me.

"How?" I asked settling Ellie on the floor with some toys.

"Having Jasper virtually move in so you can have your own live in slave." he teased.

I rolled my eyes "He hasn't moved in." I said quickly, seeing the look on Edward's face "And it's not my fault he's a better cook than me."

Emmett chuckled holding his hands up in mock defeat "Okay, okay, don't stress short cakes. Besides I know how much he enjoys taking care of you." he waggled his eyebrows "In all ways."

"Emmett seriously" Edward snapped loudly before turning to follow Bella.

"Is this part of your plan?" I asked Emmett "Making him more pissed off."

Emmett shrugged "Pretty much yeah. I'm not gonna tiptoe around him. You and Jasper make each other happy, it's weird but you kind of complete each other, and if Ed's too hung up on the 'She's my sister, she was off limits, you were meant to be my friend'"

I giggled at Emmett's poor imitation of Edward's pissy voice.

"To see you're both good for each other it's his problem, and at the end of the day he's the only one who's really going to suffer because of his attitude."

It was so rare that Emmett ever said anything even slightly intelligent or profound that I was a little taken back.

"Good point Emmett." Bella's voice sounded.

I turned to see her and Edward come in with drinks, guess they'd heard the whole thing, as I'm sure was Emmett's plan.

"You know, you guys could have been more subtle about ganging up on me!" Edward huffed passing Emmett a beer.

"Yes, but that wouldn't have been as fun love." Bella smiled at him kissing his cheek.

"Don't look at me, I didn't plan this." I said as he turned to glare at me.

"Ed, I know you're protective of short cakes, I mean I am too." Emmett said, winking at me "And I know that me and Jazz weren't exactly the type of guys you'd want anywhere near her when we were at college. But, we both changed, we grew up. I mean I've been with Rosalie for nearly a year now, I'd never have lasted that long back in college, I can admit that. But Jazz isn't all up in my ass about it because as his friend I know the score, and he knows me well enough to trust I wont hurt his sister. Why is it so hard for you to extend him that courtesy? You know you're hurting Ali more than he ever will by being such a stubborn jackass about all of this."

Edward's gaze fell on me and I stared back letting everything I was thinking and feeling play openly on my face.

I missed my brother.

I wanted him back.

I wanted him to be happy I had moved on.

To be happy I had found a man who truly loved all of me.

Bella took hold of his hand gently "Ed, honey, if you wont trust Jazz, and you refuse to trust Alice's judgement, can you at least trust me? Alice is my best friend and if I thought Jasper would hurt her I'd have run him out of town months ago. But, he's a good guy. He loves her. Please give him a chance to prove that to you."

Fuck me, we were a manipulative bunch when we wanted to be.

Edward let out a deep breath "What do you want me to do?" he asked in a defeated voice.

Bella chewed her lip nervously "Well, you were friends for a long time, show him you're gonna give him a chance and let him be an usher at the wedding."

He sighed heavily and I knew he was nearly broken.

"Ed." I spoke up making him look over at me "If he ever does hurt me you have my permission to kill him, and say 'I told you so' as many times as you can fit in a day." I added making him smile a little "But he means a lot to me." I looked at the floor "I love him."

I heard several intakes of breath at that little revelation.

"Please, please can you give him a chance." I begged.

He locked eyes with me and a seconds ticked past in silence before he threw his hands up "Christ, you three are worse than mum!"

I let out a small giggle.

"Tag team emotional blackmail." Emmett said, grinning as he high fived Bella.

"Fine, he can be a soding usher." Edward said exasperatedly, but he was smiling "But, Jake is no longer going to be part of the ceremony, because I really can't put up with him checking out your ass every time you're in the same room." he growled causing Bella to turn scarlet "Emmett will have to do it all."

Emmett's face fell "You expect me to multitask?"

"Emmett." I said warningly "Don't ruin everything now."

"Dinner's nearly ready." Bella said loudly distracting Emmett as he followed her eagerly into the kitchen leaving me and Edward alone.

He sighed "I just don't want you hurt again." he said softly.

"I know Ed, and I do appreciate that." I paused "To a certain extent."

He laughed once then looked at me sadly again "I can't watch you go through that again Ali." he sighed "Seeing you so empty, so broken. You say Jasper helped pick you up and I can see that, but that just scares me more because now, if he ever does leave you, you'll be in a worse state than before."

I shrugged, not really wanting to think about that, and picked up Ellie before following Bella and Emmett to the dinning room where Bella was serving dinner.

"If he didn't leave over the whole James incident, I don't think anything will make him leave." I said placing Ellie in her highchair.

"What?" Edward snapped making me jump.

Mine and Bella's eyes met for a second, no one had told Edward about James's reappearance. Looking at the angry look on Emmett's face I'm guessing he wasn't clued in either.

"Nothing." I mumbled sitting down quickly.

"No Alice. What did you say about James?" Edward growled.

I played with my cutlery to avoid looking at anyone "He kind of called me, and we kind of met, and he kind of said he wanted me back." I mumbled at my fork.

"Explain everything." he demanded.

"Edward calm down." Bella said gently.

He looked over at her in shock "Wait, you knew? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I asked her not to." I said, stepping in quickly "Because I knew you'd overreact."

"I do not overreact." he huffed.

All three of us rolled our eyes at him, given the reason we were all there tonight.

"Okay, so maybe sometimes I do overreact. But as far as James goes there is no such thing as an overreaction, and you should have told me if he was back." he glared at me.

"What good would it have done?" I asked "Look he'll only be around for as long as he needs to be then he'll go away again." I said, trying to convince myself as much as Ed.

I looked over at Emmett, who had yet to say anything, and was shocked at the transformation in him. The big cuddly teddy bear was now bearing a scary resemblance to a ferocious grizzly.

"Em?" I asked in a small voice.

His eyes snapped to mine "He fucks you up again I'll kill him Alice." he growled.

"Promise?" I asked with a small smile.

Emmett grinned back. "Promise short cakes."

"What the fuck does he even want?" Edward asked once everyone had calmed down a little and we were finally tucking into Bella's homemade lasagne.

I took a deep breath and launched once again into the story of Carol asking to see Ellie.

"And you just agreed?" Edward asked incredulously.

"I could hardly say no." I defended.

"Why not?" he asked "She has no more right asking to see Ellie than James does."

I rolled my eyes "That's the problem though, he does have rights. I've already been through this with Jasper. No matter how much of a selfish dick James is he hasn't done anything to legally stop him seeing his daughter. And I can't risk trying to stop him." I said slightly desperately.

"Can't risk what?" Emmett asked gently.

I swallowed back the tears that threatened "If I drag this whole thing through court, what if they decide I'm an unfit mother?" I sobbed "What if he fights for full custody or they take her away from me."

That was the one thing I was absolutely terrified of. I could not, I would not risk losing my angel.

"That wouldn't happen Ali, you're a brilliant mum." Bella said reassuringly "And do you really think James would want full custody? It's like you said, he'll get bored and crawl back under whatever slimy stone he's been hiding under."

Edward passed me a box of tissues as the others continued to reassure me.

"Thanks guys." I mumbled thickly.

"We're just telling it how it is, Ellie's lucky to have you as her mum." Emmett smiled warmly at me "I wish you were mine."

That made me laugh as I wiped away the rest of my tears thanking whoever invented waterproof mascara.

We spent the rest of the night discussing wedding plans and talking over old times until it was time to take Ellie home to bed.

I gave Edward a big hug as we prepared to leave.

"Thanks for everything." I murmured.

He leant in closer so the others couldn't hear and whispered "I know I'm an ass sometimes, but I love you Ali, I just want what's best for you."

I grinned at him and gave him an extra squeeze "I know Ed, and no matter how much of an ass you are you're still my brother, so I'm forced to love you no matter what." I giggled.

He shook his head at me and we broke apart.

"Thank you Alice." he called as Emmett led me out to the car.

Once we were all strapped in Emmett turned to me with a grin "So, that went well." he chuckled I couldn't help smiling.

I arrived home feeling calmer and happier than I had in weeks and was pleasantly surprised to find Jasper sat watching TV.

"I didn't expect you here tonight." I said happily, putting Ellie down in her playpen so I could curl up next to him.

"You want me to leave?" he asked with a grin.

I shook my head wriggling so I was now under his arm, my head resting on his chest.

"How did it go?" he asked shifting slightly so he could hold me tighter.

"Better than I thought it would." I said smiling up at him "How do you feel about being an usher?"

His eyebrows flew up as he stared at me in shock "Seriously?"

I nodded beaming at him.

"That's better than I'd thought. Well if that's his olive branch I'll take it." he kissed my hair "Thanks baby."

I shrugged "It wasn't just me, we ganged up on him."

Jasper chuckled "Wish I'd seen that." he paused "As an usher I still get to dance with you right?"

"Well, I'll have to have a dance with Em, seeing as how he's the best man and obviously I'll have to dance with Ed, but I'm sure I can schedule you in somewhere." I teased, squealing as he tickled me.

"You'd better do more than schedule me in." he threatened as I managed to wiggle away from him.

"Not that I'm complaining, but why are you here?" I asked propping my feet up on his lap.

He pulled off my shoes and started to massage them "Me and Rose were talking about some stuff earlier and I wanted to discuss it with you."

"Hmmm." I murmured softly leaning back so I could enjoy my foot massage.

I could feel myself drifting off when Ellie began to whimper reminding me I needed to take her to bed.

Jasper sat up and I swung my feet back to the floor "She need a bottle before bed?"

I shook my head moving to pick her up "No I gave her one at Ed's, I should have put her to bed as soon as I got in, but you distracted me."

He shook his head tipping an imaginary hat at me "My apologies ma'am." he drawled.

I bit my tongue hard, Ellie needed sleep, I could fuck Jasper later, after she was in bed. He was smirking as I headed towards the nursery, he knew what that fucking accent did to me, bastard.

I changed and settled Ellie in record time before heading back to the lounge. I sighed heavily when I found no sign of Jasper, taking an educated guess I headed to the bedroom and found him sat on the edge of the bed.

"I thought you wanted to talk." I teased crawling up behind him.

"I do." he said defensively "I was just getting changed."

"A likely story." I said wrapping my arms around him and running my lips up his neck "You know if you wanted me in bed all you had to do was ask." I purred in his ear.

"I don't, well no I do obviously, but I really was just getting changed." he said desperately trying to defend himself.

"Is it that important?" I asked nibbling behind his ear while one of my hands slid down his stomach and made it's way into his pants.

He moaned leaning back against me "I guess it could wait." he mumbled

"Good to know." I whispered pulling back so Jasper could turn to face me.

Grabbing his face I brought his mouth to mine. Jasper groaned and nuzzled down my neck "And you say I'm distracting."

"We could always talk, if you'd prefer." I told him as my fingers made quick work of his shirt buttons.

He looked at me, his eyes burning "Fuck it, it can wait."

I grinned triumphantly as his lips pressed to mine. I love it when I win!

I pulled Jasper's discarded shirt on and curled up next to him "Love you." I whispered.

He chuckled wrapping his arms around me "Yeah, when I let you have your own way."

"Didn't hear you complaining." I teased "Then again, with all that moaning and swearing I guess it was hard for you to form a coherent sentence."

He scowled at me making me giggle.

"Am I allowed to talk to you now?" he asked.

I turned placing my hands palm down on his chest so I could rest my chin on them and look up at him "There was nothing stopping you talking to me before." I grinned.

He gave me a look but let it go.

"Okay, well like I said me and Rose have been talking, and she's kind of wanting to offer Emmett the chance to move in with her." he began.

I waited patiently for him to get to the point.

"And I was thinking, I don't particularly want to be a gooseberry." he took a deep breath "We've been together what now, seven months and I'm hopeful we're going to be together for a long time yet."

"Hopefully." I agreed making him smile.

"Well, I was thinking we could maybe start looking for a place together."

I fought down my immediate knee jerk reaction to freak out and tried to think about that calmly and rationally.

"You want us to move in together?" I asked slowly.

"I'm just thinking about what makes sense, like I said I don't relish the idea of being a third wheel if Emmett moves in, your apartment is too small for me to really move in here, and then Ellie is growing up, she'll need a bigger room at some point. If this is all too soon for you then say, because I understand and I can just find my own place for now. I just wanted to give you the option."

I wanted to take my time and think through this. He did have a point, my apartment was tiny, the nursery was really just a large cupboard I'd converted, it wouldn't fit an actual bed in there.

"It seems pretty pointless getting your own place given the amount of time you spend here." I said.

"But it would be worth it if you're still not ready for me to be a permanent feature here." he said softly.

He was so understanding like that, always giving me time to think things through, letting me make my own decisions, letting me keep control.

"It's just a thought." he murmured.

"A thought you've been having for a while I presume." I said smiling at him.

He shrugged "You know how I feel baby. This has never been a short term relationship for me. This way I know we're heading somewhere and stops me freaking you out by asking…" he snapped his mouth shut quickly.

"By asking?" I pressed curiously.

"Nothing." he said a little too quickly.

I sat up a little "No, what did you mean?"

He sighed "It stops me freaking you out by asking something you're not ready for. I mean it doesn't have to be an immediate thing, we could start looking for places and if we found one we liked, we'd need to decorate before we actually moved in. we can take our time."

I shook my head "Stop avoiding the question."

He gave me a pleading look "It doesn't matter Alice."

Something suddenly clicked in my head "Asking something I'm not ready for." I said slowly "Something a bit more binding than moving in together."

He shuffled uncomfortably.

My heart was suddenly hammering in my chest, but I wasn't freaking out, I was excited.

"Ask me." I told him.

He shook his head stubbornly and I rolled, pulling him with me so he hovered over me. I pulled his lips to mine kissing him deeply.

"I love you." I told him "It may have taken me a while to admit that, but the truth is I have loved you for a long time. Jasper from the beginning I've been scared of what would happen if you ever left me, because I honestly don't know how to live without you anymore, and I don't want to."

He crushed his lips to mine hungrily, cutting me off.

"Is that a yes?" he asked breathlessly as his lips trailed over my face.

I giggled "Well what are you asking me?"

He sat up his deep blue eyes burning into mine "Marry me Alice."

His lips pressed to mine again before I could respond, and he spoke between kisses "Be my wife. Be with me. That's all I want. That's all I've ever wanted. Marry me."

I took hold of his face and pushed him back, freeing my mouth so I could answer.

"Okay." I said with a smile.

His eyes flickered over my face uncertainly and I rolled my eyes giggling.

"Yes Jasper I'll marry you."

* * *

**So, are they rushing things or is it about damn time they figured out they're perfect for each other?**

**Let me know what you think. xx**


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**Thanks for all the reviews, everyone seems happy with the way things are going so on with the story. Enjoy xx**

* * *

**Chapter 28**

I awoke the next morning and it took me a second to remember why I was feeling so happy. I let out a giggle as last night came back to me.

Jasper's arms snaked around my waist pulling me back against his chest.

"Good morning." he whispered in my ear.

I giggled quietly, wriggling around to face him and attaching my lips to his "A very good morning." I murmured showering kisses all over his face.

He sighed resting his head on my shoulder, we lay there contentedly just happy being together.

As much as I could have stayed like that all day, we eventually had to leave our peaceful bubble to sort Ellie and go to work. Nothing was going to upset me today however. I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

"What's got you in such a good mood honey?" Siobhan asked once the morning rush was over and I was refilling the fridges.

"Can't I just be in a good mood?" I asked.

I wasn't ready to actually tell people yet, it felt like I'd jinx it somehow. Right now I was happy to just bask in my unbridled joy that everything was going right for once.

"Hmm, I suppose. Does that delicious fella of yours have anything to do with that big smile?" she asked with a grin.

My smile got bigger, giving Siobhan her answer.

"Oh young love." she teased.

I sighed happily "He's just perfect Siobhan. We're thinking of getting a place together." I admitted.

"Really that's great." she smiled warmly and I knew she was truly happy for me.

"Yeah it is." I agreed, remembering how happy I'd been over Christmas when he'd been staying over and how much I missed him when he had to go back to his apartment. "How's it going with Liam?" I asked

Her smile turned into a happy grin "Things are great, I mean we're not at the moving in together stage, I think both of us are so set in our ways and used to being on our own it may take a while, but" she did a bit of a girly squeal making me laugh "It's just great the way it is, I'm happy to just be happy for once. Oh good lord I sound like a teenager." she laughed.

"Yeah, but it's cute." I said "And lets face it, just being happy is hard enough, enjoy it as much as you can."

"Good point." Siobhan said, she raised her coffee cup "To being happy."

I clinked my own cup against hers "I will defiantly drink to that."

"I have to say I was worried that dickheads reappearance would mess things up for you, I'm glad it didn't." she smiled warmly again.

"He tried." I said sighing slightly "He nearly did, well I nearly did because of him, but in the end it was actually okay because me and Jasper are stronger than ever." another big smile spread over my face.

"I'm real pleased to hear that honey." Siobhan said with a smile.

"Yeah me too."

She shook her head "You know you're really showing just how badly I handled everything after Maggie's father disappeared on me."

Her face fell a little as she got lost in her memories.

I squeezed her hand softly "Yeah but I had great friends to help support me through it." she gave me a look "I mean it, if it wasn't for you I would not be in such a good place right now."

She shook her head.

"I'm serious Siobhan." I insisted "I mean think about it, if you had never given me a job here I'd be stuck back at home with my slightly overbearing mother, technically it was here that me and Jasper cleared the air after our first meeting and apparently it was during that lunch he took an interest in me. Not to mention all the emotional support you give me when I'm moaning, and letting me have time off when Ellie was sick."

"Okay, okay." she waved her hands to stop me "So maybe I helped a little."

I rolled my eyes, she point blank refused to see how amazing she was.

"I'm gonna get some paperwork done while it's quiet." she told me beating a hasty retreat to the office.

I stood around waiting for customers to arrive and after a few minutes got bored, I headed into the kitchen to see if Garrett needed a hand with anything. I'd hear if anyone came in.

The kitchen was eerily quiet, the normal rock music was only on as background noise, rather than deafening me the second I walked in.

"Where are you Garrett?" I asked quietly, looking around.

I pouted, I was bored and I wanted to talk to someone, only for everyone disappear on me.

I headed for the store cupboard, he was probably just stock taking while it was quiet.

"Garrett, I'm bored do you need a…" my sentence trailed off as my mouth dropped.

I had pulled open the door only to find Garrett pinning Kate to the wall, her skirt hunched up to her hips, his pants around his ankles. Both their heads snapped to me.

"Never mind." I squeaked slamming the door shut quickly.

Wow, was that something I didn't need to see!

"Alice." Kate followed me out, straightening her clothes. Her cheeks were bright red "Erm."

Neither of us could look at the other.

"Please don't tell Siobhan." she blurted out.

I stared at her for a moment "Siobhan would probably be happy you two have finally got together." I said.

Kate's cheeks turned darker "Yeah maybe, but I doubt she'd be very pleased we were…"

The shock of the situation was wearing off allowing me to find it amusing "What? fornicating on the dry stores." I giggled.

A smile played on Kate's lips "It's the best place here." she said trying to defend herself.

"Kate." I said "People have to eat that stuff!"

She shrugged unrepentant "It's all in packaging."

I shook my head at her "Just warn me if it's likely to happen again, so I can avoid the area."

Kate smiled "Well I'm hoping it happens again, but I will try to refrain from doing it at work. I knew it was quiet and I just came down to talk to him and." she giggled "Couldn't help myself. You know how it is."

That made me laugh "Yeah I know." I admitted.

We smiled shyly at each other then burst out laughing.

"I hope you're not laughing at me." Garrett said as he joined us.

I grinned evilly at him "Well they say most girls laugh at little things, so you tell me."

Garrett scowled at Kate as she doubled over in laughter "Aren't you supposed to be defending my honour here Katie?"

She shrugged still laughing "I think Alice saw enough to know what she's talking about."

I winced "Kate, trying to forget about that, thank you. You two scarring my poor innocent eyes."

"Sorry." Kate said still giggling.

I turned to Garrett "Stay!" I ordered before dragging Kate back into the diner.

I wanted all the gossip "Come on then, now we're alone, is he something to laugh at?" I had to ask.

She laughed again "So much for us scarring you, you're just as corrupted as the rest of us."

I shrugged "Working here I have to be." I teased.

Kate plucked absentmindedly at a napkin, she had a smile on her face but refused to answer my question.

"So how long has this been going on?" I asked curiously.

She smiled shyly again "Since Christmas."

My eyes widened, had I really been that caught up in my own life since Christmas I hadn't noticed this?

I guess I had, I'd had so much going on I'd been using work as an escape from the drama.

"How did it start?" I asked, curious what made her finally give in and wanting to catch up on everything I'd missed.

Kate grinned "Well, Maggie took over the roll of matchmaker, although she was less subtle than you. She put up mistletoe in the kitchen and thanks to her and Carmen plotting me and Garrett just happened to end up under some and" she paused to let out a girly giggle "Well, when we started it was just hard to, you know, stop." she giggled again flushing scarlet.

I grinned back "So you guys have been at it in the store cupboard since Christmas? That's impressive stamina you have there."

She swatted my arm laughing "We've taken the odd break." she laughed.

"Well I can't say I blame you, all that pent up sexual tension you two had was bound to explode at some point."

Kate rolled her eyes "Okay, so maybe I was an idiot for holding out so long, but I'm making up for it now."

"Yeah I saw that first hand." I reminded her wincing. I knew I was one to talk, but at least me and Jasper tried to keep things private.

She smiled guiltily "Sorry, we're usually better at controlling ourselves."

I shrugged "Well I can't really judge you there, sometimes I get a bit carried away with Jasper, it's like the rest of the world disappears."

Kate nodded her agreement a soft smile on her face, she had it bad.

"I should get going." she said with a sigh checking her watch.

"Yeah you should." I teased "Distracting our chef."

She just shook her head at me "I'll see you tomorrow."

I sighed as she left, now I was going to be bored again. I decided to pass the time by winding Garrett up.

"So, you've finally had your wicked way with Kate huh?" I said grinning at him as I made my way back into the kitchen.

I could tell he was fighting a grin as he looked at me "Everything happens for a reason." he said with a wink.

That little adage really annoyed me sometimes, but I had to admit it seemed to be true.

"Guess your patience paid off." I said hopping up onto one of the counters.

"Yes it did." he said, the massive grin breaking free "And I have to say I am rather enjoying the pay off!"

Men! I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, lets make a deal." I said "I wont tell Kate you said that, and you keep it in your pants at work to protect my innocence."

Garrett snorted loudly "Innocent my ass."

"Okay." I conceded, everyone knew me too well "But there are still some things I don't need to see."

His face fell comically "So you wouldn't be up for a threesome then?"

I gaped at him for a few seconds until he grinned cheekily.

"I don't think Jasper would like that." I said finally.

"Shame." he said with a wink.

I shook my head at him "You know you keep saying things like that and I'm going to start thinking you're not kidding." I said, heading back into the diner when the bell sounded, signalling customers.

I was really pleased everyone seemed to be getting their happy endings, it made me feel even better I was getting mine.

After work I had a few hours to wait nervously for Jasper to come home. We hadn't really had much time to talk everything through properly and the truth was I wasn't actually sure what was happening.

I mean last night had been a little, shall we say frantic, and this morning we hadn't really had time to talk properly.

Jasper had seemed happy enough, but was he now regretting his rash words last night? Was he worried I had changed my mind? Or was I just worrying over nothing, as usual?

He was late.

That was not helping my stress levels.

He was late and I was seriously starting to worry.

Maybe he'd got cold feet and wasn't coming back.

Oh god, what if he'd had an accident?

He could be lying in a coma and I was accusing him of leaving me.

Okay, bad line of thought Alice.

I sat down on the sofa trying to take steady breaths.

Calm down, everything is fine, he's probably just running late at work or something.

I tried to occupy myself by getting Ellie ready for bed, but I couldn't seem to erase the picture of Jasper lying in a hospital bed from my mind.

Relief washed through me as I came out of the nursery to see Jasper walking through the front door.

"Hey." he smiled at me and I threw myself into his arms startling him "What? Baby, what's wrong?"

"You're late." I murmured, the sheer level of relief I was feeling made it imposable for me to be angry at him.

"Were you worried about me?" he asked in a teasing voice.

I scowled pulling back so I could hit him on the chest. I was not in a teasing mood.

"Of course I was fucking worried, it would just be my luck for something to…" I couldn't actually say it.

Jasper's grin fell and he pulled me back to his chest "I'm sorry baby." he murmured kissing my hair as I clung to him "I promise, I'll text or something in the future if I'm gonna be late okay." he did sound sorry.

I nodded my head, holding him tight, scared he'd disappear.

"I'm sorry I worried you." Jasper whispered "But I had a little errand to run."

"What?" I asked in a small voice, still clinging to him for dear life.

"Well." he said slowly removing himself from my arms, my fingers flexed trying to take hold of him again.

He smiled at me, he looked a little nervous as he took a breath and stepped back dropping to one knee.

A small smile spread over my face "Jasper."

He took a small blue velvet jewellery box out of his jacket pocket and I let out a small gasp as he opened it to show me the diamond ring inside.

"Isn't that an eternity ring?" I asked in a quiet voice.

Jasper took a deep breath "Yes it is." his eyes were on the ring and he took another deep breath before looking up at me "Alice, you are the most important thing in the world to me, you are my life and I am asking you to marry me. To spend the rest of this life and the next with me. To be with me for eternity."

I didn't even bother trying to fight the tears that fell.

"I love you. From that moment in the diner I knew you were something special and you proved me right at every turn. You are the most incredible, strong, beautiful, loving woman and I have no intention of living my life without you in it. You are all I will ever want and need." he paused and took another deep breath "If what you said last night was a spur of the moment thing, if you're not a hundred percent certain about this I completely understand. You know how I feel, what my intentions are, but if you need more time that's fine."

His eyes locked on mine "This is the real deal for me baby, but I don't want you to feel I'm pressuring you, or backing you into a corner. We can wait, I can wait."

He paused waiting for me to reply, I opened my mouth several times trying to speak but my throat was blocked.

"Jasper." I finally managed to choke out dropping to my knees in front of him.

He smiled softly "It doesn't work as well if you're on your knees too." he whispered.

I let out a half sob, half laugh "I know, but." it was my turn to take a deep breath, trying to dislodge the lump in my throat "Jasper when I first met you I was such a wreck, I thought I was beyond repair, and when we got together I kept pushing you away, afraid the moment I opened up you'd run for the hills, because I'm still a mess. I have more baggage than an international airport. I have so many insecurities, I'm still terrified you'll leave me, and I have nothing to offer you." I sobbed.

He shuffled forward gently taking my face between his hands he pressed his lips to my forehead, moving them down my cheeks he kissed away my tears.

"All I want is you." he said softly "You and Ellie to be my family. If you love me you give me everything."

"I do love you." I sobbed "So much, I can't believe it took me so long to admit that." another deep breath "I want to marry you Jasper, because I want to be with you for eternity as well."

A massive smile broke over his face "You're sure." he triple checked.

I nodded, smiling through my tears as I held out my left hand to him, he slid the ring into place and even more tears formed in my eyes making it imposable to see anything.

I could not believe this was happening. I could not believe someone as perfect as Jasper would want to spend the rest of his life with me, but I was done trying to figure out why, I was done fighting him.

I was completely head over heels in love with him, and instead of worrying about things I was just going to enjoy each and every moment.

I finally looked away from the ring into his gorgeous blue eyes.

"I love you." I whispered.

"That is very good to know." he chuckled bringing his lips to mine.

We ended up making love right there in the middle of the lounge.

"I think I have carpet burn." I whined rolling onto my stomach.

Jasper just chuckled, kissing along my back softly I relaxed under him and pouted as I felt him move away.

"Where are you going?" I asked as he pulled his clothes on and stood up.

He smiled down at me "I have to make dinner for my fiancé."

I couldn't help giggling like a little girl when he said that.

I was Jasper's fiancé.

I had always disliked branding him as my boyfriend, it just hadn't sounded right, fiancé did. Husband did.

I giggled again as I pulled my own clothes back on and hopped up to follow Jasper.

I couldn't take my eyes off the ring on my left hand.

I jumped a little as Jasper's hands trailed down my arms. "What are you thinking?" he asked pressing a kiss to my neck.

I turned, wrapping my arms around his neck and smiled up at him.

"I'm thinking we're going to have to tell everyone we got engaged after only being together for seven months." I stretched up to kiss him "Edward's going to be baying for your blood again."

Jasper sighed "No he wont." he smiled reassuringly at me "By proposing I'm proving I'm in this for the long run, and it doesn't mean we're getting married next week, we can have a nice long engagement to prove we're not rushing into anything."

I shook my head "You've really thought all this through haven't you."

He shrugged moving back to where he was preparing dinner.

"Baby, I've known what I wanted since our fourth date, don't ask me how or why, I just have. So yeah I've had time to think this all through."

I moved behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, my heads nestled in his back.

"How can you be so certain." I asked, amazed by the strength of his faith in us.

I didn't think he was going to answer as he continued preparing a salad.

"Because I never wanted any of this." he finally answered quietly. He turned to face me his hands came up to caress my face "I never wanted to settle down, or at least I never thought I did. I guess I'd just never met the right woman." he smiled softly at me. "You changed my entire outlook on life, that's how I can be so certain." he leant in to kiss me and I sighed happily.

"I'm really glad we're getting married." I murmured as he pulled back.

"Oh yeah and why's that?" he asked with a chuckle.

I stretched up to wrap my arms around his neck "Cause it means I can spend the rest of my life kissing you." grinning I brought my lips back to his.

As Jasper sucked my bottom lip into his mouth and began to gently nibble on it I really couldn't think of a better way to spend eternity than this.

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**Yay, they're properly engaged now.**

**Let me know what you think. xx**


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**Little bit of a filler chapter I'm afraid. xx**

* * *

**Chapter 29**

"Jas…per." I repeated slowly.

Ellie looked up at me innocently "Jappa." she said.

I tried not to roll my eyes, obviously 'Jasper' was too much of a mouthful for her at the moment.

"Never mind angel, you'll get there eventually." I said brushing her hair back.

"Jappa." she repeated clapping her hands happily.

I shook my head with a smile "Jappa it is then." I sighed looking down at the diamond ring on my left hand. It had been four days since Jasper had proposed, everyone had taken it surprisingly well, I had taken the cowards way out and just phoned to tell them. Edward could do less damage down a phone line than he could face to face, although according to Bella he did seem to take the news well.

I guess Jasper did know Edward quite well and had predicted his reaction accordingly.

He really was the perfect guy, everyone seemed to agree and Ellie absolutely adored him I sighed softly, my eyes still on my engagement ring "Maybe we should just go with dada." I murmured to myself.

I couldn't deny Jasper was a better dad to Ellie than James was ever going to be, and it was no small relief that she would have Jasper as a stable male figure whether James decided to stick around or not.

I looked up as I felt her hand on my cheek.

"Momma sad?" she asked looking at me with big sad eyes.

I smiled softly "No angel, momma's happy." I smiled wider "Momma's very happy."

She smiled back with a giggle.

"Come on sweetie, I think it's lunch time." I stood up and then picked her up.

She squealed in complaint and I looked around to find her reaching for Mini Emmett who was lying on the floor.

I rolled my eyes before leaning to pick him up.

Ever since I'd thrown him at Emmett when she'd first got him she'd had a strange attachment to him, as though afraid I'd get rid of him if he was out of her sight.

It was all Emmett's fault, Ellie was only just one and he was already corrupting her.

We spent the afternoon playing, I should probably have been tidying up, or doing laundry, or something slightly more productive than rolling around the lounge with Ellie. I couldn't help it though, it was moments like this that made all the bad stuff worth it and I wanted to make the most of each and every second of them.

I just had time to do a quick tidy round and marinade some steaks for mine and Jasper's dinner whilst she was down for her nap.

Looking around the apartment I wrinkled my nose, maybe I should take Jasper up on his offer to clean the place.

With him staying over so much I was keeping the place cleaner than I used to, but it was still a little bit of a dump.

By the time Jasper got home that night, me and Ellie were back playing on the floor.

"Hey." I chirped hopping up to hug him.

He gave a tired smile pressing his lips to my temple.

"Long day?" I asked sympathetically, he looked worn out.

He nodded giving me another smile before bending to pick up Ellie who was demanding attention at his feet.

"Hey sweetie, you been having fun?" he asked.

She looked between me and Jasper a couple of times before turning to smile at him.

"Dada." she said clearly.

Time seemed to freeze.

Shit! I didn't think she'd heard me say that.

I glanced up at Jasper who looked a bit shell shocked, but I didn't miss the smile on his face which quickly disappeared as he looked down at me.

I had no idea what to say, and no idea what expression my face held, but I'm guessing it wasn't a good one.

Ellie was looking at Jasper expectantly but he was still staring at me, my eyes dropped to the floor like a coward.

I heard him sigh softly "No sweetie, it's Jasper." he told Ellie.

My chest tightened and I took a deep breath fighting the tears that formed in my eyes.

"Jappa." she said pointing to the floor "Play."

"Jas…" I began as he moved to settle on the floor with her.

He just shook his head "Are you alright sorting dinner?" he asked in a tight voice.

"Yeah." I murmured.

He nodded once before focusing on Ellie, I hovered uncertainly for a moment watching them play before heading to the kitchen.

I spent the rest of the night feeling like I'd done something wrong, which I probably had.

Jasper barely spoke two words to me and when we got into bed he turned to lie down with his back to me, when I tried to cuddle up to him he shifted away.

"Jasper." my voice shook slightly as I moved to place a hesitant hand on his arm.

"Not tonight Alice." he said in a monotone.

I felt a flicker of anger spark "Oh right, so wanting to be close to you automatically means I wanna have sex." I spat "It's got nothing to do with the fact I love you and need a bit of reassurance here." my anger couldn't last for long and my voice broke with a sob.

"Well you're not the only one." he snapped sitting up to look at me.

"What do you mean?" I asked uncertainly.

"She picked that up from somewhere Alice and it sure as hell wasn't me." he ran a hand distractedly through his hair "I don't know what you want from me here."

"Then talk to me." I practically screamed "Stop blanking me, or yelling at me or ignoring me. I'm not a fucking psychic Jasper, I don't know what's going on in your head unless you talk to me." I was breathing heavily and could feel tears burning a trail down my cheeks.

"I don't know what you want from me Alice." he said softly "The truth is I have absolutely no rights to Ellie. I don't just wanna be the step dad, but I don't know what you want. I mean when she gets older, if she gets in trouble am I allowed to say anything or not? Do I get any say on what happens in her life?"

I just looked at him as he ranted, I had no idea where any of this had come from. He was clearly a lot better at masking his emotions than I was.

He looked at me expectantly and I tried to speak but nothing came out. My head dropped breaking eye contact.

I heard Jasper sigh softly, one of his hands cupped my cheek forcing my eyes back to his.

"Just tell me what to do and I'll do it." he murmured softly.

"You're a great dad." I finally managed to get out "You're the best dad for her, and the truth is the only reason I'm okay with James seeing her because I know, no matter what, she'll have you." I gave him a small smile, I calmed a little as he returned it "I think that took us both off guard today." I bit my lip, not really wanting to say the next bit "You said James can make life difficult if he chooses." I began hesitantly "And if he heard Ellie call you that…" I trailed off, hoping he'd understand what I was saying.

He sighed heavily "Okay." settling back down he turned his back on me again and I knew he'd taken that the wrong way.

I'd made it sound like I cared more for James's feelings than Jasper's and that wasn't true.

"Jasper." I called softly, he didn't move. I sat up more, crossing my legs and looking down at him "For all intents and purpose you will be her dad." I said carefully "Jasper she loves you." I hesitated but he still didn't move so I carried on "You're the one she's gonna go to when she falls and scrapes her knee, you're the one she'll want teaching her to ride her first bike, you're who she'll want reading her bedtime stories, you're who she'll run to the first time some stupid ass boy breaks her heart, you are her dad. I want you to be her dad."

He hadn't moved the whole way through my little speech but as the room fell into silence and it was obvious I wasn't going to say anymore he sat up quickly and wrapped me in his arms. I let out a small sigh of relief as I rested my head against his firm chest, my arms locked around his waist.

"Thanks baby." he whispered "I needed to hear that."

He then captured my lips in such a sweet kiss I could almost taste sugar.

"And for the record." he murmured against my lips "Any stupid ass boy that broke her heart, would find a hell of a lot more of his anatomy broken."

I giggled happily, looking up at him "And that is exactly what makes you her dad."

Jasper pulled away sighing "But you don't want her calling me dad."

"Yes." I answered him honestly "Just not yet." I mumbled slowly "I want you to be her dad." I said again desperately when I felt him move away more "But I don't want that to trigger problems because of James." I winced "I'm not explaining this well." I said apologetically.

Jasper chuckled "No you're not, but I think I get what you're saying."

He kissed me once before settling back down and I sighed in relief as he pulled me down onto his chest, his arms secure around me.

After that conversation it was more than obvious I really needed to talk to James. I couldn't put it off any longer.

I needed to know whether he really wanted to be Ellie's dad, if he just wanted to see her now and again, or if he was going to run away again.

The opportunity arose later that week when I took Ellie to see Carol, as usual James was there.

I gave him ten minutes to see if today would be the day he'd try to actually interact with Ellie before standing up decisively.

"Carol, would you be okay with her for a few minutes?" I asked.

She frowned but nodded "Of course Alice, why?"

I turned to look at James "We need to talk." I said walking out of the lounge before he could respond, I made my way to the back porch and settled on the swing seat that was set up there.

"What's up?" James asked as he came out causing the seat to swing gently as he sat next to me.

Memories of summer evenings spent cuddled up on this seat with him threatened to assault my mind but I pushed them back down.

"I need to talk to you about Ellie." I told him honestly.

"What about her?" he asked sounding nervous.

I took a moment to arrange my thoughts "I need to know what your intentions are."

I only just caught his slight snigger.

"I don't even know why I bother." I snapped angrily, he was so infuriating. For a guy who used to be able to get me turned on with a look, he could now get under my skin so easily I wanted to claw his eyes out whenever we were in the same room.

Running a hand through my hair I tried to calm down.

James followed the movement of my hand, all humour gone from his face as his eyes narrowed.

"What the fuck is that?" he growled.

"What?" I asked in confusion.

He grabbed my left hand making me flinch and try to pull back, we both looked down at the diamond ring glinting in the dim light.

"That would be an engagement ring." I said as confidently as I could, with his fingers still wrapped around my arm.

James's face soured as he scowled at the ring "Christ Mar, you haven't even know him a year. Talk about a rebound."

That stung. A lot.

He was still glaring at my hand and I pulled it back out of his grip.

"You have no right to say anything about it James." I snapped at him "You left me, remember."

He shrugged moodily and I scoffed.

"Face it you chose Victoria, the only reason you want me is because she's not here and you need some piece of ass to play with while you're stuck at home." I gave a bitter laugh "If I didn't hate her so much I'd feel sorry for the poor bitch."

James scowled at me "I thought you wanted to talk about Ellie." he huffed. I had to turn away from him to hide my smile of triumph at having finally called him on his shit.

"I just want to know if you're going to be there for her." I said.

He sighed heavily "Look Mar, I've got a lot on my mind right now."

"You're not the only one." I cut him off angrily.

"Yeah I'm sure dress shopping is a very arduous task." his voice dripped with sarcasm.

"No." I said slowly refusing to let my anger ruin this "But what is quite stressful is worrying about how my daughter will cope if her father keeps waltzing in and out of her life whenever he wants, giving her no stability and fucking her up emotionally." my voice shook slightly with pent up rage.

"Mar, I can't do this right now." he said angrily.

"Well you have to." I snapped stubbornly "I am not going to let you fuck her up James, if you want to be her father you have to damn well be there."

"Mar." he yelled standing up "I cannot do this right now." he turned to glare at me "Christ, you are so fucking…"

"Alice."

Both our heads snapped around to where Carol stood at the back door.

"She's asking for you." she said.

I stood up and turned to glare at James "For one in your life man up and make a decision, I don't care what it is as long as you stick to it." I snapped before moving past Carol and heading into the lounge where Ellie was waiting for me.

I'm not sure why I'd expected him to be even remotely helpful, but that had gone worse than I'd expected.

Ellie was crying quietly and I used that as an excuse to go home. I knew it wasn't particularly fair on Carol but I just couldn't be around James right now.

Back at my apartment I sat with Ellie watching Piglets Big Movie and let my mind wander.

James did have a lot to deal with at the moment, maybe I was being a bit overbearing, pushing him to make a decision on this.

I shook my head firmly, no, there was nothing wrong with wanting a stable life for Ellie. James was her father and it was about damn time he took some responsibility whether that was stepping up to the mark and being her dad or doing us all a favour and falling off the face of the planet was his choice to make.

After a few days with no word I was starting to feel hopeful that maybe James was going to just let me and Ellie get on with our lives. I tried to keep myself in check though, knowing I'd only end up disappointed and was proved right the next time I saw Carol.

"You'll be pleased to know James wont be joining us today." she told me as she sat down on the sofa opposite me.

"How come?" I asked, pleasantly surprised.

"He had to head back to college for a few days, his tutors have been really understanding allowing him to stay here, but he still has his own future to think about."

She looked over, almost longingly, at me and Ellie making me shuffle uncomfortably.

Whatever James's future held it sure as hell didn't involve me, and I wasn't going to pretend even for Carol's sake.

"He's probably missing Victoria as well." I added, making Carol sigh sadly.

"Yes is suppose." she said, though she didn't sound happy about it.

The disapproving tone in her voice made me smile, as much as I shouldn't like it I was pleased I still had Carol's approval while this bitch didn't.

"He never should have let you go." Carol said suddenly causing me to squirm in discomfort again.

"Carol please don't do this." I murmured.

"Is there no chance?" she asked softly.

I shook my head, no "I moved on Carol. I love Jasper and we're getting married, I'm sorry but James had his chance and he blew it."

"What about Ellie?" she asked.

I sighed heavily "I wont stop him from seeing her, if he wants to."

"He does." she insisted "He's just a bit lost right now."

I just nodded, really wanting to move on from this topic. I did understand James was going through a lot, but I was done rolling over for him to make his life easier, I would not let him fuck up my life anymore and I point blank refused to let him fuck up Ellie's.

It was time James realised I was no longer the doe eyed teenage girl head over heels in love with him, and if that wake up call had to be shocking and painful, all the better.


	31. Chapter 31

****

Disclaimer:

**I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**I know I said I would have this out on Monday but I had to work, sorry. xx**

* * *

**Chapter 30**

I officially hate being engaged!

I was sat in a small Greek restaurant trying very hard not to drum my fingers on the table as my mum went on and on about wedding plans.

Luckily, for my sanity, most of them revolved around Edward and Bella, who would officially become Mr and Mrs. Cullen in less than a month.

Of course my mother couldn't help putting in the odd comment about mine and Jasper's wedding.

"Have you thought about flowers yet Alice?" she asked as we discussed Bella's bouquet.

"No." I tried not to growl out "We haven't even set a date yet." I reminded her.

I could see Bella and Angela trying not to laugh as my mum continued not to get the hint I wasn't ready to start planning my wedding yet.

Don't get me wrong I did love Jasper, and I still had every intention of spending the rest of my life with him. I was just starting to understand why Bella had been thinking about running off to Vegas.

"Can we focus on the more immediate wedding first." I finally snapped, twisting my engagement ring on my finger, it was starting to feel rather heavy and I didn't like that.

Bella took pity on me and diverted my mum back to her wedding.

I had been handling getting engaged rather well, I hadn't freaked out yet and I was actually looking forward to being Jasper's wife and I didn't want that to be ruined by people interfering and pressuring me. I know my mum meant well, but I had to do this my way, in my own time.

I really appreciated that Jasper understood that and couldn't wait to escape back home to a sense of peace.

Unfortunately that came crashing down around me the moment Jasper came through the door loaded down with information on practically every apartment, house and condo currently on the market.

"There's a new condo development being built close by, it may take longer to move in than if we went for somewhere available now, but we could really make it our own." he flipped through the leaflet, showing me the plans for the development.

I just sat there letting him continue talking, making plans for our future. Plans I should have been excited about.

Instead I was having a silent internal panic attack, I point blank refused to let it show though. I had agreed to this, and I wanted this. I was panicking over nothing and I wasn't going to ruin Jasper's good mood again because of my inability to accept good things in my life.

Unfortunately Jasper had a knack for knowing what I was feeling.

"Alice." he said making me look up at him "Baby, you know this isn't happening tomorrow right."

I nodded "I know that." my voice gave me away. I was trying too hard to make it sound normal.

Jasper sighed softly "I'm getting carried away aren't I?"

"No." I said sternly shaking my head "No, you have every right to be excited, to want to plan our future. I'm sorry, I just." I took a aggravated breath "I've had my mother on at me all through lunch about planning our wedding, I'm freaking out and I have no reason to because I want this, I want you."

"Okay." he said placing an arm over the back of the sofa so I could shuffle over and cuddle up to him. "You have to talk to me if you feel overwhelmed by all this, just let me know what you're thinking."

"I'm thinking I'm being stupid!" I muttered "I just want to be excited like a normal person would be when they get engaged to the perfect guy."

"Everyone has a little panic as well." he said "It's a big step, don't tell me Bella didn't have a freak, cause I know for a fact Edward did."

I laughed a little imagining Edward having a panic attack, stretching up I kissed Jasper softly before reaching to pick up one of the leaflets he'd brought in. May as well take a look.

I wanted to be able to plough on with plans for our future with the same enthusiasm and faith Jasper had, but I couldn't and as much as I hated it I knew the reason was James. I still had so many insecurities and fears concerning the future.

Insecurities I kept pushing aside rather than doing the sensible thing and facing them, dealing with them, getting over them and allowing myself a chance to be happy with Jasper.

The problem was I didn't know how to deal with them, and even after all this time I wasn't sure exactly how deep some of them ran.

As much as I loved Jasper, all the times he'd proven himself and I was still scared of him abandoning me like James had.

I wanted to trust Jasper would never do that to me, but I was still confused as to why James had, maybe if I had some answers I could let it go, but I wasn't naïve enough to believe James would ever give me an explanation for his behaviour.

On Saturday Jasper decided to get us out of the apartment for some fresh air. We just ended up at the park, Ellie became obsessed with the small play area there.

"She is most definitely your daughter." Jasper called as Ellie demanded he keep pushing her on the swing.

I shrugged smiling "We just know what we want."

"Jappa." she squealed as he stopped pushing her to look at me.

"Ellie, he's not your personal slave." I told her sternly.

"No I'm yours." Jasper chuckled, turning to gently push her again. She giggled happily.

I bit my lip guiltily "You could always say no to me." I teased, knowing he never would.

"One day I might, and you'll have the shock of your life." he warned.

I went to stand behind him and wrap my arms around his waist "Love you." I murmured against his back "And I know I don't always show it, but I do appreciate everything you do for me."

"I know you do baby." one of his hands came to rest on top of mine, his thumb ran over the ring on my left hand, as he had a habit of doing as though assuring himself it was there, that I had agreed to marry him.

It took Ellie a while to get worn out, she was having too much fun.

"You ready to go home angel?" I asked hopefully as she came over to me and lifted her arms so I'd pick her up.

"No." she whined, but her head fell against my shoulder and her eyes drooped.

"We can come back another day you know." I assured her.

Her exhaustion won out and she let me strap her into her stroller without a fight.

"I don't know about her, but I'm worn out." Jasper laughed as we set off back home.

Nodding my head in agreement I tried to repress my own yawn "At least we'll all get a good sleep tonight." I leant into him as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

"Take out tonight I think." he suggested "Unless you want to cook for a change."

"Defiantly take out." I sighed happily as Jasper chuckled.

I loved having little moments like this with him, things that weren't particularly spectacular, but they felt special to me simply because we were together.

I smiled happily as he pressed a kiss to my hair, a smile that fell quickly as I looked up to see James sat on a bench a few feet ahead of us.

Nice of him to tell me he was back in town!

Although he'd never told me he was leaving.

I felt Jasper tense as he saw what I had.

Taking a deep breath I tried to keep my head up, this was not a big deal.

Jasper's arms tightened more and I wondered why until I followed his gaze back to James.

A statuesque red head was next to him, his arm thrown casually over her shoulder, her red curls gleamed in the sunlight as she laughed at something he'd said.

Victoria.

The name flashed in my head and my steps faltered.

No fucking wonder he left me, she was stunning. Her legs seemed to go on for miles as she stretched them out, her tight top wasn't revealing but it showed just how much she had to offer.

The way she moved, smiled, laughed, she just oozed sex appeal.

I averted my gaze looking up at Jasper instead. His jaw was tense and he pulled me against him more protectively making me smile.

Maybe James had left me for something better, but I'd found something better in Jasper.

That didn't stop me praying with all I had that they were too caught up in each other to notice us. Of course I should have known the world would never give me a break.

"Oh Jesus." I heard James mutter as we passed the bench.

"What?"

Oh fuck, even her fucking voice was sexy.

"Nothing baby."

I froze.

"Alice." Jasper whispered, trying to force me forward, but I couldn't move.

It hadn't been James calling us nothing. He'd called _her _baby. That's what Jasper called me.

"So your daughter's nothing now. That's nice!" I spat, looking straight ahead. Part of my brain was screaming at me to shut the fuck up and just get home, but I couldn't help myself.

"Don't fucking start Mar." James growled.

Jasper's arm tightened more as I started to shake in anger.

"Mar? Wait, that's your ex?" Victoria asked incredulously before snorting a laugh.

I flinched, instinctively leaning into Jasper's support. This time I responded to the pressure forcing me to walk.

"Ignore them." Jasper whispered. I nodded in consent.

"Don't ask me what I was thinking. I was young." I heard James laugh behind me and felt tears burn my eyes.

I was so sick of this fucking asshole!

"Alice." Jasper warned as I turned back to James.

"If I was such a bad choice, why did you say you wanted me back? Why did you keep going on about how much you missed me?" I spat with vindictive pleasure watching Victoria's face twist at those words.

James glared up at me and I just smirked in satisfaction.

"Like I'd fucking want you back." he spat "Stupid needy little girl who got herself pregnant to try and trap me."

My smirk fell.

"The only good that could have come from that is it's meant to make your tits bigger." he smirked this time, his eye going to my chest "But that obviously didn't happen."

"Did you say you wanted her back?" Victoria suddenly spoke up.

James turned to look at her "Come on Vic, why would I want her when I've got you. She's just trying to get between us." he stood up and moved towards me "Still the same old Mary, holding on to that hope she's good enough for me, not accepting I've moved on to better things. I mean look at her Mar, why would I want you?"

Each vicious word was like a knife twisting in my newly healed heart, threatening to fracture it again.

"Oh I do not fucking think so." Jasper growled as I started to tremble, frozen in place, unable to stop listening as James threatened to rip me apart again.

"So he can talk." James said sarcastically, not realising now was a bad time to wind Jasper up more.

"I can do a lot more than fucking talk you pathetic piece of shit." Jasper growled out.

James scoffed, trying to play the big man "Whatever man, look you can have her okay, I put up with her for five years. I may actually put a bet on how long you last. Although, I guess some guys are into the pathetic clingy little girl with stretch marks."

What happened next was a bit of a blur.

One moment James was spouting his evil shit with a cocky smirk, the next Jasper's fist was contacting with his face and James ended up in a heap on the ground.

"I should have done that weeks ago." Jasper said, his voice oddly calm.

James looked up at him in shock, clutching his bloody nose.

Jasper took a step towards him and even through my tears I had to smile as James flinched in fear.

"Just because you're too blind to see what a great person Alice is doesn't mean the rest of the world is, I will not let you break her again, and let me tell you I am not the only one who would willingly put a fist in your face, there'd be a cue a mile long." Jasper's was still so calm, but in many ways that made it scarier than if he'd been yelling, his control over his simmering rage only added to his intimidating air. "You stay away from her from now on, you keep your twisted thoughts to yourself and I swear to god you ever look at her the wrong way I will quite happily do a lot more damage. And you" he moved his smouldering eyes to Victoria who froze under his intense glare "Do yourself a favour and wake up. If you think he wont do to you what he did to Alice you are very mistaken. Men" he scoffed "And I use that term very loosely, like him do not change. He'll get bored and move on, same as before."

"Fucking dick." James spat out, still wiping blood off his face.

Jasper smirked dangerously "You have no idea." he said "And trust me, the only reason you're not fighting for your life in the back of an ambulance right now is because I'm not stupid enough to risk losing Alice for anything." he took another step towards James "But hurt her again and I may reconsider."

With that he turned back to me, one arm wrapped around me literally dragging me from the park, the other hand pushed Ellie's stroller. Thankfully she'd slept through the entire incident.

The trip back to the apartment was silent, once we were home Jasper took a sleeping Ellie straight to her bed.

As soon as I was alone I let it all out. Sobs wracked my body, tears streamed down my face. I didn't even make it to the sofa I just collapsed onto the floor and cried.

Jasper was back beside me in record time, his arms wrapped safely around me, I could almost feel the love flowing off him as he held me tight his lips pressed kisses all over my face and I slowly calmed.

"I tried so hard." I sobbed "After she was born, I tried so hard to get back in shape."

"Shh." he hushed softly "Don't do that to yourself baby." he murmured.

"I didn't get pregnant on purpose."

"I know." he said gently "I know that. Alice don't think about it okay, he got caught in his lies and lashed out."

I chewed my tongue nervously "I know I don't have the biggest boobs, and I have a few stretch marks, but they're not that bad right?"

"Look at me." Jasper murmured tilting my head towards him "Look at me." he said more firmly as I tried to avoid his eyes "You are perfect." he said when I finally met his eyes "You are sweet and incredible and gorgeous and I love every single part of you." he said firmly, his eyes burning into mine, searing my soul "You do not listen to what he said because if it's true he left you for such a shallow, self centred reason he is an even bigger wanker than I ever thought possible."

"She was prettier than me." I mumbled.

Jasper used a hand to brush my hair back "Depends what you're attracted to."

"She was sex on legs." I snapped, annoyed he wouldn't just agree with me.

He gave me a long look as though trying to work out what I was thinking. I almost laughed.

_Good luck there pal, because at this moment in time I have no fucking clue what's going on in my head._

"You know I've probably fucked a hundred girls just like Victoria." he said matter of factly.

I stared at him open mouthed, I could feel my fragile heart crack, unable to deal with any more today

"But you are the girl I'm marrying. What does that tell you?"

"That I'm the dumpy little housewife." I sobbed.

Jasper groaned "No. Alice, girls like Victoria are ten a penny, you are unique. There is no one else in the world like you."

I gave a slightly hysterical laugh "That's probably a good thing."

Jasper carried on as though I hadn't spoken "Girls like Victoria know they're sexy and they flaunt it, some guys like that, but for me it's a turn off."

I scoffed loudly, no one in the world would be turned off by Victoria. Again Jasper just ignored me.

"I have had and could have a girl like that if I wanted, but I don't I want you. I love you, I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. Alice it kills me when you don't see how incredible you are. You don't believe for a second you're sexy, you have zero self esteem, but you are sexy without needing to flaunt it and that makes you all the more attractive to me. Jesus Alice all you need do is walk into a room and smile at me and you can guarantee instant hard on."

He smiled down at me, his hands still caressing me soothingly. I relaxed a little under his ministrations.

"Do you want me to prove how sexy I find you?" he asked a slight smirk appearing on his face.

Wrapping my arms around his neck I buried my face in his shoulder "Yes." I begged pathetically.

Standing with me in his arms he made his way into the bedroom.

"I'm not being fair to you again am I?" I whispered as he lay me down on the bed.

One half of his mouth raised in a smirk along with his eyebrows "I'm going to have to spend the whole night loving you." chuckling he dropped a kiss to the hollow of my throat "Which just so happens to be my all time favourite activity."

I felt my lips twitch in an attempted smile.

"How I will survive?" he gave an over exaggerated sigh before pulling my top up over my head and quickly removing my pants and underwear.

He sat back on his knees and just gazed down at me, I shuffled self consciously under his scrutiny until one of his hands came up to caress my cheek.

I looked up into his eyes and James's damaging words faded from my mind .

Jasper gave me a reassuring smile as his fingers slowly began to ghost over my skin, creating gooseflesh everywhere they touched.

"You know, you really are perfect." he murmured.

I shook my head making him raise an eyebrow.

"Okay, I'll rephrase." he said, sitting back he pulled his sweater off, quickly followed by his shirt, before leaning back over me "You are perfect for me."

I couldn't resist running my fingers through his silky hair as he brought his lips to mine gently.

He moved his lips to my neck and I gasped as his hands ran up my legs softly

"Now they might not be the longest legs in the world." he said quietly.

I bit my lips to stop whimpering as his fingers slowed the higher they moved, I couldn't repress the whine as he moved them back to my ankles.

"But they are the perfect length." lifting my legs he wrapped them around his waist "For this."

I tightened my legs pulling him closer, he grinned down at me. His hands moved up to my stomach making me instantly tense.

He didn't say anything, his hands just kept running softly over my stomach until I relaxed under his caress.

I anticipated his next move arching my back into him as his hands came up to cup my breasts.

"Perfect size." he smirked at me.

I arched into him more as his thumbs ran over my hardened nipples.

Jasper chuckled huskily "And oh so sensitive."

"Jasper." I breathed his name.

"What can I do?" he whispered in my ear "What do you need?"

My nails dug into his back as I clung onto him "You." I murmured "Only you."

He pulled back making me moan softly but all he did was quickly remove his pants before leaning back in and crushing my lips with his, my eyes rolled back in pleasure as he pushed into me.

My legs went back around his waist and I pushed my hips up into his, forcing him deeper

"You know I love you." Jasper whispered after, as I lay sated in his arms.

"Even though I'm so needy." I mumbled "I'm sorry." I immediately apologised "I know I shouldn't listen to what he says, I've just always wanted to know what made him leave me." I gave a bitter laugh that turned into a sob "Guess I know now."

Jasper's arms tightened "You are not needy Alice, you've proven you can survive on your own, you're very independent, but you're insecure and ninety percent of that is down to that dick. I love you, just the way you are, I would change nothing."

I smiled up at him "There's really nothing about me you don't like?"

He looked over me, a thoughtful expression on his face "Well I kind of wish you had higher self esteem at times." he grinned "But then I do so love making you feel good about yourself." he kissed me softly.

He gave me so much and asked for nothing in return, whenever I brought this up he simply said I was all he wanted, but it hardly seemed a fair exchange especially given the way I'd just behaved.

"Okay." I said decisively, making a decision there and then "Jasper, I want us to get one of those new condos."

"Alice." he began with a sigh.

"No just listen." I said sitting up "I'm sick of this, I'm sick of being like this. I love you, I want a future with you and it's about time I started working on that. I have so many memories in this apartment, some of them are good, but some are bad too. We need a fresh star, somewhere we can build our life together. I don't want to be hung up on my past anymore. It's not fair on you, I hate not being fair to you." I jumped out of bed to pace restlessly " I think today was a perfect example of that. I need, we need a fresh start."

"Alice, could you please." he flung a shirt at me.

I stopped pacing to frown at him, his eyes wandered around the room not looking at me.

"Incase you hadn't noticed, you're butt naked and it's a little distracting." he muttered.

"Sorry." I mumbled, pulling the shirt on before pacing again "Look I wanna make this work and I know I keep fucking up and I hate it. I shouldn't care what James said today because it doesn't matter what he thinks, you shouldn't have had to do that for me."

"Alice." he groaned, pulling his boxers on so he could get to his feet and try to get me into his arms, but I was too agitated I just kept pacing.

"Alice, get your ass over here." he demanded loudly making me stop "Here." he stated pointing at the floor just before him.

I wandered over hesitantly and let him wrap his arms around me.

"Will you stop being so hard on yourself." he tilted my head up "If needs be I will quite willingly do that ever night, if it makes you feel better."

I could hear the suppressed laughter in his voice.

"I did rather enjoy it myself." he whispered in my ear.

"But…"

"No more buts!" he cut me off with a kiss "Alice when I first met you you were only four weeks out of a relationship. In my head I knew it was too soon for you, but I was too scared to wait. Scared someone else would make a move, scared you'd be put off men altogether, scared of not even having a chance. So I pursued you, despite knowing I shouldn't. I kept telling myself I needed to take things slow, give you time to recover and be able to move on and god knows I have tried, but the more I tired to slow down, the faster everything seemed to go. So I understand you still have a lot of insecurities and questions to deal with. You've agreed to marry me and that is far more than I deserve at this moment in time, so give yourself a break. I will happily wait for as long as you need."

"I don't want to make you wait." I mumbled.

Chuckling quietly Jasper pulled me back down onto the bed "You can be hurt by what he said." he murmured in my ear "I'm hurt by what he said, I wish I'd done more than hit the bastard."

I giggled a little "The look on his face when you punched him was priceless." wriggling around I kissed him softly "Thank you."

"For what?" he asked.

"For hitting him, for defending me, for loving me and for understanding me even when I don't understand myself. And for everything else you do."

"It is entirely my pleasure." he paused "Especially getting to hit him."

I giggled again, replaying the scene in my head, very entertaining.

"Can we look into getting one of those condos?" I asked still wanting to make some sort of move towards the future.

"Of course we can."

I smiled snuggling into him more "Good."

"I love you my stunningly gorgeous future wife." Jasper whispered running a trail of kisses down my neck and shoulder.

"I love you too." I murmured setting down to try and sleep.

I lay safe in Jasper's arms thinking as his breathing evened out and he fell asleep, I thought back over the scene in the park, thinking about all the vicious truths I could have flung back at James. Sure Victoria was more attractive and sexually alluring than I was, but Jasper was better than James in ever single way.

I smiled thinking about the look on James's face if I ever told him about all the times I'd had to fake orgasms with him, compared to how hard Jasper could make me cum on just his fingers.

How long I lay there plotting revenge, or imagining scenarios where I finally got to make James feel as small and worthless as he'd made me I don't know.

Jasper pulled me from my destructive thoughts when his arms tightened around me and he nuzzled his face into my neck.

"Alice." he murmured in his sleep making me smile.

I relaxed back against him and realised I was being stupid, getting revenge on James didn't matter, wasting time and energy on him in any way was stupid and selfish because he didn't matter, the only thing that truly mattered was me and Jasper. Jasper loved me and I loved him and we were going to have our life together.

Smiling I wrapped my arms around him and gazed into his peaceful face, allowing my mind to fill with thoughts of him until my eyes grew heavy and I finally fell into a peaceful sleep.

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**Yay Jasper finally hit James. Let me know what you think. xx**


	32. Chapter 32

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**I know it's been a while, but work has just been insane, and it's only going to get busier, oh the joys of Christmas! **

**Anyway updates are going to be slower for the next month or so, I am sorry about that but there just aren't enough hours in the day. I am going to try and keep updates to at least one chapter a week. I am not going to abandon this story, it will be completed, it will just take a little longer than I planned. xx**

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**Chapter 31**

"Will you hold still." I said for what felt like the hundredth time as I tried to put the finishing touches to Bella's hair.

Thanks to last night's bachelorette party I was nursing the mother of all hangovers, and I was not in the mood for Bella's nervous shuffling.

I was starting to wish I'd let her get a stylist to do all this, but all those months ago when I'd first suggested I could do it, it had seemed like a good idea.

Giving up for a moment I placed the clips back on the vanity and took the large glass Angela passed me and took a tentative sip.

I gagged "What is in that?" I asked, gazing suspiciously at the red mixture before me.

Angela gave me a small smile "It's best not to ask that. Hangover cure, it works honestly."

Knowing if my hangover cleared up I'd be in a slightly better mood I downed the concoction as fast as possible, trying not to taste.

Angela looked about as well as I felt and I made a vow that when me and Jasper got married I was having my bachelorette party at least a week in advance so everyone had time to recover.

Angela sat and talked to Bella, keeping her calm so I could finish her hair.

"Okay, you next." I told Angela, when Bella's hair and makeup were perfect, she could stress out as much as she wanted now.

I focused my energy on getting me and Angela ready, leaving Sue to try and calm Bella.

I couldn't blame her for being stressed, I was also worrying about making this perfect for her and Edward, me and Emmett had been working hard to make it so and I really hoped everything ran smoothly.

On top of that, this would also be the first time Edward, Jasper and me had all been in the same room for three months, Emmett had dragged Jasper to last nights bachelor party, but I had no idea how that had gone.

Just one more thing to worry me. I didn't know if Edward had genuinely forgiven Jasper or if he'd just laid off to get me, Emmett, and Bella off his back.

In the brief moment of reprise I got I tried to call Jasper but his phone kept going straight to voicemail.

What if something had happened last night and he was in the ER?

No Alice stop!

If there is one thing you know about Edward it's how much his loves Bella. He would not ruin her wedding day by hospitalising one of her friends the night before.

I took several deep breaths trying to calm down. Ever since admitting how much I loved Jasper my fear of losing him had increased to the point I panicked when I didn't know where he was.

I didn't want to be the clingy girlfriend always needing to know where he was every second of every day, but right now I really wished he'd just turn his damn phone on and answer it.

Trying to keep my mind occupied I focused on getting the bridal party ready.

By some miracle we were all ready by the time the cars arrived, although Bella was looking very pale under her makeup and I feared she may faint.

"Bella relax." I said taking her hands between mine as Angela ushered Sue into the car.

"I'm gonna fall over, I'm gonna make a total fool of myself, I'm going to be halfway down the aisle and fall flat on my face, and Edward will realise what a clumsy idiot I am and run off." she was hyperventilating by now, and as sympathetic as I was I couldn't help bursting out laughing. It did managed to snap Bella out of her funk though.

"Oh Bella." I tried to talk between my chuckles "You are not going to fall, Charlie wont let you okay, and even if you did I think Edward is more than aware how accident prone you are." I smiled reassuringly at her "If that did happen Edward would swoop in like the knight in shinning armour he is and carry you to the alter to make sure you didn't hurt yourself."

She gave me a small smile, which was a huge improvement, and I gave her a hug, careful not to crease our dresses

"Now come on, or we're going to be late and then Emmett's going to have to calm Edward down when he's having a panic attack worried you wont show." I said dragging her to the car.

They really were as bad as each other.

We made it to the church on time, meeting Charlie outside, he blinked back tears and cleared his throat gruffly when he saw Bella. Sue gave her a hug before heading inside to take her seat, and signal we could begin.

"Piece of cake Bella, all you have to do is walk." I joked as music started up and Angela stepped out onto the aisle, Bella managed to scowl at me before I followed her.

I smiled widely, trying not to laugh as I saw Edward at the front, his normal calm demeanour shattered as he shuffled nervously. It was quite something to see him so flustered.

I looked away before I caught Emmett's eye, if that happened neither of us would be able to hold in the laughter. Instead my eyes, almost instinctively, found Jasper.

Somehow my feet managed to keep moving me forward with measured steps as my brain got distracted drinking in the sight of him.

I never seem to fully appreciate just how good he looks in a suit.

As our eyes met he gave me a smirk his eyes slowly running over me, it felt like someone had lit a fire inside me and I couldn't wait for the ceremony to be over so I could be near him.

Bella successfully made it down the aisle without even a stumble, the way her eyes were locked on Edward made me think she wasn't really aware of what she was doing.

Charlie seemed choked up as he laid Bella's hand in Edward, it was quite alarming seeing the quite gruff police chief so emotional, but then Bella was his only daughter, it was bound to get to him.

Through the vows all I could think of was me and Jasper doing this. We still hadn't set a date, I knew Jasper was leaving that up to me, giving me the time to make sure I was really okay with this.

The stupid thing was I knew I was okay, more than okay. The more I thought about it the more unnecessary waiting seemed to be.

I'd already agreed to marry him, I wanted to marry him. What else was there left to think about?

I took Emmett's proffered arm and followed the new Mr and Mrs. Cullen back down the aisle amid all the applause and tears, my mum was balling her eyes out.

We had the photos then, so it wasn't until we got to the reception that I got to really see Jasper, I hung back waiting for him to arrive. He wouldn't be sitting at the head table with me and I wanted a couple of minutes with him before I sat down.

His smile, once again, made me go all gooey inside.

"You look beautiful." he said as he came over to me.

I grinned up at him "Thanks, you look hot!" closing the distance between us I wrapped my arms around him pressing my lips to his. His arms automatically wound around my waist and I felt completely at home. "Did you have fun last night?"

"Yeah I had a good time."

That was a vague answer, and not really what I wanted to know. I looked up at him expectantly and he smiled knowingly.

"He kind of ignored me to start with, but as soon as the drink started flowing I think we cleared the air a little."

"Good." I said with relief resting my head against his chest "When you're phone kept going to voicemail this morning I kind of thought he'd killed you." I tried to joke but by the way Jasper's arms tightened he knew I'd been really worried.

"Sorry baby, one of Emmett's rules last night was no phones, I forgot to turn it back on this morning."

I rolled my eyes, of course it was Emmett's fault.

"Just as long as his other rule wasn't as many strippers and lap dancers it is safe to have in a single room, I'll let you off."

Jasper chuckled "No, it was no women allowed, strippers and lap dancers included. Promise."

I pulled back to give him a shrewd look "Okay, I'll believe you." I said slowly.

He frowned as though confused "Why would I want to see strippers when I have you?"

I was going to go all giggly when I noticed the smirk on his face.

"Of course if you were up for putting on a little show I wouldn't say no." his hands slid to grope my ass.

I giggled then "Well maybe I will. This dress is starting to feel a little restricting, I can't wait to be out of it." I stretched up so I could whisper in his ear teasingly.

Before he could respond I'd slipped away to take my place at the head table.

"What kept you?" Emmett asked with a grin.

"Just catching up with people." I said innocently, although I couldn't help grinning as Jasper came in and quickly made his way to his seat.

Emmett chuckled as he followed my gaze "You're really mean to him sometimes."

"I know." I sighed, I couldn't help it, it was fun teasing him. "You didn't have strippers last night did you?" I asked, I had to double check, for Bella and Rosalie's sake as well.

Emmett gave me a cheeky grin and I narrowed my eyes at him.

With an overexaggerated sigh and eye roll he answered "No we didn't. Jesus Alice, I was out with my girlfriends brother and Captain straight lace over there. Do you really think I'm stupid enough to have got strippers?"

"Okay." I conceded "So maybe even you're not that stupid."

"You got your speech sorted?" he asked with a grin once the meal was served.

I shook my head "Bella's got more sense than Edward, she's refusing to give me the opportunity to tell embarrassing stories."

Emmett winked at me "Yeah Ed's not that bright."

Edward really wasn't that bright, and Emmett brought the house down. His ability to make all their college capers sound like something from Mission Imposable had me thinking he'd missed his calling as a stand up comedian.

Me and Bella had tears running down our cheeks from laughing so hard.

"In all seriousness though Ed." Emmett said, trying to control his own laughter "I think Ali summed it up at your engagement party." he raised his glass "Congrats man, it's great your balls dropped and you finally figured out what a great thing you have with Bella. You take care of her." he turned, grinning, to Bella "We all know what a walking disaster she can be." he ducked as Bella flung a napkin at his head "Right, well I think I should stop talking now before I'm off the Christmas card list, so in conclusion ladies and gentlemen, raise your glasses to the bride and groom."

Somehow everyone managed to compose themselves enough to toast Bella and, a very red faced, Edward.

I was feeling grateful Bella hadn't wanted me to speak because there was no way I could follow Emmett. Charlie wasn't much of a public speaker, he simply told Edward to take care of his little girl.

All too soon it was time for the first dance, Bella looked terrified at the thought of having to dance in front of everyone.

Edward held on tight, making sure she didn't fall and after a few minutes of watching them sway softly to the music Emmett offered me his arm and we made our way up to the dance floor to join them.

"It will be you're turn next." Emmett said in a solemn voice as we moved around the floor.

I smiled up at him "Yeah I know. Can't wait."

Emmett chuckled, then sighed "I feel like I'm being left behind here."

I gave him a look "You could always propose to Rosalie, I'm sure she wouldn't mind." I added with a grin.

He smiled softly looking over my head, I twisted around to see him watching Rosalie dancing with Jasper.

"You should propose." I insisted, Emmett raised an eyebrow at me and I shrugged "Emmett you introduced her to me as 'the love of my life', so what's holding you back?"

He shrugged, then grinned at me "Guess my balls haven't dropped yet."

I shook my head at him, but I could tell from the glint in his eye the idea had taken root. Maybe I should make sure Rosalie caught the bouquet, just to give him a bit more motivation.

During the next song I danced with Edward, his cheeks were still tinged pink, and deciding to be nice, I didn't bring up Emmett's speech.

"So how do you feel now its all over?" I asked instead.

He gave me a small smile "Relieved. Excited, overwhelmed." he laughed a little his eyes flickering to Bella, who was dancing with Emmett.

I rolled my eyes "Wow Ed you're really selling marriage as the way to go here."

"I've only been married for four hours, give me a chance." he chuckled, spinning me around under his arm.

"Yes, I'm sure you'll be feeling very different after the honeymoon." I teased.

"Yeah, I'll be very sore!" he threw back with a smirk.

"Edward!" I moaned, trying to rid myself of the images now assaulting my brain.

"What?" he asked innocently "There's lots of things to do, rock climbing, scuba diving."

"Yeah I'm sure you'll have plenty of time for that." I muttered sarcastically.

Edward just grinned at me and I felt better that we had managed to return to our old banter so easily even after everything that had happened.

"May I cut in?"

It was a credit to Edward's promise to be nice that he didn't even scowl at Jasper, but he did sigh softly "Sure." he said stepping back from me.

Jasper shrugged "Just thought you might want to be free to go rescue your wife."

Me and Edward followed his gaze to where Bella was dancing with Jacob, and looking very uncomfortable as he held her close to him.

Edward immediately took off across the dance floor, leaving Jasper to wrap his arms around my waist and pull me close to him.

"Well then little miss tease, I finally get you to myself." he said with a smirk.

I gave him my best pout "I am not a tease." I insisted.

Jasper raised a disbelieving eyebrow "So you're really gonna strip and give me a lap dance?"

I shrugged acting all coy "If you want me to."

He chuckled pulling me closer, he was rock hard already.

"I think I want you to." he whispered.

I sent a silent thank you to my parents who had already offered to take Ellie tonight, I think my mum just needed some reassurance seeing as how her little boy was now married.

"Okay." I said making Jasper groan appreciatively "But you do know we can't leave this thing before the bride and groom, so you're gonna have to be patient."

His hands slid to my hips as we continued to sway to the music "Good thing I'm a patient man." he chuckled.

"Hmm." I hummed thoughtfully deliberately pressing closer to him and swaying my hips a little slower "How patient?" I teased.

His fingers curled around my hips stilling my movements "Behave." he warned "After all, it's your family we're surrounded by."

I realised he had a point and reluctantly toned it down a little.

There was another downside to having all my family in the room, I ended up being bombarded with questions from various aunts, uncles and other obscure relatives I'd met maybe once in my life about when me and Jasper were going to set a date, and move in together, and live happily ever after.

Jasper was his usual charming and wonderful self, deflecting all enquiries with 'We always intended to have a long engagement.' or 'I'm just relieved she agreed to marry me'.

I just stood there trying to keep smiling. Wasn't this day meant to be about Edward and Bella, not me and Jasper?

I once again found myself using Ellie as an excuse to escape, I took as long as humanly possible to change her then sat in a secluded corner with her keeping away from all annoying relatives.

"What are you doing hiding over here?" Jasper asked as he came over and sat beside me.

"It just got a bit too much for me." I said, keeping my eyes on Ellie as she toddled around the table.

"Too much?"

I realised he may have taken that the wrong way.

"Yeah just all the questions." I turned back to Ellie as she started tugging at my skirt "It's meant to be Edward's day."

There were a few seconds silence.

"Baby, if you're having second thoughts" Jasper began hesitantly.

"God no." I said quickly cutting him off "I'm not Jasper I swear." I paused to try and get this out right "If anything today has made me think that maybe we should start looking into things."

That just seemed to confuse him.

"For the wedding." I clarified "You know, start looking at possible venues, start planning it."

"Really?" he asked still unsure.

"Yeah." I smiled at him "Jasper, I know you want to take things slow, to make sure I'm okay with this, but I know I want to marry you, I love you, and I just don't see the point in waiting if it's what we both want."

It was imposable for me to say anymore as his mouth found mine and he kissed me deeply. I guess he liked the idea.

"Jappa."

We broke apart as Ellie spoke up. She was stood in front of Jasper and lifted her arms when he looked at her.

"Up." she demanded.

He shook his head with a sigh as he leant down to pick her up and sat her on his knee making her smile happily.

"Are you trying to steal my man?" I asked her in mock offence "Cause you know I'll fight for him." I warned reaching over to tickle her making her squeal.

Jasper chuckled as he watched us.

"You sure you're ready to take us both on officially?" I asked.

He looked over at me "You know I am." he assured.

"We're quite a handful you know, and very demanding." I reminded him with a grin.

He chuckled "Oh I know, but that's the fun of it."

"Jappa." Ellie interrupted again.

"What's the matter sweetie?" Jasper asked softly making me smile, he really was great with her.

She pointed to where people were sill dancing looking up at him expectantly.

"You wanna dance?" he asked.

She nodded "Dance." she demanded.

"You're spoiling her." I warned as he stood up.

Leaning back down he kissed the top of my head "I like spoiling my girls." he said with a grin. He hesitated "You gonna be okay?"

I tired not to roll my eyes "Yeah I'll be fine."

I sat back with a contented sigh and watched as he made his way to the dance floor and gently rocked Ellie in his arms, she was beaming around at everyone like it was all about her, not Bella and Edward.

I shook my head, she was going to be a nightmare teenager, I just knew it.

At least I knew I'd have Jasper as back up though, from personal experience I knew he was a master at dealing with emotional women.

I shook my head with a sigh, Emmett had a point I really was mean to him sometimes, it was still thirteen years away and I was already expecting him to deal with a hormonal teenager.

Maybe for once I should stop worrying about the future and just enjoy the here and now. I looked back at where Jasper was dancing with Ellie.

My family, I thought with a happy smile, that was all I needed worry about in this moment.

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**Thanks for all the support and once again let me stress I am not abandoning this story, and I do apologise that updates are slowing. xx**


	33. Chapter 33

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**Yay, I had a Saturday night off for the first time in 7 weeks! And how did I spend it? In bed typing up this chapter. Still it's a night off and it means I get this up earlier than expected. **

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**Chapter 32**

"What about Egypt?" Jasper asked "Near the Valley of the Kings. We could go out into the desert and spend all night under the stars, shagging."

I rolled my eyes "Jasper, we're trying to plan the wedding, not the honeymoon!"

"Or what about a remote cabin, all alone in the middle of the Canadian Rockies, no one around for miles. We could find out just how loud I can make you scream."

"Yeah, then get eaten by a grizzly bear." I grinned down at him, where his head rested on my lap.

"Okay, tropical island completely isolated from civilisation."

"Wedding first." I insisted "We can't have a honeymoon if we're not married."

"True." he sat up moving to rest his head on my shoulder "I like the idea of a tropical island though. Somewhere hot." he murmured pulling my top off my shoulder and placing a kiss on the exposed skin "Because then you wouldn't need many clothes on."

I gently smacked him in the face with the bridal magazine I was trying to read "You have a one track mind."

He chuckled "I'm a man darlin', what do you expect?"

"I expect you to help plan our wedding." I huffed curling my legs under me and leaning away from him on the arm of the sofa to try and keep him from distracting me.

"Where's the fun in that?" he asked with a grin.

I turned to glare at him but couldn't stop the smile that tugged at my lips "Lets make a deal then, you help me plan our wedding and I will more than happily let you spend the honeymoon fucking me senseless."

"Deal." he chuckled grabbing a magazine from the coffee table that was littered with them "So, how do you want your hair? I'm seeing curls." he said in a camp voice.

I laughed "Okay, lets be sexist here. You sort out the reception venue, cars and stuff like that and I'll organise clothes, flowers and hair."

"Okay." he sounded relieved as he put the magazine back down "But so it's a little less sexist I may get Rose to help with the cars."

I nodded in agreement and we lapsed into silence, Jasper seemed content as I moved to lay my head on his lap so he could run his fingers through my hair.

I continued to flip through my magazine trying to decide what I should do first. Dress, venue, flowers, food, there was so much. Even helping Bella with her plans hadn't quite shown me how much it actually took to get married.

"Who are you going to have as best man?" I asked looking up at Jasper.

"I was actually thinking about asking Edward." he said slowly, his fingers still moving rhythmically through my hair.

He pouted in disappointment as I sat up "Really?"

Jasper shrugged "I just thought it would be nice, I mean he is your brother. And." he continued with a grin "I was at Ed's bachelor party, and let's just say I don't trust Emmett."

I narrowed my eyes "You said nothing happened at his bachelor party."

"I said we didn't have strippers." he reminded me "Anyway, would you trust Emmett to get me to the church on time? Ed only made it thanks to your dad."

"I'd trust Emmett." I said a little defensive of him.

Jasper seemed to sense he'd crossed a line "Well it would be for Emmett's sake as well, I don't think he'd particularly like all that responsibility for a second time."

I couldn't deny that, Emmett wasn't great with responsibilities, but he had done a good job as Ed's best man.

"I think it's nice you want to ask Ed." I said "Just don't be too disappointed if he says no."

He smiled at me leaning down to kiss me "I wont be. So where do we start with this planning thing?"

"I don't know." I cried throwing the magazine to the floor in frustration "I have no idea what to do." I whined.

"Baby calm down." Jasper chuckled "We'll just make a list of everything that needs to be organised and take it one thing at a time." he said rationally picking up a pencil and notepad from between the magazines.

We spent the next half hour making a list of everything that needed to be organise before we could get married, all that really accomplished was to stress me out even more.

That night my dreams were filled with flowers and dresses, I woke up in the early hours of the morning in a cold sweat and I could not get back to sleep. I spent the rest of the night snuggled close to Jasper thinking over all the reasons I wanted to get married to him.

The next day I decided to meet with Bella.

Her and Edward were just back form their honeymoon and we both wanted to catch up on each other's gossip.

"Wow, you're already getting the dreams." she laughed when I told her about my sleepless night "I guess that was the good part of letting Esme plan most of it."

"Why did I find it so much easier planning your wedding than I am my own?" I asked, once again taking my frustration out on the pastry before me.

Bella laughed "Because you have to make all the big decisions this time, what flowers you want, the colour scheme, how many guests."

"I know, and I have no idea where to start." I admitted, I hated this because I was always the party planner, I always knew what would be great for other people, but could not figure out what I wanted for myself.

"Starting is the hardest part, as soon as you take that first step everything comes together." Bella assured.

I had thought the first step was agreeing to marry him, guess I was wrong.

"What was your first step?" I asked hoping for some help.

She smiled sympathetically "Asking Esme for help."

I laid my head down on the table with a groan. I don't think I'd cope with my mum's 'help', we'd end up killing each other before we'd even agreed on one thing. But, at the same time, she had arranged Bella and Edward's wedding, which had been gorgeous.

My phone rang, saving me from making a decision there and then.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hi, is that Alice Cullen?"

Great telemarketers "Yes." I replied with little enthusiasm.

Bella raised a questioning eyebrow and I just rolled my eyes in response.

"Oh good, I'm Laurent, a friend of Carol's."

"Right." I said slowly having no idea why he'd be calling me.

"I got your number from Carol's phone, she wanted me to call you."

Something very heavy seemed to drop into my stomach "What's happened?" I asked in a small voice.

Static crackled down the line as he sighed heavily "She's been taken into hospital Alice, it's not looking good."

"Which hospital?" I asked, leaping out of my chair and trying to get Ellie out of her highchair one handed.

Bella swatted me out of the way and sorted Ellie while I got the details from Laurent.

"I've gotta go." I said distractedly to Bella as I ended the call.

I looked around the café slightly disorientated, my brain couldn't seem to process what was happening.

"Alice I'll give you a lift." Bella said softly, I looked up at her a little dazed. "Come on." Bella led me out to her car.

She didn't try talking to me as she drove which I was grateful for because I was too lost in my thoughts. Carol had seemed fine when I saw her the other day, I mean I'd always known this was coming, but I hadn't expected it to be quite so sudden.

"Do you want me to stay?" Bella asked as we arrived.

I shook my head "No, I'll be fine. I'll call Jasper, he'll pick me up after work." I mumbled, not really listening to what I was saying.

"Okay, well call me if you need me." She didn't seem to want to leave me, but respected my wishes.

I followed Laurent's directions to the right ward, a tall black man with dreadlocks greeted me "Alice?"

I nodded stiffly shifting Ellie in my arms so I could shake his proffered hand "What happened?" I asked.

He sighed heavily "One of her care workers found her collapsed this morning." he shook his head angrily "God knows how long she was like that."

"Where was James?" the question was out before I could stop it but Laurent's face darkened when I mentioned James.

"He apparently needed to go to college for something, he's on his way back now." Laurent answered in a tight voice.

"Can I see her?" I asked in a small voice slightly unsure if I actually wanted to.

Laurent tried to smile "Yeah of course, she wanted to see you."

I moved past him knocking gently on the door before entering.

My heart sank as I saw Carol, hooked up to so many machines, I had no idea what they could all be for.

She was sitting up though, which I took as a good sign, and she smiled as I came in.

"Hey." I murmured softly, shifting Ellie a little as I moved closer to Carol's bed.

"Hello Alice." she smiled patiently as I opened and closed my mouth a few times trying to think of something to say.

She chuckled quietly when I couldn't manage it "Don't feel bad sweetie, I came to terms with my lot a long time ago. You've given me more than I deserve these past few months letting me see her." she smiled up at Ellie who seemed a bit unsure of these strange surroundings "My only regret is leaving James." she sighed "I just hope he'll be okay."

I didn't have the heart to tell her James would be fine because he was a self-centred asshole who only cared about himself, he was like a cockroach, he could survive a nuclear disaster and come out smelling of roses. Dick!

"I'm glad you came." she said, ending the awkward silence.

I shrugged "Of course I came, you were like a surrogate mum to me in high school, all those times I argued with my mum and came running to your house for sanctuary. I'm not sure if I ever thanked you for that, but I was grateful I had someone I could talk to." I said taking a seat next to her bed and balancing Ellie on my knee.

She chuckled again "Yes you were such a drama queen when you were a teenager." she glanced down at Ellie "I hope for your sake she doesn't take after you."

I laughed a little as Ellie looked back at me, she knew we were talking about her "Oh I'm sure she will."

The atmosphere lightened slightly as we continued talking, although I couldn't help staring at the machines every time one beeped.

Carol's eye became sad as Ellie shuffled restlessly and I distracted her with my engagement ring, she was still young enough to be enthralled with something shiny.

She sighed sadly, I felt uncomfortable under her scrutiny, I knew in Carol's perfect world me and James would get back together and live happily ever after, but I had come to realise, a long time ago, that was never going to happen.

"She's the only family he'll have left." she said softly.

I squirmed uneasily, there was nothing I could say to that, Both James and Carol knew I wouldn't stop him seeing Ellie if he wanted to and I really didn't need her guilt tripping me here.

"He'll be a good dad." she said rather sleepily I looked over but she seemed to have dozed off.

Letting out a breath I wondered how anyone could be that deluded, I know it was a mothers ability to see the best in her children, but had she not even noticed James's inability to maintain eye contact with his daughter for more than a few seconds. He was never going to be a good father, even if he wanted to be.

I stayed by her bedside until Ellie started getting fidgety, she really wasn't happy being in the hospital.

Seeing as how Carol was asleep I decided to go for a walk, Laurent was still outside the room and willingly took my place, at least she had some good friends, even if her son was a waste of space.

I headed up to the canteen to get Ellie something to eat in the hope it would settle her a little, grabbing a coffee myself I took the time to call Jasper.

"Hello?"

I almost broke down at the sound of his voice, I wanted to be in his arms right fucking now!

Taking a shuddery breath I tried to calm down so I could talk "Jasper can you do me a favour?" I asked quietly.

"Alice? Baby what's wrong?" he asked sounding close to panic himself.

"I'm at the hospital." I said.

Yes Alice because that sentence will help him calm down!

"Why what's happened? Are you? Is Ellie?" forget close to panic he was full out falling apart on the other end of the phone now.

"No, no, we're both fine." I said loudly over him "It's Carol, she's been taken in."

I didn't miss the huge sigh of relief he let out.

"Can you just come pick us up after work?" I checked the clock, it was just after three "You don't have to leave early, I'll be fine here."

"Yes I do." came his immediate reply "It's fine, I'm owed some time, I can be there in twenty minutes okay?"

"Thanks." I murmured, relieved he was coming now "It's ward six." I told him.

"Okay, see you soon. I love you."

"Love you too." I chocked out before hanging up.

I made my way back to Carol's room, feeling a little better now I knew Jasper was on his way.

Barely fifteen minutes later he came rushing down the corridor towards me.

"Hey." he said worry written all over his face.

Completely forgetting about Ellie I flung myself into his arms nearly crushing her between us. Luckily Jasper was still thinking clearly and rearranged us a little, I kept my face buried in his chest my jaw clenched my jaw tight, fighting of the tears and sobs that tried to break me down.

Jasper smiled sadly as I composed myself and looked up at him "You wanna go home?" he asked.

I looked back to Carol's room thinking hard, I'd made my peace with her over the past few months, but did I really want to leave without a goodbye?

Two things made up my mind in the next second, Laurent came out to tell me she was awake and James rounded the corner with Victoria.

"Give me one minute." I told Jasper.

He nodded, his eyes had narrowed when he saw James.

I quickly slipped back into Carol's room.

"Hey, I'm sorry Carol but I need to get home." I said a little guiltily, I didn't want her to feel I was running out on her, but I couldn't stay if James was here.

She just smiled reassuringly "That's alright sweetie, thank you for coming to see me." She held her arms up weakly and I placed Ellie down on the bed so she could give her a hug.

"You be good for your mummy and daddy, okay honey." she said.

I picked Ellie back up "We'll try and come see you tomorrow." my voice shook slightly trying to hold in the emotions that I refused to give into.

Carol gave a sad smile and I bit my lip hard, we both knew she wouldn't be here tomorrow.

Not sure what else to do I leant down to give her a hug.

"Thank you for everything Alice." she whispered.

"Bye." I managed to choke out as I headed to the door.

"Honey." Carol called making me pause "Just be happy okay."

Somehow I managed a smile "I can promise you that." I assured before walking out.

The silence outside was heavy, I moved straight for Jasper who wrapped an arm around my shoulder in support.

"Thank you for coming." Laurent said with a small smile, I just nodded at him before looking up at Jasper.

"Now I wanna go home." I murmured.

"Okay." Jasper said, leading me down the corridor.

As we past mine and James's eyes met for a split second, I felt nothing.

I couldn't even feel a little swell of pity knowing he was about to lose his mum, he had pushed me too far this time.

We drove home in silence, in fact the rest of the day I was pretty much silent, I tried to hold it together for Ellie's sake she'd seen me cry enough in her short life.

Jasper took her to bed that night, when he came back from the nursery he sat next to me where I was curled up on the sofa.

"Come here." he said opening his arms.

I looked up at him for a second before collapsing into his chest, I didn't have to be strong now so I let it all out wrapped safely in Jasper's arms.

I must have ended up crying myself to sleep because the next thing I remember was waking up in bed.

I had a five second panic attack when I saw sunlight streaming through the window.

What the fuck was the time?

I was meant to be at work.

Where the hell was Ellie?

Bolting upright I ended up knocking Jasper's note off the bed and dived after it, falling to the floor in my haste to discover what the fuck was going on.

**RELAX I'VE SORTED EVERYTHING.**

The words stood out boldly and strangely managed to calm me down enough so I could read the rest of his message.

_Hey baby,_

_I called Siobhan and got you today and tomorrow off. I know you wont take more than that, but you do need some time. I dropped Ellie off with you're mum, she said she'll bring her back around lunch if that's okay._

_Don't worry about dinner I'll bring us something in, just try and relax._

_Do not hesitate to call if you need anything. I'm serious, you mean more to me than my job ever could. _

_I'll see you tonight._

_I love you so, so much._

_Jasper xxxx_

He had covered the bottom of the page with at least a hundred kisses and I couldn't help smile.

My smile quickly fell as I checked my phone and read the text message I had.

It was from Laurent and simply thanked me again for going to see Carol and promised he'd call to tell me about the funeral.

I wasn't sure how to feel, it was a strange way to be informed a friend, someone I'd once considered family was dead, I mean I'd know she wouldn't live through the night, bit it was still strange.

My eyes started to burn with tears and trusting that Jasper really had sorted everything I crawled back into bed and wrapped myself up in the duvet, hiding from the world as I let myself cry again.

As tempting as it was I knew I couldn't spend the whole day in bed and after a while forced myself to get up and took a long hot shower to try and pull myself together.

I was at a bit of a loss what to do, I cleaned the kitchen and then sorted through some of Ellie's clothes that didn't fit her anymore, now Jasper had moved in, even though most of his things remained at Rosalie's, I was starting to run out of room.

Unfortunately I didn't get very far, it probably wasn't the best time for me to attempt it as I ended up getting nostalgic over all her little outfits and couldn't bring myself to get rid of any.

No wonder my apartment was bursting at the seams.

My mum dropped her off at lunch time as promised and as I watched her playing on the lounge floor, babbling away in her own little language I felt a lump rise up in my throat and had to turn away, blinking back tears.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" my mum asked gently, seeing my face.

"I don't want her to grow up." I said simply, as though I could somehow prevent it.

My mum smiled sadly "I know that feeling." she said softly.

"Life's hard and sometimes it really sucks!" I said, trying to stop my voice from breaking.

"I know, and if I had my way you'd still be crawling around on the floor, entranced by some toy or other, instead of having to go through everything you have."

I tried to smile for my mum "I've had some good times as well."

"I know." she smiled back "And that's why I let you grow up, and why you have to let Ellie. Life is hard, and no matter how much you try to protect her she will get hurt at times. But you have to let that happen so she can experience the good times as well."

I managed a genuine smile that time and hugged my mum in thanks, she really was great at times and, although I'd never admit it too her, I knew if I could be half the mum she was Ellie would be okay.

* * *

**I have no idea when the next chapter will be up, but it will be a happier one.**

**Let me know what you think. xx**


	34. Chapter 34

**Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

* * *

**Chapter 33**

It had been three weeks since I'd attended Carol's funeral.

Jasper had been a bit reluctant to let me go, but as I had explained to him, it wasn't about James. I needed to go.

Now, I had said my goodbyes and was now able to move on with my life.

Me and James hadn't spoken at the funeral, in fact I'd barely looked at him, and in the past three weeks I hadn't heard anything from him.

It was a case of 'no news is good news' and the more time that passed the more my earlier assumption, that he'd only been playing happy families for his mum's sake, seemed correct.

As sad as I was at Carol's death I couldn't deny that with James out of the picture I felt happier and freer that I can remember being in the past year.

All the excitement and enthusiasm I'd wanted to feel about planning mine and Jasper's future came washing over me and after two nights of my endless nagging Jasper agreed to go and look around the show home section of the new condo development, so we could decide whether we wanted one or not.

I already had my heart set on it and knew it would take something pretty big to change that.

"You do realise we're just looking right?" Jasper reminded me as we drove over there.

"Of course." I said humouring him.

"We still have a lot to consider."

I knew this was his way of trying to take things slowly for my sake, but I also knew it would be at least six months before this development would be habitable, and a lot of the condo's had already been sold. If I wanted to get my way I'd have to be a bit sneaky.

"Jasper, you do realise I can't afford this don't you." I said conversationally.

"What do you mean?" he asked sounding worried.

"Well I can't afford one of these condo's on my own. But I'm okay, for once, to let you pay the majority of the cost." I looked over at him "Do you not know how big of a victory this is for you?"

Since getting engaged I'd tried to let go of my worries over money, after all once we were married I couldn't get mad at Jasper if he paid for a holiday for us, or brought me something. I just had to accept that Jasper had more money than me.

"I never thought of that." he said slowly.

"But of course we're just looking." I reminded him with a grin.

"Of course." he muttered.

I squirmed in my seat trying not to squeal, we were so getting a condo today.

Jasper chuckled at me shaking his head "At least I can see where Ellie get's it from."

I shrugged "You said you like spoiling us, buying us a home, where we can be a family is defiantly spoiling us."

Jasper sighed as we pulled up next to the construction area "Alice you know I'll always give into you, you don't have to keep pushing it."

I suddenly felt like I was taking advantage of his generous nature and gave him a hug as we got out of the car "Love you, and I'll spoil you everyday for the rest of your life I promise."

He smiled warmly at me, kissing the side of my head "You've agreed to marry me baby, that's spoiling me." he chuckled "Come on, lets go see our new home." he took my hand and led me to the small portable office set up.

The man waiting for us was middle aged and very grumpy, he looked us over and sighed, over dramatically in my opinion.

Me and Jasper ended up acting like naughty school children as he showed us around, pulling faces at each other every time his back was turned.

I was pleasantly surprised that the condo seemed bigger than I'd expected.

"I thought they only had two bedrooms."

Our guide looked at me with something akin to disdain "This development holds many condo's varying in size, all of the one and two bedroom condos have already be sold."

I looked down at the floor shuffling my feet a little, it really did feel like being told off by a teacher.

"Well that's good, three bedrooms would be better for us anyway." Jasper said wrapping a protective arm around my shoulder.

I smiled up at him and he winked.

Our guide looked over us and sighed again "Also in this model the master bedroom comes with an ensuite bathroom." he said continuing the tour.

Me and Jasper shared another look trying not to laugh as we followed him.

"An ensuite, think of the possibilities." Jasper murmured to me as we were shown the room.

I ended up giggling earning me another glare. This guy obviously thought we were just looking around for a laugh and didn't realise Jasper could probably afford to buy this entire building, let alone one condo.

"Well what do you think?" Jasper asked as we wandered back to the office, our guide now talking loudly on his Blackberry.

"This guy clearly isn't interested in a sale!" I said loudly.

Jasper chuckled "Yeah, but what did you think of the condo?"

I beamed up at him "I love it. I want one." I said pouting at him.

"You want one?" he teased with a grin.

I bit my lip, try to stop sounding like a spoilt brat Alice.

"I think." I amended "One of those condo's will be the perfect home for us. What do you think?"

He grinned and kissed my cheek "I think, what my girl wants, my girl gets."

Squealing I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him tight. "You really do spoil me." I said unable to keep the silly grin off my face as we signed the paperwork and Jasper sorted out the deposit on our knew home.

"I've told you a million times I like spoiling you, and I am more than happy to spend my vast fortune on us."

"You know I love you right." I said as we returned to the car.

Jasper rolled his eyes as he started the engine "Yeah baby, I know you love me."

"You do like it?" I pushed, Jasper was still to give me his opinion.

He smiled over at me "I like it, I think it's perfect for us."

"Yeah, it really is." I sighed happily, then pouted "It sucks we can't move in for six months."

Jasper laughed at me "You really have no patience."

I shrugged, it wasn't about being impatient, me and Jasper had already been through so much I just wanted us to be settled. There were still so many variables that could go wrong here.

I sighed realising what my next step forward would have to be as we pulled up outside my parents house to pick Ellie up.

"Can we go in for a bit, I need to talk to my mum." I said heavily.

Jasper raised an eyebrow at how unenthusiastic I sounded, but nodded and cut the engine.

I took a deep breath stealing myself up as Jasper came around the car to open my door.

All the way to the front door I told myself that this was the right thing to do.

Everything was moving forward except the wedding plans, I had hit a brick wall and my mum had helped Bella, I was hoping she could help me too.

"You were quicker than I thought." my mum said as she opened the door for us.

"Well it was love at first sight for Alice." Jasper grinned at me "It didn't take long to sign the paperwork after that."

"You loved it too." I huffed.

"Yeah I did." he said "And it was nice to be able to spend money on you without the usual dramatics."

Sticking my tongue out at him I grinned "You didn't spend money on me, that condo is for both of us." I pointed out smugly.

Jasper rolled his eyes at me.

My mum was beaming happily as she looked between us. I had always been quite concerned about how my family would take to me and Jasper, and my mum had never shied away from voicing her doubts so it was nice to see she seemed happy now.

"Jappa." Ellie squealed happily as she caught sight of us and came crawling over to us.

"If it's not one it's the other." he sighed, grinning at me before crouching down to Ellie.

I followed my mum through into the kitchen, leaving Ellie in Jasper's capable hands.

"He's really good with her." she said smiling as we listened to Ellie giggle.

"I wouldn't be marrying him if he wasn't." I said honestly, smiling at how happy Ellie sounded "She's a real daddy's girl."

My mum raised an eyebrow at me and I looked at the floor.

"Mary"

"So I needed to ask you something." I quickly cut her off, that was a battle for another day. "I was wondering if you could maybe help me sort some stuff out."

She frowned looking confused.

"For the wedding." I clarified "I'm just a bit unsure where to start and stuff and thought you might like to help."

Her face broke into a huge smile and the next second I was being suffocated as she pulled me into a tight hug.

"Oh Mary of course I'd love to help, you're my baby girl."

I couldn't be quite that enthusiastic because I knew this was not going to be a particularly enjoyable experience, but I knew my mum would be better at planning than I was.

"Thanks mum." I sighed, Bella was right, just asking for help made the whole thing seem a lot less daunting.

"What song should we have as our first dance?" I wondered aloud as we drove home.

Jasper gave me a grin and an ominous feeling dropped into my stomach.

"Jasper."

"You said I was organising the reception, that includes first dance, so it's a surprise."

I scowled but knew I wouldn't win "One I'll like I hope."

Jasper grinned "I hope so too, a blow job on our wedding night would be very nice."

"Bow jo."

Both of us froze as Ellie spoke up from the back seat. I turned slowly to find her beaming at me without a care in the world. I looked back to glare at Jasper who had slouched down in his seat looking mortified.

I knew I couldn't be too hard on him, after all there were plenty of times I'd said inappropriate things in front of Ellie, but so far she hadn't started repeating them.

"Sorry." he mumbled.

"We really have to be more careful." I sighed, he looked so guilty I couldn't stay mad at him.

Jasper nodded "Sorry, I didn't think."

I shook my head with a smile "Naturally, you and your one track mind." I teased.

"You still think I'll be a good dad?" he asked as we arrived home.

"No. you are a good dad." I said kissing his cheek reassuringly

He smiled back in thanks.

I waited until Ellie was in bed before bringing up the other thing I'd been wanting to discuss. The final stage in my grand plan for the future.

"Jasper?" I asked as we sat on the sofa watching Sleepy Hollow.

"Yeah." he murmured, wincing slightly as the headless horseman decapitated Magistrate Philipse.

"You're a lawyer right."

He turned his attention from the TV to look at me "Well sort of, why?"

I hesitated for a second, was I trying to do too much at once here? Then again there was no harm in mentioning it. Jasper had just spent hundreds on a deposit for a condo, surely it wouldn't hurt to let him see I was thinking seriously about our future too.

"I was just wondering what the laws were if you maybe wanted to adopt Ellie. You know, when we're married." I rushed it out a little.

He didn't respond, he just sat there looking at me slightly stunned.

"I mean you don't have to, but you said you didn't just wanna be her step dad, and if anything happened to me I want to know she'll still have you and…" I trailed off as he continued to just stare at me.

"You want me to adopt her?" he said still with the look of stunned disbelief on his face.

I shrugged nervously "If you wanted to. I told you, I want you to be her dad."

"Baby of course I want to." he pulled me against his chest, pressing kisses anywhere he could reach.

I giggled happily pulling myself around so I could reach his mouth, he responded to the kiss enthusiastically.

"I love you." he murmured softly.

"I don't really know what we need to do." I said, which was kind of why I brought it up in the first place.

Jasper nodded, understanding exactly "There's a guy at the firm who specialises in family law, I'll talk to him about it tomorrow if you want."

I nodded curling up against him to finish watching the film.

"Is it just me or is everything going too right for us at the moment?"

"How do you mean?" Jasper asked sounding confused.

I looked up at him "Well things have never exactly run smoothly for us have they, but recently everything's been great."

Jasper smiled and hugged me to him "Of course a less negative way of looking at it would be, we've had our share of hard times and now we can just sit back and enjoy all the good times we deserve."

Relaxing back into him I sighed "You're right. Sorry, when you've been kicked down so many times you just worry when things are going so well, that someone's going to come and knock you back down again."

Jasper's arms tightened and he trailed kisses down my jaw making me melt instantly.

"Well that's something you don't need to worry about now." he murmured.

"Really, why's that?" I asked closing my eyes with a happy sigh.

"Well anyone trying to knock you down will have to get through me first." he whispered in my ear.

I giggled softly, feeling very lucky, and very loved.

"My hero." I mumbled sleepily.

"Always." he swore "I promise baby, I'll always take care of you and Ellie."

It was one of those perfect moments, were everything in the world was just right, and I was so content I ended up falling asleep curled up against him.

Work was always an enjoyable experience these days, me, Kate and Siobhan were all basking in the joys of our relationships, Garrett had a continual smile on his face now he was finally getting some and Carmen and Tanya had always been happy with their lives.

Even pain in the ass customers couldn't upset us.

"That guy on table seven is checking you out." Kate whispered as I brought their drinks order over to her.

"He's sitting with his girlfriend." I whispered back.

Kate shrugged "Yeah, she's noticed as well." she grinned at me.

"Poor guy." I said winking at Kate as I turned to take their drinks over "Here we go." I said with my polite 'work' smile.

"Thanks sweetheart." the guy winked at me.

It took a lot not to roll my eyes, that's the line he went for?

His girlfriend glared at him but I just continued smiling politely as I placed his drink down, having made sure I picked that one up with my left hand I flashed my engagement ring rather obviously in his face.

He met my eyes looking put out but I just raised my eyebrows and turned to place the other drink in front of his girlfriend.

_Yeah buddy I'm spoken for, and in case you didn't notice so are you._

Kate had to escape to the kitchen for a while so she could laugh as the poor guy tried to repair the damage he'd cause with his severely pissed off girlfriend.

I'd always enjoyed my job, but it didn't even feel like work anymore. It was a home from home, and as cliché as it sounded we were just one big happy family.

Of course I had been right and things couldn't continue going this well for me without a slight problem arising.

That night Jasper brought home bad news. He'd stayed late to talk to his colleague to find out about adopting Ellie.

I'd decided to be Little Miss Domestic, I'd cleaned up, I'd bathed Ellie and now I was making us a nice dinner for when he got home.

Ellie had just gone to bed when Jasper finally came in.

Still on a general high after my good day I flung my arms around his neck, welcoming him back with a kiss, his lack of response had me puling back with a frown.

"Jasper?"

Giving me a very forced smile he kissed my forehead "I'm gonna get changed."

"What's wrong?" I asked, panic rising up.

"Nothing's wrong as such. I'll explain in a bit okay, I just want to change first."

"Okay." I murmured, my arms dropped limply to my sides "Well dinner's nearly ready."

His smile was a little more genuine that time "Thanks baby, it smells great."

I managed to contain my worry for all of five minutes while Jasper got changed and I served dinner, the second we sat down I burst.

"What's happened?" I demanded desperately.

Jasper sighed playing half heartedly with his food "Nothing bad really, speaking to Peter today it just looks like it's going to be harder than we thought, me adopting Ellie."

My heart sank, there was the knock back I'd been waiting for.

"Why?" I asked.

Jasper looked over at me "We need James's permission. He'd have to give up his rights as her father."

My heart sank a little more.

"Great." I muttered stabbing at a potato with unnecessary violence "How does he even have any rights?" I grumbled "He just walked out on us, doesn't that mean anything?"

Jasper shrugged "Baby you're gonna have to talk to him at some point anyway, and maybe he'll be okay with it, I mean he's never shown any interest, this could be the way out he wants too."

I didn't mean to glare quite so harshly at him, but I did not want to hear this. I was perfectly happy living in my little bubble. I didn't want to talk to James, he was gone, and I wanted him to stay gone.

"Alice you said yourself you don't want him bursting in and out of Ellie's life, you need to talk to him about what he wants."

"I've tried talking to him." I yelled angrily "He doesn't wanna listen."

"Then try again." Jasper yelled back.

I looked up in shock, my eyes widening at the anger blazing in his.

"This isn't about you and him Alice, whether you like it or not you have to sort things out, for Ellie's sake. You are not being fair to her by pretending it's not happening. You keep saying you want to protect her from getting hurt by this jerk so fucking do it already!" he growled.

I recoiled from him in shock before my defence mechanism kicked in and anger flooded my system, chasing out the guilt and forcing the words out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"Do not fucking tell me how to look after my daughter Jasper."

Ten seconds of silence followed before he pushed away from the table and stood.

"Well if that's how you feel why are we even having this conversation?" he asked icily before storming out.

I jumped as the front door slammed shut behind him.

I sat there stunned until Ellie began to cry, all the shouting must have disturbed her.

"Shh, It's okay." I cooed hurrying into the nursery and lifting her into my arms "I'm sorry angel, it's okay."

Rocking her gently I managed to calm her down, she looked up at me with tear filled eyes.

"Jappa." she managed to sob out.

My chest constricted painfully as she continued to look at me hopefully.

"I don't know where he is." I murmured, my voice shaking as tears formed in my eyes.

All I wanted to do was break down and cry with her, praying to god he'd come back to us.

This was the monumental fuck up of all fuck ups. What I'd said was way bellow the belt. I was no better than James, I'd lashed out to try and protect myself and hurt Jasper worse than I ever had before.

"It's gonna be okay." I said as Ellie started crying again. I knew I was trying to convince myself as much as her.

I headed out of the nursery, needing to move, quickly passing our uneaten dinner's I made my way into the bedroom.

Crawling onto the bed I curled up with Ellie, she began to doze off again snuggling closer to me.

I just lay there thinking over everything again. Something always came along to ruin my happiness. And it was nearly always bloody James.

I spent the next few minutes cursing him with every name I could think off.

Feeling a little better I watched Ellie sleeping, helping me calm further.

It was only as I calmed down that a rather large realisation hit.

James wasn't here. He hadn't actually done anything.

I had. I was the one who'd yelled at Jasper, I was the one who'd overreacted when he'd simply pointed out the truth to me, who'd intentionally said things to hurt him.

Going further back it was even more obvious.

I'd ruined things all those months ago by lying to Jasper about seeing James.

The sad truth was, the only person sabotaging my happiness was me.

Tears poured silently down my face as I forced my body not to shake with the sobs that threatened, not wanting to disturb Ellie.

Hours passed as I dozed fitfully, I didn't know what to do, I couldn't move. I just lay there blankly. Waiting for something, anything, some way of fixing this to just magically pop into my head.

I heard the front door open and squeezed my eyes shut, begging silently.

Please, please, please.

The bedroom door opened and Ellie stirred beside me.

"Jappa." she mumbled sleepily.

"Shh, come on you, I need some sleep and I can't fit in your bed."

My heart spend up at the sound of his deep voice. The bed dipped and I felt Ellie leaving my arms as he picked her up, I kept my eyes shut feigning sleep.

After several torturous minutes Jasper returned, he sighed softly running a hand softly through my hair and placing a kiss on my temple. "I love you." he murmured.

As I felt him move away my arms snapped forward to wrap around his neck and I buried my head in his chest.

"I'm sorry." I sobbed "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Jasper. I'm sorry." I couldn't stop saying it over and over.

"I know." he sighed heavily.

He tried to peel my arms from his neck but I clung on tighter.

"Alice, baby let go. I'm not going anywhere I promise."

Very slowly I pulled back, peeking up at him hesitantly.

He smiled but it was a little tight and I knew this wasn't going to be one of those times I got away with being a bitch to him.

"I'm sorry." I whispered again.

"I know you are." he said running a hand through his hair "And I'm sorry I stormed out, but that hurt Alice. I don't know what you want sometimes, you fly from one extreme to the other with no warning and I can't keep up. Just, what do you want?" he asked in exasperation.

"I just wanna be happy." I mumbled.

His hand cupped my cheek forcing my eyes to his "And I will do…I will spend the rest of my life doing whatever I have to to make you happy, but life isn't always that simple baby." he pressed a kiss to my forehead "I love you, and no matter what you do or say I don't think it's possible for me to leave you, ever."

"That's very reassuring." I said, my voice shaking "Seeing as how I keep giving you so many reasons to walk out the door."

He wrapped his arms around me reassuringly, sitting up I took his face between my hands and kissed him hungrily, Jasper pulled back with a groan.

"Don't." he warned.

I shrank back.

"Damn it Alice." he groaned "How is it that with one kiss you can make me forget how mad I am at you."

I shrugged picking at my nails nervously, not particularly bothered I was making him less mad at me, when you're desperate you work with whatever you've got.

A tremor ran through me as he stared at me, his eyes burning deep into my soul, always trying to figure me out.

"I know you're right." I muttered "I know I have to talk to him, and I know it's selfish that I keep putting it off, but it's hard."

Jasper sighed sadly "You're still so young." he murmured.

I scowled a little but couldn't deny it, just because I was a legal adult, just because I had my own child to take care of it didn't stop me feeling as lost and unprepared as I had as a teenager. I had never really had the time to find my place in the world.

"It's a good thing you're so good with kids." I joked lamely.

Jasper pressed his lips to the side of my head, his arms wrapped around me and he wriggled down into bed. I looked up into his face, one of my hands came up to map it.

"I love you." he whispered "Nothings ever going to change that."

"I love you too." I murmured smiling up at him, my smile fell and I sighed "I'll call him tomorrow, I promise."

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**Hope you liked, let me know what you think. xx**


	35. Chapter 35

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**Okay so I could spend time explaining the hundred and one reasons it took me so long to get this chapter out or I could just let you read it and hope you forgive me. xx**

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**Chapter 34**

Unfortunately talking to James turned out to be easier said than done.

I'd left several messages telling him to call me, explaining it was just to discuss Ellie. I called at different times of the day trying to get him when he was free. I'd even used Jasper's phone to call so he wouldn't recognise the number, yet after a week I still had nothing.

I called Laurent to see if he knew where James was, but, like me, he hadn't heard from him since the funeral.

It was like he'd dropped off the face of the planet. Which was good in one way, but bad in another.

I kept calling him everyday hoping he'd figure out I wasn't going away and decide it would be easier to just talk to me, but as each day passed with still no word I began to worry that this vicious cycle was never going to end.

"Maybe I should tell him in a message exactly what I want." I thought one night as I lay across Jasper on the sofa "I mean if he really does want nothing to do with us now and I tell him there's a way he can just pretend we never happened he'd talk to me."

Jasper chuckled "You could try."

He wasn't taking my lack of progress as bad as I'd thought he would.

I hoped up feeling restless "I don't know what else I can do, I mean isn't there a way we could, I don't know summon him to a court hearing or something?"

Jasper managed to contain his laughter well "Baby please stop stressing, just give it time okay, he'll get in contact with you if you keep pestering him."

"Not been working so far has it." I muttered moodily.

"Come here." he murmured opening his arms I willingly went back over to him "Stop worrying." he insisted again "Look I have the day off tomorrow, so lets go somewhere and just forget about everything for one day, just the three of us. What do you say?"

"Okay." I sighed "A family day out sounds great."

Jasper laughed kissing my head "You know you could sound a little more enthusiastic."

I giggled, wriggling around in his arms so I could kiss him "It sounds great. I love you."

He grinned at me "Well it's hard not to isn't it."

I giggled again, my fingers going to tangle in his hair "Well you are kind of perfect so yeah, it is hard not to love you."

Jasper's only response was to kiss me deeply, which led to some heavy petting and dry humping on the sofa.

"You know." I gasped breathlessly as Jasper's mouth dropped to nibble my neck "If we're going out tomorrow we should probably get an early night."

"Hmm." he hummed against my neck "An early night sounds good." he stood carefully, lifting me in his arms, one hand slid round to tease me through my jeans.

I moaned, wriggling against him looking forward to our 'early night'.

Jasper decided to tease me though, when we reached the bedroom he simple placed me on the bed then moved away to get changed.

"Jasper." I pouted.

"What?" he asked, I could hear the grin in his voice "We're going to need our rest for tomorrow."

I huffed "Fine." I quickly stripped down to my underwear then smirked when I looked up to find Jasper's eyes locked on me.

Turning my back on him I undid my bra and dropped it to the floor. Before I could move Jasper had his arms around my waist, his mouth at my neck.

"You are evil." he growled, his teeth lightly scraping my shoulder.

"Well I learnt from the master." I giggled turning in his arms so I could wrap my arms around his neck "And you started it!"

The next minute I was flat on my back moister pooled between my legs as Jasper pulled my panties down with his teeth.

Fuck me that was hot!

He kissed his way up from my feet making me squirm impatiently beneath him.

"Jasper." I whined.

He just chuckled and I whined again, the only time I didn't get what I wanted from him was the one time I really wished he'd give into me.

"After all this time and you still don't trust me." he murmured against my stomach.

Knowing he was right I tried to push down the burning need flaring through my body and just enjoy what Jasper was currently doing to me, which I'll admit was pretty nice.

I moaned loudly my eyes closing in bliss as his mouth finally moved to where I was burning for him.

The rest of the night past in a haze of sexual ecstasy.

As usual I woke with a large smile on my face the next morning.

One of Jasper's arms was loosely draped over my hip from where it would have held me tight before he fell asleep.

I wriggled free so I could turn and watch him sleep for a while.

Everyone looked younger, more peaceful, when they slept but Jasper looked kind of ageless, like some Greek god, of course his sculpted chest just visible under the duvet added to that image.

I bit my lip to stop a giggle escaping as I thought back to the night before, he was most defiantly a sex god!

Having had enough of just staring at him I pounced, making him wake up with a start.

"Alice?" he mumbled disorientated.

Softening the blow of such a rude awakening I brought my lips to his in a slow seductive kiss, he moaned as I pulled back.

"Time to get up." I sang happily "You promised me a day out."

"Can't we stay here instead?" he asked, his hands running up the back of my thighs where I was straddling him.

I pretended to think for a second "Well" I began slowly "If you want me worrying over everything again I guess we could stay in."

Jasper pushed himself up on his elbows so he could reach my shoulder and bite down gently.

"I have incredible powers of distraction." he murmured moving his lips up to my neck.

I grabbed his shoulders pushing him down onto his back again "Why don't we compromise." I said enticingly "You take us out today and I'll make it up to you tonight."

He thought for a moment "So what you're saying is, whatever I want tonight." he said slowly.

"Yes."

Jasper's face split into a grin making me regret what I'd said "Deal." he said before I could change my mind.

Once we were all showered, dressed and fed I was bouncing around with excitement.

It was kind of sad since Jasper said we were just going to a craft fair, but we hadn't had a stress free day out in a long time, or at least it felt like a long time, so I was really looking forward to it.

Turns out it wasn't just a craft fair, one of the local schools had been taken over, each room was dedicated to a different type of art, they even had a crèche set up. After a little persuasion from Jasper, and the reassurance that Ellie wasn't screaming her head off in complaint I left her there so we could take our time without worrying that she would be getting bored. I left my mobile number with one of the girls in case I was needed.

"You really hate leaving her don't you." Jasper commented.

I shook my head with a sigh "I just worry, if something happens. Not that I'd be all that much use if I was there." I added.

"So you're not going to be considering day care for her then?" he asked slowly.

"No." I answered a little too harshly.

"Okay, it's your choice." he assured quickly, obviously worried he'd upset me.

We wandered around in silence looking at the different exhibits.

I didn't know how to break the silence and Jasper seemed to be taking my lead and staying quiet.

"I know I can't protect her forever but I just don't want her to go through that yet." I finally said. From the way Jasper looked at me I knew he had no idea what I was talking about.

"Through what?" he asked.

"It will be like before, only it will be directed at Ellie." I knew this still wouldn't be making sense to Jasper.

"Baby, what are you talking about?" he asked softly.

"The judgement." I said, trying to explain better "When I went to prenatal yoga, or the mother baby coffee mornings after she was born, it was all the same, all the boasting." I put on some high pitched gloating voice "'Oh yes he was walking at eighteen weeks' 'Well my Tommy was talking after four weeks'. All that pointless unnecessary pressure." I took a deep breath "And the way they looked at me, the teenage mum knocked up before she was married, who would have no idea how to take care of a baby." I was getting myself worked up remembering what it was like knowing everyone was whispering about me "I can't put her through that."

"Alice, it's okay." Jasper murmured soothingly "I'm not asking you to throw her to the wolves here."

I fought back my retort because in my mind that was exactly what he was asking.

"At some point she will have to go to school, and I just thought that transition may be easier if she starts getting used to being around new people now."

"She's only one" I exclaimed, school was a long way off.

"I know that" he began before stopping and sighing "Okay. If you're not ready for that it's fine, it was just a thought."

We carried on walking around in silence, this day wasn't turning out to be as stress free as we'd hoped.

"How about I think about it?" I asked, trying to compromise.

If I was going to make this work I had to accept Jasper deserved a say when it came to Ellie's life.

"Okay." he agreed "And just so you know I'm only talking about one morning a week to start with. It will also help you with your separation anxiety."

"I do not get separation anxiety." I insisted with a huff.

Jasper was fighting a smile as he looked at me "Really? Cause you know you've checked your phone at least six times since we left her, less than an hour ago."

I looked down at where my mobile was clenched tightly in my hand and realised he was right.

"Okay so maybe I do, a little."

Jasper said nothing, he simply smiled and placed a kiss on the side of my head.

The rest of the day passed smoother, we were able to relax and enjoy ourselves.

There was an sculpture set up in the main hall demonstrating his skills. I watched in fascination as he bent and twisted metal to resemble to branches of a tree.

"You like?" Jasper asked as I looked over some of his completed pieces.

"Yeah." I murmured letting my fingers run over the smooth metal "They're different."

"You want one?"

I shook my head with a smile "Maybe for my birthday." I told him.

"Okay." he murmured taking one of the guys business cards "For your birthday then."

I giggled a little, we were getting better, me at accepting gifts and Jasper at holding off from buying me something every time we went out.

There were several stands set up where you could try your hand at certain things, I wanted to try the potters wheel, but didn't get very far as Jasper ended up stood behind me making me think of that scene in Ghost. Of course this wasn't the appropriate time or place to try a re-enactment so I quickly moved on to something else.

We also tried mouth and foot painting.

I found it really hard and didn't really manage to create anything other than a mess on the paper. Jasper did a little better, I had always known his mouth was talented but I was impressed at how well he could paint with it.

"It's modern art." I insisted as Jasper tried not to laugh at the splodges of paint I had spread over the paper.

"It's very impressive baby." he said with a chuckle.

I shrugged, giving him a coy smile "Well my mouth is better suited to other activities."

Jasper just raised an eyebrow "Maybe you can demonstrate those to me later."

I bit my lip and nodded slowly, after all he'd held up his end of the deal and taken me out for the day, and it was helping me relax and forget about my worries for a while at least.

Of course Jasper was right and I couldn't be completely stress free not knowing if Ellie was okay.

"Did you at least enjoy yourself?" Jasper asked as we headed back to the crèche to pick her up.

"Yeah I did." I assured him "I'm sorry I get distracted."

"Don't be, there's a lot going on at the moment, but things will calm down, eventually." he wrapped an arm around me letting me lean into him.

"Things better calm down soon." I muttered "Sorry." I looked up at him "So much for our stress free day huh."

Jasper chuckled "Yeah but at least the stress keeps things interesting."

I didn't respond to that, Jasper was a glass half full kind of guy, for me the glass was always empty so at times like this it was easier to just stay quiet and let him be all sunny and positive.

"Oh my god!" I exclaimed as we reached the room set up for the crèche and I saw something that resembled my daughter, except it was green.

"I'm so sorry." the girl in charge came rushing over "We were finger painting with some of the older kids, I don't know how she got into the paint."

Ellie was giggling away, completely oblivious to the trouble she'd caused.

I swelled in anger, ready to release hell on this poor girl when Jasper intercepted.

"It's okay, we should probably take her home to clean up now though."

The girl nodded quickly, obviously realising she'd dodged a bullet with me she rushed off to get Ellie.

"It's okay?" I turned to Jasper seething "They coloured my child and you think that's okay? You see what happens when I trust other people with her." I ranted.

Jasper's hands went to my shoulders, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles to calm me down.

"Baby, it's not like they were using lead paint or something, she's fine, she's not hurt. If anything she's having the time of her life causing so much mischief. We'll take her home give her a bath to clean her up. No harm done, the poor girl already feels guilty enough without you ripping into her."

"Well she should be guilty." I huffed, but the anger was draining as Jasper's hands worked their magic.

By the time we made it to the car, Ellie wrapped in a blanket to protect everything from getting covered in paint, I was actually starting to see the funny side.

"I just don't think green's your colour." I told her once we were home and I was peeling her ruined clothes off while Jasper got the bath sorted.

"I don't know." Jasper called from the bathroom "Green is a colour you associate with monsters, and she's defiantly a monster."

"Did you hear that?" I asked her in mock offence "Naughty Jasper calling you a monster."

She just giggled making me laugh.

"Well she's not denying it." I called back to Jasper.

"Of course not, because she knows I'm right." He came to stand in the doorway "Baths ready by the way, you want anything special for dinner?"

I shrugged still focussed on Ellie "Whatever's fine." I picked Ellie up and made my way to the bathroom, I double checked the water temperature before lowering her into the bath.

Luckily the paint washed off pretty easily revealing my mischievous little girl beneath.

"Did you have fun today?" I asked as I bathed her.

Her vocabulary was still limited and most communication was baby noises still, but she giggled and gurgled happily in confirmation.

I sighed watching her splash her hands in the water "Would you enjoy day care?" I wondered aloud.

She carried on playing with the water, happy in her own little world. I chewed my lip thoughtfully.

Maybe one morning a week wouldn't be so bad, and if she hated it she didn't have to keep going.

Once she was back to a normal human colour I dried her off and headed to the kitchen where Jasper had dinner ready for us all.

I let him feed her seeing as how it was something he enjoyed, and she ate more willingly when Jasper fed her. I smiled as I watched them.

Today had made me see just how much I enjoyed this, I enjoyed us being a family.

After dinner I let Jasper put Ellie to bed, he had decided it was time she started having bedtime stories, and it was just too cute listening to him reading to her, so I was happy to let him.

That night though I took the time to call James again, as expected I got his voicemail.

"James please." I begged "Please call me back, I promise I'm not after money or anything, but we need to talk, then if you want I will never contact you again, but please just call me back."

If that didn't work I didn't know what else to say, as much as he didn't deserve me to be nice to him I just couldn't bring myself to ask him to give up his rights to Ellie in a message, that and I really wanted to gauge his reaction to the idea and I couldn't do that if I left a message.

If he didn't call back though I'd have little choice.

"You're worrying again." Jasper said in a sing song voice.

I looked up at him "I thought you were reading to Ellie."

He shrugged coming to sit next to me on the sofa and pulling me against his chest.

"I was but she fell asleep halfway through Snow White." he chuckled "We'll finish it tomorrow night. But don't change the subject, why are you worrying again?"

I sighed "Same old, same old."

"James." he muttered quietly.

"I just want it over, I know it's kind of my fault for leaving it but" I sighed "I just want to know, one way or the other. Today was just so great, I want that everyday."

"So you want Ellie painted green everyday?" Jasper asked slowly.

I laughed a little "No. but I want us to be a family."

Jasper gave me a kiss "We are a family baby, you and Ellie mean everything to me. I wont lie, I want nothing more than for this prick to be out of our lives, for me to adopt Ellie, but if that doesn't happen it doesn't happen and we just keep going, that doesn't mean we wont be a family."

I smiled and hugged him tight "You always manage to make it seem like everything will be fine."

"Everything will be fine." he assured "Trust me."

"I do." I answered, and I meant it, it may have taken me a while to let him in, but now I trusted him completely.

He had proven how much he loved me over and over, even when things seemed at there bleakest he had stood by me.

One of his hands came to tilt my chin so I was looking at him, he smiled softly at me and I stretched up to kiss him.

My phone began to ring interrupting what was progressing towards another early night.

Groaning I pulled back "This better be important." I grumbled making Jasper chuckle as I reached for my phone.

"Hello?" I answered.

"What do you wanna talk about?"

I blinked in shock "James?"

Jasper sat up straighter.

"Yes Mar." he said sounding annoyed "What did you want to talk about?"

"Erm." I stuttered, thrown completely off guard by his sudden call.

"Look you're the one who's been calling non stop for the past couple of weeks."

I scoffed "Yeah and the one time you reply is when I assure you I'm not after money."

"What do you want?" he growled down the phone.

My anger ignited again and I was about to start yelling at him when Jasper's hand came to rest on my arm calming me a little.

"We need to talk about Ellie, you know your daughter." I had to be a bit of an ass to him.

Static crackled down the phone as he sighed.

"I've told you I'm not after money." I snapped waspishly.

"Well what then?" he yelled.

"You know what." I snapped back unable to stay calm when I spoke to him "The same thing I've been asking you since you showed up again. Do you want to be part of her life or not?"

"Mar" he began with a resigned sigh.

"Do not tell me you have a lot on! Or can't do this right now. I need to fucking know James." I exploded down the phone at him "You can't keep doing this to me, it's not fair. I want to move on with my life and I can't do that if I'm always half expecting you to come bursting back into our lives."

"Baby calm down." Jasper murmured softly.

I took a deep breath and looked over at him, focusing on Jasper for a moment I managed to calm myself a little.

"Okay." I said to James "I get that you're at college, that you've had a lot to deal with recently, but summer break is in one month, you get one week from then to decide what you want or I'll damn well decide for you."

I didn't wait for a response, I ended the call and flung my phone across the room with a scream.

"Baby calm down." Jasper said again a little firmer.

"I try to be civil with him, but he makes it so fucking hard." I seethed "God I hate him so much."

"I know." Jasper sighed "But with any luck you wont have to deal with him for much longer."

"With my luck." I sighed.

"Alice, he's never shown any interest in being her father. He'll make whatever decision is best for him, and he's not the kind of guy who wants to be tied down."

I let Jasper's words and hands sooth me, knowing in my head he was right, if James had any interest in Ellie he wouldn't have been avoiding me for the past few weeks.

I was making too much of a big deal over this, but I just couldn't help being a pessimist. I didn't want to be disappointed if James decided to be difficult.

Besides we'd always wanted a family, maybe once college was over he'd want to take more of a active roll in her life.

I groaned, burying my head in Jasper's chest, hiding from the world.

I had thought I was being strict with my ultimatum, but all I'd done was give myself another month of stress and worry.

* * *

**Once again I'm sorry it took so long, I can promise the next chapter will be up sooner. xx**


	36. Chapter 36

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.

* * *

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**Chapter 35**

Over the next few days I spent most of my free time arguing with my mum over wedding plans, as I'd predicted we couldn't agree on anything.

We followed a similar pattern of her coming up with new ideas and me rejecting them immediately until she finally snapped.

"Mary, you have to make a decision." she snapped at me "If you don't like any of my ideas then tell me what you want."

"I don't know." I yelled "If I did there wouldn't be a problem, but nothing seems right. It's just not me and Jasper."

She sighed heavily "Then take some time to figure out what 'you and Jasper' is, then maybe we can plan this wedding." she said angrily, roughly clearing away the brochures and magazines we'd been looking through.

I kept my mouth shut, trying not to start another argument. After all it wasn't really my mums fault I couldn't figure out what I wanted.

"I'll see you tomorrow." I muttered to her before quickly leaving.

She was right about one thing, I needed to decide what I wanted. The more ideas I rejected the more scared I became, because I didn't know what was right for me and Jasper and that got me doubting us.

I mean if I was having such a hard time figuring out our wedding was it really meant to be? Was this fates way of telling me that I shouldn't be marrying him?

I shook my head angrily at myself as I got home.

I would talk to Jasper when he got in, we would sort out what we wanted together and everything would be fine.

I settled Ellie on the floor with some toys and started flipping through yet another magazine about weddings, it was amazing that so many magazines could be dedicated to one topic, and not one of them was helping me!

With a huff I flung the magazine to the side, where the hell was Jasper? He was only meant to be popping to Emmett and Rosalie's.

I smiled despite myself, it was really weird how quick Jasper and Rosalie's apartment had become Emmett and Rosalie's, kind of like how mine had become mine and Jasper's.

It just felt right somehow.

That thought brought another groan of annoyance, if me and Jasper felt so right why was I finding this so hard.

The front door opened whilst I was lost in my latest stream of worrying.

"Hey how are my girls doing?"

Smiling as Ellie squealed in excitement I looked up at Jasper, gorgeous, sexy, caring, considerate, perfect Jasper.

"What's up baby?" he asked softly, instinctively knowing something was upsetting me.

I sighed heavily "I don't know how to marry you." I muttered sadly.

Worry washed over his face and I didn't miss the spark of fear in his eyes.

"I want to." I assured "More than anything, I just don't know how. I mean" I picked up the magazine I'd been reading and flipped to an open page. "Why does any of this even matter? How does having three or four chocolates in the favours make any difference to our marriage?" I asked in exasperation.

Jasper shook his head with a slightly relieved smile "I don't really think it does." he replied, clearly trying not to laugh.

"So why is it part of my wedding planning list then?" I snapped angrily "I hate this!"

Jasper chuckled as he pulled me into his arms "Okay, so how about we hire a wedding planner then, make things easy."

"I don't want some stranger organising our wedding." I mumbled stubbornly.

Jasper sighed patiently "Then what do you want?"

"I wanna marry you." I said looking up at him "I just want us to get married, why is that so hard?"

Jasper kissed me softly "We are going to get married, and we are going to have a wonderful, happy life together, now please stop worrying about it."

I stared up at him in amazement as the idea sparked in my head and I had to wonder why I'd never thought of it before.

"I wanna marry you." I said again.

"Yeah I know." Jasper smiled softly.

"So then lets get married."

He looked at me confused as I beamed happily at the solution I had created. I hated planning this wedding, so I just wasn't going to.

"Jasper marry me." I giggled excitedly.

He chuckled "Baby we already done that part."

"I know, but marry me now, today."

He opened his mouth to protest and I hurriedly cut him off.

"I want to marry you Jasper, I want to be your wife and have a long happy life with you. That's what's important, that's what matters, the wedding is just decoration really. I've been wracking my brains for weeks trying to figure out what's right for us, and this feels right. We're not exhibitionists." I paused to grin at him "Well unless we're in the back of your car." he smirked at that "We're not into big PDA, we're not flashy, we just love each other, we want to get married, so lets just do it."

"Alice" he sighed, and I knew before he spoke what he was worried about.

"Jasper, I don't need a big ceremony, or a huge meringue dress or any of that. I know every girl dreams of her perfect wedding, but I have the perfect guy. You are all I need in the world, nothing else matters." I smiled at him "I just want you."

He was still looking apprehensive "Are you sure?" he asked.

I nodded, me and Jasper had been through enough, I just wanted us to be together.

He stared at me for a moment longer before smiling "Your mum is going to kill us."

I squealed launching myself at him and hugging him tight "Yeah she probably will." I giggled.

Turning I grabbed Ellie, thankfully everything I'd need for her was still packed from going to my mum's that morning so I didn't need to waste time with that.

"We're going to need witnesses." Jasper reminded me as we reached the car.

I paused for a second "Siobhan." I said with a grin.

Jasper rolled his eyes but drove us to the dinner where I dived out of the car.

"Siobhan I need a favour." I yelled the second I was through the door, ignoring the disapproving looks I received from the customers. I was too excited to care.

"What's up hon?" she asked.

I was beaming and bouncing up and down a little "Well I need to borrow a couple of you." I explained looking over to were Tanya and Garrett had emerged from the kitchen to see what the commotion was.

"What for?" Siobhan asked calmly.

I rolled my eyes in annoyance at the delay and got out the basic detail as fast as humanly possible.

"Well me and Jasper are on our way to city hall to get married and we need two witnesses."

Siobhan squealed almost as loudly as I had, nearly crushing me in a hug "Oh Alice that's fantastic." she shrieked "Kate come on, Garrett, Tanya, hold the fort until we get back." she fired off before leading the way back to the car.

I jumped up and down excitedly. I knew if I took a minute to actually think about this I'd realise just how insane it all was, but I didn't care.

The three of us piled into Jasper's car, Siobhan and Kate calling congratulations to him from the back seat.

"Your mum is really going to kill us." he muttered again but he was grinning at me and I couldn't stop beaming at him.

We got into the registry office surprisingly easily, although in my mind it just confirmed my belief that this was right for us.

Siobhan held Ellie for me as me and Jasper stood before the registrar.

I smiled up at Jasper and it didn't even bother me that we were in jeans and T-shirts.

As he recited the vows to me I could see the sincerity in his eyes, he meant every word. If possible, my smile got wider.

When it became my turn to repeat the simple words, millions of people before me had spoken with ease, I fumbled over them and had to stop to take a couple of breaths.

Everyone seemed to hold there breath as I tried to compose myself.

Of all the times to break down Alice, this is probably the worst.

"Baby." Jasper murmured, I knew he was about to reassure me that we didn't have to do this, that we could wait. But that wasn't what the problem was, I wasn't scared or unsure I was just a little overwhelmed.

I looked up into his eyes "I love you." I began "I owe you so much Jasper because you have no idea how much of a difference you have made to my life. I still can't quite believe you wanna be with me." tears began to stream down my face "I mean all I can offer you is me, and I know that's not much because I'm kind of insane and a little, okay, a lot insecure and I still have emotional breakdowns at completely inappropriate times and I know I can treat you like crap at times and I don't always appreciate you, even though you've pretty much rebuilt me and…and…" I trailed off as he shook his head slowly, smiling at me "Okay sorry, so I'm self deprecating too. But I promise I will love you forever, completely and unconditionally, and at the end of the day that's really all I have."

The registrar was looking at me like I was crazy, which I was but hey, Jasper was smiling and I could tell from the sniffs behind me I'd reduced Kate and Siobhan to tears.

"That's all I want baby." Jasper whispered "And in return I'll love you forever." he swore.

Thanks to my ramblings the registrar was a little put off so simply pronounced us husband and wife at that point, which was all I wanted, Jasper's lips met mine in a binding kiss and he lifted me off the ground spinning me around once before setting me back on my feet.

Tears still shone in my eyes but I was laughing and I had never felt so happy in my life.

Kate and Siobhan were cheering and even Ellie let forth a happy giggle.

Seeing as how we were at city hall Siobhan persuaded us to sort as much of the paperwork as we could. By the time we got back to the car I was officially Mrs. Jasper Hale. And I couldn't stop smiling.

When we arrived back at the diner I saw why Siobhan had been stalling us, Tanya and Garrett had thrown together a reception for us.

"It's not much, but you can't get married without having a party." Siobhan said with a shrug.

I just hugged her tightly in thanks "It's perfect, thanks."

Rosalie launched herself at me before we were properly through the door, "Congratulations. Oh my god Alice, I can't believe, this is so wonderful." she was crying and laughing at the same time I was thrilled she was so happy, because I had a feeling not everyone would be, she pulled back smiling and launched herself at Jasper "And you. Come here. I'm so happy for you."

Jasper rolled his eyes with a patient smile as his sister sobbed all over him.

"Mary Alice Cullen." my mum's voice made me jump and I spun around to face her.

I bit my lip "Technically it's Hale now." I gave her my best smile showing a few to many teeth in the hope she wouldn't be too mad at me.

She glared for a few seconds before sighing and shaking her head "If you really hated wedding planning that much all you had to do was say!" she teased.

I nearly collapsed in relief and pulled her into a tight hug.

"Love you mum." I murmured.

She shook her head at me "I should have know, you've always done things your own way." she turned and grabbed Jasper who looked terrified as she hugged him "I hope you realise just what you've taken on with her."

"Mother!" I cried indignantly.

Jasper laughed, disentangling himself from my mum so he could wrap his arms around me instead "I'll take it all." he said smiling at me.

My dad was next in line and I felt the first twinge of guilt as I realised he didn't get to walk me down the aisle .

"Sorry dad." I whispered as he hugged me.

He pulled back slightly to give me a hard look "Are you happy?"

A smile broke over my face and I nodded "Yeah, really happy."

He leant in to plant a kiss on my forehead "That's all I've ever wanted for you sweetheart." he whispered making tears prick my eyes again.

"Thanks dad." I chocked out holding onto him tight.

He turned to mock scowl at Jasper "You'd better take care of my girls." he warned.

Jasper nodded solemnly "I intend to."

In slight trepidation I made my way over to Edward and Bella, Bella was smiling happily but Edward looked as though someone had just kicked him in the groin.

"Congratulations Ali, and you." she said hugging Jasper as well.

"Thanks Bella." Jasper murmured, but I knew, like me, his eyes were gauging Edward's reaction.

He glared at Jasper "Just tell me one thing." he said in a determinedly calm voice "Is she pregnant?"

"Edward!" me and Bella yelled.

"Not as far as I know." Jasper replied in a cold voice, he looked over at me and raised an eyebrow.

"No I am not." I stated, folding my arms and glaring at Edward who sighed in relief.

"Good." was his response.

"Nice that's the first thing you think of." I huffed leaning into Jasper.

"Sorry." Edward muttered with a shrug "I just always assumed you'd have wanted some big showy, over the top white wedding, type thing."

I looked down with a sigh "Yeah, maybe once I did. But this just felt right you know." I looked up locking eyes with Jasper and we smiled at each other.

Edward looked between us then shook his head "Boy was I fighting a losing battle!"

Bella laughed giving him a hug "That's what we've been trying to tell you." she teased him.

"Thanks Ed." I beamed hugging him.

"Hey." Jasper spoke up as they moved to get some drinks, Edward turned back to us "I'm not lying Ed, I will never hurt her."

Edward gave him a long look "I know." he finally said "Brother!" he threw in as he turned back to Bella.

Jasper grinned at me "See, I told you he'd come around."

Giggling I stretched up to kiss him. My husband.

"You think anything will ever feel better than this?" I asked running my fingers through his hair.

Jasper gave me a cheeky grin "Well tonight is our wedding night, so you tell me."

I shook my head with a giggle "Nope." I hugged him tight "This is the best feeling ever, knowing I get to be with you forever."

His grin turned into a genuine smile and he kissed me fore a second before Emmett's wolf whistle broke us apart.

I turned to glare at Emmett before looking back at Jasper, we just stared at each other for a while, and as much as I appreciated the gesture I started to wish Siobhan hadn't bothered with the party because all I wanted was to get my new husband home.

I shuffled uncomfortably at the want starting to bubble beneath my skin.

'Soon' Jasper mouthed with a smile.

We did the dutiful thing and stayed for about an hour, my mum was clinging onto Ellie like she was her lifeline so I politely asked if her and dad wouldn't mind taking Ellie for the night, she leapt at the chance and I must admit I was rather pleased me and Jasper would get the apartment to ourselves.

We stayed for the toasts, speeches and a couple of dances before I yawned loudly making my excuses to leave.

"Thanks for everything Siobhan, I'm just exhausted, it's been a mad day." I said hugging her.

She gave me a look, clearly not fooled by my amazing act "Yeah I'm sure on your wedding night you can't wait to get home to sleep!"

I bit my lip guiltily but she smiled at me "I'm not that stupid Alice, and thank you too, the way you two have been looking at each other I'm amazed you stayed this long." she teased "Go, enjoy yourself. And make sure you're safe." she added in a whisper making me laugh.

"Yes mum." I giggled.

I said some very hasty goodbyes to everyone before grabbing Jasper and making a hasty exit.

"Finally alone." I grinned at him as we arrived outside the apartment.

"Hmmm." Jasper hummed his mouth already working down my neck as his hands ran teasingly up and down my sides making my knees weak in anticipation.

I rather embarrassingly squeaked in surprise as he suddenly lifted me up into his arms and proceeded to carry me over the threshold.

He set me back onto my feet in the lounge and smiled before moving over to the stereo.

"What are you doing?" I asked as he flipped through a couple of CD's before placing one in the stereo.

"We never got our proper first dance." he said, moving back to me and taking me in his arms.

Music began to swim around us, it took me a moment to recognise the song we'd danced to in New York.

I smiled resting my cheek against Jasper's chest as we swayed softly, the rumbling vibration of his voice relaxed me as he softly sang along.

"Why did you pick this song?" I asked curiously, I mean sure the lyrics were nice, and relevant to how I felt, but there were hundreds of similar love songs out there.

He sighed one of his hands moved from the small of my back to caress my cheek "New York was when you fell in love with me." he murmured "You still weren't ready to admit it to yourself, but that was the moment."

My mouth dropped as I thought back and realised he was right. Everything he had done for me that weekend had made me, all be it subconsciously, realise that I was in love with him.

"How did you?" I gasped.

He smiled down at me "I knew, I could just tell."

The chorus began again and as I listened the song suddenly had a whole new, deeper meaning to it.

I stretched up on my tiptoes kissing Jasper with everything I had, trying to convey just how much all of this meant, how much he meant to me.

We continued swaying to the music that had long since stopped as Jasper deepened the kiss, my head was fuzzy with pure bliss and I didn't notice him directing me backwards until my calves hit the edge of the bed.

I looked up at him, impressed he'd managed to steer us so well and yet still continue to make my head spin with the intensity of his kiss.

He indicated for me to climb on the bed, instead of complying I shook my head and turned us, gently pushing him down.

He always gave me so much, made me feel special and loved and beautiful and tonight all I wanted was to give him all that back. To show him, that even though I didn't show it sometimes, he was special and important to me. To show him just how much I loved him, to give him back all I had.

He crawled backwards up the bed as I quickly discarded my T-shirt and jeans.

The primal need and lust I'd been feeling back at the diner had melted away as we'd danced together and now I wanted this to be slow and special, I wanted to make love to my husband all night long, I wanted him to know he meant everything to me.

Crawling up the bed over him my lips found his again, my tongue trailed over his bottom lip before I sucked it into mouth, nibbling gently on it as his mouth opened, his tongue seeking out mine.

Jasper's hands came to cup either side of my face, keeping our lips glued together.

My hands slowly inched under his T-shirt, pushing it up his chest. We broke our kiss momentarily so he could pull it off over his head before his mouth found mine again.

Neither of us was in any hurry, my hands mapped the planes of his chest slowly as his moved up my thighs and over my back, pausing only to unclasp my bra, before continuing up to push the straps down my arms ridding me of it completely and freeing my breasts for him to play with.

I arched my back into his skilful hands, moaning into his mouth.

The need for friction had my rocking my hips against him creating a moan from deep within Jasper, his hands became a little more frantic and moved to tug at my underwear.

"Jasper." I moaned into his mouth.

My fingers tangled in his hair and I placed open mouthed kisses down his jaw and neck.

Before I had a chance to object Jasper had rolled us and it was his mouth moving over me, I sighed a little in annoyance, it's like he couldn't let it be about him, he wasn't happy unless he was making me feel good.

Which I'll admit I rarely complained about, but just once I wanted it to be about him.

Of course it became rather difficult to express my wishes as he got my underwear off and his hand slid between my thighs.

He was just too good at this I thought, my fingers dug into is back trying to pull him closer as his fingers skilfully stroked me.

"I love you." he murmured kissing just below my ear.

"I love you too." I managed to gasp out before he plunged two fingers into me and everything just became a blur of pleasure as we consummated our marriage.

Many times over.

* * *

**I know this chapter was later than I intended as well, but now Christmas is over I really will be able to get back to more regular updates.**

**Let me know what you think. xx**


	37. Chapter 37

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

* * *

**Chapter 35**

Getting married was actually a bit anticlimactic, don't get me wrong I was thrilled to finally be Mrs. Jasper Hale.

But with all the stress I'd put myself under, trying to plan a big wedding, now we were married everything was just back to normal.

Well as normal as things ever were for me and Jasper.

One of the main things that had changed in the week we'd been married was Jasper had become a little more vocal about certain aspects of mine and Ellie's life he wanted to be more involved with, mainly revolving around our future.

"You're not working Tuesday night are you?" he asked one evening as we made dinner together.

"No." I answered chopping up some vegetables "Why?"

"Just double checking." he said in his annoying cryptic way.

"What do you have planned?" I asked sternly.

He sighed and pulled a leaflet out of his pocket passing it to me. I looked down and had to read the thing several times before I registered what it said.

"Jasper?" I asked slightly confused "You wanna learn to dance?"

He shook his head with a smile "No, I booked you a private lesson." he shrugged at the look I gave him.

"Jasper." I sighed, not sure what to think.

"It's only one class, and it's already booked now. Look you told me, in the new year you'd look into taking a dance class, or college course, well it's June now and you haven't exactly got very far."

I pouted at him but couldn't deny it.

He smiled softy at me "Please baby, for me."

I deflated, if anything could make me give up it was those two words "Fine I will go on Tuesday."

He smiled happily pulling me into a hug "Thanks baby."

I shook my head before resting it against his chest "Why is this so important to you?" I asked.

He sighed "Because I can tell it's something you used to love, and for whatever reason you gave it up. Look it's just one private class, if you really don't want to carry on I wont push you."

"It's not about not wanting to, it's about not having time." I tried to explain again.

"You do have time." he cut me off "Two hours a week is not that much, think of it as a belated wedding present."

I rolled my eyes "And what am I meant to get you as a wedding present?" I asked already knowing the answer.

He shrugged "You're my wife, what else could I possibly want in the world?"

"Me to dance apparently." I mumbled looking at the leaflet in my hand.

He shrugged again grinning at me "Well you do look good when you dance." his hands slid down to my thighs "And I'm sure it will tone your legs up nicely too."

"So you're saying you don't like my legs." I said in mock offence.

"No, of course I like your legs." he said quickly "But it doesn't look like you're actually going to make any changes without a little push."

I sighed, he was right about that "My life's good right now." I murmured "For the first time in a really long time I'm in a good place, and I don't want things to change." I admitted.

Jasper sighed, pulling me back to his chest "Baby some changes are for the better."

"I know." I mumbled "I'll see how things go on Tuesday before making it a more permanent thing though okay."

"Thank you." Jasper murmured kissing the top of my head.

The next day after work I rooted out my old ballet shoes, pleasantly surprised that they still fitted me. Then again I hadn't grown much since I was 16.

I changed into leggings and a tunic top that allowed freer movement, then pulled on a skirt and boots for the walk to the ballet studio.

I was feeling ridiculously nervous.

When Jasper got home he offered to give me a lift but I insisted on walking, not only did I not want Ellie being dragged all over the city, but I also hoped the walk would help calm me.

It was about twenty minutes from my apartment to the studio and the closer I got the more stressed I felt.

It was one thing doing a few steps in front of Jasper, but I now had to prove to someone who actually knew about dance that I had talent, despite my lack of practice for the past four years.

When I arrived I was greeted by an elderly lady, her grey hair was pulled back into a bun and she looked athletic despite her age.

"You must be Alice, I'm Sasha." she introduced grabbing my hand to shake before I had a chance to extend it "I was thinking it's best if we just go through some basics to ease you back in and help me judge what level you're at." she said dragging me into a classroom still chattering away.

"Have you danced any ballet on point?" she paused just long enough for me to mutter "Yes." before continuing.

"Well anyway we wont be doing any of that today, like I said we want to ease you back in. it's been how long since you last danced regularly?"

"Four years." I answered quickly, afraid she'd just carry on talking if I didn't respond.

"Right, well you get yourself ready and we can begin."

I made a hasty retreat through the door she indicated into the changing rooms. Taking a steadying breath I quickly kicked off my boots and shimmied out of my skirt.

Sasha didn't seem the type of person you kept waiting.

She smiled warmly as I made my way back out and led me over to the bar set up along one wall.

"Like I said, we'll start off with the basics." she said with a reassuring smile.

I remembered the moves and positions she asked for well, but the odd protest my body made when I stretched or bent in a certain way showed how out of practice I really was.

After half an hour of bar work my muscles ached, and we hadn't even started the hard stuff yet.

Sasha was a really great teacher, letting me take my time until I was happy with a certain move before she moved on to the next.

She was full of encouragement, praising me for how much I remembered and complimenting me on my natural talent.

I relaxed into it easily and really enjoyed myself, Jasper was right I did miss it.

"So, will it be the same time next week?" Sasha asked once I was dressed and about to leave.

I paused for less than a second.

"Yeah, if that works for you." I said.

She smiled "Excellent. Okay if you try to do some basic stretches every day and next week we'll focus on the bar, it will help strengthen your muscles and get you used to the to the movements again."

"Okay." I nodded, pleased that I was actually looking forward to next week "Thanks Sasha."

The walk home was a lot more relaxing than the walk there, although it was also more painful as my body continued to complain about the workout I'd just given it.

"So how was it?" Jasper asked the second I was through the door.

"No hello?" I asked with a grin.

He smiled down at me, taking a step forward and wrapping his arms around my waist pulling me against him.

"Hello Mrs. Hale." he whispered in my ear making my sore legs feel even weaker. He ran a trail of kisses down from my ear before capturing my lips.

"Now that was a hello." I murmured weakly when he finally pulled back.

"So how was it?" he asked again.

I rolled my eyes "It was good." I looked around "Where's Ellie?"

"She was getting tired so I gave her a bottle and put her to bed." he gave me another kiss "So do I get more details than 'it was good'?"

I grinned up at him "Do I get dinner?"

It was Jasper's turn to roll his eyes "It should be ready in about twenty minutes."

I slipped out of his arms to head to the bathroom and change into some sweats, I didn't care I just wanted to be comfy.

Had I had the time I would have had a nice long soak in the bath to try and sooth my muscles, but I was too hungry to see if Jasper could postpone dinner.

"So." He pressed when I was settled on the sofa with a large bowl of mac and cheese. I loved Jasper's ability to know when I was in the need for comfort food.

"It was good." I said again "I really enjoyed myself, and I booked another class for the same time next week." I told him.

I didn't miss the 'I told you so' grin on his face. Although he did, thankfully, refrain from saying it.

"I'm glad." was all he said.

"Thanks for forcing me into it." I smiled wriggling around so I could lean against him.

He frowned "I didn't really force you did I?" he sounded worried.

I snuggled closer to him, he was always so sweet. "No, I mean you were right it was something I wanted to do I was just scared to take that step. I mean I always loved dancing, it made me feel strong and free, and I guess I was scared that if I tried to get that back it wouldn't be the same and I'd end up tainting all the good memories I had. But it was great." I smiled "It felt good doing something for myself again. Thanks." I stretched up to kiss his cheek "Just when I think you can't give me anymore you go and surprise me again. Like I don't feel inadequate enough." I muttered.

He sighed "How many times do I have to say…"

"I give you everything. I know, but it's hard for me to believe that. I don't…"

"You don't see yourself clearly." he kissed the side of my head, taking my bowl he placed it on the floor with his own so he could pull me into his arms "I like giving you stuff cause every time I do it makes you smile and I would happily fetch you" he paused, casting around for inspiration "The moon, if I could see you smile."

That made me smile "You see, you're just too perfect."

My breath stuttered as he brushed my hair off my neck and kissed softly down it "Oh, I am very far from perfect."

My eyes closed as I tried to hold onto some coherent thought.

"Bedroom?" Jasper murmured as his lips trailed up to my ear.

I managed some kind of gurgling noise and the next thing I knew we were in bed. I loved it when I zoned out for the boring bits.

"Ow." I winced as my legs protested being pushed apart.

"What's the matter?" Jasper asked in concern, moving to lie beside me.

"I hurt." I pouted as my body decided now would be a good time to show just how much I'd forced it to do tonight.

"What hurts?" he asked softly, gently brushing my hair.

"Everything." I whined stretching my legs and wincing "My legs, my back, my arms. I forgot just how much dancing can take out of you, especially when you're out of practise."

"Okay, so no more strenuous movement for you tonight." Jasper murmured with a kiss "Which means no sex I'm assuming."

I giggled at the disappointed in his voice he tried to hide "Well it's your fault." I reminded him "You're the one who wanted me to dance, deal with the consequences. Right now I don't want to do anything that makes me hurt more, okay?"

"Okay." he agreed wriggling down to lie beside me.

I rolled onto my side to look at him "So what do we do in bed when we're not having sex?" I asked with a grin.

He chuckled one of his hands caressing my cheek "You got me." he kissed me softly "You want a massage, try to make you not hurt so much."

"That would be great." I said rolling onto my stomach and resting my head on my arms.

Jasper moved to straddle my back and his hands slid to my shoulders.

It always felt incredible when he touched me, even in the most innocent ways. When he was making the effort to make me feel good, like now, it was just beyond words.

I let out a content sigh "That feels so good." I moaned.

Jasper's hands immediately left me, I turned to look at him frowning in confusion.

"This no sex thing is going to be harder than I thought." he murmured softly.

I sighed "Jasper I really can't tonight."

"I know." he said quickly "I know that baby. I didn't mean, I just" he gave me a guilty smile.

"It's okay." I assured, I knew he was never going to force me or something "Look at it as a good thing for us, I mean we do have a lot of sex."

Jasper chuckled planting a soft kiss on my shoulder "You say that like it's a bad thing."

I shrugged, not sure that it wasn't.

"Baby." Jasper murmured pulling me back against his chest "We're young, we're happy, we're healthy and we're married there is nothing wrong with having a full and healthy sex life."

"There's healthy, then there's excessive." I giggled "And I think we are bordering on the excessive."

"Well." he murmured running his lips up my neck "Stop being so damn irresistible and I'll stop wanting to get between your legs every chance I get."

"I'm not complaining." I assured snuggling close to him "It's just that now we can't, it makes me realise just how much we do."

I felt Jasper nod against me "You're right. It wont hurt to abstain for a night or two. Although it will be hard."

"Very hard from what I can tell." I teased as he pulled me back and I could feel him against my back.

"Don't tease." he warned "After all you're the one that hurts." he reminded me.

"I'm sorry." I said turning around to face him and curling up against his chest "I'll behave."

"Yeah right." I heard him mutter, but his arms tightened around me.

"Love you." I murmured.

The weeks followed a similar pattern, and it was annoyingly me that had the biggest problem with our two nights a week celibacy.

"Any idea how long it's going to take before I stop feeling like I've just gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson every class?" I moaned at Sasha as she helped me limp from the changing rooms to the front office.

My unfounded sexual frustration had affected my concentration and I'd landed funny after a _Grand jeté,_ twisting my ankle.

"I'm sorry Alice. Maybe we should have gone slower, but you're just such a natural I felt like I was holding you back keeping you doing the basics."

"It's okay." I sighed flopping into one of the chairs, taking the pressure off my ankle "I just feel, frustrated."

Sasha frowned "Why? You're doing great, everyone has a bad landing now and again. We only started practising jumps this week."

I smiled, I didn't really want to admit to her what was really frustrating me.

Jasper showed up five minutes later and sighed as he saw me with my foot propped up.

"What happened?" he asked sympathetically as he crouched down next to me.

"Where's Ellie?" I asked trying to avoid answering his question.

"Your dad popped round." he said "And when I got your call he said he'd stay with Ellie until we got home."

I nodded and made to stand only to stupidly put weight on my sore ankle and fall into Jasper.

"Ow." I moaned.

Jasper sighed again "You know if you want me to regret pushing you to take this class you already did it. So please stop hurting yourself."

"It's not like I did it on purpose." I whined as he helped me limp to the car. He probably would have carried me but I wouldn't let him "Can we just go home please." I muttered.

"Baby, what's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing." I grumbled irritably "Why do you always assume something's wrong?"

"Because something clearly is." he said way too calmly for me.

"Well I fucked up my class, and nearly broke my ankle. So yeah, that's what's wrong!" I snapped.

We didn't say anything else until we got home. My dad confirmed a sprained ankle and told me to keep off it for a couple of days.

"I'm going to take a bath." I muttered to Jasper, carefully standing up and hopping to the bathroom.

"Why am I getting the feeling I've done something wrong?" he asked coming to stand in the doorway so he could keep an eye on Ellie and talk to me.

"You haven't." I told him rather unconvincingly "I'm just in a bad mood."

"Really? So you're not frustrated that you're not progressing further in your class, and therefore mad at me for pushing you to take it?"

I glanced up at him in shock, he was scarily perceptive sometimes.

"Maybe that's a small part of it." I mumbled turning back to the bath tub.

"I told you I wouldn't mind if you quit, if you don't want to keep going."

Turing off the tap I struggled to my feet so I could go stand next to him. His arm automatically went around my waist to steady me.

"I don't want to quit. I just want to be good again, and I know that will take time and practise but it's been four weeks and my body still aches after every class. I guess I just naively hoped it would be easier than this."

Jasper pulled me into his arms kissing my hair and all I wanted was for him to carry me into the bedroom and make love to me.

But I knew he wouldn't, I knew I couldn't. Even the thought of it made me feel sore.

"Baby, you are an incredible dancer, you are moving forward faster than I think you realise. Sasha told you that much. You're just out of practise, which is to be expected after four years. And you were right about one thing, outside of your weekly class you don't have a lot of time to practise. You are getting better." he insisted giving my hair another kiss "Besides, you enjoy it right?"

I nodded, when I danced I still got that good feeling inside.

"That's all that matters." he murmured tilting my head so he could capture my lips.

"Well when you put it like that." I said with a smile, feeling a lot better.

"Enjoy your bath." he whispered.

All the frustration seemed to melt out of me as I relaxed in the hot water, and I knew it wasn't actually sexual frustration. I had just wanted to feel good about myself because I was upset I wasn't doing better in my dance class, and Jasper's usual method for that was making me feel beautiful and loved.

This time however he'd done it with his words.

I giggled happily wondering just how many more times in our life together he was going to prove to me just how amazingly perfect he really was.

* * *

**Okay, bit of a filler, but I was having a problem as the final chapter of this story which I had written doesn't work anymore so I had to redirect where I was taking this story, but it's all sorted now so that's good.**

**Let me know what you think. xx**


	38. Chapter 38

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

* * *

**Chapter 37**

The weeks of stress over my dance classes did stop me stressing about James.

Which was a first.

Time had been passing without me actually worrying about it, but his time was almost up and I had to somehow find the courage to confront him and make him decide what he wanted.

"This seemed like such a good idea at the time." I said as I paced the lounge nervously.

Jasper was sat on the sofa with Ellie and a bunch of stuffed toys, keeping her entertained. He really was a great dad.

"It is a good idea Alice." he said, never taking his eyes from Ellie.

"You're right, you're right. It is. I kept telling him to man up and do what's right by Ellie, well it's about time I listened to my own advice."

Before I could lose my nerve again I dialled James' number.

"Please pick up." I murmured as it started to ring "Please don't play this game again." I said a little more desperately as it continued to ring.

"Hey. I wondered how long I'd get." James' sarcastic voice sounded down the phone.

Well at least he'd answered.

"I told you how long you had. A month and a week, well times up and I swear to god.." I started ready to rip his head off if he kept up the games.

"Okay, but this is a big thing for me so can we at least meet, you know face to face?" he asked.

"Oh…erm…" I stuttered. That hadn't been what I'd expected. I looked over at Jasper who was now staring at me "You wanna meet?" I asked James, noticing Jasper's eyes narrow slightly.

"Well yeah, I mean this is something we need to talk about."

I felt my hand tighten around the phone and was glad I was too small to actually break it, because man I was pissed!

"Yeah that's what I've been trying to tell you." I said patronisingly.

"Okay." he said laughing and sounding happier than he ever had since he'd returned "So can I come around tomorrow?"

"Around?" I asked still scrambling to keep up with this conversation "As in around here? My apartment?"

Jasper was shaking his head "No way Alice." he muttered.

I winced in frustration, I mean both of them had a point. I didn't want James around here any more than Jasper did, but James was right things would, hopefully, run smoother if we talked face to face.

"How about we meet on neutral territory?" I kind of asked both of them.

Jasper looked unhappy but gave a resigned sigh.

"Sure, if you daren't be alone with me." James teased.

"You're right, I daren't be alone with you, but trust me when I say my reasons for that are not what you're thinking." I took a breath trying to remain calm as Jasper tensed on the sofa and James laughed cockily in my ear.

"What times good for you?" I asked trying to get this over with.

Jasper rolled his eyes "Alice"

I held my hand up to stop him, it was hard enough trying to deal with one at a time, I'd deal with James first, then reassure Jasper.

"I can get to Seattle for midday, better make it one to be on the safe side." he said.

"Okay." I said ,giving him directions to the diner, I knew it wasn't exactly neutral territory, but he didn't need to know that.

"Alice." Jasper sighed again in exasperation as I hung up.

"I know, I know." I mumbled.

"You can not let him have control like that, especially tomorrow."

"He didn't have total control." I mumbled "I told him were to meet me."

"True." he muttered "Okay, well my lunch break starts at half twelve, I'll be able to get to the diner for one no problem. With any luck I can get the afternoon off or at the least have an extended lunch."

I watched him planning everything out, absentmindedly bouncing Ellie on his knee, I bit my lip, knowing what I was about to say could break him, again.

"Jasper." I called making him look up at me "I" I paused thinking how best to say this "I think it's best if your not there."

Okay Alice, that was defiantly not the best way to say it.

Hurt and confusion flashed over his face and I bit my lip in guilt.

"Alice…"

"No listen." I tried again "James has to prove a point around you, he has to be the big man to save face, I know he doesn't want me back but he still lost me to you. If we want him to be, if we want him to do what we want I can't have him playing some tough guy role, he's gonna try to piss you off and the best way to do that…"

"Is to refuse to let me adopt Ellie." he hugged her a little tighter to him in reassurance.

"I know you wanna be there, and if it was the other way around I'd wanna be there, but that's why I'm doing this at the diner, so I have support." I had to smile thinking about what Siobhan would do if James tried anything.

Jasper shook his head "You expect me to sit at work, while you're with that….guy?" he asked.

I went to sit beside him, cupping his cheek with my hand and letting my finger brush across it softly "No, I know that would be hell, so if you can get the time off Ellie needs looking after, and I know you're her favourite choice."

As if to prove my point Ellie looked up at him and giggled happily.

"I just need to do something." he muttered.

"I know." I told him hugging his arm, were the places reversed I knew I'd feel the same "But this is my past Jasper, my mistakes, my demons and I have to deal with them. I've wasted enough time ignoring them, or letting other people worry about them, it's about time I took charge and I will. I wont let him be the one in control, I promise."

"Okay." he still didn't sound happy about the situation "I trust you baby, you know that."

"You just don't trust him." I finished for him Jasper shook his head "Okay, but that's the reason I'm doing this at the diner, so I have backup. If he tries anything Siobhan will chop his balls off and Garrett will fry them up as the days special."

That got me a laugh "With that in mind, I almost hope he does try something." Jasper chuckled, resting his head against mine.

"I love you." I told him "And this time tomorrow, one way or another, all this shit I've dragged needlessly into our relationship, will be dealt with. I promise."

I knew without a doubt I would keep that promise, I had put him through enough and I was going to fix that.

Jasper did manage to get the afternoon off and arrived home at twelve to watch Ellie so I could go meet James.

He didn't say anything as I got ready to go, but he did give me one hell of a passionate kiss before I left.

It got rid of all my worries over James, in fact it made my mind go blissfully blank.

"Hurry back." he murmured against my lips.

I whimpered as he pulled back and noticed the slight smirk on his face.

"I will be as quick as I can." I swore to him, I could see the worry in his eyes. Reaching up I stroked his cheek again "Everything will be fine." I whispered "I'll see you in a bit."

I couldn't blame him for being worried, I was worried. I had let my mind run away with itself with visions of a happy future with Jasper as Ellie's dad and no James in sight, with my past I should know better than to test fate like that.

"You look like hell." Kate said as I walked into the diner.

"Thanks." I growled quickly slipping into an empty booth to wait nervously for James to show.

Siobhan placed a coffee in front of me and gave me an encouraging smile, which I tried, and failed, to return.

I stirred my coffee numbly, trying to think how to word my request to James.

I mean 'will you give up your kid?' just didn't sound right. But, I couldn't think of a better way to ask it.

My eyes shot up as the door opened and James wandered in, he looked around before his eyes found mine and he smiled.

"You just can't get enough of me can ya." he teased as he came over and slid into the booth opposite me.

I scowled angrily and gripped my coffee tightly, resisting the urge to throw the hot liquid in his eyes.

"Siobhan can we get another coffee over here." I asked as she past by the table again.

"Sure." she looked James over for a second.

James raised an eyebrow at me "Siobhan?" he looked around at where Kate and Garrett were scowling at him from behind the bar "So much for neutral territory." he said looking back at me.

I shrugged "Well sorry but you have done nothing to make me trust you."

Siobhan gave a slight laugh as she set the coffee down before James "That's true." she muttered making me smile.

James was starting to look pissed off so I decided not to continue down this line of conversation if I wanted him to be open to the idea of giving up Ellie.

"Sorry." I murmured twisting my wedding ring "Jasper wouldn't have agreed to this meet had we not been somewhere I had backup."

He scoffed "I can't believe you married that jerk."

I sighed sadly, guess this was going to be harder than I'd hoped.

"He loves me, I love him, we're happy together, and he loves Ellie." I said carefully bringing us around to the reason we'd met.

James was shaking his head "I know you too well Mar, that guys like a cage…."

"No." I stated firmly "You knew me, when I was a teenager. People change James, they grow up. You're right I wanted to be free and see the world and have fun and all that stuff, but I got pregnant and my priorities changed. I changed."

James shrugged and I tried to calm down, starting a fight was not going to do me any favours.

"Look that's not the point James, this isn't about me. It's about whether you want to be Ellie's dad or not."

"I am her dad." he said unhelpfully.

"So where've you been?" I asked my anger winning out.

"I've been busy." he said with a shrug.

Oh my god, this guy was really trying my patience.

"James, you know I'm not, I can't stop you seeing her if you want to, but you have got to be there. Being a parent means making tough, selfless, decisions. If anything happens to me I need to know she'll be taken care of."

"God Mar when did you get so morbid?" he asked with a laugh.

I ground my teeth together trying to remain calm "Answer the damn question James, if I died would you want to take Ellie on full time?"

His eyes went wide and I could see the panic in them as they flickered to the doorway, looking for his way out.

Now would be a good time to push him, to give him the out he was seeking.

"I'm only asking because" I paused, how did you ask a guy to just give up his daughter, even a guy who had never shown any interest in her "I want Jasper to adopt her." I blurted out.

James looked at me, I couldn't quite read his expression.

"I want him to be her dad James." I mumbled "But the only way for that to happen"

"Is for me to just disappear." he filled in.

My eyes dropped to the table, James was a selfish ass, but what I was asking was kind of hard.

He sighed angrily and I looked up to see his face sour "I don't want that jerk bringing up my kid." he muttered.

I groaned "James, please."

"No." he stated stubbornly.

"He's my husband, he is bringing her up. More than you ever have. He loves her like his own." I knew I was close to begging and I didn't want him to have that power over me.

He smirked at me "She's not his though is she."

I glared over at him all thoughts of begging gone from my head. I had promised Jasper I wouldn't let James have control, and I wouldn't. I was not going to let this dick ruin my life, not again.

"James you have never been there for her, not once. Other than being a sperm donor with benefits what have you contributed to raising your daughter?" I took another deep breath, running a hand through my hair "Please, please James, if you ever loved me, please just let me be happy. You don't want to be her dad, if you did it wouldn't have taken me this long to get to damn well talk to you about it."

When I looked back at him his face had softened.

"I did love you Mar." he said quietly "We were just different, wanted different things. I though you'd grow out of us."

I shook my head in confusion, trying to understand what he was saying.

"What are you talking about, we wanted the same things, that's why we were together."

He looked almost guilty as his eyes met mine "I never wanted kids Mar, I just said that cause you did. Like I said I didn't think we'd last that long, I thought we would have drifted apart before I had to worry about that."

I mouthed soundlessly at him as I tried to wrap my head around this little revelation. He had lied to me, he professed to have loved me, but he had spent all those years lying to me.

Tears stung my eyes.

"Was anything you ever told me true?" I asked my voice shaking.

So much for us being together forever, so much for true fucking love!

He just shrugged and I felt my anger boil again.

"If you never wanted kids why are you being so damn stubborn? I'm giving you a way out, a way to pretend all this was a bad dream." I hissed at him, trying not to raise my voice with people around.

He sighed and looked down at his hands "I guess I just don't like the idea of someone else having you, you know."

Once again I fought down the urge to throw hot coffee in his face.

"You were still my first love." he muttered quietly.

"First love's over James." I spat "High school is over, this is the real world and instead of being a spoilt little brat, be an adult and do the right thing by your daughter. For once in your life stop being so selfish."

He closed his eyes and ran a hand over his face "Will she, I don't know, want to look for me one day?" he asked, his eyes still closed.

"I don't know." I answered "I hope not, I can make you sound like a better man than you are."

He gave a dry laugh "I deserve that."

"Then some." I agreed. "I'm not going to lie to her about this, so I don't know James, she may want to meet you when she's older, and I wont stop her. But that's not something you need to worry about for at least sixteen years."

He sighed again "You wouldn't stop her?" he asked.

"I can't, any more than I could stop you if you really wanted to be her dad. It's not my decision it's hers, look I'm not going to encourage her, but I can't force her either way."

He shook his head "So me giving up my 'rights' doesn't actually mean anything in the long run?"

I rolled my eyes "It means you don't have to pay child support." I threw back at him, knowing money was a big issue with him.

He put his head in his hands taking a deep breath as I held mine hoping things may just go my way for once.

"Okay." he said so quietly I was afraid I'd misheard.

He took another breath then looked up at me "I agree, I'll do whatever you want. I'll disappear from her life, from your life." I could hear the relief in his voice and had the strong urge to hit something, preferably his face.

"Just like that?" I asked suspiciously. There had to be a catch, this was James after all.

He sighed "Look Mar, call me whatever you want, but like I said, I never wanted kids. To answer your first question no I don't want to be her dad and sticking around just to piss off your prat of a husband is just gonna mess up my life." he shrugged. "You wanted me to be honest, well there it is."

I stared at him for a second before downing my cold coffee in one, I had had enough of this meeting. I pushed myself out of the booth.

"Great well you have a nice life. I'll get the coffee."

He smiled sadly at me "Bye Mar." he stood up and went to hug me but I recoiled back. He smiled sadly again "I never meant to hurt you you know." he murmured.

I gave a unladylike snort "Yeah well you did." I said turning my back on him and heading to where Garrett was standing by the kitchen door a rather dangerous looking knife in his hand.

He pulled me into his one armed hug glaring at James across the room until I heard the door open and close and I let out a sigh of relief as Garrett relaxed.

"He gone?" I asked, double checking.

"Yeah Pixie Sticks, he's gone."

He led me over to the bar where Siobhan and Kate were waiting.

"He seemed real nice!" Garrett muttered sarcastically.

I giggled feeling suddenly light and free. James had agreed.

"I need to get home." I was grinning like a moron as I looked around at them all "I need to tell Jasper the good news."

Siobhan pushed Garrett away so she could give me a hug "Okay, you go back to your hubby, but we are gonna talk later."

"Yes mum." I joked "Thanks for letting me do that here."

"Always happy to help." She said giving me another hug.

I spent the walk home trying to wrap my head around everything that had happened. I wasn't sure how much I could really trust James to stand by his word, after all he'd just told me he'd spent our five years together pretty much lying to me. But that was because he was a selfish ass, and by being a selfish ass he had given me and Jasper what we wanted. He had agreed to give up his rights to Ellie so Jasper could adopt her, and that was all I wanted.

I smiled as I got home to find Jasper on the couch reading to Ellie. I just stood watching them for a moment before Jasper noticed me.

"Hey how'd it go?" he asked as I moved to sit beside him, Ellie crawled over to my lap.

"Well." I said dragging it out a little "You sure you're ready to be a daddy?" I asked smiling up at him.

"He agreed?" Jasper asked in shock.

I laughed a little at the look on his face "Yeah, I know I was shocked too. He said he'd stay away from now on, he'll let us live our lives, that he doesn't really want her in his life."

My good mood evaporated as I thought of that, feeling sorry for Ellie, that is until I saw the smile upon Jasper's face as he picked her up.

"What do you think Jellybean, you want me to be your daddy?"

I frowned a little "Jellybean?"

Jasper shrugged guiltily at me, but Ellie giggled, obviously okay with the nickname. I shook my head but let it go, after all Jasper was her dad now.

Ellie looked from me to Jasper as though trying to figure out our conversation.

"Dada." she giggled wriggling closer to Jasper.

"I guess the boss has spoken." I said watching him tickle Ellie making her squeal in delight.

I smiled happily, she wasn't going to miss out on having a father, she was getting a brilliant one.

If I didn't despise him so much I would have felt sorry for James who was willingly missing out on moments like this.

My smile got bigger as Jasper passed me Ellie and wrapped his arms around both of us.

"I love you." he murmured "And thank you."

I shook my head, tilting my head so I could kiss him "If anyone deserves thanks around here it's you." I reminded him, he just smiled and hugged me tighter "And I love you too." I sighed feeling content with my family.

My life was finally getting on track and I owed it all to Jasper.

* * *

**So yay, James is finally out of the picture and there are happy times ahead.**

**Let me know what you think xx**


	39. Chapter 39

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**Sorry this took so long but I had to rewrite this chapter because I really hated the original I wrote.**

* * *

**Chapter 38**

Time flew by in a haze of happiness, I was quite literally walking on cloud nine.

James was gone.

James was gone.

James was gone.

He had agreed to disappear, to let us get on with our lives and leave us alone.

The relief I was feeling was beyond words.

Jasper kept teasing me, that I was so happy I was dancing everywhere, because I was in too good a mood to just walk.

He was probably right, but he was also one to talk. He hadn't stopped smiling since I'd told him the good news.

After my meeting with James Jasper had set the wheels in motion at work and we had our official court date set. Sadly it wasn't for a while, but it was happening and that was what mattered.

Everything was suddenly going right for us and I was delirious with happiness.

I was now in the mood for a huge celebration and as my twenty-first birthday was upon us it gave us the perfect excuse.

Even Bella agreed we needed a big party, seeing as how I'd been too depressed to bother with my birthday last year.

I awoke to the sounds and smells of cooking bacon. Jasper was absent from his usual spot beside me.

Lying in bed I let my mind process the fact I was now twenty one. It didn't really register, I had been through so much in the past couple of years I sometimes felt more like forty one.

Hopping out of bed I made my way through to the kitchen where Jasper was cooking up a feast.

"Morning." I sang happily, going over to give Ellie a kiss.

Jasper whirled around to face me "You're supposed to be in bed." he said.

Not exactly the greeting I'd expected on my birthday.

"I was, but I woke up and decided to come see what you were up to." I folded my arms over my chest pouting at him.

Jasper gave me a lopsided smile "I was making you breakfast in bed." moving towards me he kissed my cheek "Which only really works if you're in bed."

I giggled happily, that was more like it "Well I'll go back then."

Jasper gave me another kiss before turning back to the stove "You can take Ellie if you want, I don't think she's interested in the best method to make pancakes, yet at least. I do intend to make her a better cook than you though." I could hear the grin in his voice but decided to ignore that comment.

Shaking my head I picked Ellie up and headed back to bed.

"He's too good to us you know." I told her, she just crawled under the duvet not listening to me, clearly under the impression everyone should just dote on her.

She was going to be so spoilt if we weren't careful.

Whilst Jasper finished off breakfast we had a quick game of hide and seek under the duvet.

"Happy birthday to you." Jasper's voice pulled us from our game "Happy birthday to you." he came into the room somehow balancing a heavy tray in one arm and a huge bouquet in the other "Happy birthday, my amazing, gorgeous, sexy wife." he managed to slide the tray onto the dresser before coming over to the bed "Happy birthday to you." he passed me the flowers, kissing me in that way that made my head spin.

I had the biggest smile on my face as he pulled back and went to fetch the breakfast tray.

Best birthday ever. And it's only just started!

Jasper had gone all out for breakfast. There was bacon, eggs, toast, pancakes, fresh fruit, and I was pleased to see, lots of coffee.

Nestled in the middle of all that were two cards and a present wrapped in shiny purple paper.

Jasper settled down beside me and took Ellie so he could feed her, and I was free to eat and unwrap my present.

Taking a sip of coffee I dived into the huge pile of pancakes, I really wanted to open my present, but Jasper's pancakes were to die for.

Once I'd eaten a couple I took the cards, one was from Jasper, with a soppy romantic verse that made me go all gooey.

The other was from Ellie, although her neat writing did look suspiciously like Jasper's. There was a little scribble at the bottom where he'd obviously tried to get her to sign it in some way, making me get a little teary.

"Thank you." I said leaning over so I could kiss them both.

I ate some more before picking up the present. He'd got me two new charms. One was my birthstone, like he'd got for Ellie on her birthday, the other was a tiny pair of ballet slippers.

"I love them." I said leaning over to kiss him again "And I love you."

With a smile he passed me Ellie so he could reach under the bed and pull out a large box.

My eyes widened "Jasper."

"It's from Ellie." he said innocently.

Ellie grinned up at me before moving from my lap to snuggle down between us.

I stuck my tongue out at Jasper before opening the box. It was full of clothes, well tights and loose fitting tops I could dance in. I should have guessed really, it was only last week I'd been complaining about only having one outfit that was suitable.

"My baby girl knows me so well." I cooed cuddling Ellie who squealed happily. Jasper just shook his head at me.

We spent the morning lazing around in bed. It was my birthday after all so I should be allowed to spend it how I wanted, and I wanted to spend it with my family.

We only ended up getting up because my mum called, rather annoyed that we hadn't made it over yet.

"Oh my god!" I exclaimed as Jasper pulled up outside my parents house.

If I thought she'd gone overboard for Ellie's birthday, it was nothing compared to what she'd done for me.

Streamers, banners, balloons, the house and garden were covered. Tastefully I'll admit, but still.

Thank god the closest house was half a mile away.

Jasper gave me a sympathetic smile "I guess she's making up for not getting to give us a big wedding."

Rolling my eyes I groaned "Way to guilt me into being nice."

He just shrugged and gave me a peck on the cheek before getting out so he could get Ellie.

With a sigh I got out and made my way up to the front door, it was unlocked so I just went straight in and through to the lounge.

"Happy Birthday." Everyone cheered when I came into view, and despite everything I had to smile.

I got around to giving everyone a hug, before getting to the good part, presents.

My dislike of having lots of money spent on me vanished when I opened Rosalie and Emmett's present to find they'd brought me a pair of Louis Vuitton shoes and matching purse.

"Seriously?" I squealed looking at Rose.

She shrugged "Hey I've always wanted a sister who would appreciate presents like this. Jasper just doesn't get it."

She scowled over at her brother who scowled back.

"Louis Vuitton." I sighed dreamily, hugging the shoes to me. "Did I actually wake up this morning or am I still dreaming?" I had to ask because this day was just too perfect.

"This is so over my head." Emmett said looking at the purse "I mean it's just a purse."

Both me and Rose gapped at him before Rosalie turned to me "Now aren't you happy I decided on your present, if it was up to Em you'd probably have gotten a stuffed bear."

That made me laugh, although I wouldn't put it past Emmett to have done just that.

"There is kind of one more." Jasper said as I looked around dejectedly at all the ripped paper "Your parents let me store it here."

"What?" I asked, everyone was smiling at me, which was a little disturbing.

"You'll see." he said taking my hand and leading me thought the kitchen and down into the garage.

My mouth dropped as I saw the shiny black Volvo c70 with a yellow ribbon tied around it. I looked up at Jasper still open mouthed.

"Huh?" was all I managed to gasp out.

"It's not really ready yet. I mean it doesn't work, but it will, Rose said she could fix it up." he babbled his eyes searching my face, trying to figure out what I was thinking.

"You brought me a car?" I asked stupidly, seeing as how the evidence was right before my eyes.

He shuffled nervously "Technically it's the shell of a car, the original owner pretty much blew out the engine."

"But it's a car." I stated the obvious again.

Jasper sighed "It probably cost less than the shoes Rose got you." he said trying another angle.

I blinked from the car to Jasper several times "Maybe, but." I looked over at it again "It's a car."

"I went overboard again didn't I?" he looked down at his feet.

That made me feel bad "No, I love it, I do. I just wasn't really expecting it." although given how much money Jasper had he could have brought me something ridiculously unnecessary, like a yacht or something, at least I could use a car. I frowned thinking of something "But how did you know I could even drive?" had Rose broke her promise?

Jasper shrugged "You have a drivers license in the kitchen draw."

Oh, right, of course I did.

"Will you be less upset if I said it wasn't just for you. I mean we do need a good family car." he gave me a small smile.

I smiled back "I'm not upset, like I said it was just a shock."

His smile grew bigger and he kissed my cheek "Thanks."

"For what?" I asked in confusion.

"For not freaking out."

I giggled "Well thank you for buying me a car." I said wrapping my arms around his neck and stretching up to kiss him.

We headed back up into the lounge.

"What do you know, she didn't kill him." Emmett laughed, turning to Edward "I guess I owe you a coke!"

I smacked his arm as we passed them.

"Next surprise birthday girl." Bella said, though she didn't look very enthusiastic.

"What?" I asked, my excitement rising again.

"Well, courtesy of Rose and Emmett, you have the shoes and purse. Now you just need the perfect outfit for when we go out tonight and we can show you what you've been missing out on by being underage."

My eyes lit up "Shopping?"

Bella sighed "Shopping." she confirmed.

"A girls day out shopping." my mum said wrapping her arms around mine and Bella's shoulders "Whilst our wonderful men get domestic and make the perfect birthday dinner for my little girl, who is growing up far too quickly."

I shook my head at my mum's dramatics, although I knew I'd be the same with Ellie.

Hell I was the same with Ellie.

It was kind of nice to know I did have something in common with my mum, I had spent so much of my life fighting with her it had taken me a long time to see how similar we were, although it still scared me.

Shopping with the girls was great, even Bella had fun, and we each ended up with a new outfit.

"Esme you're not even going out tonight." Bella pointed out as my mum brought herself a new dress.

She shrugged "Well no, but sometimes a girl needs to treat herself."

Bella shook her head with a confused look and I laughed "Come on Bella where did you think I got it from, my dad?"

She shook her head with a sigh "I just don't get it."

"Yeah I can tell from what you were trying on." Rosalie piped up.

We had finally managed to persuade her to buy a gorgeous jumpsuit that did wonders for her figure, but it had taken a hell of a lot to convince her to move away from her traditional jeans.

Both me and Rose had gone for dresses strategically designed to drive our men crazy and I couldn't wait to see Jasper's reaction.

First off though I had to survive the family dinner.

Thankfully it wasn't that bad, seeing as how Ed and Jasper were friends again now so there was no unnecessary tension.

The food was delicious, I could tell Jasper had done most of it as it consisted of all my favourite things.

My dad had brought champagne, and me and Jasper kept smiling every time our eyes met as it brought back memories of New York.

"Are you sure you'll be alright with her?" I asked my mum after dinner, as she helped curl my hair.

"Honey, we'll be fine. It's not very often you let us have her overnight, so let us enjoy it and make sure you enjoy yourself." she then put her serious face on "Just make sure you're careful, and don't mix your drinks."

"Or go off with any strange men." Bella added with a grin.

"Don't worry, Jasper will look after me." I assured my mum, choosing to ignore Bella's comment.

I wasn't worried because I knew my limits. This wasn't my first time going out drinking. I mean me and James had travelled Europe and the drinking age was lower over there.

This was, however, my first time out with friends. It was something I'd always felt I'd missed out on. Most high school parties I'd gone to with James.

In my twisted head tonight was another step towards putting my life in order, which of course was yet another reason to celebrate.

The music pounded around us as me, Bella and Rose made total asses of ourselves on the dance floor.

The shots of Sambuca we'd downed ridding us of any inhibitions.

Jasper, Emmett and Edward prowled nearby, letting us have our fun but ready to pounce should any other man try anything with us. Something that had happened a couple of times already.

"Hey gorgeous wanna dance?" Some drunk guy stumbled up to us.

We paused in our dancing for a second looking at each other.

"Who do you think he's asking?" Rose asked loudly as his eyes roved from one chest to another.

Flipping her hair Rose turned her back on him in disgust.

In less than two seconds Emmett, Edward and Jasper descended wrapping protective arms around their significant other and glaring until the drunk guy backed down.

Jasper dropped a kiss to my shoulder "You want another drink?" he asked his eyes wandered the club looking for any other threats.

I shook my head knowing I'd had enough, I still had plans for tonight and didn't want to be totally out of it.

Turning and wrapping my arms around his neck I began to rock my hips against his.

"I wanna go home." I sang softly.

He raised an eyebrow trying to be nonchalant, but I could feel he was anything but.

"Baby, we haven't been here that long." he said, his hands curling around my hips trying to stop my tormenting movements.

He was right of course, but the way Emmett and Rosalie were practically dry humping on the dance floor I doubted we'd be the first to leave. Bella and Edward had already vanished.

Grinning at Jasper I slowly kissed my way up his jaw to his ear, taking the lobe between my teeth.

"Jasper." I purred.

"Yes." he tried to keep his voce steady, but I could tell his teeth were clenched.

I sucked and nibbled the hollow below his ear before stretching to whisper "I'm not wearing any underwear."

His fingers tensed around my hips pulling me closer to him.

Giggling I looked up into his deep blue eyes "How much longer do we need to stay?" I asked.

Jasper gave up all pretence then, he bent down bringing his lips to mine forcefully for a moment before dragging me out of the club.

The taxi ride home I studiously ignored him, resisting every urge to reach over and touch him, which was made increasingly difficult by his hands and lips caressing my neck and shoulders. I managed to keep that up all the way to the apartment where my self control snapped and I flung myself at him.

Jasper staggered back, shocked by my attack.

It took him a second to recover before he took control and started forcing me backwards. He wasn't as careful as usual and I ended up bumping into a couple of things before he got us to the bedroom.

Half of Jasper's clothes were off by this point, although I'm not sure if he or I had removed them, and to be honest I didn't really care.

His hands went to my thighs as he sat me on the edge of the bed, my legs wrapped around his waist.

Our lips remained joined, our tongues locked in a battle for dominance. His searching hands found the zip at the side of my dress and quickly pulled it down before moving to the straps, as soon as they were down my arms the top of the dress fell to my waist.

Jasper's hands went back to my shoulders forcing me onto my back, the top of his body pressed flush to mine.

His hands moved to push the skirt up to my hips. His fingers teased the tops of my thighs making me buck my hips towards him.

He ran one finger slowly along my folds, my legs tightened around him and my hips bucked forward again, forcing his fingers into me.

Jasper chuckled "Impatient?" he teased kissing down my neck.

"Very." I whined.

He chuckled again, unwrapping my legs from around him he pushed them up so my feet rested on the edge of the bed and I let out a guttural moan as his mouth descended onto me.

My hands went to tangle in his hair trying to pull him closer as his mouth and tongue did indescribably wonderful things to me.

The coil in my stomach tightened and I started panting his name as he brought me closer and closer to release.

His hands gently massaged my thighs, keeping them apart.

My whole body tensed, almost painfully, for a split second before pure ecstasy exploded through me, making me scream out.

I lay there gaping for breath as Jasper peeled my dress off completely, then removed my shoes before kissing his way up from my feet.

He reached my head he lay down beside me and just held me close as I recovered.

When I regained control of my motor functions I rolled us so Jasper was on top of me, he smirked down at me as I giggled.

What can I say, I know what works for us, and I know what I like.

His lips crashed to mine in a scorching kiss, fire igniting all over my body, my skin tingling as it brushed against his.

I will say it again. Best birthday ever!

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**Like I said it's time for some fun. Hope you liked. xx**


	40. Chapter 40

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own any rights to Twilight.**

**Just when I think updates are going to be quicker my damned computer decided to break on me. Luckily I didn't lose any of my work but it did take a while to fix it, as I'm sure you noticed.**

**Anyway, enjoy. xx**

* * *

**Chapter 39**

I was just finishing off some warm down stretches, with Sasha gushing about how well I'd done in this class, when the phone sounded from the reception area.

"Sorry Alice, do you mind?" Sasha asked.

I shrugged "Of course not, we're pretty much finished here anyway." I assured her stretching my arms over my head, my body moving more fluidly and with less complaint than when I'd first started.

Rolling my shoulders a little I went to go change, when I came back out I found Sasha in a panic.

What's wrong?" I asked in alarm.

"Louise just quit on me." she whimpered.

Right, that made sense!

"Who's Louise?" I asked gently as she paced back and forth.

"She was a student here, and she said she was going to help with my new beginners class, but now she's just quit" she flipped through the diary on the desk frantically "I am never going to be able to find someone to cover by Saturday, and with the amount of kids signed up I need another person to help supervise."

"I could do it." the words were out before I really thought, but poor Sasha looked close to tears and I couldn't just do nothing.

She looked up at me in shock and I shrugged nervously.

"Just for this Saturday, until you find someone else. I mean it's not like I'd actually have to teach them anything right?"

She continued to just stare at me for a few minutes before launching herself at me, nearly knocking me over.

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." she repeated over and over whilst squeezing all the air from my lungs.

"It's nothing, honestly." I gasped out, careful disentangling myself from her. "So when is this class?" I asked quickly before she could hug me again.

"Saturday morning at ten. If you can be here for half nine that would be brilliant. It's only an hour long, so I wont be taking up all your Saturday." she beamed over at me "Alice, I cannot thank you enough."

I shrugged again, the amount of people who had given me a helping hand over the past year, I was more than happy to give something back "I'll see you Saturday." I called making a quick exit before she could thank me again.

As I walked home I wondered if Jasper would be okay with me working a Saturday.

I giggled a little, of course he would be, he was always okay with everything.

Sighing happily I thought back over these past seven weeks since we'd been married. It really had been perfect.

My smile suddenly fell, wait seven weeks?

I stumbled to a stop, oh shit!

I stared down at the calendar before me as though hoping I was wrong.

I counted off the weeks again and couldn't deny it, my period was three weeks late.

That was not good.

That was very not good.

"Shit!" I whimpered.

This couldn't be happening, we were being careful.

I drew in a shaky breath and looked over to the three pregnancy tests I'd just brought. I couldn't be pregnant, I just couldn't be.

Pulling my knees up to my chest I just sat on the sofa waiting for Jasper, this was not something I could do on my own.

"Alice? Alice, baby what's wrong?"

I looked up into Jasper's concerned face, he quickly placed Ellie down in her playpen before coming to sit beside me and wrapping me up in his arms. I buried my face in his chest just wanting to hide.

"Alice, please talk to me." he begged.

"I'm late." I mumbled.

He pushed me back to look at me confused.

"My period Jasper, I'm three weeks late." I explained in a shaky voice pointing at the pregnancy tests to help explain.

His eyes widened in understanding, and I collapsed back against his chest.

"Are you sure?" he asked softly.

My hand waved vaguely towards the calendar on the table "Pretty sure."

"No, I mean have you taken the test yet?"

Ice slithered through my veins, I wasn't sure what to make of Jasper's reaction, but this didn't seem all that positive.

"Not yet." I mumbled my arms tightened around him. "I was waiting for you."

"Okay, well that's what you need to do then." his voice was incredibly calm and it was really starting to worry me.

"What would you do if I was pregnant?" I asked, keeping my face hidden in his chest.

He sighed and I felt my heart plummet.

So much for learning from your mistakes Alice!

"Honestly." he began slowly "I'd be." he let out a small laugh "Ecstatic, over the moon, just thrilled. What about you?" he asked and I felt his lips press to my head.

"Scared." I muttered in a small voice before somehow finding the courage to look up at him. "It's just way too much, way too soon." I admitted.

He nodded understandingly "Let's just find out if you are before we start worrying okay?"

"Okay." I murmured, finally letting him go.

Jasper got Ellie sorted for bed whilst I sat drinking as much water as I could without throwing up, trying to force myself to pee so I could take the stupid tests and find out if I was pregnant.

It was a relief to know Jasper would actually be okay if I was pregnant, the problem was I knew I wouldn't be.

I loved Jasper and one day I would love to have his babies, just not yet. Everything had happened so fast for us, this was just too much.

I stared at the tests and felt my breathing begin to pick up as panic set in.

"Alice?"

"I can't do this." I gasped out.

My traditional response to just turn and run away threatened to overwhelm me but Jasper moved to sit next to me, the reassuring weight of his hand on my arm grounding me.

"Baby we need to know." he said softly.

"I know. I just…I can't do this, I can't be pregnant Jasper, I can't be." I screamed hysterically.

"You might not be." he said loudly.

I ignored him "There is still so much I want to do with my life, and I can barely cope with Ellie."

"Alice." Jasper yelled loudly finally gaining my attention "Just shut up for two seconds okay." he waited for me to nod "Okay, take the test." he pushed them towards me "Lets just find out if you're pregnant before we start panicking."

To be on the safe side I took all three tests.

Three minutes had never felt longer as we sat waiting.

"You know you don't need to worry about anything don't you?" Jasper murmured keeping his arms tight around me as we counted down the seconds.

"How can I not worry?" I asked a little sharply. Then sighed knowing I was probably hurting him by the way I was acting "It's not that I don't want more kids Jasper, I want to have your kids, I do. I just need some time first you know, time to find my place." I shook my head "Maybe I'm being selfish, but I at least want to try having my own life first."

"I can understand that, this isn't exactly the best timing. But you have me now baby, you don't have to do this all on your own anymore I'll help you. If you wanted I'd quite my job and be a househusband, it's not like I need to work."

I looked up at him in shock "You'd do that?" I asked.

"Baby just because you're the one who'll have to carry the baby for nine months and give birth doesn't mean you have to do everything on your own." he kissed me softly "Not this time."

Closing my eyes for a second I leant into his support, maybe this wouldn't be quite the big disaster I was picturing, not now I had Jasper.

Looking up I smiled at him he gave me a small smile in return "I've told you a hundred times Alice, my family means a hell of a lot more to me than my job. I've had a pretty exciting life, so I'd happily sit back now and take care of my family, which includes letting you have the chance to live your dreams."

I smiled a little, he really was perfect, but it also kind of made me feel like a bitch, like I was putting myself before my family. That's not what I wanted, I just needed a couple more years.

I loved my job, but I didn't want to wait tables for the rest of my life, I needed to find myself before I could focus on raising a family.

I leapt out of my skin as the alarm went off signalling my three minutes were up.

Jasper was looking at me, but I was being a coward as usual "I can't." I whimpered turning to bury my face in his chest again.

With a sigh I felt him lean forward and held my breath.

His lips pressed to my head "They're all negative baby." he murmured.

I whipped around to double check and let out a sigh of relief, I wasn't pregnant. For once my prayers had been answered.

Turing back to Jasper I felt a little guilty at how relieved I felt.

"Are you disappointed?" I asked softly.

He shook his head "No, not really. One day I defiantly want you to have my babies." he grinned at me "But for now I'm fine just practising."

I giggled, feeling light with relief "One day I will have as many babies as you want." I promised stretching up to kiss him.

"For now, I think you're right, we have more than enough with Ellie." Jasper sighed as she started crying, breaking our moment.

As much as I knew Jasper understood me, better than anyone, and he was okay with how things had worked out, I still felt bad for how I had reacted.

Everything had just happened so fast, we had only technically been together for a year, we were married and about to move into our first proper home together. Adding a baby to the mix was just too much right now.

In all the stress I forgot to tell Jasper about Saturday until Friday night when Sasha rang to confirm it was still okay.

As suspected Jasper was total fine.

"Me and Ellie can have some bonding time." he joked, not that they needed it, Ellie adored Jasper. If I wasn't so happy about that I'd probably have been a little jealous.

As Saturday dawned I was feeling really nervous, I liked to think I was good with kids, but how would I actually cope having to help look after a large group of them?

"You'll do fine baby." Jasper assured as he made me breakfast.

"I guess it's only for one day." I said.

I arrived at the studio just after half nine to find Sasha a lot more relaxed than she'd been the other day.

"Hey Alice, you ready?" she asked with a smile.

I couldn't help but smile back "Not really." I laughed "What exactly am I meant to do?"

Sasha rolled her eyes at me "Just make sure they don't hurt each other, and help if they need it." she smiled reassuringly "Alice you'll be fine. They're only little."

I laughed nervously "Yeah but so am I." I pointed out.

I changed into my ballet clothes and went to wait with Sasha in the reception. All too soon the place started filling with people.

"This is going to be fun." Sasha commented sarcastically before one snobby looking women descended on her to start demanding only the best for her 'little angel'.

I turned away rolling my eyes as the little 'darling' in question stormed over to start complaining about something.

And I was worried Ellie would grow up spoilt!

"Don't worry, they're usually the first to quite." Sasha whispered with a wink as we made our way into the studio.

The lesson was actually really fun, I ended up with two little shadows as a couple of girls seemed to take to me and followed me everywhere.

It was actually really cute, and looking after them helped get rid of my nerves.

"Point your toes." I reminded Emily, one of my shadows, as Sasha showed them some basic positions.

She did as she was told beaming up at me as I gave her encouragement.

As much as I didn't want Ellie to grow up, part of me couldn't wait until she was this age and we'd have a little more interaction.

"So that wasn't so bad was it." Sasha grinned at me as the class ended and I let out a sigh of relief that I'd survived.

"Bye Miss Alice." Emily called waving at me as her mum led her out "See you next week."

My smile fell a little, I'd forgotten I had only been doing Sasha a favour this week. I glanced over to see her smiling at me.

"You did well today." she said "And I do need a helper if you're up for it."

"But I'm not trained." I pointed out.

Sasha shrugged "You don't have to be. I'm the teacher after all. If you don't want to that's fine, I can get someone else for next Saturday, but the jobs yours if you want it."

I gaped for a few moments "Can I let you know." I finally asked.

She nodded "Of course, but no later than Monday, incase I do need to find someone."

I walked home in a kind of daze, I wasn't sure how to feel.

Sure I'd rather enjoyed today, but did I really want it to be a regular thing?

"_Bye Miss Alice. See you next week."_

Emily's beaming face swam in my head and I really didn't want to let her down by not being there.

The second I got home I forgot about my worries for a moment as I caught Jasper rolling around on the floor like an idiot with Ellie.

I giggled loudly bringing his attention to me.

"Hey." he jumped up immediately with Ellie in his arms "I didn't expect you back this soon."

"Yeah I can tell." I said still laughing.

Jasper shrugged "She wanted to play." he said not quite looking at me.

I smiled as Ellie gazed up at Jasper with adoration, she was completely besotted with him.

"Have you been having fun?" I asked them both.

Ellie nodded with a giggle, Jasper shrugged again.

I bit my lip then pressed on "How would you feel if this became a regular thing?"

Frowning Jasper placed Ellie down on the floor with her toys before moving to sit on the sofa, I followed sitting beside him.

"What became a regular thing?" he asked.

"Me working at the dance studio on a Saturday morning." I clarified, watching his face to try and judge his response.

He seemed surprised, but not in a bad way.

"Sasha just offered it to me, if I wanted it."

"Do you want it?" he asked.

I shrugged "I don't know, I mean I enjoyed today." I looked up at him "Would you mind if I worked Saturdays?"

He smiled reassuringly "Baby it's not like it's the whole day, and it will give me and Ellie some father daughter bonding time."

I rolled my eyes "Like you need that."

He just shrugged again "Is this something you want to do?" he asked me.

I thought about that for a few moments "Yeah." I finally answered.

"Then for a couple of hours a week I'm sure me and Ellie can entertain ourselves." he said with a smile wrapping an arm around my shoulder and pulling me to him so my head rested on his chest.

"I'm sure she'll love it." I sighed as Ellie cried out demanding Jasper's attention again.

Watching the two of them playing made me feel like a spare part and I couldn't stay in the same room, I needed to do something.

Shaking my head I stood up and went to start cleaning the bathroom at a pointless attempt to keep busy.

I was being stupid and I knew it and I needed to get over it.

"You okay?" Jasper asked from the doorway.

I nodded, not looking at him.

"Have I done something?" he asked hesitantly.

"No." I cut him off quickly and turned to face him stretching up so I could kiss him "Never." I promised.

His hands rubbed up and down my arms soothingly and I decided to just tell him the truth. It was stupid, but this was Jasper, he'd understand.

"I just feel a little left out at times. I mean it's always you she wants now and I'm just the person who's no fun and makes her eat vegetables." I mumbled, feeling bad admitting that, because I wanted Ellie and Jasper to be close like this.

Jasper chuckled softly and kissed me "Baby you will always be her mum, I am never going to replace you. I'm just the shiny new toy that does whatever she wants and lets her eat ice cream, because I just don't know how to say no to her."

I glared up at him "Please tell me you don't give her ice cream." I growled out.

Jasper laughed "No I don't, I was just trying to explain. Trust me when she gets older I'll be the one who's no fun because I wont let her go out, and will point blank refuse to let her have a boyfriend until she's thirty."

I giggled a little feeling much better as he held me.

"I'm sorry I still get so insecure over the stupidest things." I sighed, our court date was fast approaching and I felt bad bringing this up incase he thought I didn't want him to adopt her now or something.

As usual though I needn't have worried, he got me.

"We're still figuring everything out Alice, it's all still new to us, but everything is going to be fine. We're in this together as a family and we'll be fine."

Jasper knew exactly what to say to make everything okay, as long as I had him I knew I'd be fine, we'd be fine.

We were a family, and that's really all that mattered.

* * *

**I had a couple of reviewers wanting baby Jasper's so I added the pregnancy scare to explain why I wont be doing that in the actual story.**

**Anyway, I apologise again for the wait.**

**Let me know what you think. xx**


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